Thursday, April 30, 2015

Scott Weiland Sounds Good

Scott Weiland is still alive I guess and for some reason he has a new band called the Wildabouts. Here he is "performing" The Stone Temple Pilots "classic" Vaseline. I don't know I kind of like it. My favorite part is where his vacant stare peers out from behind what looks like a rubber mask. Keep up the good work Scott.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Snooki Has a Nicer House Than You

Snooki bought a brand new $2.6 million dollar mansion in New Jersey, and in case you think you have any reason left to live after hearing that, I'll include some other items she talks about  here
Some purses. Two were Louis Vuitton, two were Michael Kors, one was Gucci and one was Burberry.One of the Vuittons, cost her $2,000, She also showed off her jewelry collection. Her nicest pieces were three diamond bracelets that totaled $5,000.
 So there you have it. A 2.6 million dollar house, and a $2000 purse. Just for reference, her purse costs more than the last car I bought. Have a nice time at work on Monday while Snooki rolls around on a pile of money occasionally wondering why that dollar bill she has has all those zeros on it.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Richard Dean Anderson Looks Fit

Here's Richard Dean Anderson of MacGuyver fame loading his car with what I assume is the third time with groceries for the week. Maybe that explains why he didn't ride his full dress Harley Davidson because you know there's at least one of those in his garage. Maybe he just rides that to go get ice cream.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Leonardo DiCaprio Looks Good

Here's a picture of Leonardo DiCaprio leaving what I can only imagine was the Burl Ives Store for Men. You don't have to be a member to get in but a beard and a 1930's Bowery Boy hat you can push forward on your head like you're gonna get into a fight is required.  I bet his shopping bag is full of cigars and playing cards of women in old time lingerie.

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Katie Holmes is Bangin'

Head bangin' that is. Here she is at the premier for her short film Eternal Princess. I bet it was her assistant that said something like, "Hey maybe you should dress like you're going to a Tesla concert at the House of Blues!" Maybe she stood around at the open bar drinking White Russians and talked about how much better the music was in the early 90's. Next time talk about your movie Kate.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

The World According to Gwyneth

This is what Gwyneth Paltrow would buy at the grocery store if someone gave her $29, put a shopping cart in front of her and told her the narrow end of the cart is the front.  Tortillas, black beans a tomato, some cilantro hey maybe it's Mexican night at the Paltrow residence or maybe she handed her maid the money and told her to go wild (Not pictured: eight gallons of milk). I don't think I've eaten seven limes in my entire life but apparently Gwyneth needs one a day for reasons I'll make up right now. Hint: She uses them for sex. It's weird but hey I never judge.

Aaron Hernandez is Dumb

Former Patriots star Aaron Hernandez has been convicted of first-degree murder in the killing of Odin Lloyd in June 2013. This mental defective could've spent the next three years playing a children's game and then spent the rest of his life doing nothing but counting money. Instead he wanted to act like a common wannabe low-life street corner thug, shooting at people in "clubs" and polishing his shiny rims on a used Chrysler 300 (behind two payments I'm sure).  He deserves every second of the life sentence just because he's that much of an idiot. If nothing else it'll keep him from breeding.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Mariah Carey Looks Real

The picture on the left is the cover of Mariah Carey's new album that's due to be released in may. The picture of Mariah Carey on the right was taken in March at some kind of benefit. I hope it was a benefit for The United Photoshop Workers Union of America and not for hungry or starving people because that kind of seems like it would be a slap in the face.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Tina Fey is a Big Bully

 Some people are blaming Tina Fey and her husband's show, "The Tina Fey Show" or whatever it's called for the death of famous plastic surgeon Dr. Frederick Brandt who committed suicide on Sunday. Not so fast say some others...
"It wasn't the only thing troubling him, it was just one factor," the source adds. "It definitely hurt him. He was absolutely upset, who would want that? But that was not why he committed suicide. But it didn't help."
In Kimmy Schmidt, released in March, Jane Krakowski's character Jacqueline Voorhees is a frequent client of plastic surgeon Dr. Grant (pronounced "Franff"), played by Martin Short, and the script ridicules his eccentric behavior and appearance.
I never heard of the doctor but you have to admit the similarities are striking. But hey, I'm not here to accuse or defend anybody of anything. What I will say is Tina Fey, and Jane Krakowski get a pass on me for this one one because they both definitely fall into my ribbon candy zone. And besides if I was accused of  causing the suicide of everyone I ever made fun of I'd be charged with crimes against humanity.

Dana Delany is Marriage Material

Dana Delany was at some premier for some show somewhere and I bet it was all terribly exciting and I'm sure it's a fine circus act, or documentary, or comedy docudrama or whatever the hell it is but who cares because holy shit she's 59 years old and she's very much still on my list of women over 40 that I'd buy ribbon candy for. And in case you're wondering the list is pretty much all of them and buying ribbon candy for means have sex with.