Friday, June 7, 2024

Christina Aguilera Changes



 


Christina Aguilera lost 40 pounds, they say by using Ozempic, but it's pretty obvious she did it by turning into an entirely different person. If you asked me to point out Christina Aguilera in a lineup the person in that picture on the left would not be my first - or even second - choice.  In fact I'm starting to wonder if I ever actually knew what Christina Aguilera even looked like. 

To be fair she's 5'2 so losing 40 pounds is like losing your seven year old conjoined twin. Is it possible she shed her skin like a standard Lizard Person or pupated out of a chrysalis and just looks like that now? It might sound crazy but I think yes, that's exactly what happened. You know it's said that as soon as you stop using Ozempic the weight pretty much comes right back so I'll probably get to write this story again


Thursday, June 6, 2024

Jennie Garth is Hot


 So Jennie Garth (second from the right) is still hot. She was on Beverly Hills 90210 (I think) 104 years ago. I'm not linking anything or writing anymore about this, I have some kind of weird toothache and that Miley Cyrus story wore my brain down to a nub.  This was really mostly just a statement of fact.

Miley Cyrus is Hooked. Hooked on Working Out


 

 Miley Cyrus says she works out in her high heels because... well here, let her explain it...

 'The gym looks really tough, but then I’ve got my ivory Gucci slingbacks because they remind me of Marilyn ­Monroe. I train in heels, mostly. I’m interested in feminising (sic) the workout space, because so much of the workout equipment is ugly.'

Where is she working out, the Y? I know she has Instagram, she hasn't noticed any of these "feminists"?  She's only 31 and already she's out of touch with the rest of the world. 

Miley's hot and all but very much in a hooker in an RV in the deep South kind of way, so finding out she works out in 4 inch heels really doesn't surprise me one bit. None of what I'm saying is necessarily a bad thing by the way just so you know where I stand on this subject

Pixie Geldof Isn't Crazy


 Pixie Geldof walked around looking "quirky". Hey that's how they described it not me. I assume with the name Geldof she's related to Bob Geldof but there is absolutely no way I'm learning anything more than I have to about this person. The secret to being called quirky instead of crazy, or mentally ill in your mid-30s is to call yourself a model.  And be a trust fund baby.

I was going to make fun of her for wearing a sweater in June but this picture was taken in England and I don't think the daytime temperatures there ever get higher than the low 60s. At least it didn't when I was there in June a few years ago. So it's a great place to live if you think you might want to freeze to death some night in August

Wednesday, June 5, 2024

Evangeline Lilly Retiring from Something


Evangeline Lilly is retiring from acting. And in case you didn't know, Evangeline Lilly was acting...

'Praise God, I feel so grateful for my blessings. Stepping away from what seems like the obvious choice (wealth and fame) can feel scary at times, but stepping into your dharma replaces the fear with fulfillment.'

'I might return to Hollywood one day, but, for now, this is where I belong. A new season has arrived, and I AM READY...and I AM HAPPY.'

Wow I've even written bout her before so that's weird. Actually it's not weird considering how hot she is.

I don't know what dharma is and I never know what the Hell you people are talking about. In any case I hope she's happier doing whatever she plans on doing and not being in movies I wouldn't see anyway.

Queen Mary is Hairy


 Queen Mary of Denmark got new hair and this is big, big news. They're calling it "Gen Z hair" although what makes this Gen Z hair is beyond me. Is it because Gen Z doesn't think anything happened on Earth before 2014? 

As far as I can tell, I think women have been getting this hair style since the 1970s. Why am I writing about this? Because I think she's hot? Otherwise I have no idea

Tuesday, June 4, 2024

Gwyneth Paltrow is Standard


 I haven't talked about Gwyneth Paltrow in a while so here she is out shopping with her daughter Apple which they described as, "her lookalike daughter". Looks like who. Maybe they mean she looks like someone that wasn't in any of the pictures. Anyway, it's really not that important because her daughter isn't famous. At least not that I'm aware of, so it feels a little weird to talk about it so let's focus in my one true love, Gwyneth. 

You can really see how thin she is, unless those oversized clothes are intentional. Imagine tearing off those baggy clothes and she's all abs and muscle definition. Yikes. I said maybe they're "intentional" because she isn't wearing a belt so I have no idea how those pants are staying up. The main negative thing I take away from that picture is how those clothes make her look like a standard issue liberal shithead. 

Let me see if I can describe what I mean by Standard Issue Liberal Shithead...

If she lived in Illinois she'd live in Evanston, or more likely Oak Park. Drives to the Sunday farmer's market in her white BMW or her husband's black or dark gray Land Rover because the Tesla is charging. Has the Premier Orangetheory membership where she does yoga, and complains that "the Mexicans" haven't emptied the garbage can in the changing room since yesterday. She also bought the latest book about Dr Fauci which helps her decide to be an expert on "stuff". She has a "Hate has no home here" rainbow sign on her front lawn and thinks Black Lives Matter and "black people" deserve to "go to good schools schools too" so long as it isn't with her kids. She'll also speed up in the other lane so you can't pass the guy in front of you. No she isn't going to go faster, it's just that authoritarian/control issue impulse they all have

I could have gone on with that list forever but I'm sure you get the idea. I've been dealing with people like that for most of my adult life. They live in a very different almost borderline fantasy world. She's still fucking hot though don't get me wrong.