James Franco is on Vacation

I was going to write about James Franco being on vacation with his girlfriend Isabel Pakzad, then I decided Isabel was the more important one in the couple. Then I lost interest.

Andy Richter is Single Again

Andy Richter and his wife Sarah are getting divorced after 25 years. No word yet on who gets custody of the refrigerator.

Seth Rogan Gets a Pass

Seth Rogan claims his wife has given him a "hall pass" to sleep with Charlize Theron should the opportunity arise. I bet Charlize Theron is thrilled.

Nicki Minaj is Still Famous

Nicki Minaj - who I'd already forgotten about - posed for a picture with her new husband and ex-convict,  Joey "Skinny Crack Head" Petty. I'm kidding his real nickname is "Zoo". What, no dollar sign? No reason was given for the impromptu photo shoot, so I just assume it was so he could show off his new shoes. Good job man.

Sofia Richie is Somebody

Sofia Richie is at The Venice Film Festival although I'm not really sure why. This isn't the Sofia Richie I'm thinking of. Is this her? I didn't know this was Sofia Richie. Didn't she hang around with Paris Hilton? I thought somebody with the last name Richie used to hang out with Paris Hilton, was it her? I have no idea. Paris Hilton is almost 40 she shouldn't be hanging around 21 year old women that's my job

Jeff Goldblum is a Thing

Jeff Goldblum is another one of those things I don't get. He's a fine actor and probably a nice guy but, I don't know. I just don't understand how these people get picked out and become a "thing". I just don't know.

Dwayne Johnson Got Married

Dwayne Johnson got married at some point within the last two weeks or so. To a woman. Which kind of surprised me because I thought...well... never mind. Good going man, I hope it all works out or whatever.

Howie Day is Somebody

I've never heard of Howie Day but he got arrested for assaulting his girlfriend and apparently that's newsworthy. Who knows maybe he was just mad about his hair.

Megan Rapinoe Nude

Apparently Megan Rapinoe is in the news. I don't know why and I'm not linking any stories because despite what everyone wants you to believe, no one in the U.S. over the age of 11 cares about soccer. Like, at all.

Informational Post

I can see some comments are being posted lately on some of the stories. You should know I never, ever read them, so if you're yelling at me you're wasting your time and you should find something else to do.

Lena Dunham Blah Blah Blah

Lena Dunham started a new production company. Pretty exciting stuff. Of course she posted about it on Instagram while waiting for her Grubhub delivery from Wendy's. I honestly do not care at all about this child molester and frankly I wish she'd just vanish, or at the very least just be quiet for the rest of her life. I only wrote this because I didn't write anything yesterday and people on the internet need to be constantly stimulated like a rhesus monkey that's hooked on cocaine, so this is what you get. Lena Dunham. Hope you're happy.

Ruby Rose Longs for the Old Days

Actor/DJ/Model (the triple threat) Ruby Rose shared her high school picture from when she was a normal girl before the Gypsy curse turned her into a haunted ventriloquist's doll. She captioned it...

"Altho everyone at school said I looked like Mandy Moore but they also hated me so...lol"

I don't know why her classmates hated her, maybe she was a total bitch, sometimes it's not always everyone else's fault. Good luck breaking the spell and becoming a normal girl again, sorry the rules say you have to find a handsome prince to become flesh again since...well...you know.

Two Dumbshits and a Baby

I saved this picture of two imbeciles having a "gender reveal party" for their baby. Nobody gives a fuck what your baby is. Quit interrupting everyone's day by making them go to these stupid things. I don't even remember what the outcome was and I read a printed story. By the way, I think they're reality TV stars and I can't believe that's still a thing. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this post.

Jamie Foxx and Katie Holmes are Single Again

Jamie Foxx and Katie Holes broke up after dating for six years. That's a shame. To this day I can't explain why Jamie Foxx makes my skin crawl. I have nothing against him personally, per se. Maybe he's the nicest, mot generous guy in the world. But then of course Katie Holmes was married to the creepiest guy in the universe and even had kids with him so maybe she has a type. I honestly think it's one of those evolutionary alarms. Like when the hair on your arms stands on end or the way other people vomit when you puke. They say when your gut says to run you should listen to it because it's telling you something.

Chantel Jeffries is...Somebody?

