Monday, May 21, 2018

Sophia Vergara is a Fighter

Sophia Vergara was pictured leaving the local aquarium after she fell into the piranha tank. Ripped jeans don't look good on anybody. Period.

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Elsa Hosk Needs Space

I looked for a few stories to write about but there's some wedding going on somewhere and it's pretty much the only thing anyone is talking about. I don't care about people that I don't know getting married but whatever keeps all those dullards busy for a while is just fine with me. I did see some paparazzi pictures of Elsa Hosk who I may or may not have written about before when she was doing something Earth-shatteringly important I'm sure, only this time apparently she's been captured and is currently being acclimated into the giraffe enclose at the Cincinnati Zoo. I hope they're careful with her, despite their size,  they're really gentle fragile creatures. Best of luck in your new home Eli.

Monday, May 14, 2018

Ryan Reynolds is Exciting

Ryan Reynolds was at an airport. Maybe he was helping people with their bags who knows. I only posted this for the ladies that might stop by here by accident because I know they like him, although why I will never understand. He seems terribly dull, in almost every way, but I'm a dude so what do I know. Women are a bunch of weirdos anyway. Were you ever in a mall or a grocery store and you see a hot girl walk by on her way to meet someone and she walks up to the fat, unshaven loser in the camouflage baseball hat? I mean what the fuck? So don't bother explaining Ryan Reynold's appeal to me because I'll never make any sense of it.

Is Labyrinth Getting a Stage Adaptation?

This news is at least a month old, but to me it's new and that news is that the movie Labyrinth is returning to theaters and may get a stage adaptation
In an interview with Forbes writer Simon Thompson, Jim Henson’s son Brian Henson has also revealed that there is a stage adaption of Labyrinth in the works. “Not necessarily Broadway, it could be for London’s West End, but it will be a stage show, a big theatrical version,” he explained. “It’s very exciting.” Henson also discussed the long-awaited Labyrinth sequel. “We’re still excited about the idea of a sequel, we are working on something but nothing that’s close enough to say it’s about to be in pre-production or anything like that.”
 I saw this movie a time or two like a million years ago and it doesn't seem all that memorable to me. I don't really understand all of the love for this mediocre puppet movie but I have a feeling it's because of maudlin, overly dramatic David Bowie fans, as if there were a different kind. But hey whatever it's not my money. If someone wants to throw away millions of dollars making a play I'm never going to see more power to them I guess.

Sunday, May 13, 2018

Brooklyn 99 (?) Got Cancelled

If you're really, really upset that a television program got cancelled, there's a gaping hole in your life and you need to sit down and think about what's happening to you.

Friday, May 11, 2018

Elsa Pataky Wears Red

The usually unbelievably hot Elsa Pataky wore a red garbage bag and terrible shoes to some pointless event somewhere. Are you guys getting tired of this blog yet? Because I sort of am.

Stella Maxwell is Wooden

Stella Maxwell and her chicken legs were at the Cannes Film Festival doing whatever it is Stella Maxwell does. She was probably there reminding people what a popsicle stick would look like if you nailed a couple of water balloons to it.

Thursday, May 3, 2018

Kyle Richards Isn't Who You Think They Are

This story was about how Kyle Richards bought a new house but I thought Kyle Richards was the guy in that picture so now none of what I was going to say will make any sense. All I know is I can't stop looking at that guy's red shoes. And no I don't think it has an amusement park attached but I guess you never know. I'm not your mother, try reading the story if you want to know.

Kanye West is Dumb. Who knew.

 
 
 "When you hear about slavery for 400 years ... For 400 years? That sounds like a choice. You were there for 400 years and it's all of y'all. It's like we're mentally imprisoned."
 The secret to battling Kanye West's way of thinking is to not listen to anything celebrities have to say at all about anything ever

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Kylie Jenner Had a Baby

Kylie Jenner had a baby and she named it Stormi Webster. What did you think, she was going to name her after, Marie Curie?

Jessica Simpson is Disheveled

Jessica Simpson posted this selfie of her in her closet looking like she's going to a Halloween party dressed as a shipwreck survivor, or maybe she just fell down the stairs. Jessica Simpson is always walking that very thin line between being the hot girl with big boobs and the fat girl that would be hot if she lost weight.