Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Naomi Campbell Can Kiss my Blarney Stone

Naomi Campbell dressed like this and posted it on her Instagram for St. Patrick's Day.  I really don't know what this has to do with St. Patrick's Day but I guess the whole "slutty whatever" Halloween attitude is taking over everything. Anyway it doesn't matter because I definitely approve. And no I'm not sure why I'm writing about St. Patrick's Day three days after it's over either. I'll tell you what, if you don't like it,  I'll send you the password to this site and you can try writing this crap every day.

Rita Ora Rejected by the Sea

British nobody, Rita Ora washed up onto some rocks off the coast of Britain. Maybe she was on a ship to the "Island of Fame" when it was torpedoed by reality and it threw her overboard. Oh well, better luck next time. Later one of those guys with a nail on a stick picked her up and put her in a garbage bag that he was carrying over his shoulder.

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Saturday with Lea Michele

Lea Michele shared a throwback photo on her Instagram. I'm not sure when it was a throwback too, probably 2011 or something when anyone knew who Lea Michele was. She was on "Glee" and I remember when everyone was talking about that show, for whatever reason they talked about it which I never understood, but even that was almost seven years ago. If I hadn't seen this story on a terrible website I wouldn't even remember she was a person. I hope she saved some of the money she was paid from that show.

Friday, March 16, 2018

Orlando Bloom has a Hat

Orlando Bloom landed in LAX wearing a nifty hat/vest combo after flying in from the Czech Republic where he was filming a TV show called "Where Former Stars Go to Die". I'm kidding it's called "Carnival Row". It's probably all dash cam footage of him running over Gypsies or maybe hunting vampires or whatever the Hell it is they do over there. I get the feeling I could get on TV in the Czech Republic. Hell, for all I know I'm on TV there as I'm typing this right now. I'm sorry, the Czechs ruined Tom and Jerry for a period in the early 70's and I never forgave them for it. They were commies you know, so maybe they turned him into a hypnotized spy. I'm on to you Agent Orlandobot Number 6, you're not fooling anybody.

Lorraine Takes a Walk in the Park

This is Mel B's former nanny Lorraine Gilles and she just filed for divorce from her husband. Lorraine was accused of having a relationship with Mel B's husband - whatever his name is - and I guess that's why people know her name. Sort of know her name anyway. A girlfriend once told me that girls that wear heels with jeans are whores. Why? I have no idea why that would be the case but Lorraine is a girl wearing jeans with high heels and she had an affair with someone else's husband and she's filing for a divorce from her current husband because of infidelity and she's due in court soon so maybe we'll finally get some answers to the high heel/jeans mystery.

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Emma Watson is Brilliant

A couple of days ago, or maybe last week or the week before, I don't remember, Emma Watson showed off her new tattoo "Times Up" that she got to show Support for the Times Up Movement and people on the internet had a thrombosis because there was no apostrophe and people on the internet are a bunch of goddamn morons.

 The Internet Moron Herd was right in the fact that at least two people were dumb enough to allow this to happen. And it's not like a typo this take's time. I may have described getting a tattoo before but I'll do it again.

1. Have a tattoo design you like
2. The artist draws the design
3. It's Xeroxed (copied) onto this tracing/transfer paper which is then...
4. ...Placed in the position where you want the tattoo then water is applied and sort of like a decal, it shows where the outline of the tattoo would be
5. The artist then tells you too look in the mirror and see if you like how/where it is/looks
6. If not it's wiped off and you can make adjustments
7. The tattoo can then be applied.

I've had this done 15 times so I sort of know what I'm talking about . So at least two people went through an at least six step possibly hours long process. Ultimately it's Emma's responsibility. But if Emma Watson approved of the tattoo that's it. It's ALL her fault. Maybe she didn't want an apostrophe. Maybe that's what she thought looked best. The tattoo artist doesn't give a shit about your spelling. At least she's lucky it can be fixed easy enough and she can please you pack of cackling hyenas.

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Stand With Her/Us/Them/Everyone

School students in the Middle East are walking out of their schools to show support for the American students saying they can't understand America's violence problem. Unfortunately they were blown to bits by a Palestinian nail bomb* but thanks for voicing your opinion.

*may not have actually happened