Some 20 something D-List nobody with big tits, that's already had massive amounts of plastic surgery named Chantel Jeffries that claims to be a model and a "DJ" was in Italy over the weekend, maybe taking pizza dough spinning lessons. That's kind of like being a "DJ" isn't it? She posted this on her Instagram of course but I'm tired so I'm not looking for it. Here's an idea, YOU look for it. I'm sure there's a lot more pictures of  her tits there since I'm going to go out on a limb and assume she has little else to offer.

Happy Monday

I didn't look for much this weekend. I have one thing ready to go but I think I wrote it on Saturday and then forgot about it. I'll look now but I'm not making any promises GET OFF MY BACK

Mariana Atencio is Latina

Mariana Atencio says a former manager at MSNBC told her to "not to dress too Latina"before she attended the White House Correspondence Dinner.

According to Atencio, she received a phone call from a female boss prior to the event. The boss reportedly said, "Mariana, I just wanted to make sure you're prepared for such a prestigious gathering," and went on to ask the correspondent about her choice in clothing. "Please don't look too Latina.

By the way the boss? She's a woman. I'd say this is less about being insensitive and more about somebody telling you to dress like a grown up when you go to the White House, and not like you're attending your cousins Quinceañera.  Nobody asks you something like this out of the blue. Maybe she had a reputation for dressing like a Central American soccer fan at a World Cup match.

 "...She previously had planned to wear colors honoring her South American heritage" 

 Oh? Is that what she was planning to do? I live in Chicago, and I see guys and girls every day, dressed literally like the Mexican flag, the Puerto Rican flag, the Polish flag, the Italian flag...you name it. It's a little weird, imagine walking around dressed like the American flag.  Weird, but it's fine with me, you could dress like Howdy Doody for all I give a shit but maybe your major news organization doesn't want you to show up at the the epicenter of geopolitical power dressed like a caricature. I spent 20 minutes looking for the right picture of Mariana Atencio to use for this and I'll be honest, as far as I'm concerned she can dress however she wants that would be just fine with me. 

 And also to be fair I imagine her snotty New York boss probably thinks this is what all Latina women look like. But really, mostly what some of you people really need to do is grow the fuck up. 

Kristen Wiig Got Marriaged

Kristen Wiig got married! At least I think that's Kristen Wiig. That's what the unlinked story said her name was but maybe I'm thinking of someone else. It did say she was 45 years old and married some guy I never heard of named Avi Rothman (he's the guy on the right I have no idea who the guy is on the left) so really the person in that picture could be almost anyone in America. She's standing next to the standard issue guy in the picture so assuming that's Kristen Wiig seems like a safe bet. But I swear I thought Kristen Wiig was someone else.  I bet he drinks Hard Iced Tea.

Peter Fonda Dead at 79

Peter Fonda died from complications of lung cancer. Later he'll be propped up on the Captain America bike and blown away as sort of a tribute to his counter-culture days

Miranda Lambert News!

Miranda Lambert has a new album that - as all the stupid idiots say - is about to "drop". Pretty exciting stuff. I think it's called "You Won't Buy This", but I could be wrong, maybe I misread it. Now I've never met Miranda Lambert but I can almost guarantee she is exactly the kind of woman that drinks way, way too much Miller Lite around a "bomb fire" and then has three shots of Wild Turkey and challenges a bunch of different women to a fight because they "looked at her man", before collapsing into a crying mess and then has to be carried back to the car. You think I'm joking? I've met so many women like that, I can tell just by looking at them. Go ahead, everyone has to meet at least one woman like that during their lifetime and summer isn't over yet. Sounds like a good time doesn't it.

January Jones Pretends to Read

January Jones was on a TV show that every annoying idiot on the internet talked about non-stop for like six months, five years ago, and so I guess that means her pretending to read a book that has backward words on the cover for some reason, and then posting it on her Instagram is news. Maybe she accidentally bought the dyslexic paperback version. She also gave a "shout out" to a guy that stopped being president three years ago. Hey the show she was on was set in the past, so maybe she's a time traveler? Anything is possible. If she shows up at your house and gives you the winning lottery numbers be careful those numbers could be a month old.

