Saturday, October 21, 2017

Harvey Weinstein Finishes Early

Harvey Weinstein finished sex rehab in just a week. That's pretty fast. Maybe he should've thought about baseball or something.

Thursday, October 19, 2017

John Mayer is Ironic

Just when you thought John Mayer couldn't get any more punchable, he dressed in an "80's" outfit for his 40th birthday party on some yacht somewhere. Who knows why since he seems to be the only one dressed like that. Maybe his boom box is in that bag and he's going to break dance later. During the party he left with John Cusack's girlfriend and much wacky hi-jinks ensued until John rebuilds his junky Camaro and does enough burnouts to save the day.

Chelsea Handler Saves the World

Chelsea Handler is quitting her talk show after only two seasons. I was surprised to hear she was leaving since I didn't even know she still had a show. She says it's so she can be "better informed, raise my voice, and participate in a more meaningful way." I suppose she wants to be come a more learned citizen like Plato probably. Or maybe even Hippocrates...
“Like so many across the country, the past presidential election and the countless events that have unfolded since have galvanized me. From the national level down to the grassroots, it’s clear our decisions at the ballot box next year will mark a defining moment for our nation"
I think the election that happened ALMOST A YEAR AGO broke what was left of her brain. I wonder which PhD program she'll choose. Harvard Medical? Maybe MIT. Who can say. Whichever one it is I hope it lasts a long, long time and keeps her busy and away from cameras and people that want to ask her her opinion about anything.

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Breaking Jennifer Aniston News!!

According to the latest story I partially read, Jennifer Aniston went out without a bra. The end.

Calum Von Muscles

Here's one for the ladies. He's Calum Von Moger and he's going to be in a movie about a little known and obscure body builder named Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnold Schwarzenegger has been world famous for like 45 years, he's made movies that have taken in literally billions at the box office and was even the goddamn governor of California.  What possible new information they have about him that needs a movie I have no idea. I hope Calum is smarter than he looks although, that probably won't be too difficult. Hey if you want to look at a big veiny dude that looks like he's about to explode and that's your thing that's cool with me. Whatever floats your boat you sick weirdo.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

La La Anthony Stands Like This

So La La Anthony is famous I guess. Maybe it's because of her cool name. Maybe she's known for dressing like she's going to a disco in 1978. Maybe she's famous for being in TV commercials for cheap auto insurance that come with instant SR-22's during daytime talk shows, I really have absolutely no idea.

Monday, October 16, 2017

Russell Crowe is Well Rounded

That's Russell Crowe. It turns out all those times I made fun of him for getting so fat were wrong. He packed on weight for a movie called "Boy Erased" and it was insensitive of me and I'm sorry. I don't know what it's about if I had to guess judging by the shoes and pants and how he's walking I'd say it's about a boy with severe "learning disabilities" that grew up and became erased. We'll see you at the Osacr's Russell!