Saturday, March 30, 2019

Nicole Murphy is Sunny

Nicole Murphy went to lunch in a low cut sundress on Thursday. Ta-dah! Stuff that happened on Thursday is big, big news for a Saturday. She's very attractive but let's face it, I wouldn't know who she was if it weren't for the British tabloid press which, in it's current state, is like reading The National Enquirer during it's heyday. Or maybe even The Weekly World News. Who knows, maybe some day our friends across the pond will turn in their parachute pants and join us here in the 21st Century.

Friday, March 29, 2019

Louise Redknapp is Probably British

The big news of the day is Louise Redknapp in a body suit. I'm pretty sure she's British because the only people left on Earth that would still name their daughter Louise live in Britain. And man she sure looks British. What with those sad cartoon turtle eyes... I still think it's sort of weird how someone could be (apparently) so wildly famous in the UK and maybe 12 people here in the US know who they are. The UK is across an ocean, not across a galaxy. I don't get how that works. And by the way, this was all for some music video but I'm not linking the story and I only left the tab open so I'd know how to spell her name so if there was any other information available you're on your own.

Miley Cyrus is Blonde Again

A few years ago (months ago?) Miley Cyrus was running around every day with her tongue hanging out like a jackass that broke into Ol' Doc Henry's corn cider. Now she wants people to think she's Hannah Montana again, but I think she used up whatever goodwill was afforded her and I'm of the opinion that the sun is probably (mostly) setting on her career. You've peaked. You're 26 years old. Take your millions, buy a big house somewhere and enjoy life. Watch Judge Judy and go for long walks, maybe explore the world you've probably seen already but never actually experienced. Hey whatever, it's your life if you want to piss it away doing this garbage I can't stop you.

Happy Birthday Lady Gaga

It's Lady Gaga's birthday today. She's turning 33, and I used to tell girls my name was Ritchie Blackmore.

Thursday, March 28, 2019

Hallie Scott Poses for Pictures

This is Eminem's daughter Hallie Scott. She posted this picture on her Instagram. There wasn't any other real story connected with this just her in a bikini. I just thought it would be ironic to maybe call her a "bitch" or a "ho" or maybe talk about sponging money off of her and maybe fucking her. You know, kind of like what rappers do.

Nicole Kidman is Mad

Nicole Kidman is upset how women are viewed when they're the main characters in action movies...
"A lot of times if you are going to be a female in an action film, they want you to look gorgeous, be bad-ass, be capable of firing guns and doing high kicks and still having lipstick and being svelte and being in a whole different class of action hero,” 
 Wow. Being skinny and wearing make up. That's a lot to live up to. Nicole Kidman has been a star for a long time but evidently she's never seen an action movie with a male in the lead. Imagine being a guy going to see an action movie where all of the male action stars are guys that are usually rippling with muscles, and retired billionaire scientists who somehow manage to fight all of their battles while wearing a tuxedo after having five or six martinis and driving a $250,000 sports car. Plus they have to be handsome and have a cutting edge wit that a person like Nicole Kidman couldn't even begin to fathom. Is she sure she's never seen any of these movies? She was even married to a guy that starred in a whole bunch of them. I don't know but... sure. It must be super hard to be a girl in an action movie instead of a guy that has to live up to all of those expectations. I know, I know, she has to try to gin up a bunch of controversy to get people talking about this piece of crap no one will see, so... why not make arguments that were stale 20 years ago? I guess I don't really blame her. We all do what we need to do.

Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Jennifer Lawrence is the Real Superhero

So this Jennifer Lawrence news apparently happened a month ago. But I guess her announcement to take a break from acting so she could save the world got drowned out by all the stories about her face and whoever she's dating now. I don't really know, I see stories about these people out wandering around and I think of 10 sentences to string together to try to entertain you apes, and then I move on with my life. I'm not stalking Jennifer Lawrence despite all evidence to the contrary.

 I obviously didn't watch the video because unless it's about chemtrails, big foot or female professional wrestlers I wouldn't sit through a 13 minute You Tube video if it was hosted by Jesus Christ himself. So if you're interested in what she has to say, why not get a little crazy and click the little play button yourself. For all I know she talks about donkey shows in Tijuana, which would interest me a lot more than anything Jennifer Lawrence has to say about politics or "saving democracy" At a minimum though I'll post something she said,  that was included at the original story from the garbage website I originally saw this at.