Gwyneth Paltrow anjdhjighfbuc

Wait a minute. This is Gwyneth Paltrow in one of those comic book movies?! Uh...I'm literally speechless. Frankly I'm a little upset that I wasn't told. Yikes. Which one is it? You don't have to tell me, for real. She'd basically have to be naked in those heels mouthing her phone number directly at me to get me to sit through a comic book movie, and even then it would be iffy.

Justin Trudeau Broke the Law

Justin Trudeau violated Canada's ethics law...

“The authority of the prime minister and his office was used to circumvent, undermine and ultimately attempt to discredit the decision of the director of public prosecutions as well as the authority of Ms. Wilson-Raybould.”

Ms Wilson-Raybould is some lady that works for some department in the Canadian government somewhere, but I don't care about what people in Canada do. You could make El Kabong your president for all I give a shit. See? this is what happens when you vote for guys named Justin.  And I almost never write about politics anymore because if you think I want to argue with a bunch of dim bulbs on the internet about anything, especially the politics of some other country I've never been too and most likely will never visit, you need to think again. I really just wrote this so I could use one of those pictures of this dope making a fool of himself while dressed in what basically amounts to blackface but in India.

Simon Cowell is a Rail. Of Cocaine

Simon Cowell lost 20 pounds and got new fake teeth. I assume people are being told this because America's Got Talent is coming back? I don't understand America's Got Talent, what happens to the people that win? I heard the losers are tossed into an industrial meat grinder backstage after they're judged but that could just be a rumor. Anyway, good job on your weight loss Simon, keep doing whatever it is you do.

Alex Rodriguez is Dumb

Mr Jennifer Lopez had his rental car broken into and had $500,000 worth of stuff stolen.

 The San Francisco Police Department confirmed that a car was broken into between 9 and 11 p.m. on Sunday on the 400 block of Brannan Street, which is about a five-minute walk from Oracle Park. Rodriguez was in town calling the San Francisco Giants game against the Philadelphia Phillies for ESPN.  Among the items stolen were bags, a camera, camera equipment, a laptop, jewelry and miscellaneous electronics, according to SFPD. The police department's policy is not to release the identity of victims of a crime.

 I'm not blaming the victim but why are you driving around in a rental car around with a half million dollars worth of shit in it. Why? What possible purpose could that serve? Especially in San Francisco. Ground Zero for the thieving drug addict. I could retire and never work another day in my life with just the shit that - allegedly -  got stolen out of his car. I don't know, it all sounds very weird and ghetto to me.

Jordyn Woods is Somebody

One of these women is Jordyn Woods. It doesn't matter which one, they're all interchangeable now, which is a good thing because, like I said, I have no idea which one it is. God how gross, can you imagine? You'd have to talk endlessly about how much money you make, which "club" has the best bottle service, and what options you'd like in your Land Rover. Thanks anyway I'd rather be fucking dead.

Cardi B is Entertaining

Cardi B dressed like a rodeo clown to celebrate her last remaining 18 months as a famous person. "I'm just so thankful people knew my name for a while. Off course I pissed away all the money I made".*  Good job Cardi. Don't worry I'm sure we'll see you on one of those "where are they now?" shows soon enough.


*may not have said this

Barry Manilow is a Muppet

Barry Manilow isn't dead but that didn't stop someone from embalming him. I like a couple Barry Manilow songs I guess. Ironically anyway. He wrote a bunch of commercial jingles too . Well there's your Barry Manilow history, if you want to see him in concert you better go before the rigor mortis sets in.

Taylor Swift has Good Taste

Taylor Swift won the "Icon" award at the Teen Choice Awards which apparently happen five times a year now. Afterward she went to smoke and play the nickle slots at the Fremont in old downtown since she was already dressed for it. "I just do it because it's fun. I could do it all day." she reportedly said.

Kirsty Gallacher Likes the Water

Kirsty Gallacher showed off her "fit physique" while trying to not get too wet at the beach. She's a British TV presenter, but even after all this time, I'm not exactly sure what that entails. I guess that's like a talk show host but who knows, it's crazy over there. And fit physiques on women are fine as long as you like strong legs, toned arms, and rock hard abs on women, which, as luck would have it,  I do. I don't know how old she is or who she's married too, but frankly neither of those things will matter once our eyes meet while we're lifting weights, doing extra cardio, and eating properly. And I'd like Kirsty to know that I do that all the time. Living healthy, working out my body, and fixing things like old cars, and motorcycles is just how I choose to live, in case anyone like Kirsty wants to know.

