Thursday, September 27, 2018

Black Eyed Peas are Substantial

 I didn't care about The Black Eyed Peas 20 years ago and I'm not about to start now but I saw this and figured you'd like to read it too. Why? I don't know, I'm no mind reader...

It’s all there in the newest Black Eyed Peas video, “Big Love.”The ambitious project is a nine-plus minute affair tackling two very tough topics: gun violence and illegal immigration. The video has no answers to either, unless you consider “love” a tactical response.
Wasn't Fergie in The Black Eyed Peas? Maybe that was someone else. If The Black Eyed Peas think people today are going to sit through a nine minute music video they're more out of touch than I am

Friday, September 21, 2018

It's a Good Job if You Can Get it

This picture is from Sailor Brinkley's Instagram. Her mom is Christie Brinkley. Christie Brinkley has an estimated personal fortune of somewhere in the neighborhood of $250 million dollars.  More money than you could win in almost any giant lottery. And instead of doing something worthwhile. She's doing this.

Here's the Skinny on Maia Cotton

This is Maia Cotton. She's a 19 year old Victoria Secret's model from New Zealand and this week she talks about how to be as thin as a Victoria's Secret model.

Here's what she claims is her daily diet regimen...

A black coffee and a breakfast shake that contains one tablespoon of almond butter, one cup of unsweetened almond milk, one scoop of Moon Juice Chocolate Adaptogenic Protein and one scoop of collagen peptides .  (The highlighted part of this costs $68. I can buy food for a week for $68 so she's mentally ill or independently wealthy) 

She will snack on either a handful of nuts, 85 per cent dark chocolate or a
Collagen Protein Bar
She usually ends up at a restaurant called Hu Kitchen where she orders a quarter of a roast chicken with a side of sweet potato and broccoli
Option 1: Two or three scrambled eggs, half an avocado and some grilled halloumi
Option 2: Broiled salmon, half an avocado, kale/spinach, roast veggies and a drizzle of olive oil
Hu Kitchen brownie or some dark chocolate with a peppermint tea before bed 
The most important thing she leaves out of course is, it's super important to be 19 years old. Her bones haven't even fully developed yet. Maybe once they solidify she'll put on some weight. Anyway, believe it or not her diet seems completely reasonable. Of course I wouldn't buy $68 breakfast drinks or dinner at Hu's Kitchen every single day but that's me. Good luck with your expensive diet, girl I've never heard of or will never think about again.

Thursday, September 20, 2018

Oh Hi Megyn Kelly

Good Lord Megyn Kelly is attractive. I mean supernaturally so. She's hard to look at. I know that doesn't make sense but it's kind of like the Sun. It gives us life and makes the world a better place to live but you can't look directly at it or you'll go blind. Just like Megyn Kelly. Here's a link to the video where I screen capped that image if you're interested. I recommend it. I watched it myself, but once I saw her everything sort of started moving in slow motion so they could be talking about how to neuter your dog in your backyard shed for all I know or care.

Thursday, September 13, 2018

Jennifer Lawrence Breaks the Code

Jennifer Lawrence told InStyle Magazine some female stars lie about how much they diet and exercise...
I just like it when everyone’s honest. If you are 20 pounds underweight and talk about eating pizza and fried chicken all the time, that’s not going to make people feel good about themselves. If I’m going to the Oscars or having a movie premiere — I won’t lie — I’m probably eating differently from how I would in my regular life to fit into those dresses. And I feel comfortable saying that.
Stars lie? The Hell you say. Later she visited The Weather Channel to talk about how the sky is blue, and rain is wet.

Good Plan

Pictured: Not Mark Bird

 Sociology professor Mark Bird hates Donald Trump. He hates him so much that he shot himself in the arm.  Of course he did. He'll survive since he only shot himself in the arm, or as it's otherwise known, "the heroes wound", well, that's what I call it anyway because all movie heroes get shot in the arm.

Maybe next time he should aim a little higher...

 A CSN student was also near the bathroom when the shooting happened. Bird told her “he’s protesting Trump and that he shot himself because of that,” according to the report.
 He was subsequenty arrested on some pretty serious charges so maybe he can continue his little protest in the prison hospital.

Court records show Bird was charged last month with discharging a gun within a prohibited structure, carrying a concealed weapon without a permit and possessing a dangerous weapon on school property.
Yikes. All felonies that probably carry pretty substantial jail time. For the record I consider substantial jail time, any time you have to sleep overnight in jail because fuck that shit. Crazy fucking idiot. Do you people realize these nutbags are teaching your children's classes at those very, very expensive colleges?  Whatever it's your money if you want to raise a bunch of idiots I'm not going to stop you. I'll be dead by the time they're in charge of everything anyway.

Monday, September 10, 2018

Denise Richards Got Married

Remember Denise Richards? She was one of those movie stars of the moment back in the 90s and she was even married to Charlie Sheen before he went insane with drugs. Anyway she got married over the weekend to some guy named Aaron Phypers and then she "kicked off her shoes" like the crazy gal she is.  But hang on, here's a little tip for you if you're new to the world of women. Just like the spring thaw brings renewed life back into the valley, after a long cold winter,  if you see a bunch of women dressed up in a bar and some of them have taken their heels off, one of them will be crying within the hour. Guaranfuckingteed. Did she cry later? Did you read the rest of this post? I just told you what would happen. This ain't my first trip around the Sun man.

Friday, September 7, 2018

Mac Miller Dead

Mac Miller was best known as the inbred, banjo picking hillbilly from the 1972 classic "Deliverance". Or maybe he was a rapper I don't have the slightest idea. Either way he overdosed. Godspeed banjo boy.

Monday, September 3, 2018

A Jennifer Aniston Break

I have some personal things going on and I haven't really felt much like reading about any of the usual dopes making news on the various internet type websites. I tried writing an hilarious post about Rosanne Barr but failed miserably. Any way I may skip a day or two or four but I thought I'd leave some pictures of Jen for everyone to enjoy. Mostly me because I don't care about you but if you like them more power too you. I didn't bother resizing these pictures because nobody said "Hey Michelangelo, why don't you make that David statue a little smaller so I can get it in my house". Now replace David with it's female equivalent since I LIKE GIRLS and you get the idea. No sir. You don't mess with art. Anyway once again I'll be back and I'd also like to remind you that it's my blog so if I don't feel like writing I guess that's tough shit. Don't like it? Call the cops.

Roseanne Barr Moves to Israel

Roseanne Barr says she's moving to Israel to "study"...
“I have an opportunity to go to Israel for a few months and study with my favorite teachers over there, and that’s where I’m going to go and probably move somewhere there and study with my favorite teachers. I have saved a few pennies and I’m so lucky I can go,” she said, adding, “It’s my great joy and privilege to be a Jewish woman.”
As for the show she started and subsequently killed off? Nope.
 I’m staying away from it.
Well that makes two of us. Anyway, let me know what you learn in Israel, unless you're really going over there to secretly join the Mossad, in which case keep it to yourself since being a trained special forces assassin will almost certainly need to be kept under wraps.

Saturday, September 1, 2018