Rosie Huntington Whiteley is "34"

 Here's Rosie Huntington Whiteley in her underwear. Pretty neat huh? The story claims she's 34 but I stopped believing in fairy tales when I was in grade school. I've said 1000 times here, age doesn't matter to me all that much - or at all - but it seems to be a focal point in all of these stories for some weird reason. What's with you people? Why are you so weird all the time? I guess she's married to Jason Strayhorn or whatever his name is but I don't know. I never watch his movies because I'm not mentally disabled. I also forgot to mention why she took these pictures but I forgot why she had them taken. Probably because she has tits and she wants you to see them which is a valid reason if you ask me.

Saweetite Goes Tits Up

 I had added "Saweetie" to my never write about again list", because she's a laughably ridiculous flash in the pan, and then she posted a picture on Instagram that really got me thinking, and I said to myself, "Hey once more wouldn't hurt", and so here we are.

Kate Middleton Does the Work

 This story started out about Kate Middleton getting her covid vaccination, but no one cares about that anymore, it's time to move on. It's been going on for months now and nobody cares. I can't believe somebody that cute is married to that mule faced imbecile. Didn't we fight a war to get rid of people like him? Look at her in her skin tight jeans and work boots. Man she's hot isn't she? 

Look, it's a major US holiday you're lucky you're getting this much out of me.

Miles Teller is Punch Drunk

 Some guy named Miles Teller (pictured) got punched in the face over an unpaid bill from his wedding that took place in 2019 in Hawaii. I guess he (Teller) was in The Fantastic Four. Too bad his stuntman wasn't around. I can't say I blame the other guy all that much though, I didn't have anything to do with his wedding and I want to punch him in the face right now.

Channing Tatum Nude

 I know I said I wouldn't write about shirtless dudes anymore, but I also know some girls occasionally find this blog by accident so I feel a certain level of responsibility to do so. It can't all be Instagram girls in their underwear and naked MILFs. So here's Channing Tatum naked on TikTok even though he's 41 and on TikTok. So he's basically the same age here, as Jimmy Stewart when "Harvey" was released. But look he has his shirt off, what else do you want? 

Suzanne Somers Swings

I'm not going to write about Suzanne Somers' sex life anymore. Sorry. I'm just not.

Kim Kardashian Blah Blah

 

Kim Kardashian dressed like Cleopatra, if Cleopatra was a viking warrior to go on a date with some guy named Jamie Rueben. I think in the UK? Or maybe that's where he's from. Or it was a party in Beverly Hills. Can you believe she's 40? I don't know why that would be important, I think she's a disgusting person no matter how she's dressed or whatever her age, I'm just rambling now. I hope they had sex. Or didn't. I don't even know if it's that guy in the picture, it could be. I can't for the life of me figure out why anyone cares about these people it's crazy to me. If you want more answers to these questions, look them up and then let me know what you find maybe I'll include it in a future post.

Kate Beckinsale Cares

 I don't have anything prepared for today so I found this picture of Kate Beckinsale over the weekend outside at a zoo kissing a kangaroo while wearing a mask. Stupid ass.

Padma Lakshmi is Baffling

 Padma Lakshmi was at the Billboard Music Awards but no one said why. Please tell me she isn't rapping now. Oh wait. I skimmed the article and she's presenting an award. Again, no one has really said why, or what a "celebrity chef" has to do with any of this. Do the teenagers that watch The Billboard Music Awards care about a 50 year old cook? I assume she's still a cook, when she isn't letting her tits hang out all over the place. You will never make me understand celebrity chefs. There will be never enough time in my life for you to explain it to me. Of all the people that are famous these days, this is far and away the one I understand the least. No one else even comes close to me not understanding it. 

Who was that one guy. The New York guy that died. He cooked, and hung out with the Ramones. That was why he was famous. I guess. My shoe came off in a mosh pit at a Ramones concert and someone threw it on stage, so I watched my shoe hang out with the Ramones. Big deal, no one gave it a TV show or invited it to the Billboard Music Awards. At least I would have understood that in a funny kind of way.

