Tuesday, August 28, 2018

Cindy Crawford's Daughter (I forgot her name) Walks Around

Cindy Crawford's daughter is only 16. And normally I'd say poking fun of celebrity children is something you shouldn't do. Especially if they can't even drive yet.  So I won't.

Jennifer Aniston Films Something

I know, I know. I've been lazy, but I think of the blog every day while I'm doing other things I swear. Here, look at Jennifer Aniston looking cute. What's with that dude in the sunglasses?

Saturday, August 25, 2018

Uummm...What?

I have a lot of questions about this story. The first one is, and the most important one is, why does an 18 year old "You Tube Gamer" own a $500,000 car.

Big Big News About Ariana Grande

There were several Pete Davidson/Ariana Grande stories floating around this morning. One about how they were getting married, one was about how his dick is always hard, and the other one was about how Pete Davidson had "butthole eyes" whatever that means. Maybe it's a new thing the way tramp stamps were all the rage some years ago. You just go to your ophthalmologist and say, "Hey Doc, I'm trendy, give me some butthole eyes like all the famous comedians have" and you'll be a hit with all the ladies. I didn't know these two were always so newsworthy. I didn't think their fans could even read but hey good for them, reading is important. This way if you get invited to their wedding you'll be able to read the P.S. at the bottom that mentions, "This will be an outdoor ceremony. Please don't eat the dirt under your chair"

Friday, August 24, 2018

Matthew McConaughey Takes his Name to Dinner

Matthew McConaughey enjoys himself ironically by wearing a shirt with a quote from his Dazed and Confused character, Big Jerry or whatever the fuck his name is in that movie. I've seen it a couple times and it's okay I guess. It's one of those movies I can sort of turn on and "watch" while I'm doing something else, like mowing the lawn.  I don't really get the whole cult of Dazed and Confused. Probably because it's all pot heads. "Oh hey let's smoke some doobies and eat a bunch of human babies when we get the munchies while we watch Dazed and Confused". And I know you internet people like that. Goddamn hippies.

Michelle Wolf was Cancelled

The Daily Beast says some people are upset that Michelle Wolf's Netflix show "The Break With Michelle Wolf" was cancelled. And everyone that lost their jobs found out on Twitter (haha)

“None of us can believe how classlessly Netflix has handled this,” a source connected to the show told The Daily Beast after the news broke, noting that the entire writing staff and even the showrunners found out they had been fired on Twitter.
 I don't know why it was cancelled after only 10 shows. I didn't even know this was a show. But then I don't have a Netflix account which I think would be an important part of knowing this show existed. Maybe it just wasn't very good. The writer of the linked story apparently feels that because Michelle Wolf is a woman, her show should be allowed to air in perpetuity regardless of the quality. He doesn't come right out and say that but I can read between the lines. I don't know whether she's funny or not and just because a couple of people out of 100 million subscribers laughed doesn't mean it's good. And as a general rule I usually despise stand up comics with a few notable exceptions so of course I may be the wrong guy to ask.

 Look, it's just another talk show man. Not everything has to be a fight. She'll get a new show somewhere, those people will get new jobs and that's the end of it. Why does everything always have to be this monumental fucking battle. Especially when it comes to shit like this. Nextflix is a business. If the show isn't working, it's not working. It's just a TV show. It was cancelled and you dopes will find another thing to stare at for 44 minutes every night.

!!!Sexy pre-posting update!!!

Deadline says...

In the end, sources say neither show drew enough viewership to secure a renewal. The Break and The Joel McHale Show followed Netflix’s first foray into the comedy talk show genre, Chelsea, which ran for two seasons.
Mystery solved.

!!!!SEXY PRE_POSTING UPDATE NUMBER II!!!!

I wrote this last Saturday and forgot to post it and I haven't read it since then and I won't read it again, so I make no guarantees about it's current accuracy

Friday, August 17, 2018

Kate Beckinsale Walks Around

Do you see what I see? Hey Kate there's a state fair here soon. They have camel rides if you're at all interested I'd love to take you

Rhianna and Donald Glover Do Things

Donald Glover and Rhianna appeared in a picture together but no one is sure why. There was a lengthy article describing how no one knows, and I didn't read the whole thing, but here's a summary of what I took away from the parts of said article I did bother to read...
 Donald Glover and Rhianna took a picture together and posted it on Twitter but no one knows why.
Happy now? I haven't heard much about Rhianna lately and I don't care about David Glover at all, but I know the internet loves them both for some reason so I figured, hey, why not post this picture and write a meandering blog post and strike while the iron is hot. So here it is. Look at how great they are. Aren't they great? Doing whatever it is they do. Keep up the good work you two.

Aretha Franklin Died

Aretha Franklin died yesterday at the age of 76. I wasn't a huge fan or anything, and there was this weird period in the early 90's where a lot of local area heavy metal bands did a version of "Chain of Fools". It was weird how they all got the same idea at the same time. Maybe because they were a bunch of mindless followers. I guess they thought it gave them some street cred or something I have no idea what they were thinking it was pretty ridiculous though. Especially since I hate that song. Of all the Aretha Franklin songs she recorded over 50 plus years they could choose from they all picked that one. Stupid assholes.

 Stephen Colbert also dedicated part of his show to Aretha Franklin but Stephen Colbert has never heard an Aretha Franklin song in his whole life so I don't know why. I guess he's a band wagon jumper too and wants people to think he's cool and hip. I hate to break this too him but it didn't help

Thursday, August 16, 2018

Madonna Flees

Madonna hinted that she moved to Portugal because Donald Trump is president.
 The singer spoke to Vogue Italia about the motivation behind her big move saying "this is not America's finest hour."
"I felt like we needed a change, and I wanted to get out of America for a minute," the singer told the magazine
I didn't even know Madonna moved to Portugal but okay. Listen, if more of these dimwits promise to move to Portugal after the next election if he wins again, I might actually vote for him this time around.

