Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Facial Symmetry is a Puzzle

It's already been a long day and it's only 10:30 am so I could be misinterpreting this story, so maybe someone can help me out...
Many of our most famous faces prove that the old "perfect symmetry" beauty rule can (and should) be broken. In this gallery, we've flipped the pictures of your favorite stars to see what they'd look like if one side of their face was exactly the same as the other—aka perfect symmetry.Weird, right?
So, are they saying these celebrity faces are asymmetrical, therefore proving the theory of a symmetrical face wrong? Because if that's what they're saying they have failed miserably. I will suggest that Ryan Reynolds looks like a freak, but I aside from some abs, I don't know what women see in him anyway. But Halle Berry looks the same no matter what, and shes hot as fuck.  I don't know who the weirdo is in the third set of pictures.

 Am I reading this wrong? Are they saying they're symmetrical and therefore pretty? Or are they saying they are not symmetrical and therefore pretty. Because they look pretty symmetrical to me. And just for the record, this is the most I've ever used the word symmetrical in my entire life. I don't know, maybe my reading comprehension is off. It's not like I'm ever gonna have sex with any of these people anyway. At least not that they'll be aware of.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012


I bet you'll be surprised to hear that I've been punched, and if it hasn't happened to you, I can tell you it hurts and you really aren't missing anything. Still I guess if your gonna get punched it might as well be by a cute girl with tattoos and not some behemoth wildebeest of a woman like you might find in a certain bar just outside of Chicago. I'm willing to bet they hit harder than that guy with the highlights though.

UPDATE!  The person with the highlights is a guy isn't it?

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Hire Billy For Your Next Party or Flea Market

Way to shoot for the stars...
After a two year campaign to get his far-flung friends together for a great time the irrepressible Seattle man has actually persuaded Idol to play at his birthday party Friday night.
I's not as if Billy Idol has a whole lot of other stuff going on. I guess Seattle really is the land where music goes to die. Maybe Billy can hire that bass player from Nirvana that's a city councilman or something now. I could be wrong of course but I haven't really thought much about him since roughly 1989. Which - coincidentally - is the same year my girlfriend Lisa dumped me. That bitch. Of course I blamed Billy Idol at the time, why wouldn't I? Nothing is ever my fault.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The World's Most Expensive Sex Toy

At $15,000 this is supposed to be the world's most expensive sex toy. That's funny, I thought the world's most expensive sex toy was my first ex. A house, two cars, all the money in my bank account, the dog. Maybe if I didn't call her "sex toy"...Oh well. Live and learn.

$150,000? Really?

I've never seen this show, but I know the internet loves it or hates it or something. To be honest, I only pay attention to what the internet says when it's something I wrote, and even then I'm only half paying attention at best, because the internet is stuffed with retards. But I'm not really doing anything right now so I thought I'd just put this up to ruin your day. I figure it's almost noon so if you're reading this at all (you're not), it's from inside your suicide inducing, soul crushing, windowless, gray walled cubicle, wondering which bills you can blow off this week after you get paid slaving 1/3 of your daily life away.
So here ya go...
Honey Boo Boo Child net worth and salary: Honey Boo Boo Child net worth: Honey Boo Boo Child’s net worth is $150 thousand dollars and her family is paid salary of $20,000 per episode.
 $20,000 per episode. So, every week, TLC pays these people almost half of what the average American family earns all year. Have fun picking up your $600 paycheck (after taxes) on Friday, and remember, Honey Boo Boo's family are the idiots.

Friday, October 12, 2012

The Tardis by Kim Kardashian

 Kim Kardashian posted a photo on Instagram of one of the dresses that I guess are part of her clothing line. It's pretty easy to see what the selling point of this dress will be. Some nerds out there will recognize the new name of this dress. "The Tardis". It looks smaller on the outside than it actually is.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Jerry Sandusky Got 30 to 60 years

Good. I hope he suffers every day.
Former Penn State assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky was today sentenced to spend no less than 30 years in prison for child sex abuse charges, effectively meaning he will spend the rest of his life in jail.
 I'm Guessing he probably will.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Lady Gaga Has Bulimia

Okay, maybe not really but she did throw up on stage in Barcelona during a concert. Thank God she was probably lip-syncing so there was no real break in the music. It's a possibility the sound guy accidentally turned the stage monitors up too loud and she finally got a chance to actually hear the music. That guy should probably start getting his resume together.