Sienna Miller Goes Swimming

In keeping with my mostly girls in a bikini theme, here's Sienna Miller in a bikini. No one would dare question my loyalty to Sienna Miller but she's 37 like I'm The Pope of Chili Town. It's okay, I  need you to know that I don't care. I'm just asking for a little honesty. I don't want to continue our relationship if it's built on lies.

Elizabeth Hurley Lounges

I thought I'd to to shift my focus to  girls in bikinis today since writing about that is a lot more fun than all those other idiots. For instance, here's Elizabeth Hurley in a bikini picture she posted on Instagram. See? Isn't this better than reading about sad, has-beens like Rosanna Arquette and people from what are now cancelled TV shows whose names you won't remember a week from now? Well it is for me, and I'm the important one here. Unless of course you want this job in which case, here are the keys. We're ready when you are.

Jennifler Love Hewitt Does Stuff

Jennifer Love Hewitt was at a party somewhere but I closed the tab again before I found out where. I can honestly say I would have definitely suggested a different dress, one without a pattern.  Or at the very least not those chunky black heels. They aren't helping if you know what I mean.

Rosanna Arquette Wants Attention

Rosanna Arquette managed to shoehorn her way back into the public eye with the asinine tweet in the picture but I'm not linking her Twitter account because it'll only encourage her. Boy, she must really have a screw loose somewhere. Did you know that terrible 80's song Rosanna by the even more terrible 80's band Toto is about her? At least I think it is. I'm pretty sure I heard that somewhere. I'll link it here if you want to watch it, I don't know why you'd want to do that but it's your life and I can't live it for you. Buckle up though, it's almost six minutes long. Two minutes longer than Rosanna Arquette's entire career.

Stupid Ass Walks Into a Lamp Post

Some drunken dimwit named Chloe Ferry walked into a lamp post because she's an addled, sub-moron and should probably be euthanized. She's on a show called "Idiots-A-Poppin" or something in the UK and I guess I didn't realize my friends in the UK- who I thought I knew, and respected - were smarter than this. But no I guess they aren't because the television show she's on, "Geordie Shore" is seemingly sort of popular? It must be because it's always in all the celebrity rags. Seriously, this makes me want to vomit. I'm linking a Wikipedia article that describes the show as opposed to it's official page because I'm not even going to look at it. If you watch this garbage, you need help. And don't give me any of that, "sometimes it's good to turn off your brain blahblahblah" because I have some news for you, if you enjoy this, your brain is already permanently off.

Tick Tock Camila Cabello

Camila Cabello was at the "Variety Power of Young Hollywood" event and I'd like to remind her that this is going to be a very, very short ride, so she should be ready for that. Under ideal circumstances you have five or six years at the top of the entertainment heap. The Daily Mail stopped writing about you every day for a couple months and I forgot you existed. Remember that "Call Me Maybe" woman? I bet not. And I was hearing that song in my fucking sleep. Here, wait, I'll use Taylor Swift as an example. She's already almost a has been. This story is already a year and a half old. Do you think things have turned around? And everyone under the age of 40 knows her name. Yours? Not so much. So enjoy the ride and make sure you keep an eye on your bank accounts. People a lot more famous than you have really been taken to the cleaners. And there's an old saying in Hollywood. Here today, gone later today".  So have fun with all your "young power". While you still have it.

SITE NEWS

I can slowly but surely feel myself getting unnecessarily mean so I think I'll take a day or two off. It's not as much fun when I'm like that.

Jennie Garth Looks Different

Jennie Garth and some other lady were at the Peach Pit pop up event? What is that. I woke up one day and the whole world had gone crazy overnight. I'm not sure what is happening anywhere anymore. Anyway, I wrote this to say I thought Jennie Garth was the only person worth watching on Beverly Hills 90210. I used to see her in the commercials and I'd say, "Wow she's hot I should watch this". But I never did. She's older now though and looks basically like a MILF porn star.  I mean it's weird she doesn't look older, she looks like a totally different person.  Man she's attractive. Is everyone sure the original Jennie Garth isn't locked in a cell somewhere and they send out this MILF porn star in her place to these functions? I'll look into this further. DON'T WORRY ORIGINAL JENNIE I'M GOING TO FIND YOU. I expect to be handsomely rewarded though. By MILF porn star Jennie not the Jennie I rescue.

