Monday, July 16, 2018

Fergie Has Opposable Feet

Fergie was out with one of her kids although I'm not sure which one. Probably Fergie Jr. What the heck is with her foot? Maybe she's adapted for tree climbing, that's just my theory anyway.

Saturday, July 14, 2018

Friday, July 13, 2018

AnnaLynne McCord Does Stuff

Here's the person I was talking about in the Lena Dunham post that I said was wearing a tight skirt. Her name is AnnaLynne McCord and I've even written about her before. A couple of times. I still have no idea what she does, or where she does it. She is utterly forgettable. I bet she's married to someone like Harry Cavill or maybe some other guy that's sort of fake handsome, in his late 30's and also kind of famous but not really. It's also unfair of me to call her a brain damaged, D-List, sub-moron without even knowing her but in my defense, just look at her. Sorry I'm just in a bad mood, for all I know she helps blind kids, and abandoned puppies and isn't a soulless Hollywood starlet.

Lena Dunham is All Natural

I was going to write about some attractive, blonde D-Lister in a skin tight, very short skirt who's name I didn't catch because what difference could it possibly make but I quickly decided to write about Human Bean Bag, Lena Dunham instead. This much more important story was that the fender bender Lena Dunham was involved in when this picture was taken, exposed her habit of buying little dogs so she could drink their blood. Probably.

Thursday, July 12, 2018

Jessica Simson Rocks

Jessica Simpson dressed like this for her 38th birthday party but it wasn't made clear why. Maybe she was going to a Poison/Cinderella concert to celebrate.

Personal Opinion Piece

No Larry David isn't dead. I have no idea if his new show is starting, and I couldn't possibly care less if it was. I just happened to think of this for some reason. I also wouldn't care if his show won 10 Academy Awards and it was voted "Most Hilarious Show in the History of Television" by the internet hive-mind for the next five generations.  For years and years I couldn't watch Seinfeld because I couldn't stand the George Costanza character. Just the sight of him made me want to throw a brick through my TV and that got to be expensive. And guess who the George Costanza character is based on. Yes, Larry David.

 And think about this for a minute. They probably had to make the George Costanza/Larry David character a little more likeable for TV audiences, so as terrible as the George/Larry character was, just imagine how awful Larry David must be in real life. But I happen to think Seinfeld is still an awesome show and I wasn't going to let this disgusting human being ruin it for me. Do I have an unnatural almost pathological hatred of Larry David? Maybe. But it it isn't my fault he's terrible.

I know this probably isn't a popular opinion on the internet, but the internet also spent three or four years being obsessed with -- as nice as I'm sure she is -- Betty White for reasons I will never understand, so I'd take all internet opinions with a huge grain of salt. Anyway, watch your stupid Larry Sanders Hour or whatever the fuck it's called and I'll be doing absolutely anything else.

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Kylie Jenner Removes Lip Fillers, Wins Pulitzer Prize

Kylie Jenner took to Instagram (of course) to let everyone know she had all of her lip fillers removed, prompting some of her followers to remark that it made her look more young and beautiful. She's 20. Of course she looks young, she can't even buy beer yet. She was a teenager nine months ago. I swear to God some of you goddamn idiots must've been born with the umbilical cord wrapped around your neck. What's up with her friend, is she dead?