“I know it’s hard to talk about politics these days,” says Lawrence, who announced last year that she would take a temporary break from acting to focus on her advocacy. “But, look, the government is ours. We pay for it, so it needs to work for us, and right now, it doesn’t.”
It's hard to talk about politics these days because people like you never shut the fuck up about it. But you know what? Do your thing. I'm sure you think this'll add another dimension to your public persona and maybe people will think of you for being super smart and maybe you are, and maybe they will. I didn't even realize she was doing this and I'm on the news and celebrity websites all day long. Well most of the day. Okay I skim them in the morning, but you'd think there would've been more news about her taking a break from acting to fix politics, instead of her taking a break because she can't open a movie on her own.

Saturday, March 23, 2019

Supernatural Ends it's Run

Did you know Supernatural was ending it's 15 season run? Did you Know Supernatural was on TV for 15 seasons? I didn't even know the CW was still a television network. Series star (?) Jensen Ackles (?) broke the news...
 We just told the crew, that, though we are very, very excited to be moving into our 15th season, it will be our last
 This is apparently big news. It's all over the internet for some reason. Hell it's even on Bing's front page. Yes I use Bing okay? I'll be honest, I got tired of Google's shit. Like I need to know it's some 16th century Bulgarian linguist's birthday. I mean seriously, who gives a shit. People that pretend to read old books and tweet pictures of libraries that's who.  Sure you may know what some author said about something, but can you change a tire? No. Guess what, if you're car is broken down on the side of the road in the pouring rain in the middle of the night, no one gives a shit what Gore Vidal said about anything. Well, anyway, I couldn't pick any of these guys out of a line up but I wish them all the best. Good luck in your future endeavors Supernatural people. Whoever you are.

Friday, March 22, 2019

Michelle Pfeiffer Whips it Out

Michelle Pfieffer founf the whip she used when she was Cat Woman in the 1992 Batman movie she said...
Look what I found.
Wow. That's great. I think I saw that Batman but I'm not 100% certain. I know who Cat Woman is, and I know what whips are, but I don't know what one has to do with the other. Did she whip stuff? Wasn't The Penguin in that one too? I honestly wish I could, then I'd go to the next loser convention and speak at length with people that spend all their time worrying about Star Wars and Spiderman and whatever else losers worry about. Not kids. Kids are okay, they don't know any better. Kids up to say...driving age. Around that time is when you start to discover girls, and alcohol. Do that instead. Take lots of drugs, and alcohol. It really does make you cooler. That's a better use of your time.


Katherine Heigl is also in the news today for being cast in a new TV series. Again, I'm not really sure why this is news but it's everywhere for some bizarre reason. I didn't realize people were waiting so desperately for Katherine Heigl to return to television but I guess they are. Okay she's attractive sure but so what? I've heard some really awful things about her, but that's really none of our business is it. Just go watch your show.

New Deadwood Movie!!

You must be so excited! Deadwood is getting a new movie! I wouldn't have known or given a fuck about this but it's all over the news/entertainment sites. Why? Because you people won't let this shit die that's why. It was a TV show - A cable TV show on top of it all - that went off the air 13 years ago in 2006. I don't understand. What's with you people? Who could possibly give a fuck. This is it? This is how you want to live your lives? Clinging excitedly, to the hope that they'll make a movie about Deadwood? Seriously? Whatever it's your life. If you want to waste it in front of a television set watching fake cowboys, with fake problems that's fine with me. At least it keeps you off the streets, out of traffic, and away from me.

Thursday, March 21, 2019

Cher is Unhappy

Mentally ill dullard, Cher is upset she lost her totally edgy "Eat the Rich" t-shirt. I'm not sure how you lose a t-shirt but whatever. Maybe she should check the local high schools it's probable someone there is wearing it. I suppose it's funny that Cher has a personal net worth of around $350 million dollars, with some estimates I've seen as high as $600 million. So when the time comes let's eat her first.She's likely all gristle by now but that's not really the point.

Bing is Good

Blind Snappers feat. Pitbull

Tuesday, March 19, 2019

John Stamos is Cool

Knock it the fuck off John Stamos, okay?

