Friday, September 25, 2020

Demi Lovato and Max Somebody are Splitsville


Remember when drug addict Demi Lovato and kind of famous, basically nobody Max Ehrich got engaged two months ago? No? Yeah neither do I. Well it's good to not remember because that's done...

"Demi and Max have decided to go their separate ways to focus on their respective careers,” a person close to Lovato, who spoke anonymously due to the sensitive nature of the situation, told People on Thursday. “They have respect and love for one another and will always cherish the time they spent together.”

 Sure. Work on their careers. Demi should take her money, buy a house somewhere in the mountains and find a hobby. Maybe take up map collecting or painting or rescue animals or something. She'll be glad she did in 20 years. Of course all of her hanger-ons want her to keep working because they're taking probably 20% of everything she earns. So there's money you can put right in the bank.  And Max can go back to being a waiter in restaurants where he'll do everyone a lot more good. People need their food when it's ready my man. And no one cares about your soap opera anymore. I can' t believe people still watch those.

Thursday, September 24, 2020

Emma Stone Got Married

Hey everybody! Emma Stone got married! He's some guy named Dave who, I can guarantee with near 100% certainty, drives a Volkswagen. Have fun trying to chase down misfire codes and electrical problems on your honeymoon. I don't know any details beyond what I told you because Emma Stone is the most boring celebrity in history, and I usually forget she's even famous until someone else mentions her, and I pretty much lost interest in this story while I was making that picture in paint. But she's married now so at least you know that much. See you two at the divorce!

Wednesday, September 23, 2020

Gemma Collins Hoards Coolnes

I may have written about Gemma Collins before. I don't know why I'd do that, but anything is possible.  I bet her house is filled to the ceiling with junk with just a narrow pathway to a couch that has a sheet on it

Joe Knows

I'm sorry, I think it's hysterical that someone needs to point out that Joe Biden doesn't need to use a teleprompter during a standard interview.  See? He doesn't need a teleprompter everything is just A-Okay! The fact that they even have to say that is hilarious to me.

Jennifer Lopez?

 The picture on the left is Jennifer Lopez on Instagram. The picture on the right is Jennifer Lopez not on Instagram. Do they look different, or is it just me? I'm sure it's probably just me

Tuesday, September 22, 2020

Ali Wentworth Cries A Lot

 Ali Wentworth said she cried for 45 minutes when Ruth Bader Ginsburg died because that's what people do when a 90 year old judge dies. I guess. I didn't cry for four and a half minutes when my grandmother died, and she helped raise me when I was growing up. 

I see George ( Stephanopolus, her husband) pacing on the street. I come back in. We keep going 'Daddy, Daddy.' bugging him. He's live on ABC, talking about Ruth Bader Ginsburg,' Wentworth began admitting she didn't know at the time whom he was speaking with.  

'I'm going 'Hope she's worth it, whatever woman he's seeing,' We finally get in the car. Me and the girls get into the car. We are waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting. He finally comes in. He bursts into tears. Ruth Bader Ginsburg has died. My two daughters. We sat there in the parking lot, crying for 45 minutes.' 

Since I don't know you, I feel I can be brutally honest and say, you people are nuts and need to see a therapist or something, because this isn't normal. It's really not a healthy thing, even though I know it gets you positive attention on the internet from crazy shut-ins and people that think the Russians are hiding in their closet, but so does blowing up kittens and you wouldn't dream of doing that.  I don't know if they were close family friends, or maybe she babysat their kids, or what, but even then... I swear, you people have more chemical imbalances than an Indian pesticide factory. Get help, it's 2020 now not 1950, and it's available almost everywhere, sometimes even for free.  Anyway, have fun with your weird brain problems because I'm done hearing about this.    

Get in My Van Jessica Simpson

 Jessica Simpson is in a van, so basically my work is half done. All kidding aside, she actually looks like she really belongs there, like the kind of girl I imagine in my mind lives in California. She reminds me of the song Beach Baby, which is actually a pretty sad song if you listen to it. I mean, they spent an entire summer together and even drove to San Jose and she wore the guys ring and now she doesn't even remember him? Jesus. You know what Jessica, forget it. I don't need my heart broken like that.