Thursday, January 26, 2017

Site News

I'm not abandoning Blogger as a platform entirely. Yet. But for the time being I'm going to be adding anything new over at Niume.  They say they pay. It's a minimal amount, hardly pay at all, but the most important thing is I get feedback right away. I can tell when someone has read, or liked a post and that's the important thing. This is a fun hobby and all but what's the point if I'm the only reader? Anyway, if you want to keep reading this stuff just

>>>>>CLICK HERE THE UNDERLINED WORDS THAT ARE TYPED IN ALL CAPS<<<<<

That will take you right to my profile. I will also share some of the stories from here over there that aren't dated or about specific events. Anyway I'm gonna try it. I'll probably be back though after they wind up kicking me out. I'll see you over there.

Friday, January 20, 2017

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Osher Günsberg

Osher Günsberg is a host of some show, and a rich guy from the 1920's (inset). I think the show he's on is The Bachelor, or maybe The Bachelorette but I think it's in a different country. Australia or something. Maybe it was Austria. I'm not really sure those two countries are so close together I always get them confused. Despite all that, he dressed up like a waiter form an ice cream parlor and got married. I'm not sure to who but he's petting a dog in that picture, and you know how people from Europe are. Whatever you do, don't look at his gorilla feet.

P.S. I had a link to this story that I was going to include but I closed the tab and I forgot where I found it. So if you want to read more about Osher Günsberg, try Reddit or wherever people go for up to the minute Osher Günsberg news.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Emergency Hair Cut News

The big news of the day so far is that Kate Hudson got a new hairdo. Pretty exciting! They describe it as "an 80's style choppy bob".  I guess that's industry lingo. I vote yes, mostly because she looks like Nina Blackwood now. All she needs is some disco high heels and leg warmers and I'm on the next plane to California. By the way that picture is from someone's Instagram but I'm not sure who. I think their name is at the top but I only glanced at it. If you're dying to know, why not look for yourself? This blog is interactive you know. Meaning you can use your own eyes.

Here's More Batman News

Ben Affleck was at the Live By Night (?) Something Something, when somebody asked him about Batman, or maybe it was about his new roll as Dr. Phineas J. Stuffypants. A Harvard college professor that learns to love again when he adopts an inner-city black child. No I'm pretty sure it was about Batman because movies about Batman, super-heroes, and Star Wars are the only movies Hollywood seems to make anymore.
'We’re going to make something really special. We’re going to take the time to make it right. We’re going to do it good. We’re going to do it the right way and the fans are going to love it,' he stated.

Yes I'm sure it will be very special. A guy dresses up like a bat and fights crime. I don't know how much more you could add to that, I mean, that's the whole thing in a nutshell. Maybe he has a cool new Batcar or maybe a cool Batsaber. Or maybe Alfred the man servant is played by Clint Eastwood only this time and he calls a bunch of people racist things- which by the way I would actually go see - Or maybe Bat Girl joins him in his crusade against the forces of Dr. Strangetroll or whatever the fuck you sorry bunch of nerds want to see this time. God you people make me fucking sick.

Monday, January 16, 2017

Elvis is Everywhere

Idiots on the internet and around the world are insisting this is Elvis Presley visiting Graceland over the weekend. Which person you ask? They guy with the white beard of course. Why not the black guy in the back? Or how about the woman with the furry hood? They all look at least as much like Elvis as that guy. First of all, Elvis was born in 1935. Does that guy really look like he's 82 years old? Secondly he died in 1977 so I have no idea why anyone keeps insisting that guy is still alive. I remember a spate of Elvis sightings during the 80's and it seemed every bit as ridiculous then. The great Mojo Nixon even wrote a song about it.  Oh hey, I think they're ready for you whackos back in the electroshock therapy room and your cages are all swept clean. I'll see you guys during the next visiting hours

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Mario Lopez is Rich?