Lizzo is Definitely Something

 Lizzo stepped out of her transport wagon dressed for Halloween or some other such costume ball but I don't know that for sure. What other possible reason could there be to go out dressed like this, and the story wasn't entirely clear. They also said she was "sizzling". But once again they may have miss edited this story and combined the two paragraphs about her and someone else.
 

I'm going to guess she has - at the outside - 30-36 months of this left before she's selling skin cream in 30 minute commercials at 3am. I'm just sayin', It's honest work.

Ashley Roberts Stretches her Talent

 Z-List imbecile Ashley Roberts did this for Instagram, because despite being physically attractive, she has no friends or social circle. That's the only reason I can think of. She has no one to call, and nowhere to go because people basically under 40 have only virtual friends. Wow she's 39? I thought she was maybe 26. Well, that shows what I know. She is or was a member of The Pussycat Dolls a "singing" group I was surprised to see I've written about before. Sorry, I'm reaching for this. I haven't written much lately and I needed something to write about and stretchy girls in pink latex are always usually interesting, and are a good fall back position for me.

Ben Affleck is Dumb

 Ben Affleck walked around outside in a mask and he made his kid do it too. I'm going to keep writing about this kind of ridiculous behavior and heap as much scorn on you as I possibly can, until you realize this is idiotic and pointless virtue signaling. I believed the CDC when they said we needed masks, and now I believe them when they say we don't. What possible reason other than stupidity could there be for you to continue this? And when you're outside on top of it all.

Plus knowing you people this will go on forever because let's face it, you're kind of dumb, and it will therefore give me the content I need for basically all eternity

Bruce Willis is Exciting

 Bruce Willis went golfing in Hawaii. Pretty neat huh? The Daily Mail is still wetting it's pants over whatever Gen Z/Millennial garbage Prince Harry is spewing today, and I haven't looked for much news yet because I had a dentist's appointment this morning, and it's 87 degrees outside so I may go do something out there right now, you know, like a normal human being.

A Sean Penn a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

  

I'm sorry, but seeing Sean Penn's dried up apple core face does nothing but piss me off and I hope El Chapo blows his brains out

Khloe Kardashian Looks Different. Again.

Khloe Kardashian photo shopped her way into being pretty hot. It's amazing what diet, exercise, and Japan's Fugaku supercomputer can do.
 

 

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Simon Cowell has Shit for Brains

Simon Cowell rode his bicycle around Malibu while wearing a winter jacket even though it was 70 degrees there yesterday. When I was a little kid, there was this older kid, probably in his 20s at that point that would ride his bicycle non-stop all day long. He was "developmentally disabled". What I'm trying to say is that's how Simon Cowell looks, with is down jacket and helmet on a warm Spring day. Where's your mask Shitforbrains? Is everything all safe for you now all the sudden? Or were you not expecting a camera. I'd say that's probably more likely. 
 

Elsa is a Flyer

 

I'm sorry I don't really have much prepared for today. Work was super stressful yesterday and I just couldn't bring myself to do this. And the OH LOOK! Elsa Pataky arrived home after filming some Netflix movie called "Interceptor" (?) and saved the day. I hope you guys enjoy basically paying a monthly subscription to You Tube. More than once I looked for stuff to watch on Netflix and came away empty handed. If you want to watch murder mysteries and other shows like that despite the fact that they're all the same,  you know Discovery ID, the OWN Network, and A&E and a few others I can't think of right now, all show them practically 24 hours a day non-stop,  and you already get that with your cable service. You know that right?

 
What you want to watch on TV means nothing to me while Elsa is walking around like that. Why isn't anyone helping her with her bag? She looks even better dressed like a normal person. How can that be? That couldn't have been an accident. Nobody dresses like that just day to day, do they? I could ramble about her like this for hours. Have fun going home to your meathead husband. Why isn't he meeting you to carry your bag? To busy shaving his arms? I hope he doesn't lift too many weights today.

Nikki Glaser is Attractive, Not Funny

 I guess Nikki Glaser hosted the MTV Awards? She's pretty hot isn't she? Wow she's 5'9? I don't think she's a great comedienne, I mean, she's okay I guess but if I want blow job and masturbation jokes I'll just call your mom or read Twitter for a minute and a half. I guess you have to get noticed somehow, and if being a hot, leggy 5'9 inch tall blonde isn't doing the trick, just talk about dildos and porn. 

