Carol Vordeman is Somebody

 I keep writing about Carol Volderman even though I don't have the slightest idea who she is, but she keeps wearing a bikini so can you blame me? I don't even know if I'm spelling her name right but at this point she can call herself Miss King Fu Master for all I care as long as she's dressed like that.

Lizzo Should Do More Squats

 Lizzo did this. I'm only writing this because I had to see it and now you do too.

Happry Birthday Gwyneth Paltrow

 I forgot to wish Gwyneth Paltrow a happy birthday on the 27th. Plus I love posting this picture from my "private" collection. 

Bella Hadid is "25"

 

 Someone said Bella Hadid was 25 years old and I used to tell girls my name was Ritchie Blackmore.

Kate Moss Looks Good

Kate Moss was at some fashion thing in Paris the other day, or this weekend or whenever. I guess because she was a "super model" 35 years ago. She still looks great as long as you don't look too closely. Still, if she's wearing those nylons, and the strappy high heels while wearing that dress I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't notice if she had a second head growing out of her back.

The Three Stooges Make an Appearance

 Courtney Stodden., Scheana Shay, and Lala Kent were at the premier of the movie "Bros" which is apparently a "gay rom-com". I wonder if they'll show up dressed like that when this show is cancelled in a month. From left to right in that picture it's... well I'm not sure which one is which, and I can pretty much guarantee that it doesn't matter at all since all three are standard issue shitheads. If we were all at the same bar, they wouldn't talk to me and believe me, I wouldn't talk to them either. 

Jennifer Aniston Wears Jeans

 So it turns out Jennifer Aniston looks pretty good in jeans. I mean she looks really good in jeans. I love women that wear jeans I don't know why. I guess they kind of look...normal? Regular? Like they might be ready to do normal things instead of sitting around so they don't break a nail or get their hair dirty. Also, this may sound a little weird but, I love the way jeans kind of go over/hide high heels like they do in that picture. Do you know what I mean? I wonder if girls know dudes like that. Or if she knows I like that. I bet she does. Why else would she be wearing that outfit? And I don't know who that guy is but he better keep his hands to himself if he doesn't want to wind up in a wheelchair.

Denise Austin is Almost 69 (Nice)

 Denise Austin is 65? Years? Old? What is this Crazy World? This defies belief. Let me repeat that. Denise Austin is SIXTY FIVE YEARS OLD. Just for some perspective, my mom is 72. I don't understand how this could be real. And I thought the other women that are over 40 that I blather on endlessly about looked good. Good lord. I'm speechless.

 Someone interviewed her about her diet and blah blah who cares. She looks exactly the same and dare I say even better than she did 30 plus years ago. I always thought she was a little too impish for me. You know, elfin and kind of small, sort of like a Mighty Dog, and she always struck me as being way to high energy for me, you know what I mean? Like the happy cheerleader type? Always on the go and talking a million miles an hour my god Denise could you just be quiet for five minutes?

UFOs Attack!

 I've been trying to whip something together because I have to get to my REAL job fast but I'm afraid there's a surprising lack of women in bikinis, but hey, if you'd rather read about a dead 100 year old queen (these are usually written the night or day before you see them) than look at Elizabeth Hurley 98% naked I'm not going to judge you. Oh wait. I will totally judge you.

Anyway, in lieu of all that for now, here's a cool picture of a UFO. Photographed in the 80s. They say that's the Aurora spy plane but planes have wings. Planes on Earth don't fly through our atmosphere without wings, that's not how it works, like, at all. Anyway when I get back this afternoon I'll write more about this because I've been meaning to do this for weeks.  Or maybe I won't I'm not even prepared for what I may or may not do.

Jennifer Connelly is Attractive

 I don't know how Jennifer Connelly became so attractive. She looks better at 51 than she did at 19.  It's truly shocking. Yes I know I said I wouldn't mention age anymore but it's my blog and if you don't like it call the cops.

A Sad Day

 Okay so it's a funeral I'm not going to say anything. Just know that I'm here for you Kate

Margot Robbie is Attractive. Stupid as Hell

 Margot Robbie went out to dinner with her husband in New York and you know what? He can have her. This is ridiculous, there are women that are as attractive as her that aren't this stupid. In less than three months it'll be 2023 and if you're still walking around in a mask you're a brainwashed imbecile.

 Masks don't protect YOU especially cloth masks, or the cheap paper masks like she's wearing - and the only person wearing one mind you - in the photograph. They were originally forced on us a way to protect others, yet as I said, no one else is in those pictures is wearing one. Nobody. Not even her husband. And in order to eat, she had to take it off. In an enclosed space filled with other people.  I have no idea where you're protecting yourself with these things comes from, or after almost three years how these people have learned absolutely nothing. It's really shocking. I'm no longer suffering fools, fuck off Margot Robbie. 

Katie Holmes has The Force

 Katie Holmes dressed like this for some reason, I think it was a "fashion" show or maybe she's becoming a Jedi. It's just another celebrity mystery. And I use the term celebrity very loosely here. I'm sure she's very nice but really, who remembers Katie Holmes anymore. C'mon she divorced Tom Cruise 10 years ago. I guess she was in "Ocean's 8" and an episode of Robot Chicken, but both of those things happened in 2018. There are a few other things listed after that but you'll never see them. At least I won't. If you do see whatever she's in, maybe send me a text some time and let me know how it was (please don't actually do this). 

 

Brooke Burke NUDE

 Brooke Burke posted this on her Instagram because she turned 51 last week and also to say you should feel good in your body no matter how old you are. I agree with her. I'd probably feel pretty good in her body. 

