Thursday, February 23, 2017

Jasmine Tookes is Mobile

Dim bulb and Victoria's Secret model Jasmine Tookes was spotted wearing clothes and going to lunch at The Ivy in Hollywood. Why any of this is news is beyond me but there shes is. Walking across the street to go eat lunch. Can you imagine being a celebrity? Every time you left the house you'd have to be dressed up in case someone took your picture, and then some asshole with a computer would write about it. Most of my "nice" clothes look like they were stolen off of a hobo so I guess I'll never be famous thank fucking God.

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Jane Fonda is Attractive

Jane Fonda showed up somewhere looking remarkably hot for a nearly 80 year old traitor that should be swinging from the end of a rope.

Jamie Foxx Hears Things

Two drunk guys in Croatia called creepy weirdo Jamie Foxx a Nigger. Wow. Shocking. And I'm not replacing letters with stars as in n*****. If you can't look at words you need to grow the fuck up. Anyhoo, despite what they want you to believe, people in Europe generally, and Eastern Europe specifically are some of the most racist people on Earth. I live around a lot of Eastern European transplants if you don't believe me about their racism, I'll introduce you to some of them. The only people that are worse are South Africans. It's part of who they are. It's encoded in their DNA. So they run around and try to deflect it by calling Americans racist which compared to them is like calling a cigarette lighter a blow torch.

I knew a guy from South Africa that told me they have this eight lane superhighway there, and you know how you see people carrying baskets of clothes or food on their heads in Africa? Well he told me that the "kaffirs" would try to walk across this eight lane superhighway while carrying those things and you'd see baskets flying everywhere. They just run them down. They don't even bother to swerve or try to stop. And sometimes they swerve intentionally to hit them. They don't even consider them human. Hell, they barely consider them animals.  It's still like the 1830's there. They literally hunt people for sport in South Africa. They probably don't do that in Croatia anymore but only because everybody is too busy stumbling around drunk like all Europeans.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Hillary Duff Released

Hillary Duff angrily emerged from the water in Costa Rica to take revenge on th...wait a minute. Hillary Duff is only 29? Hasn't she been famous since like the 90's? Well...wasn't she famous in the 90's? The 90's was like 20 years ago do you realize that? Sometimes it seems like these celebrities become famous one day, and simply never stop even though you have no idea what they do anymore. Why is that? How much money does someone like Hillary Duff have to be able to do nothing but be muscular and attack beach goers in Costa Rica? $25 million dollars?! What for? How come? Why? Somebody should find out what she's doing now. Maybe somebody with a blog that writes about celebrities. Not me though I stopped caring long long ago.

Saturday, February 18, 2017

It's Alive

Candice Swanepol showed off her freakishly muscular baby on Instagram Is it already wearing a puka shell necklace? Jesus at least let the kid's cranium close up before you start with the Bro' stuff. I guess she's foreign so that's just how they are. Generally people East of New York are usually at least 20 years behind the times on what's hip. Hell you can still buy parachute pants and a brand new Member's Only jacket in Russia.

Emergency Saturday Post

Here's 38 year old (pssh yeah sure) Kim Zolciak doing this on Snap Chat for some reason. I don't want to ruin this moment with a lot of complaining but c'mon. 38? If nothing else you should be damn proud you're in your mid-40's and look like that. I personally know women in their mid-20's that don't look like that but, if you want to say you're 38 years old it's fine I believe you. And since it's obvious I don't care, why not tell me you're the Queen of Jupiter. Whatever you say your highness.

Friday, February 17, 2017

GRANT HACKETT FOUND!

I have absolutely no idea who Grant Hackett is but he was missing and then they found him. What a great story. I don't know where they found him but judging by how close together his eyes are,  it was probably out by his Uncle Merle's still. Next time try there first.