The Dirt on The Dirt

Motley Crue members were at the premier of the Netflix movie "The Dirt" that's premiering Friday. Okay so it wasn't great sentence, but they weren't a great band. They look like some of your dad's friends decided to be Motley Crue for Halloween

Monday, March 18, 2019

Joseph Gordon Levitt and the Techincolor Dreamcoat

Joseph Gordon Levitt was at SXSW which I assume just goes on forever and people just stop by when they get a chance. He was there with some rapper who's name I forgot and isn't pictured. I saved this picture yesterday so there's very little chance I'm going to be able to remember. Common? The ghost of Tupac?  I also don't know who Joseph Gordon Levitt is. I thought he played DJ on the original Roseanne or maybe he was on Malcolm in the Middle? It was one of those I think. I honestly have no idea, but he was one of those "living memes" for a while that happen inexplicably on the internet. One day you've never heard of someone, or you know someone's name and they're sort of on the fringes of your consciousness and then they suddenly explode into reality. And then for like two years it's all anyone talks about. Like Jeff Goldblum or Betty White. Hey, maybe he's the bacon of people.

Armie Hammer Must be a Giant

Armie Hammer was in New York for a screening of his new movie Hotel Mumbai while wearing his oldest son's suit. I have no idea when, or where this trend of wearing a suit that looks like it's a size or two too small for you started but it needs to stop. There is at least one example I've already written about here but I'll be damned if I can remember where so I can't link it. If I remember I will. This doesn't look good. This isn't my imagination, right? It seems to have started last summer with "flood" pants but seems to have moved into jackets. That suit looks uncomfortably small on him. And suits are already uncomfortable to begin with. I suppose it's possible that he's slowly growing and they can't make suits fast enough to fit him. "Oh my God Armie was nine feet tall this morning! What are we going to do?!" And the brown shoes? Jesus, didn't anybody teach you savages anything?

Sunday, March 17, 2019

So Long Dick Dale

Dick Dale died. He was 81. You probably know who he is and don't even know it. Just click here and prove me wrong.

Sunday Morning With Kelly Gale

Kelly Gale was, or is, a Victoria's Secret model and I guess she was laying around on the floor in full make up, in her underwear and decided now was a good time for an Instagram selfie. I'm okay with it. And besides I didn't see much else to talk about. I hope that's not her house because if it is, she has horrible taste in furniture. Still, I guess she's 23 so what can you do. Hopefully she'll grow out of it.

Saturday, March 16, 2019

Demi Lovato Goes for a Stroll

Demi Lovato was out lumbering around Beverly Hills yesterday. The Daily Mail said she looked "Healthy", and the one thing you don't want is The Daily Mail saying you look "healthy." They think Victoria "The Human Stick Figure" Beckham has a nice shape to her. I bet sleeping next to Victoria Beckham is like sleeping next to a burlap sack full of broken pool cues.

Friday, March 15, 2019

Taylor Swift Sparkles

I haven't written about Taylor Swift and her legs in a while, and I saw this and I thought, "hey, why not?" I wasn't even going to write anything else today (hence that Lara Gooding or whatever her name is garbage from before). It's all part of the creative process you probably so rarely get to see.

Lauren Goodger is Somebody

Talk about scraping the bottom of the Z-List. This is some reality show nitwit from the UK named Lauren Goodger, and the whole story, (which I'm not linking) was about how she was going to KFC. That was it. Not why she looks like a muppet, not what she's been doing since she starred in "The Dark Crystal" nothing. A trip to KFC. Truthfully, this is mostly a place holder. I'm really only wasting time on this idiot at all because I have a post I'm saving for later that I won't feel bad about leaving up all weekend if I don't get around to writing anything else. I'm a very busy man.

Angelina Jolie Looks Good

Angelina Jolie was out doing stuff. Most of the time these stories aren't very specific, and they just take pictures of celebrities out doing normal things, like buying another house or maybe his and hers Ferraris, or sometimes it's an actress getting on a private Boeing Business Jet alone to fly halfway around the planet to attend a one day global warming protest, so really, she could be doing anything. But in this case yes, she was probably shopping. For what? By the looks of things I'd say heroin, but I could be wrong.

Thursday, March 14, 2019

Jennifer Lawrence Eats Out

Jennifer Lawrence took her robot face out to dinner. Maybe it was excited and that's why it's so shiny. Every one of those words is a link to a different Jennifer Lawrence story sort of as a way to show her face looks the same no matter what, and that was a lot of work so you better click on them. It was so much work in fact, that I had eight different ones to link, but I gave up.

Ashanti Goes to the Beach

The original caption of this picture was, "Ashanti Sent Temperatures Soaring". Of course she did. Heavy people are always warm. I had this one overweight friend that would sweat at the North Pole. The guys house was like a goddamn meat locker.