Also I'm no longer posting people's ages here anymore (especially women)  unless it's germane to the story as it mostly it is here because it's obviously pointless. If she didn't tell you would you think she was 36, or 51. At some point it stops mattering. Move along.

 

Heidi and Sofia in the 50s

 Just the occasional reminder that Heidi Klum and Sofia Vergara are solidly in their FIFTIES. Okay well... Sofia Vergara is 50 and Heidi Klum is 49.  Remember when this was a 50 year old? Probably not. So congratulations to you for being hot when you're 26.

Zac Efron is Plastic

 Did Zac Efron have cosmetic surgery? No. Do I care if he did? No. No one cares about Zac Efron. Apparently his face looks different (if it does) because he smashed it into a granite counter top or something. Kind of like when Moe gets plastic surgery because he thinks he's ugly then a house falls on him and his face goes back to normal. I've never even seen a Zac Efron movie, I wrote this for the ladies since I think he has some appeal to them, although why I will never understand. Women are so weird.

Leonardo DiCaprio Moves On

 Leonardo DiCaprio left 25 year old Camila Morrone in the dust and is trying to soothe his aching heart with 27 year old Gigi Hadid. We're all going to have to take them at their word that that's them in that 1970s style grainy porno picture. At least Gigi is closer to 30. Maybe "Hollywood women" are different but I can't imagine what you'd talk to a 27 year old about. Still they're both adults. She ain't no baby. She's almost 30. For example, I have a 28 year old friend with three kids over the age of five and a mortgage so it's not as if he's taking advantage of some college freshman that drinks too much on the weekends.

On the other hand, maybe it's because I'm a dude and he seems like he's pretty cool and all but I don't get the whole Leonardo DiCaprio thing. I know, I know he's a fabulously wealthy, (fading) movie star. Let's face it he was in a Quentin Tarantino movie and outside certain segments of the internet population, nobody much sees those. Hey whatever they're adults and she certainly knows what she's getting into. At least I imagine she knows. But if she doesn't I'd just like to tell her, that guy isn't going to marry you and have a bunch of babies so don;t get too attached.

Vanessa Hudgens in Nylon

I'm not sure where this version of Vanessa Hudgens came from, or even what she does for a living anymore so I looked at her IMDB and well... she's an actress. I guess. I really had no idea because they keep calling her "the High School Musical star" and as far as I can tell that went off the air in 2008. She's just under my mandatory minimum (35) for being a normal woman so I guess we'll have to see what happens in a couple years.

 

Rapper PB and J Shot Dead

 There's a "rapper" named PnB. Or there was a rapper named PnB because guess what happened to him. Somebody shot him for his necklace. Is everyone in America a rapper except me? Evidentially I'm the only guy in America that isn't a rapper. Well he isn't anymore either because of that whole being shot to death thing so I guess we're even. 

I could write these "rapper shot" stories literally every day, but if it's okay with you I'd rather talk about women aged 35 to 60 wearing bikinis

Jennifer Lawrence Gets Political

 Jennifer Lawrence made news the other day when she decided to talk politics. And in case you're wondering how that whole thing went for her, the very next thing she did was put on a skin tight black dress that showed off her tits. So those are the shoes you decided to go with? Okay.

Idan Ohayon

 Idan Ohayan (?) was some YouTuber that was proud of the fact that he was morbidly obese and made TikTok or YouTube videos or whatever making fun of this seemingly monumental feat. He then dropped dead at the age of 28 from an undisclosed "medical condition". My guess would be a stroke or massive heart attack but it really could have been almost anything because people drop dead at 28 years old for no reason all the time.

Kate Middleton Drives (Me Crazy)

 Kate Middleton drove around in her car. I know I just wrote about her but I saw this and she was just driving around and had her sunglasses on and she had her hair in a pony tail... I don't know man I just needed something easy to write about. I'm not suggesting she's easy but man I sure hope she is. I've never actually heard her talk but she probably has that accent and I think it's probably better that I don't this is bad enough already. 

Kate Middleton is on the Dot

 I wasn't going to write about Kate Middleton today but she's wearing polka dots.  I cut her stupid husband/kids out of the picture because she won't need them where we're going. What do you say Kate, let's blow this Popsicle stand.

Zendaya is Protected

 Tom Holland and Zendaya walked around New York and got coffee while one of them was wearing a mask. I'm not sure which one by name, because I have no idea who these people are so let's just call the mask wearing person The Stupid One.

Hot Britney Spears Action

 

Just a quick update. Britney Spears did this. I thought you'd like to know because I'd want you to tell ME.

 

Maria Shriver is Their Leader

Maria Shriver was caught on camera without her human skin suit. On the plus side at least now we know where some of the Lizard People live. In L.A. Or wherever this picture was taken. The third moon of Saturn? 

We need to get her in a lab and start asking some tough questions. Not that I care, I actually hope they invade and wipe most of you assholes off the planet.

Gwyneth Paltrow is a Golden Girl

 

Gwyneth Paltrow turns 50 soon, on the 27th of this month to be exact. She may be a fruit cake but it could also all be an act to boost sales of her crap to other, even bigger fruit loops.  Either way I get the feeling she's a FuhREaK. That could be something I've imagined though and believe me, I've imagined it. More than a few times.

Pat Stay is Original

 

 

 Canadian rapper (hahaha) Pat Stay - or is it $tay? -  broke  from rap industry norms and decided he wanted to be stabbed to death as opposed to being shot. I assume because he's a trailblazer, and it looks like he may be a trailblazer considering his golf visor and Elon John's 1982 "in concert" outfit. Hopefully his white t-shirt will be left to someone that will really take care of it and give it the loving home it so richly deserves.