Kate Middleton Goes Sailing

Man. Is it just me or does Kate Middleton get hotter every day. Is she still married or what.

Elizabeth Hurley Saves the Day

 I had a whole bunch of story ideas saved and then I don't know. I just didn't do anything with them. Elizabeth Hurley put on a bikini last week, thank God, I saved the picture (pictured) and then didn't even write about it. Oh I used it, if you know what I mean, I just didn't write about it. I promise I'll get back on track.

Britney Spears NUDE

 Britney Spears is still posting "nude" photos on her Instagram and I swore a long time ago that every time she did this I'd write about it. I am however going to stop right here because trust me, you don't want me to continue this story. Unless of course you're a hot girl and you want me to keep going then just send me a message and we can talk it over.

Paulina Porizkova Strikes a Pose

 I have a big big opinion piece about Paulina Porizkova coming up and wait until you see this one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Megan Fox Goes Green

 I saved this picture of Megan Fox a couple of days ago and I'm sure you can see why. She was at "Machine Gun" Kelly's "concert". Can you imagine sitting through a Machine Gun Kelly concert. I don't know if I could do that even if I was sitting next to Megan Fox's abs for the entire night. I just looked up her age and she claims she's 36 which I don't believe for a second. But honestly, if she's wearing that outfit and those heels she could tell me she's Santa Claus and I'd believe it.

 

 

Brad Pitt Also for the Ladies

 Brad Pitt wore a skirt to a screening of his film "Bullet Train" in "Germany". I'm not sure why he did that the source material didn't give a reason. Maybe because it's so "hot" (100 degrees) in Europe. You know it's 100 degrees 354 days a year in places like Texas and Arizona so I don't know what you babies are crying about.

 By the way they described his outfit thusly....

The Hollywood heavyweight threw on a light brown cardigan and accessorized with a cluster of layered pendant necklaces.

They could have just said he dressed like a 61 year old grammar school principal instead of wasting all those extra words.  

Tom Cruise for the Ladies

 Tom Cruise got busted wearing a velvet shirt. The giant watch is so he's sure he won't be late for the orgy.

Joy Corrigan is Pretty in Pink

I thought I'd already written something about Joy Corrigan so I'd have something for you people to read, but I guess I didn't so I'm doing this on the fly. You can understand why I wanted to write about her don't you but I guess I just forgot. She was on a catwalk somewhere because shes a model and I'll buy whatever she's selling yadda yadda yadda...  

Anyway, they call her 27 years old but we both know that isn't true don't we Joy. If that is your real name. She's 27 like I'm devilishly handsome. Which is true so maybe she isn't lying after all. Here's her Instagram if you're at all interested. I didn't look at it but I imagine it's endless pictures of her in various states of undress because I assume she has no other outside interests

 

Forget Lizzo Here's Sofia Richie

I was going to write about Lizzo today and how she was all dressed up like a hippopotamus draped in a shiny circus tent and then thank God Sofia Richie showed up in a bikini. She's 23 years old and therefore substantially below my minimum age requirements but celebrity types are usually a little different than average citizens, mentally speaking, so I may let that slide this one time. I think she's Lionel Richie's daughter but I hate his music - yes even The Commodores - plus I thought she was buddies with Paris Hilton? But Paris Hilton is in her 40s so Sophie Richie probably couldn't have been hanging out with her 15 or 20 years ago so I have no idea who she is now. All I know is she looks good in blue and really that's all that matters.

Demi Moore Takes a Dip

 I wasn't going to write about Demi Moore at all but she put on a bathing suit and well... I figured I should say something since women over 40 in bathing suits seem to be the only thing I ever talk about anymore. Jesus Christ I really need to get out of the house.

Kristin Cavallari Got Some New Weights

Kristin Cavallari says she "put on some weight", and I can't figure out where, but I'm pretty sure she's talking about her breasts. I mean, that's what it looks like to me. They still call her the "Hills" star even though that show ended 12 years ago. People born when that show went off the air will be in high school soon and they still say she's the star of it. She was married to a Chicago Bear at one point - Jay Cutler - but he was a shitty quarterback so that's probably why she divorced him. That's pretty much why Chicago divorced him. That guy got divorced from an entire city and a hot 35 year old blonde with (now) big tits, all in the span of just a few years. Man what a gigantic loser.

Easy Link Day for Starters

 I had saved these stories as drafts and I was going to write a bunch of hilarious things and then I decided to not do that. But here they are if you want to read the originals. I didn't bother but I won't stop you, I'm not your manager...

Jessica Chastain is Mad About Tits or Something. 

Cameron Diaz Keistered a Bunch of Drugs. Probably. 

I Want to Marry Eva Longoria. 

Rita Ora Blah Blah Blah Your Guess is as Good as Mine. 

Like I said click those if you want. I myself will be looking at that Jennifer Aniston picture but if you don't want to that doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a horrible person.

Denise Richards has an OnlyFans

 

 Denise Richards joined OnlyFans. I have two questions...

1. The picture I used is from Instagram. Why would I pay money to see it on OnlyFans if I can see it on Instagram for free?