Wednesday, March 13, 2019

Keira Knightley is Musical

I was going to write about Keira Knightley humiliating herself by playing Despacito on her teeth on Jimmy Fallon's show but I thought her actually being on Jimmy Fallon's show was probably humiliating enough. But I'll include the link where I saw it in case you're a glutton for punishment. Instead I'd ask where she got the time machine so she could travel back to 1975 to meet her husband Mr. Hairychest McGoldchainface. Next time she goes maybe she can bring me back 1975 era Linda Ronstadt.

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

Amber Heard Talks with her Hands

Amber Heard was also at the SXSW Festival which, I get it now, is basically a hipster comic book convention in Texas. She discussed various things on her "panel" like, her bi-sexuality, Johnny Depp and whatever else she's constantly blathering about to try to keep her name in the news. I mean. who's ever heard of a bi-sexual woman before?  Oh maybe she talked about Aquaman too, which she was apparently in but who the fuck knows anymore. These celebrity types are in everything all the time now and you people never, ever shut the fuck up about it, like she personally signed up to be in Aquaman as a favor to you because your reality mixes with the internet. "Oh yes my good friend Amber Heard agreed to do Aquaman because she liked my tweet about doing the sequel". Losers.

Gwyneth Paltrow is Hot in Texas

Gwyneth Paltrow was at the SXSW Festival although I can't really be sure why, I already closed the tab that had the story on it and I didn't read that far. I thought The South by Southwest Festival was a music thing, but I guess it's a movie thing? Maybe there are two separate festivals. One for music I'll never hear, and one for movies I'll never see. There was a story somewhere around here about New York Congresswoman, Alexandra Ocasio De la Paz Los Huerta McGillicutty or whatever the fuck her name is at the SXSW Festival but I can't find it now. I think she mentioned how she planned on terraforming Mars by the end of 2022 so we can fly there in our magic Teslas after The Great Robot Wars, or whatever You Tube video she watched last night and then decided was real. Please continue coming here for more accurate and 100% truthful South by Southwest news.

Monday, March 11, 2019

Paris Hilton Looks Okay

This is Paris Hilton? Is she working out or something? Did she change her hair? Her Make up? Something weird is going on. Plus, believe it or not she's almost 40. Shit.

Khloe Kardashian has the Time

Khloe Kardashian, her giant ass, and two friends were in Las Vegas. The city's new slogan is "Where Assholes Go to Party." Her friends are dressed like it's New Year's Eve and I sort of give them a pass because they look to be in their 20's and women that age think that's classy for some bizarre reason. But I'm not sure why a 34 year old woman like Khloe would think wearing that white net thing was a sound fashion choice but, it's Khloe Kardashian. I bet the inside of her head looks like a cartoon clock with all of the gears smoking and all the springs bouncing around. Is she eight feet tall?

Sunday, March 10, 2019

Sunday Morning Easy Post

Here. I haven't done this in a while and I sure as shit don't feel like writing anything today, but I love this song so I thought you might too. If you don't, I don't care honestly. Maybe I'll find something later. I had an idea for a story yesterday about something I read on Thursday but now I don't remember what it was or where to find it.

Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Halle Berry Gets Ink

Halle Berry gotta tattoo and OH MY GOD HALLE BERRY GOT A TATTOO. She posted this picture on her Instagram with the caption "Who says I'm not a mermaid". I don't know what getting a bunch of leaves tattooed down your back has to do with being a mermaid, but after this she could tell me she was The King of the Moon People and I'd be fine with it.

Khloe Kardashian Likes Photoshop

I know I said I wouldn't write about the Kardashians anymore, but in a move that should shock absolutely no one, Khloe Kardashian posted such a ridiculous Photoshop on her Instagram, that only someone with severe brain damage wouldn't notice, and I thought it was kind of funny. What, with her giant lollipop head and her huge horses ass stuck onto that otherwise teeny little body. She looks like a Bratz Doll.

Emergency Elizabeth Hurley Post

Brie Larson is Captain America

I'd never heard of Brie Larson six or eight weeks ago, and just like that out of nowhere I bet I see her name 10 times a day on the internet. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. This was really more of a question post than a complaining post. The linked article starts off like this...
Brie Larson can’t stop channeling her onscreen alter ego, Captain Marvel.
 When I read that sentence, to me that means she is Captain Marvel. I thought Captain Marvel was a dude?  I could be wrong, I know almost nothing about comic book people, and I'll never ever, see this pile of shit movie, I guess I just saw that and was curious but okay that's all over now. You don't have to answer my original question I do not care anymore. Seriously don't.