Tactlessness on Twitter

I don't think Neil DeGrasse Tyson should apologize at all. In fact, I think he should keep talking. People on the internet love to blather endlessly about "science" and "facts" like they're walking around in lab coats carrying beakers and safety goggles in their pockets 24 hours a day,  until they see science and facts they don't like, delivered by people they may or may not agree with.  Maybe he - or more likely whatever intern is in charge of his Twitter account - was a bit clumsy in their delivery but 50 - FIFTY - people were shot in Chicago just this past weekend with at least seven killed, and so far, I haven't heard a peep out of anyone about that. Why is that?

Nobody Panic Blink 182 is Safe

"Punk rockers" Blink 182 were set to perform for your grandparents on Good Morning America when the hotel they were in was locked down because of the shooting in the El Paso, Texas WalMart  miles away. I found 110 hotels in the El Paso area and of the 10 hotels near the Cielo Vista Mall where the shooting took place, the nearest hotel is a Super 8 a half mile away.  Is Blink 182 really staying in a Super 8?  And why would a hotel a half mile away lock itself down? Do you know how far a half mile is? This is a half mile. Pretty far. All I know is, because of some lunatic a bunch of innocent people are dead and Blink 182 still walks the Earth.  Life really is unfair.

Liam Hemsworth Shirtless

Liam Hemsworth was at the gym with his brother Ed or whatever, and he had his shirt off - you know -  like guys do. Plus he was wearing his watch. I'm honestly not sure which one this is, did I write about him before? Probably. Or maybe it was his brother? I seriously have no idea which one is which. And I'm not kidding. I don't know anything about these two I just wrote this so you ladies can look at his abs and maybe how skinny his legs look in those pants.

Margot Robbie is in Rome

Margot Robbie was in Rome, hopefully to buy some new shoes. But more likely for the "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood" premier. Well, she can always stop somewhere on her way back to the airport I guess.

Vanessa Hudgens Wants to Help

Vanessa Hudgens "shares her secret to a long lasting relationship" is a story I saw this morning. I've linked it in case you want advice from some dope that probably couldn't find her own house on a map of her neighborhood. I'd be more concerned with the secret to a long lasting career because until I saw this story, I didn't even remember Vanessa Hudgens was a person that was alive on Earth.

The One Stooges

Pretentious weirdo Celine Dion got a new hair cut. I believe it's called "The Moe Howard". Harper's Bazaar published the pictures on their Instagram which I'm not linking. Shortly after this picture was taken, a pipe burst in the bathroom and when Celine offered to fix it,  all kinds of wacky hi-jinks ensued. Including but not limited to Celine accidentally stabbing the photographer in the butt with a pitchfork, one guy getting his head glued to the door, someone sitting on a thumb tack and various monkey wrenches being dropped on the photographer's assistant's head.

Another Kennedy Bites the Dust

Another member of the Kennedy family managed to off themselves...

A family statement had confirmed earlier that Saoirse Kennedy Hill, the 22-year-old granddaughter of Ethel and the late Sen. Robert F. Kennedy, had died at the home, though no cause of death was disclosed. A report in The New York Times, however, said the daughter of Courtney Kennedy Hill -- one of Robert and Ethel Kennedy's 11 children -- had died of an apparent drug overdose.

Poor little rich girl. Too bad. It wasn't her fault the Kennedys are some of the most despicable people around, and you can't choose your family.  Hell except for his father's mob connections in Chicago, John Kennedy would never have been president. That's all old news here in Chicago but of course you never hear about it because of a fawning press and any number of other soulless, mindless people that would suck off anyone in this so called "Camelot". Whatever the fuck that means. You don't have to die of a drug overdose anymore. It's 2019, not 1919. Get help. Well, there's the big news I'm done talking about these assholes and the sooner they're all gone the better.

Kerry Washington Goes Traveling

Kerry Washington was on a wild cocaine binge at Studio 54 in 1977 and accidentally stumbled into the time machine room where she was magically transported to the Hollywood Foreign Press Association banquet yesterday. I didn't say I was complaining. Hey Kerry I have Fritz the Cat on my You Tube machine if you feel like stopping by. Bring some Quaaludes.