I don't know how long people are going to talk about this MTV thing since it happened two days ago, And I only wrote this because she's really attractive and I assume witty but I've only seen a couple of interviews with her, and I generally don't like very many stand up comics anyway so that earlier crack wasn't really a slam against her necessarily, it was more of a broad sweeping insult. What's the deal with the MTV Awards and so forth.

Prince Harry is Impotent I Mean Important

 Prince Harry - who I thought was no longer a prince - said "the First Amendment is Bonkers". I realize this was a couple of days ago, and everyone is all up in arms about this, but I've been avoiding discussing this because there are few things in the world that I care about less than the British Royal Family. The pampered son of a billionaire's opinion on anything is less than meaningless to me. Unless he's talking about his butlers, or maids, or which is his favorite Grey Poupon or whatever these inbred idiots eat. 

And honestly, if it wasn't for The Daily Mail I wouldn't even know these assholes exist outside of Bugs Bunny cartoons. Like when Yosemite Sam is a knight in a suit of armor and he does that pole vault into the side of the castle and he turns into a can of tuna? Man that's pretty great.

Sacha Baron Cohen is Groundbreaking

 Sascha Ali Baron G Cohen won the "Comedic Genius" trophy at the MTV Awards this weekend for characters that he's been flogging to death for nearly 25 years. Almost a third of MTV viewers are younger than these "hilarious" characters, so yeah I guess it's all new to them.  Even the Borat movie is 15 years old. Maybe they should just start calling this The Charlie Callas Lifetime Achievement Award, that way maybe these kids and their grandparents will finally have something in common, and that's fresh, award winning comedy.

Site Update

 I haven't written anything yet for today. I might though later. Will I? Won't I? I'm a wild card

!!!Breaking CDC News!!!!

 The CDC now says vaccinated people no longer need to wear a mask. For the record I did. I still do, though mostly for work since I seem to do little else. Anyway, there's at least one person that's not happy about what should be good news. Lucky for her, if she's vaccinated she doesn't have to worry about it. You can't believe the science when it suits you, or confirms what you want to believe, and then say it's wrong when circumstances change. You know, for hundreds of years, mainstream science thought the Earth was the center of the universe. You could literally be killed for disagreeing. But science changes. 

 For a year the CDC said we had to wear masks and everyone on Twitter thought that was just swell. It gave them a chance to do what they do best, and that's scold people they don't know for not doing what they say. Now the same CDC is telling vaccinated people they don't need them and these same people are wetting their pants. Why? What am I missing? They were either lying to us then, or they're lying to us now, which is it.  It can't be both. 

If you feel you need to keep wearing a mask no one is stopping you. Frankly, you can walk around with an inflatable pool duck around your neck for all I care. It's your life. Go for the gusto.

Heidi Klum is the Lady in Red

 Heidi Klum was dressed like she was leaving an all night disco in the 1970s instead of a comedy torture chamber. Imagine living during a time when girls dressed like that to go out for real, instead of constantly walking around like they work at a gas station, with their ripped jeans and dirty hats or whatever.  I think I'll just turn this into a Heidi Klum tribute blog. I don't know why she even went on a talk show - especially Jimmy Kimmel - and I'm not reading anything to find out.

Ellen DeGeneres is a Terrible Person. Quitting her Talk Show

 Ellen DeGeneres is ending her talk show. And thank God too now maybe I can stop having to look how to spell her name.

“When you’re a creative person, you constantly need to be challenged — and as great as this show is, and as fun as it is, it’s just not a challenge anymore,” DeGeneres tells The Hollywood Reporter, discussing the move publicly for the first time.

It was always weird to me that people watched this show. Wait. I somehow managed to change the font size while I was writing this and now I can't fix it. Oh well, back to Ellen. 

She went on to say...

 Blah blah. Blahda blahda dappity doo.  Talk show challenge... I'm a lesbian... yakata yakata yak. And furthermore yabba youncy crashy poop.