Wednesday, August 15, 2018

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

What the Fuck?

Look at this freak show

Some Lady Talks About Her Boobs

Know who Shannon Beador is? How about Jeff Miller? Sorry I meant Jeff Lewis. She was on The Jeff Lewis-Miller Show (?) talking about getting a boob job after she divorced her husband who's name I couldn't find. Why is this news? Why did I further perpetuate this story even a tiny bit? Want to know why you nosy asshole? Here's a small list of the people I could have written about this morning...

Kim Kardashian
One of the Jenner girls. I think there's more than one. Kylie and Jennifer?
Amarosa Sigwault Malone or whatever the fuck her name is
Betheny Frankel (again)
Some other no named dope

These are the people that are constantly in all the celebrity rags. Every day. No matter how pointless the story and you know why? Because stupid people click on these stories constantly, I can think of no other reason. That's why. Think you could do better? Click here. Give it a shot and send me the link.

Aretha Franklin is Sick

Aretha Franklin Death Watch: Day 2.

Monday, August 13, 2018

Russell Brand is a Yogi


 "Comedian" Russell Brand is pretending he does yoga now. Why? My guess would be he thought it would get him some free pickinic baskets.
  It looks a little crazy this, but it’s just me with a blanket wrapped round me like a footballer in a changing room. 
 ‘You might think “Russell, you’re a mad man with a feather round your neck wrapped in a towel.”’
 No one thinks that . Until I read this I didn't even remember you were still around. And I've actually written about him before this. It's so weird how someone in England could be so famous they couldn't even go to dinner, or run to the store in peace and have a mansion and a Ferrari, and yet mention their name here in America and everyone goes "Who? Oh yeah, that guy from that one scene in that movie". Whatever, I don't make the rules.

Bebe Rexha is Somebody

Bebe Rexha was at The Teen Choice Awards showing off her Kylie Jenner Halloween costume. Don't worry I had to Google her too. I might write about The Teen Choice Awards freak show today I'll see how aggravated I am when I get home later.

Saturday, August 11, 2018

Leonardo is Stylin'

!!!!!UPDATE!!!!! I wrote this yesterday and forgot to post it so here it is.

The story I swiped this picture from wasn't really about much of anything as usual. I skimmed through it and it talked about Leonardo DiCaprio's new 21 year old girlfriend (here's her Instagram in case you need to see yet another vapid idiot's selfies) and how he was in Italy and it wasn't at all about him wearing his new jeans and gym shoes on his first day back at school like I originally thought.

Kim Kardashian is a Liar

Kim Kardashian says she's lost so much weight she's down to 105 pounds. As proof she posted this photo shopped picture of her looking thinner that's stretched out so much that it also apparently made her 11 feet tall. Good job Kim.

Thursday, August 9, 2018

Bethenny Frankel is Talking

I saw this connected to some story about Bethenny Frankel who's on some dumb show I've never seen, but I'm sure you're a huge fan of it, and in this story she's described as 47 years old. 47. If she's 47, I'm the High Priest of the Incas. You know what? She looks okay, I mean why lie about it? Obviously that washed out picture taken with my mom's camera from the 1970s with one of those square flash cubes doesn't help but she looks good. And besides, nobody outside of Me, The Daily Mail, and the gay dudes that watch the Bravo Network knows who she is anyway.

Wednesday, August 8, 2018

Avicii's New Song is Haunting

A new Avicii track is set to be released three months after his death. It's called "Heaven" although since he's dead I assume he's not actually releasing it from Heaven because that would be pretty scary and not at all something I'd want to hear. If you listened to it your face would probably melt like those guys in Raiders of the Lost Ark although I have to admit that would be pretty cool too. Scary, but cool.Good luck with your new song Avicii's ghost.

Liam Hemsworth is a Man of Action

Liam Hemsworth was photographed paddle boarding in Malibu. Is this all these fucking people do? Go to the beach, buy clothes and occasionally make a crappy movie? I don't want to be a Negative Nelly but I hope this fucking guy gets swallowed whole buy a shark. Asshole.

Tuesday, August 7, 2018

Brooke Burke Goes to the Pool

I have to admit, I didn't really feel much like writing anything the last day or two. I still don't actually. It's just one of those grooves you fall into I guess, and having a job sucks and all that so I wind up staring at the computer screen, dreading having to type a bunch of garbage here and then all the sudden Brooke Burke shows up in a purple bikini and I'm like, "Hey. Maybe I should tell others about this". And there you go. As usual I'm not sure what she does, I thought she had a cooking show on the Food Network or something I have zero idea. Or maybe she was married to someone, probably a baseball player. Or maybe a NASCAR driver? What I'm saying is, I don't give a shit. Whatever the case may be her job now seems to be walking around in a bikini and you know what? That's alright with me. In fact she should get a raise. Hell I got one just looking at her. I mean a boner in case you were wondering.

Monday, August 6, 2018

Kristen Bell Does Things

I'm not sure why Kristen Bell wearing her grandmother's living room drapes to go shopping is news but I guess it is.

Friday, August 3, 2018

Zombie Boy Now a Zombie

Lady Gaga's friend and a guy in one of her videos killed him self and she's sad. Rick “Zombie Boy” Genest was found dead in his apartment after an apparent suicide. Who would have imagined he had mental problems? Certainly not me.