Emma Hernan's Skeleton is Sub-Par

 Someone put a bikini on Selling Sunset "star" Emma Hernan's skeleton. I don't know why they'd do that but I think kids today are still eating soap, so who knows what's going through their minds at any given moment. 

I've heard the phrase "Selling Sunset" before, But I'm not sure if it's a US or UK thing. Probably the UK since they seem way, way dumber over there. It could be a show about young, skeletal hookers being sold to aging boomers in retirement communities? It's as good a theory as any I've heard so far

 

Having Sex with Sabrina Carpenter

 Sabrina Carpenter reveals her number one sex tip. I haven't read the story yet, and honestly I probably never will, but I bet her number one tip is; have sex with Sabrina Carpenter. I don't know who she is but if she wants to test to see if this theory holds up I'm willing to try.

!!BREAKING JENNIFER ANISTON/SANDRA BULLOCK NEWS!!

 Two multi-multi- millionaire women in their late 50s were seen leaving a plastic surgeon's office. Why? No one has said. Who cares? Nobody. Honestly the only thing this picture is missing are a couple of really tiny dogs. I know 28 year olds that are injecting their lips with whatever they inject lips with, getting Botox, and God only knows what else, and that's totally fine. I've said it before and I'll say it again. If I had the money so much of me would be fake you'd think I was a robot

With or without plastic surgery, I would let either one of these two do whatever they wanted to me for their own disgusting sexual gratification. You here that Jennifer? How about you Sandra? Maybe both all at once? Hey now there's an idea.

 

 

Yeeehaw Queen

 

Beyonce is a country music artist now? I guess? Why would she do that? I don't want to be overly dramatic but this is a living nightmare. You're on your own with this ridiculousness because if you think I didn't like Beyonce's music before just imagine how I feel now

Diddy Wars! Now With Hookers! (allegedly)

 

 There's some kind of weird war of words between 50 Cent, his prostitute wife (allegedly) and Diddy. But there isn't a chance in the world I'm deciphering any of this shit from these terrible people, so I linked the original story if you hate your brain.

 I thought the whole flat-billed baseball hat-take my picture on a yacht trend came to an end about 15 years ago but I guess not. 

And In an even more  shocking turn of events I've actually written about that hooker before. Here here here and here.  Remember Jason Derulo? No? Of course not. Why would you. Anyway, she evidently graduated from the Kardashian School of Dating. Just bounce from rapper to rapper until you can buy a really nice car and move to Miami. 

What is it with Miami and these idiots. I lived in Miami and it's awful, I do not get it. It's always 100 degrees, even in the winter, the air is always like a steam room and everything is constantly wet. It rains every single day, and you sweat just walking from your house to your car. It's like Vietnam without the war. There was a puddle in front of my house for so long, it had tadpoles in it. The moisture in the air even makes the food and milk taste bad and I haven't even gotten to the crime and the way people in Florida drive yet. 

We need to wall that place off so these people can never leave

Larsa Pippen is a Walking Crisis

 Larsa Pippen is apparently famous for something other than being married to 1990s Chicago Bulls player Scottie Pippen but I'm honestly not sure for what.  I don't understand why some people are trying to inject this woman into our lives, but they're allowing a soon to be 50 year old to behave like a 20 year old Instagram influencer for what, money? It's just totally lost on me. 

Is it because she divorced Scottie Pippen and then dated Michael Jordan's 33 year old son? So the fuck what, the guy is 33 years old. It's not like she's picking him up from school or something. What kind of 50 year old woman walks around in a sparkly mini-dress that's better suited for a 21 year old that's going to an all inclusive New Year's Eve party at the Hilton in Rosemont? Grow up.

Listen, I'm a big supporter of people doing and dressing how they want but I'm so sick of this trash celebrity culture that I'm beginning to snap. Think of it this way. If that was a 50 year old man running around in those jeans with the stitching on the back pockets, dyed jet black hair, a Corvette, and a girlfriend that was (almost) 20 years younger than he was you'd laugh at him and call him nasty names. Why does she - or they - get a pass? Because she has tits? And on top of it all, she's seven beers attractive at best. 

I don't know man, every day doing this fades further and further into my past. Do I blame Larsa Pippen? Not her specifically no, but I do blame the hundreds of Larsa Pippens I see on social media every day. 

Sacha Baron Cohen is an Ahole

 Rebel Wilson has declared Sacha Baron Cohen to be a "gigantic asshole" and it surprises me that anyone needs to read that in a book, just look at the guy. People on the internet think he's some kind of comedic genius because of Borat and Ali G but it's juts because they have brain damage. Just looking at the guy sets off alarm bells, but maybe it's just me. Maybe he's like the Three Stooges. Maybe you either love him or you don't. Hey, Rebel Wilson could also be a gigantic asshole and she probably is. Maybe Sacha can write a book about it and trick people into buying it, wouldn't that be funny?