I don't know man. I'm running out of steam with this crap. These people are almost always horrible shit-bags. Even more so than the average population. It's mystifying to me that the population at large looks to these awful people for advice of any kind. It's unbelievable. And I get tired of seeing them and reading about them. I barely even read the stories that are connected to these pictures anymore. Sometimes I don't even make it past the first sentence of the source material. It's like torture.  Lately the pictures I find and use aren't even connected with the story I read that I'm writing about. And I'll be honest, with the exception of five or six of the "top tier" people, most of the people I write about are nobodies, barely more famous than you or me.

Who the fuck is Eiza Gonzalez? Would you even recognize her on the street if she bothered to take off the mask? I doubt it. She's basically another, kind of attractive girl in California. Big deal. Every attractive girl that wants to be famous moves to California. There are probably literally a million Eiza Gonzalez types there waking up to go to the gym as you read this. Who cares. I don't know, maybe I'm just in another mood. Maybe I need a vacation.

So in conclusion, Ellen DeGeneres is quitting her talk show. Happy? Who gives a fuck. Nobody.

Harry Styles is Brave and Daring

 Harry Styles continues to "push boundaries" at the Brit Awards by... carrying a purse. I don't know how much mileage this guy is going to get out of this "Real Men Wear Dresses and Carry Purses" thing like Klinger from M*A*S*H he's doing but I've already mostly forgotten about him and I'm on the internet 23.8 hours a day. He's 5' 10 you know. So he's the same height as a tall girl. Maybe he needs the purse to carry the booster shoes he wears during interviews

Suzanne Somers has an Orgy House

Suzanne Somers and her husband "The Orgy Master" sold their house in Palm Springs mostly because she fell with her husband and broke her hip, so like most elderly couples they're moving to a smaller place...

“We’re using this new construction as a new opportunity [to make] everything as green as possible,” Hamel, (ED: her husband) 84, told us of their next home. “Even though I am not one of those ‘greeniacs,’ we’re making sure the air quality is balanced and perfect, and even the drywall doesn’t have all those chemicals.” They’re also installing solar power, an organic garden, and other eco amenities.

But oh there's more... 

“When Alan and I were falling in love,” the “Three’s Company” star recalled, he was living on an “old house boat.” One of the floating home’s features was a carpeted area in front of a fireplace they referred to as the “passion pit,” which they’re recreating in their new home.

 Somers, 74, said that while they’ll have less room at their new pad for visiting family members, “We’re going to give parties, it’s a party house, a very sexy house.” 

A"passion pit"? Private parties? A "sexy house"?  

 Let me decode that for you...

IT'S FOR ORGIES. She almost said that out loud.

Hey I'm all for it but this isn't 1978 Suzanne Somers were talking about. She's almost 100 years old now. Which, don't get me wrong,  is fine. I 'm lost here, imagining 1978 Suzanne Somers at an orgy so maybe finish this post yourself

Naomi Campbell Does Stuff

 Naomi Campbell is 50 years old. I just thought I'd throw that out there in case you weren't feeling bad enough about yourself, since she looks nearly identical to how she looked almost 30 years ago. I don't understand how these women get better with age, since every woman I ever meet that's over 50 pretty much looks like they fell out of a moving train and landed on all those big sharp rocks they use for drainage under the tracks. I guess I need to start hanging out in Naomi Campbell's world instead of "The Four Aces" bar underneath the overpass in Franklin Park. 

Jennifer Aniston is Immune

 Jennifer Aniston got her second covid vaccination shot and she's ecstatic. I'll be honest, I think our little honeymoon is over. Sorry Jen, I think I just need someone... I don't know... manlier? But not in a gay way. Call me if you ever grow up. 

Kate Beckinsale's Pussy Pics

 Kate Beckinsale has reached the "selfie with cat" portion of her career. Good for her. Being a go-getter is what it takes to get ahead in this world. Maybe if you dated someone that was old enough to buy beer on their own you wouldn't be in this mess, ever think of that? 

Eiza Gonzalez Walks Through Danger

Eiza Gonzalez went for a walk. There really wasn't much more to the original story except they described what she was wearing (blue jeans, white blouse). That was pretty much it. I've written about her before but I have no idea why. I'll include the links in case you want to read them but I don't know why you'd do that. They didn't say why she was walking around outside by herself while wearing a mask, maybe they were spraying Agent Orange on some weeds, and frankly, that would have been more interesting than talking about her white shirt, but I'm not the editor over there so this is what you get.