A Mystery for the Ages

Lots and lots of really exciting stuff so far this week. Too bad that guy is gonna miss out.

Tuesday, March 5, 2019

Ariel Winter Eats More Chicken

Ariel Winter went to Chick-Fil-A or however the fuck you spell it, and somebody took her picture. Just another fascinating day in Hollywood. How does anyone get any work done there? What with all the errands they run while wearing yoga pants, and all the working out they do, all while having their pictures taken constantly, it must be exhausting. I guess she's still on Modern Family but as usual I didn't even know that show was still on the air. I remember way back like four or five years ago when everyone on the internet was talking about how great Modern Family was like it was the greatest thing on TV since the last episode of M*A*S*H and I never understood that. But most people on the internet are morons so I suppose that explains a lot.

Kate Beckinsale's Head is now Carrying an Alien

I wasn't going to write about this because it's gross but it seems Kate Beckinsale and Pete "Mr Hilarity" Davidson's relationship is official as announced by their open mouth kiss. Is she getting paid for this? What am I missing? Well...Kate has her mouth open, and it looks like Pete's appendage is trying to impregnate her head or something. I'm sorry I'm still not buying this, it just feels wrong. And I'd like to point out I have no dog in this fight anymore this is all coming from a legal viewpoint now. All of this happened while they were at a hockey game. A game enjoyed strictly by dopes. I guess we'll see where this winds up. My guess would be Kate moving on to the next thing and Pete having another hissy fit on Twitter.

Monday, March 4, 2019

Halsey Likes the White Meat

African-American superstar Halsey was out spotted with her new boyfriend "Yungblud". Maybe they were buying him some Led Zeppelin albums to go along with his Pink Floyd t-shirt. He's 21 years old so I think it's required. This is the first time she was out with someone after splitting up with "G-Easy". Jesus...these fucking people... anywhoo for a black girl she sure seems to like her some white boys


He died. Like I said he seemed like a really decent dude.  I really have nothing to base that on, it's just a vibe I got. It's really too bad.

Blac Chyna has Really Made it.

Blac Chyna showed that hard work pays off as she posed with her !!!BRAND NEW JET-SKI!!! Sort of the blue collar shit head's version of the gold watch. This picture was taken in Cuba, and since she's a U.S. citizen, I didn't think she was supposed to be there, like, at all. I could of course be wrong, I haven't checked with the State Department so don't quote me on that yet. Maybe she was there for her annual Commie Indoctrination.  Anyway, I won't be writing about this disgusting dimwit anymore so say good bye to Blac Chyna, she can stay in Cuba for all I give a shit.

Friday, March 1, 2019

Christine McGuinness is in the "Hospital"

Christine McGuinness shared a selfie from a "hospital bed". Or more likely a normal bed with white sheets. Most of the stories I read about her while "researching" this story said the picture "worried her fans" but exactly zero of the stories I read said what it is she does. News broadcaster? Sexy Meteorologist? She only has 183,000 followers on Instagram and I'd guess at least a quarter of those are probably fake. I know normal, non-famous people with 10s of thousands of Instagram followers. Either way she posted this craption on the photo...
Thank you for your kind messages. I am feeling well and ready to recover from a little op and a biopsy. I am awaiting results and some further tests, mostly precautionary. Sending love, Christine.'  
Good it was all "precautionary".  You don't want to do this too often though, and get all that make up all over those white sheets, you'll never get it out. 

Ice to See You

A grandmother (I swear her name wasn't mentioned) thought it would be a cute idea to have a picture taken on a big piece of ice in Iceland until she started to float away into the horizon. Should I have laughed as hard as I did? Because I'm laughing as I type this, is that mean? Whatever funny is funny. Of course her granddaughter had the photos copyrighted why wouldn't she? Soon her grandmother will be all over t-shirts and coffee mugs all while she enjoys her trip around the world on her little ice island (Don't worry she was rescued. Crybabies.)

Luke Perry had a Stroke

52 year old Luke Perry had a "massive stroke" in his home in Sherman Oaks California, probably because he's actually 72. As of this time I've seen no other updates but past experience tells me if the news was good, we probably would have heard by now. It's too bad, 52 is way too young for that and he seems like an okay dude. Best of luck my man.