It seems the theory that it never rains in California is false. 20 inches of rain and 12 feet of snow (there's an auto start ad) have all but effectively ended the drought that I'd been, at best, only slightly aware of, that's apparently been taking place in that said U.S. state. But that's not the real story here. No. The real story is that the rains and subsequent mudslides have damaged the home of a celebrity. Mario Lopez. The even bigger story here is that Mario Lopez can afford to own a $2 million dollar home in one of America's most expensive states. How? Why? Most of the time I'm not even aware that Mario Lopez is a person, but it seems someone is handing him bags full of cash with dollar signs on them because if you mortgage a $2 million dollar home, even with a down payment of $400,000 it has a monthly mortgage of $10,323 every month. I don't know what Mario Lopez does for a living but if you ask me it must be dealing cocaine, or ecstasy. He is wearing a baseball hat backwards maybe someone should start looking into that.

Friday, January 13, 2017

Susan Sarandon is the Bee's Knees

Susan Sarandon dressed like a sexy gangster to attend the 160th annual Television Critics Award ceremony where she was awarded the Lifetime Achievement Award for the best boobs on a 70 year old. She dated Al Capone you know.

Cody Alan is Gay. Also Famous Apparently

Country music "star" Cody Alan is gay. Good for him. I really don't know why we're supposed to give a shit who is or isn't gay. Just play your stupid country music. I didn't even know this asshole existed until about seven minutes ago and now I know he's gay. Not everyone has to know who's sleeping with who all the time nobody fucking cares. The one thing I never really understood is how you go from having a wife and two kids to being gay. I couldn't be gay and have a boyfriend because I like girls. There isn't anything I want bad enough in the world that would make me pretend to be gay for even one minute, so how gay guys pretend to be straight, and even have a bunch of kids, is something I'll never understand. How did his wife get fooled? I can tell he's gay just by looking at that doctored picture that's full of muscular men in tight clothes. That picture is faked, by the way. Just so you know that's almost 150 pounds he's holding. Those weights are (supposedly) 45 pounds each and so is that bar. 45x3 =135 pounds. No one smiles that gayly while lunging with that much weight. Especially a guy that doesn't really look all that muscular. Don't believe me? Try it. Let me know how it goes. I'll dial 9 and 1 and when you call me to tell me you've broken your back I'll dial the last 1 and get an ambulance to you.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Roxy Jacenko is Somebody. I guess.

Roxy Jacenko is some nobody from Australia but she's blonde, has boobs, and took her giant baby for a walk in what I read was a $2600 stroller while wearing a bathing suit so I guess that's a good enough reason for the Daily Mail -- and subsequently me -- to write about her. Isn't everyone in Australia a criminal? Can't somebody over there "fix" this little problem?

Lena Dunham is Sexy

I have to have a shitty day by going to work, so you have to have a shitty day looking at a picture of Lena Dunham. I have a feeling that she demands to speak to a manager a lot. Probably because someone "othered" her during dinner or maybe her food touched her inappropriately or whatever it is these imbeciles complain about.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Jennifer Aniston Does Things

I don't have a lot of time today as I have many, many important places to be and things to do. So Jennifer Aniston at the Image Awards without that ball and chain she calls a husband is always a good fall back position. Especially when she's dressed like she's starring in a librarian MILF porn. You know the one I'm talking about right? WRONG not that one, the other one.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Halle Berry Has Toys in the Attic

Halle Berry was photographed on Monday leaving some bar, I guess after performing with her Aerosmith tribute act. I hear her Steven Tyler is awesome.

Real Men Eat Quiche Too

I was cruising the celebrity desert looking for stuff to write about when I ran across this little story about how "real men" use moisturizer. And as examples they name the following people counter clockwise from the left. Ryan Reynolds, Andrew Garfield (?), Ryan Gosling, and Justin Timberlake.  Ummm...okay? They look more like some real life Baby Sitters Club if you ask me, but whatever you say Hollywood. The next story was about how Julianne Moore enjoys restoring classic Ford's from the 1930's because if you're just going to start making shit up why not include pictures of some cool cars.

