Friday, March 24, 2017

Gwenyth Paltrow Loves Anal and Porn

Or at least that's the idea I got from this quickly skimmed article. But she's a dimwit so who knows. For all I know she actually meant everyone loves caramel corn but got all the words mixed up. Goop should hire some extra editors and keep a very close eye on her. I'm available by the way. I have quite the sweet tooth and I'd love to try caramel corn with you Gwyneth so give me a call.

Cara Santana Goes Both Ways

Here's Cara Santana going to meet with a wedding planner because she's getting ready to marry someone named Jesse Metcalf. Maybe they can invite me and when I get there I'll ask them who the Hell they are. Of course she's wearing her fake, tucked in AC/DC 1988 World Tour t-shirt she bought at JCPenney. You get that? She's such a stiff she tucks in her t-shirts. I bet she's a wild carousel ride of fun to hang out with. And how do I know her t-shirt is a fake? Because here's a real one. I also figured she didn't buy that at the concert because she was four years old in 1988 and my guess is the only AC/DC song she's ever actually heard is "You Shook Me All Night Long". I'd mention to her that AC/DC stopped being good after Bon Scott died but I bet she wouldn't even know who that is.

Scarlett Johansson Needs Weed

Scarlett Johansson's ex-husband Romain Dauriac looks like every high school pot dealer I ever remember.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Catch Me If You Can

This story was titled "Sam Frost Steps Out With a Vampy New Look" I didn't read the story so I don't know which one is Sam. Is it the dude? Or the woman. If it's the guy someone should mention to him that people don't wear suits without ties anymore. Unless that's part of being "vampy". If it's the girl that doesn't look very "vampy" unless she's wearing fake fangs. Which is kind of cool actually. I guess these people are on something called the "radio" but I wouldn't know because I have an MP3 player and haven't listened to the radio in about five years so these two could know the whereabouts of Adolf Hitler's secret South American hideout and I'd never know it.

Whitney Thore is Available

"My Big Fat Fabulous Life" star Whitney Thore added a bikini picture to her dating profile and added...
“I’m just tired of people not knowing what they’re getting, or like accusing me of trying to hide how fat I am. I want them to know, right up front, that this is me, and this is what you’re getting, and if you don’t like it then f--k off.”
Okay I'm fucking off. If you're interested, there is a gallery at the link where they say she's "showing off her figure" because I guess a circle is a figure. And don't worry, I'm afraid you can't really hide how fat you are when you're that fat. I don't care at what angle you hold the camera. Maybe next time try holding it in outer space

Is That Jennifer Lopez?

Jennifer Lopez debuted a "sexy new hairdo" which pretty much just looks like hair to me because I'm a man and if I look at a woman's head and she has hair that pretty much seals the deal for me. I bet that hair style cost $3000 because celebrities and famous people are stupid beyond belief.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Hanson is Still Around Apparently

Hanson announced they're touring Australia. No word yet on what Australia did to deserve that or why they look so weird now