Jesse James Decker Looks Swollen

 Jesse James Decker gave herself a present after having three babies. New boobs 

'I had breast reduction and lift a couple years ago when they were hanging down to my belly button but with having such elastic skin and not being happy with the size I decided to do it. 'They were so big and perky before children and I wanted them back ... plus some,' 

 'It's not for everybody but it was certainly for me!' she went on. 'I always say, you do you and do what makes you feel confident and sexy. #YOLO.'

If she's looking for an argument, she won't get one from me. If you have the money and you want new boobs, get them. Why wouldn't you. Get new boobs, teeth, car, house, husband/wife... I fail to see any problem with any of this. I bet breast implants from a top tier plastic surgeon is probably under $10,000. A small investment for someone who's entire career is based on looks. I'm sure someone will be unhappy about this, but all they have to do is not look. It's a pretty easy problem to solve. 

If you think this sets a bad example for your daughter explain it to her yourself. Other people aren't raising your kids, you are. .

Is Bebe Rexha Gay?

 Bebe Rexha claims she has "fluid sexuality" which, decoded into normal person language, means "wants to stay in the news"...

'Have I gone out with girls before? Yes. Have I dated girls? Yes, I have. And famous ones, but I'm not naming them. Even though people would be living for it — no!'

So stunning. So brave. She won't say who the famous celebrity is that she dated but I bet whoever it is, probably isn't as much of a celebrity as you think. Who do you think it is? Sandra Bullock? Get real. It's probably some Instagram dimwit that maybe your kid has heard of. Anyway, who cares. Not me, I just didn't write anything yesterday so here you go. Another Bebe Rexha might be gay story. Hope you're happy now.

Gwyneth Paltrow Drives a Sexy Bargain

Some people were upset that Gwyneth Paltrow went in a back door at the DMV and skipped the line where 50 people were waiting to get in. Well... yeah. Of course she did. This isn't ComiCon. You think the DMV wants someone like Gwyneth Paltrow standing in line for two hours with you morons? Can you imagine the chaos that would cause? I'm only talking about Gwyneth Paltrow because she happened to be the one that needed her license renewed. but this applies to any legitimately famous person. And no I don't mean some Tik Tok asshole, I mean movie star level famous

 I for a fact know the Illinois DMV has a mobile unit they take to famous people's houses. It came to light in the 90s when Michael Jordan needed his license renewed. Could you imagine 1990s Michael Jordan showing up at some DMV building somewhere? It would've been pandemonium. It might be even now. You can't just have these people show up somewhere, it would be a mob scene filled with idiots in 20 minutes. And it's already filled with idiots, and please, we can't be making this shit worse.

Jennifer Garner's Dog Has a Birthday

 It's Jennifer Garner's dog's birthday yesterday. Happy birthday Birdie! That's his name by the way. I skimmed the source material until they said his name because the rest of it is most likely pure garbage. There was no mention of why his name is Birdie, but if I had to guess he probably liked to chase birds. Aren't they cute? Both of them I mean. She even made him a little heart shaped treat even though dogs have no idea what a heart looks like.

 I don't really care much for her kitchen though I'll be honest. It's a little too "biscuits and gravy" for me. I myself prefer a more "crepes and wine" look even though I never eat either of those.  Jen, you know the kitchen sells the house right? You get every penny of a kitchen remodel back when you sell. Investing $20,000 in a kitchen adds $20,000 to the price of the house. Whatever, my guess is she never actually uses it anyway, and I don't live there. Yet.

Katie Holmes Cares

 Katie Holmes is still walking around outside by herself while wearing a mask, despite the fact that she appears to be the only person in New York still doing that, even though The Centers for Disease Control say it's unnecessary.  To be fair, maybe she hasn't been vaccinated yet, although that seems pretty unlikely since she's still walking around outside by herself while wearing a mask in May of 2021.  For a person like that, getting vaccinated was probably like Christmas, Halloween and the Chinese New Year all rolled into one. 

Of course she's still walking around in Uggs while wearing a skirt even though it was 81 degrees in New York yesterday, so the problems may be much, much deeper than simply wanting to be recognized by strangers for being such a caring human being and I'm suddenly starting to feel kind of bad for picking on someone that's like that.