2. Have you seen some of the women on OnlyFans? Trust me, they make Denise Richards look like a boy even the women that are older than she is. Why would I join her OnlyFans to look at a picture of a boy in a bikini? 

3. I promise Denise Richards isn't doing anything X-Rated on OnlyFans but the hotter women are. So again, I ask, why would I pay for that? 

I don't know what she's going to do with her OnlyFans account because I'll never subscribe to her, but if she does anything gross let me know and I'll consider it. 

Controversial Opinion 101

 Okay fine I'll say it. Denise Pesina is pretty hot. Don't make me explain it I'M NOT THE ONE ON TRIAL HERE

Sandra Lee Sticks Out

 Somebody named Sandra Lee married some guy named Youcef. I think his first name is Ben but don't hold me to that. They said she's 56 years old and then went on to describe her outfit as "see through". I'm posting this in case you ever wonder why I want to find a new hobby. 

Congratulations Sandra and Ben or whatever. I hope this is the happiest upcoming 35 months of your life.

!!!UPDATE!!! If I didn't mention it yes she's I think she's extremely hot. So listen Sandra, if things don't work out with Brett, give me call

Kristen Cavallari Has a Nice Ass

 

Kristen Cavallari posted this picture on her Instagram, and then I wrote about it. Pretty neat huh?

Lauren Goodger is Still Someone

 Lauren Goodger was out lumbering around town doing whatever it is she does. Shockingly, I've written about Lauren Goodger before. Here she was photographed yesterday (Sunday) pregnant with a rhinoceros. She's always pregnant. Of course a rhinoceros has an 18 month gestation period so maybe she's still pregnant from the last time. I wouldn't know though because I'm never reading or writing about her again so there will be no follow up.

I Love Jordana Brewster

 I feel like I should know who Jordana Brewster is. Wait let me rephrase that. I finally know who Jordana Brewster is. Her ex-husband was mentioned briefly and it's this guy. So obviously she doesn't have very high standards and doesn't care much at all about physical appearances. I'm more than willing to overlook that though if she wants to have dinner with me despite the fact that I'm extremely handsome. Hell, I'll even let her pay for dinner. I'll drive but we'll have to use her car. I bet this sounds like a pretty sweet deal to her right about now.

SEXY PRE-POSTING UPDATE

Further image searches have determined a potential problem. I want you to look at this picture... The only thing I'll say is, "it's always in the eyes". I'm still willing to try don't get me wrong. But you have to be very, very careful. Just take my word for it. To someone like you, you don't see a problem. But to more worldly people like me and her ugly ex-husband... well... let's just say we know better. Still I'm willing to give it a couple months.Who knows maybe I'm wrong (I'm not).

Kate Hudson TOPLESS

 Kate Hudson posted what was called a "topless" picture on Instagram. And while technically it's correct, this is more about following the letter of the law and not the spirit. In fact because of this loose interpretation I wasn't even going to write this story but I think she's really, really cute. I don't even care that she has tiny boobs. I feel I've really grown as a person.

Jena Frumes is Hot. Stupid.

 Jason Derulo's ex-girlfriend Jena Frumes put on a bikini and then complained about how Jason Derulo cheated on her and he doesn't even pay child support...

...It's unfortunate my situation didn't work out because we once did aspire to be married but maybe it's best to be single than to be in a relationship & constantly be disrespected & cheated on and lied to.'

I've never even met Jason Derulo and I can practically guarantee you that that guy isn't going to pay child support. How can these people that are so physically attractive be this monumentally stupid. See? This is why I hesitate to come back to writing this stuff because stories like this make me want to walk off of a roof. It's hugely stressful to constantly be immersed in this idiocy. And then I realize I'M not the problem, Jen Frumes is, so why doesn't she walk off a roof so I can go back to wondering why my motorcycle wont start.

Jessica Simpson is Going Places

 Jessica Simpson is hot again. Really, really hot. I HATE those shoes. But man I love women in hats. I also think super long hair on women over the age of 12 looks ridiculous but quite frankly, she could wear one of those rainbow fright wigs and I'd probably be okay with it.

Rhian Sugden NUDE

I realize the writing here has been spotty at best. I don't know, I get busy and I've been working a lot at my job that - you know - pays me money so I can buy food, and I guess this fell by the wayside. Couple that with the celebrity news being the same eight people over and over again and I guess I just took a break. 

And then as luck would have it, somebody went to the trouble of writing about someone named Rhian Sugden who was mostly naked for their story. And for reasons I won't bore you with, I couldn't use the "mostly naked" pictures they included with their garbage story, so I did a quick image search and accidentally found pictures of her actually naked so I blew the old ones into the weeds and just went with that one you see there.  And yes, there are others. Lots and lots.  Caution. Don't click that link if you don't like seeing hot girls naked.

So they're slowly drawing me back in with naked pictures of Rhian Sugden and frankly it's working. Kind of like setting up a box on a stick to trap a rabbit with a piece of lettuce only they used pictures of a naked girl that I bumbled into.