Shenae Grimes NUDE

Shenae Grimes retired from "acting". Everything in this story sounds 100% made up to me.

 Shenae Grimes was skyrocketed into the spotlight in the early 2000s after she landed back-to-back roles in Degrassi: The Next Generation and 90210.

Grimes made her acting debut in Degrassi as Darcy Edwards when she was only 15 years old and appeared in the beloved series for four years until 2008.

 That same year she began starring as Annie Wilson in 90210 alongside Rob Estes, Tristan Wilds, AnnaLynne McCord, Dustin Milligan, Ryan Eggold, Jessica Stroup and Michael Steger, which only cemented her status as a massive Hollywood starlet.

I have absolutely no idea what they're talking about and I was alive in the early 2000s. The Daily Mail thinks just saying things wills them into our reality. "Degrassi: The Next Generation"? Sky rocketed into the spotlight? A bombshell?  What?

I'm sure she's probably very nice, but I own several televisions and I've never heard of a single person mentioned here. Ryan Eggold? Honestly all those people sound like a person that had a "staring" roll as a bank robber, or a spurned lover turned murderer in one 1974 episode of Barnaby Jones that maybe you see again as a specialty extra, like a welder with two lines, in a You Tube movie about the environment or some shit. Hey the world needs actors for commercials about diarrhea medicine too you know

Lil Poppa Popped

 

Another rapper died. Big surprise. You could pick any 19 year old, black-white-Native American person and tell me they were a rapper and I would absolutely believe you. 

Anyway this one got shot. Again. I don't know by whom or for what, but his music left a mark on me that I will never forget. I'm kidding of course I only ever hear about these guys a couple of days after they were gunned down. So I dutifully scan the story looking for information (name) and post it here for you to read. 

 Sorry Big Poppa, you'll be missed. Not by me but I'm sure someone will. 

 

 

 

 

Alexandra Daddario is Free as a Bird

 Two people you've probably never heard of are getting divorced. Alexandria Daddario and some guy who's name I saw but already forgot. Mike Frost? David Fog? Something like that. Too bad for them I guess. I was stunned to find out no one mentioned their "age gap" which is usually a big deal for you nit wits. He is 57 and she's 39 but she'll be 40 in March so while there is a difference in their ages, this is like saying a camel with one hump is different from a camel with two humps. They're both camels.  

They share a kid together so I feel bad for him/her but the kid is probably like two so they'll get over it. Hey my parents got divorced and I'm totally normal 

Jennifer Garner is Pretty Hot

 

I don't know how this happens but Jennifer Garner is 61. Two years older than Granny was when The Beverly Hillbillies started. Meanwhile Gen Z are already starting to look like three week old cucumbers.

Mia Farrow. Boomer Dullard

 

 Haha what a goddamn boomer. It's stuff like this that ruined famous people. People see shit like this and they realize they're just people. And a lot of them are very stupid. We need to go back to the days when Errol Flynn could kill someone with an empty whiskey bottle at a party and nobody would ever find out.

 

Aubrey Plaza Sees You

 This started out as a story about Aubrey Plaza who I haven't written about in a while because she seems incredibly boring even for a girl I would probably really like, even if I do think she probably has a screw loose,  but then I remembered it was about her attending New York Fashion Week and I'm not writing about that anymore because nobody on Earth cares.

On the other hand the newest fashion for this year seems to be "Early 80s East German Spy" and you're definitely getting no argument from me on that. Do you have ways of making me talk? Let's try some of them later

 

Apple Martin Gets a New Face

 

Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter Apple Martin listed all the cosmetic producers she's had done. The fact that she has a list is pretty amazing considering she's 21 years old.  

 I didn't really see any sort of actual "list" by the way, they're just being coy because I guess they think that's cute. I assume number one on her list was "The Alien From the End of Close Encounters of the Third Kind Facial Procedure". I bet that wasn't cheap. Normally I would consider the children of celebrities hands off, but she's 21 and broadcasting all of this herself to her "fans". Whoever they are.

 Again you need to understand, I have zero issues with any kind of self improvement whatsoever, and if I've said it once I've said it 1000 times. If I had the money so much of me would be fake you'd think I was a robot, but you should probably wait until you're at least in your mid-30s, otherwise I have a feeling she's going to look like a Halloween pumpkin in late November buy the time she hits her 40s. That stuff does not last forever and in fact some of it only lasts about 10 years or so.  

Who knows maybe by the time her head starts looking like a candle that was left in the sun they'll have come up with more permanent solutions but 10 years flies by so I wouldn't count on it, so while your mom still has money make sure you put a couple hundred grand in a separate account somewhere now, because baby you're gonna need it.