Loon Starts Singing

 Katie Sorensen is what they're calling a wannabe "momfluencer". First of all, stop saying "momfluencer". If you take nothing else away from this, please let it be that. She faked an attempted kidnapping by two people in Sonoma County, California. This is how desperate for internet fame people have become. This idiot would have happily and without a second's thought, absolutely ruined two peeople's lives because she wanted attention. What a disgusting pig of a human. 

She said: 'My children were the targets of attempted kidnap which is such a weird thing to even vocalize but it happened and I want to share that story with you in an effort to raise awareness to what signs to look for and to encourage parents to be more aware of their surroundings and what is going on around them.

'I think right now that we are so distracted with everything that's going on in the world that we are have our guard up so much about masks (ED: always with the masks) and wanting to keep out children safe that way that we're forgetting the most important way to keep them safe and that is with us.'

 

According to the police statement, Sorenson said that she noted the suspicious behavior of a man and woman as they followed her and her children around the store and made comments about their appearance.

She told police that they followed her out to her car and lingered by the stroller as she placed her kids back inside the vehicle.

Police said Sorenson had not wanted to have anyone arrested when she filed the report but 'wanted to draw attention to the concerning behavior exhibited by the couple'.

 The couple was later cleared and she faces two misdemeanor counts, one for giving false information to a police officer, and one for giving false information to a police dispatcher. I'm sorry but this needs to stop. Want to stop shit like this? She should be given time at least equal to half of what those people would have been given had they been convicted. Lock her away and weld the door shut and that would make a lot of these nitwits think twice. You can tell she has a screw loose just by looking at her, she wouldn't be missed.

Joy Corrigan Aged Backward

 Joy Corrigan is a Victoria's Secret model that I was going to fawn over and congratulate for still being so hot at the age of 47. But it turns out she's 26. If I were her I'd stay out of the sun and maybe not smoke or drink or whatever, or the next 20 years aren't going to be kind to her at all.

Katy Perry is Anti-Science

 Katy Perry went out for a bicycle ride with her family while wearing a mask because she's an imbecile that doesn't know how being outside works.

Elon Musk Owns SNL

 Elon Musk is supposed to host SNL on May 8th. I really don't get why this is happening, I sort of like the guy I guess. I don't think he's bad, or good, I suppose I'm really mostly indifferent to him but they asked him to do it and he said okay. But. I guess some of the cast is upset?  It's been said if they want to opt out of the show they can, which to me seems to be the antithesis of comedy, but then, SNL is the antithesis of comedy and has been for a literal generation, so it kind of figures. 

 I don't really know why, but some of the cast are, or were (but have since deleted tweets etc) sharing memes of Bernie Sanders and the usual teenaged style commie internet garbage you see every day, and have seen since the 1990s because they don't like the fact that Elon Musk is "insanely wealthy" and they don't like the fact that they would ask him to host "during the time of Covid", whatever the fuck that means. 

So I was curious and I looked at some of the wealth of the few SNL cast members who's names I recognized..

Here are the reported net worths of the few I bothered to sample...

Kenan Thompson - $13 million 

Kate McKinnon - $9 million

Pete Davidson - $6 million 

Aidy Bryant, you know, the one that shared the Bernie Sanders quote that she deleted - $4 million

 

They all seem pretty insanely wealthy to me but I suppose that's a relative measure. There are 18 million people - that's about 5% of the population - listed as having a million dollars or more in the US and at least four of them are currently on SNL. Do you have $13 million dollars like Kenan Thompson does?  How about $4 million? If you added up all of your money and everything you owned would it add up to $4 million dollars like Aidy Bryant has? Do you even know how much $4 million dollars is? If someone handed you $4 million dollars right now, and you didn't buy a new Ferrari once a week, you and your future kids would probably never have to work another day in your lives. I bet every single thing you owned including your house wouldn't add up to even a 16th of that. Those people all seem insanely wealthy to me. Maybe they should kick everyone off of SNL that has more than a few hundred dollars in the bank. It's worth a try who would even notice at this point. And besides they're all insanely wealthy so it's not like they would suffer.