Monday, July 15, 2019

Site News

I have a whoooole bunch of stuff ready to go, and then I got caught up at work, you know, the thing that pays me money? And I never really got around to this so I may spread the rest out through the week so you may see weird dates and talking about the weekend that just past etc., etc. But they're not really all that pressing. So if you're going to be a problem, take a walk, otherwise prepare to be wowed.

Emily Hartridge Killed

You Tube and Instagram "star" Emily Hartridge died when she drove her electric scooter into a truck. It's strange, you wish You Tube stars, Instagram people, and scooter riders would slide under a truck and die all the time, and then it actually happens and you feel a little bit bad about it. Not a lot, but a little. I believe the Germans have a complicated word for that, let me know if you remember what it is (please don't actually do that).

Saturday, July 13, 2019

Ariel Winter Does Her Hair

 Ariel Winter had a bunch of pictures taken at a hair salon. It seems like a weird place for this but okay. They keep calling her the star of Modern Family but I've never seen it so I'll just have to take their word for it. I'm sure it's a fine program, whatever it's about. My guess is it's about a Modern Family. She's 21 years old. I couldn't have imagined being in this position at 21. I was probably vomiting in a parking lot somewhere. You have to be ready to have your picture taken at the drop of a hat, paparazzi scumbags are pawing through your garbage and stupid idiots like me are making fun of you for wearing white after Labor Day. There would be no way I could handle this kind of constant attention even now, I can't imagine it at 21.

 Frankly I not only don't know how they do it but why. Is it strictly a money thing? Why on Earth would you want this kind of fame and attention. What is missing from your soul that makes people want this? Maybe it's one of those bizarre things that happens by accident that you hear about. Like how Mel Gibson got the part in Mad Max.  Maybe she's working in some school play in high school and some guy sees her and says "Hey want to be famous?" And she says, "Sure why not?" I saw a Bill Murray interview once while I was in a band trying to "hit the big time" and he said, "If you want to be rich and famous, Trying being rich first", and it was one of those lightning bolt moments for me. It struck such a nerve I gave up music pretty much forever almost immediately. Of course I was already trying to figure out why I was doing it, and frankly I probably wasn't as good as I thought but this isn't about me. THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER.

Friday, July 12, 2019

Ed Sheeran Got Married

Female hearts are breaking around the world with the news that Ed Sheeran got married. Well okay...eleven. Eleven hearts are breaking. Because Ed Sheeran sucks. I hope his marriage lasts longer than his music because I have a feeling his career is about to drive into a brick wall faster than a NASCAR driver that's been doing shots all day.

 I have the last known car in the galaxy that doesn't have an aux jack because it's a piece of shit and I have $7 in the bank, so I'm stuck listening to the radio. And I must've heard the same three Ed Sheeran songs literally hundreds of times and you know what? I can't remember a single one. I can't even hum the melody. I'm being 100% serious. I have no idea what this guy is going to do once all the super white-bread 20 somethings get married and have their reception this summer because once they do, demand for Ed Sheeran music is going to drop off like your take home pay after Bernie Sanders gets elected.

Thursday, July 11, 2019

Tuesday, July 9, 2019

Halle Bailey is the Chosen One

Halle Bailey has been picked to play Suzie Mermaid or whatever her name is, in the live action version of The Little Mermaid and some people are FrEAkInG out. I honestly don't know why, she seems nice enough and she's pretty. In fact, I'm just catching up with this story and for the last week I thought everybody was saying Halle Berry. As far as I'm concerned, Halle Berry can do whatever she wants but my first thought was, "Isn't she a little old to be portraying a teenaged mermaid?" Once again I'd like to make it clear that Halle Berry can do whatever she wants even if it's sailing the Seven seas. Wait a minute, what was I talking about? I lost my train of thought about five minutes ago.

Sunday, July 7, 2019

One of the Olivias is 39

One of the Olivias turned 39 on Wednesday. I don't know which one she is, and I'm not looking to see because what possible difference could it make.