Friday, September 30, 2016
Salman Rushdie of "The Satanic Verses" fame? Why? I also have no idea. Maybe since they're Indian it was an arranged marriage it's the only logical explanation. She has since divorced him. Why? That's also something I don't know. Maybe she got tired of all the raids at dawn on all of those poor cowboys out on the plains, and siting at home taking care of their yurt while he was out doing God knows what. This story was like a regular United Nations of information wasn't it?
Thursday, September 29, 2016
this guy? I didn't know that. I always liked how he turned his hat backwards when Clint Eastwood would get mad. Well, I gotta go I hope you enjoyed this story.
Wednesday, September 28, 2016
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
One of the Hemsworth brothers, I'm not really sure which one is against abusing children. Look pal, his name is in the lower left hand corner of the header picture, If you really want to know why not just look down? I would, but I'm a very busy man. It's about time you did some things for yourself anyway. This particular Hemsworth brother is taking part in an initiative to "raise awareness" of violence against children by painting one of his fingernails? I don't get it.
I almost never understand these social media driven, raising awareness type campaigns. Mostly because I'm not an effeminate 22 year old. What does painting one nail have to do with anything. But hey good for him. It's a daring, some might even say risky, stance to be against people abusing children. What next, being totally against kicking puppies? I'm shaving half of my head for the month of December to stop people from setting kittens on fire because setting kittens on fire is bad can't you see that? Oh you think that's dumb, do you? I can't believe it. Maybe you're the type that would set a kitten on fire. You monster. Why don't you go hang out with Hitler.'One in five children fall victim to physical and/or sexual violence, before they turn 18. That’s one too many. For the month of October, I’ll be painting one nail to represent this statistic and raise awareness and funds to end violence against children.'
Friday, September 23, 2016
Thursday, September 22, 2016
John Bonham's Led Zeppelin symbol later on. Actually this doesn't seem like much of a commitment now, does it? If I were you Courtney I'd start asking him some questions. Who was that blonde he was talking too? What is he up to?
Wednesday, September 21, 2016
getting divorced. Why? Who knows. Maybe he was cheating. Maybe she's a miserable drug addict, who can ever tell. Not me that's for sure. My theory is that after all these years Angelina finally found out that Brad's a robot. For proof here is what he had to say when asked about the divorce
"...I am very saddened by this"Oh? You're saddened? Nice try at emotion there Bradbot 5000. I always wondered why the shape of his head seemed to change. Have you noticed that? One day it's normal then like a week later it looks huge. I bet he changes to the bigger one when he has lines to remember or something.
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
Friday, September 16, 2016
schools should teach girls how to masturbate. Shailene Woodly apparently doesn't have an internet connection, because I found out during my research for this story that girls know how to do that. At least according to my bookmarks...
“As a young woman you don’t learn how to pleasure yourself, you don’t learn what an orgasm should be, you don’t learn that you should have feelings of satisfaction,”
The 24-year-old “Snowden” star is so confident in the idea she dreams of one day writing a book entitled, “There’s No Right Way to Masturbate.”They had books, and even magazines for that kind of thing, the internet rendered them useless. I mean is she serious? Hey here's an idea. Maybe she could make it a pop up book. You know, to make things easier.
Thursday, September 15, 2016
Michelle Pfeiffer dated that Hindu guy from the movie Short Circuit. What the Hell happened there?
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
Monday, September 12, 2016
Saturday, September 10, 2016
Friday, September 9, 2016
will be 35 in a few months. She's young compared to someone like say, Susan Sarandon who will turn 70 next month, or maybe Robert De Niro who just turned 73. But c'mon let's not get carried away. Young? Don't get me wrong she's hardly "old" the way 35 year olds were a generation or two ago but let's get real. You see where I'm going with this? The average lifespan for a woman in the US is 80.1 years. A little longer than I expected, but average means some live longer and some live shorter lifespans meaning middle age basically just landed right on Britney Spears face. Stories like this that are calling basically middle aged people "young" as if they're hanging out at a mall buying Swatch watches or whatever teenagers do nowadays are why there are 47 year old guys running around dressed like Storm Troopers and Boba Fett while riding skateboards.
Thursday, September 8, 2016
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
costs $15,500 in case you were wondering if you should ask for one for Christmas. Nobody stops these people? Nobody pulls them aside and says, "Hey man, what are you doing?" I'd think I'd want someone around me like that if I ever became an annoying celebrity asshole. But hey who knows maybe she's a crime fighter now but instead of beating up criminals she seduces them with love. It would certainly explain why I haven't heard much from her lately. She probably sleeps all day and roams the streets at night fighting crime. "Stop! In the name of love!" she yells. I should write comic books.
couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner" so go read that, Good luck Chevy. When you're done with your vacation or whatever I'll buy you a beer.
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
KGB hit man and spy was probably trembling in his boots in front of a 6'1" 155 pound former community organizer and law school graduate that grew up in Hawaii.
Monday, September 5, 2016
these morons to dress like this? Still I guess you can never be too careful. Who knows your car might brake down in the middle of the street miles and miles from a Neiman Marcus and then what? Who is going to rescue you then? Who's going to be your hero? I'll tell you who the real hero is in all of this. Me. That's right, me. Here I am typing all of this on Labor Day like some 1850's 11 year old shoveling coal into a blast furnace and I'm not even wearing a $4800 dollar fur collared bomber jacket. The things I do for you people.
Friday, September 2, 2016
you should stop watching porn...
See you in a day or two.
She argues with Rabbi Shmuley Boteach that porn has a “corrosive effect on a man’s soul and on his ability to function as husband, and, by extension, as father. This is a public hazard of unprecedented seriousness given how freely available, anonymously accessible and easily disseminated pornography is nowadays.”Pamela Anderson has basically made a career of being the living embodiment of porn. First, she's made two sex tapes that we know of, neither which I've ever actually seen, and...wait a minute. A rabbi? Pamela Anderson and a rabbi walk into a bar... I have no punch line, I just wanted to link this non-story here because it's a long holiday weekend and I wanted to leave a picture of a cartoonishly hot girl at the top of the page for a couple of days. And trust me, that was just about the safest picture I felt I could use after typing "Pamela Anderson Nude" into Google Images.
See you in a day or two.
oh no not at all...
the 49ers are deeply concerned with Kaepernick’s decline as a player, which started last season when he struggled before getting benched, then got even worse this offseason when he lost significant muscle mass when he couldn’t work out following multiple surgeries.The guys a punk. Cut his ass. He says if he loses his quarterback position or if he doesn't play professional football ever again he'll just switch to "social activism". HAHA. I wonder how much social activism pays. I bet it's not $114,000,000 over the course of six years. Maybe he's taken one too many blows to the head, that's the only thing I can think of.