Friday, January 6, 2017

Jesus Fergie

Two Fergie stories so close together? Wow that's crazy. Hey don't blame me, I didn't tell her to put on a bikini. She was in Maui with her husband Josh Duhamel (not pictured). I don't think I've ever seen him, is everybody sure he's even real? I'm going to say no, he isn't. She's just trying to make a certain someone jealous. Well it won't work missy. There is no way I'll ever be jealous of someone named "Josh". 

Charle's Will is Man's Son

Charles Manson has been hospitalized with a "serious illness". Good. I hope he dies. But this isn't a story about who I hope dies because who has time for that? Nobody. No, I wrote this simply to say it's been my theory for a long time that Charles Manson is probably one of the most famous people in the world. Mention the name Josh Duhamel to someone and most likely all you'll get in response is a blank stare. But I bet you could go to some far away land like Afghanistan, or Zimbabwe or maybe West Chicago, Illinois or whatever other Godforsaken hell hole you could think of and say "Charles Manson" and I bet they'll know immediately who you're talking about. Try it, prove me wrong. You can't. Think about it.

 Walk up to any stranger and ask if they know who Lena Dunham is. I can practically guarantee they won't. Unless they're "internet people" But I'd have to say somewhere in the neighborhood of at least 99.5% of people in the United States have zero idea of who she is. And if they did know who she was, there's probably a pretty good chance they'd actually like her less than Charles Manson.

Thursday, January 5, 2017

No Feelings For This One Way or the Other

Former Sex Pistols guitarist Steve Jones says there won't be a Sex Pistols reunion any time soon because they hate each other and also because they can't stay awake after 10:30.

Fergie is a Pro

This was Fergie on New Year's Eve. I know it's the January 5 today but I saved this picture and forgot about it. I think she was performing for the New Year's Rockin' Eve thing on ABC But I prefer the idea that she was dressed up for sexy tennis lessons from a sexy blogger slash tennis pro.  Okay I'm not really a tennis pro. Or a blogger. But I am sexy. I'll help you work on your grip Fergie. NO! Use both hands. There you go it gives you more backspin your opponent will never know what hit them.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

!!!!!BREAKING JENNIFER ANISTON NEWS!!!!!!


Wait a minute, what?! Jennifer Aniston is getting divorced?! I saw this when i was in line at Walgreen's. Since when? Why wasn't I notified? Jen honey listen these things happen. Let's talk about it over dinner. Nothing weird, it's just so you know I'm here for you. You don't need that Jack guy anyway he's a clown.  Here have some more wine.

Jon Bon Jovi is the Master

Here's another one for the ladies. You know in case you're still coming down from that Gérard Depardieu high. Only this time it's Jon Bon Jovi in St. Barths. Is that a dad bod? I know the ladies are all clamoring for a dad bod. He kind of looks like the sleazy uncle that would hit on your daughter's college aged friends and quite successfully too. Hey if that's the case I've suddenly become one of his biggest fans

Monday, January 2, 2017

That's No Lady That's Victoria Hervey

I don't know who Lady Victoria Herevy is, but someone took a picture of her in Barbados. Probably as she was leaving some hedonistic 70's style party where British and Australian millionaire expatriates drink rum and smoke cigarettes in tiki huts or whatever Lords and Ladies do nowadays. Can we go back to chopping off their heads please.

Gérard Depardieu is a Stud

There was a time in the not so distant past when Gérard Depardieu was considered a sex symbol. It's true. And the fact of the matter is, even then he didn't look all that different from the picture you see right there. I guess women around the world are enchanted by the idea of cuddling with their very own elephant seal. I don't know man you're asking me to explain the female mind again. You may as well ask me why the sky is blue. Nobody knows.