Sydney Sweeny is Smokin

 Sydney Sweeney is certainly attractive. Would I say she's as hot as a porn star? Not to her face I wouldn't. They said she was out "doing press" - whatever the fuck that means - for something but who cares she's like a goddamn Roman statue. I'm even ignoring the fact that she's 26 years old and not 36. She's unnaturally hot for a 26 year old. Okay I can already feel this starting to veer off in a bad direction. 

!!!!SEXY UPDATE!!!!

I'm letting it be known right now that I don't believe she's 26 years old. I don't know why I think that, but I do and I've been right before.

Site Update

 I didn't really have time today to be looking for stuff to write about, I have a long work day ahead of me but maybe as the day goes on something will pop up. See you tomorrow. Maybe

Chrissy Teigen is Awful

 The Daily Mail is still talking about alcoholic, mean girl bully Chrissy Teiegn who told a 17 year old to kill herself.  Nice right? At one point in this article they call Chrissy Teigen a "37 year old", and then later they call her 38 years old. My guess is she's closer to somewhere around 43 years old but I wasn't the person that wrote the pointless story about this shitty "human being".
 

Her "husband", Emmanuel Lewis,or whatever his name is, is also mentioned in the story but as far as I know he only records standards from the 1940s and Christmas albums so who gives a shit. These two are the worst type of people you can imagine and for Hollywood, that's really saying something

Lizzo Update

 !!!!SHOCKING UPDATE!!!! This is one of those stories I wrote, probably on Friday and then promptly forgot about so lucky for me I already have almost half of my Monday posts ready to go!


I haven't heard anything about Lizzo for a while, maybe she was hibernating and now Spring is here and so she finally woke up and dragged herself out of her den. I'm not sure why you'd risk diabetes, heart attack and/or a paralyzing or fatal stroke to make yourself appealing to the 15% of the non-walrus population that finds this attractive, but I'm a big freedom guy so knock yourself out. Hey remember when she played that flute? Oh boy those were the days weren't they?

Margot Robie Wins the Dunce Award

 (I actually wrote this yesterday I think) Margot Robbie was at the Vanity Fair after party which would explain why the Kardashian clan was hanging around, I guess they weren't at the actual Academy Awards. My bad, as the kids say. 

Margot Robbie was invited because she was in Barbie and also they needed someone to stand around looking like a deer in headlights and I think the planners made a wise choice. Where's your mask, dumbo.

Kim Kardashian is 43 (?)

 Kylie Jenner's sister or cousin or whoever the fuck she is, Kim Kardashian was also at the Academy Awards for some baffling reason. They said she was 43 years old which would be about the fifth year I've heard her described as 43 years old. But they could be right. Good for her though. I hope there were enough basketball players and rappers to go around for her and Kylie so they wouldn't get bored

Kylie Jenner Melts in Your Mouth

 For reasons no one makes clear, Kylie Jenner was at the Academy Awards. Maybe it's just her wax figure someone dragged onto the red carpet. What a horrible spectacle this thing is every year, I can't believe they still do this. And inviting these empty vessels is really bottom of the barrel stuff if you ask me.

Julia Fox is Nobody

 Developmentally disabled "actress" Julia Fox showed up at Paris Fashion Week looking like this for some reason. She'll never be anything but a weird "hanger on". Forever a name dropper on the periphery of true fame.  And yet people write about her, even me. I absolutely refuse to do any further research about her but I can guarantee with almost 100% certainty that she's a trust fund baby with a father that owns a string of hospitals, and a drunken mother that has affairs with their household staff. Allegedly. 

If that sounds oddly specific it's because I actually knew a person exactly like that and they're all fucked in the head, and they all behave exactly like her. Having money does horrible things to people's brains.

Julia got "famous" for dating/fucking Kanye West for like two weeks three years ago and yet here she is, taking up space on one of the biggest most popular celebrity gossip websites that exists today. The other one, not this one. And what does she offer the world except for a bad Lady Gaga circa 2006 impersonation? Nothing. 

Miley Cyrus Gets Better

 I haven't written about Miley Cyrus in a long time because who cares. These last couple of years all famous people have blurred into some kind of massive blob where I can't tell one from the other. TikTok, Instagram, X, etc., have made so many people famous who really even cares anymore, you can't keep track of them. Here today gone later today.  I just wanted I mostly just wanted to say I like her dress and she gets better looking as she gets older. Even though she's only 31 - younger than Taylor Swift by the way - which to me seems extremely hard to believe but okay whatever. I'm tired of arguing about it. 

She obviously has fans even though I think I can name maybe one song she does so I hope she doesn't get up on stage and do that one song over and over while her tongue is hanging out but these days what with the internet and you people getting stupider every day she probably does and you don't even notice.