Wednesday, June 30, 2021

Sharon Stone has a Dog


 Sharon Stone put on a bikini and went outside. What a time to be alive. Is it weird that the first thing I saw was her dog? I'm not diminishing Sharon in anyway I mean yeah yeah she looks great and 63 years old and blah blah but that's a pretty silly cute dog. Go put on some close lady. Come her boy! I have a ball and some treats!

Kate Middleton IS NOT a Cheerleader


 The original headline for the story where I stole this picture was "Cheerleader Kate" but it wasn't at all about Kate Middleton being dressed like a cheerleader and I feel so lied too. I'll write about something else.

Tuesday, June 29, 2021

Amelia Tate is a Winner


 Some guy named Olly Murs has a girlfriend, even though I don't know who he is (he's a nerd) he managed to get a girlfriend and her name is Amelia Tate and she won a figure model bikini competition...

 And Still…. undefeated-champ. 6 months work, show postponed, lockdown to deal with and she went and bloody did it! Lost for words!' said "Olly"
Some people might think that's too much, or that I - as a man - wouldn't like that. They'd definitely be wrong. There's a weird line you have to walk where you go from fitness to "body builder" and she hasn't crossed that yet. What she is doing is almost impossible to understand unless you've done it. Training like that for those things is a full time job. It's what you eat, how much you train... unless you've done it, you really have no idea how much dedication it takes. Anyway I'm not getting into all of that. Good job Amelia. If you decide Olly is too flabby or something you know where to find me..

Britney Spears Vacations From Reality

 

Everyone (morons) is talking about Britney Spears conservatorship legal battle. I'm not because it's none of my business that's why I haven't written about it. They all talk like they know something. But the fact is, maybe nine people on the planet actually know what's going on. Most likely less than that. The people talking about this are spouting what has been released about what Britney Spears has testified too like it's the gospel. But how do you know? How do you know any of what she said is even true? You don't. 

Britney Spears could be certifiably insane for all you know. 

She might wake up in the morning, sacrifice a chicken to Santa Claus, stick some pins in a voodoo doll and slaughter a lamb, all before her morning oatmeal. You don't know. And the fact is, that's exactly what conservatorships are for. To protect her from herself. Have you seen her latest sleazeball boyfriend? How about her TWO ex-husbands. She didn't make great choices when she was sane. You think she got better at it after she snapped her cap? How would you know? You wouldn't.

Everyone thinks there are all of these grand conspiracies around them because they watch too many  movies, but that's not how life works. Someone may very well be trying to "control her" and her $60 million dollar fortune, but why? Why would her father do that? There's no history that I'm aware of that he's been abusive toward her or her siblings.  And if there was we would have found out long ago. And at this point, Britney Spears would probably be worth more if she was dead. Like Elvis, or Amy Winehouse. Name one new hit Britney Spears song from the last 10 years.  Marilyn Monroe died 60 years ago and her estate brought in $14 million dollars last year.  A real Machiavellian genius would have simply let her off herself and took control of her estate.
 

You're all worse than a bunch of teenagers, and you don't know shit. Grow the fuck up. 

!!!UPDATE!!!

Well, well, well. Look at what popped up in my YouTube suggestions. I don;t know where it came from but it probably showed up very creepily because of this very blog post. You may or may not like the messenger in this case, but he says almost to the letter the same thing I said in this article. Give it a listen.

Monday, June 28, 2021

Ewan McGregor has Balls


 Ewan McGregor had a baby. Well he didn't, his girlfriend did. His fifth one by the way, because apparently Ewan is one of those guys that thinks having a whole litter of children proves he's a man because he's lacking somewhere else. Probably emotionally.  I scanned the story but I didn't see a name. For the baby I mean, the girlfriend's name is Mary Elizabeth Winstead. I thought she was a lot older than 36. Her name is super familiar but I'm 100% sure I'm confusing her with someone else.One of those other actresses that have three names. And I know who he is but only kind of. I recognize his name, but not him. I really need to start paying attention if I'm going to keep writing about these assholes.



Salma Hayek is Hot in Flashes

 

Salma Hayek decided to make her character in "The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard" menopausal because...

'There's no expiration dates for women. That has to go. Because you can kick a** at any age. You can hold your own at any age, you can dream at any age, you can be romantic at age,' she said. 

'We have the right to be loved for who we are at the place that we are. We're not just here to make babies, we're not just here to baby the men. We're not just here to service everything and everyone around us and then when the kids go away.

'It's almost like expiration date for the eggs, that means expiration date for you as a woman. It's a misunderstanding that has been going around for centuries.'

Whatever you say. I don't know why people keep talking about this movie. As of yesterday it's only made $25 million dollars at the box office, which is half of it's filming budget and 1/4 of it's total cost if you factor in the cost of advertising, which it's universally accepted that, usually roughly matches the filming budget for a total of $100 million dollars. I've seen some stories dress it up by saying it's made more now than the original "by this point" but we all know that's bullshit doublespeak.

Anyway, my theory about why they keep talking about this junk heap of a movie is because they get to use pictures like the one above and I can't blame them. Look I wrote about it and used that picture. And I'll use it later too. In another story. Pervert.

Thursday, June 24, 2021

!!!SHOCKING RENEE ZELLWEGER NEWS!!!!


 OH MY GOD! RENEE ZELLWEGER IS DATING ANT ANSTADT!! If you don't know who he is I'm not explaining it because that means I'd have to find out and I'm not doing that. I know he's British though. I think. I'm never not surprised by how many people in the UK are named "Ant".

Alive and Kickin'


 Natalie Imbruglia (pronounced "Imbruglia") is still alive. Remember when she did that one song in 1997? So good.  She was interviewed about David Schwimmer for some reason, and I didn't think there was anything I couldn't give less of a fuck about. She looks great though. Keep up the good work. Whatever it is you're doing now.

Wednesday, June 23, 2021

Laura Hamilton Has an Adventure


 Laura Hamilton went to Greece or Turkey this one time, and here's some "throwback" photos of this momentous occasion. She's the one on the left, showing off her abs. She's on a show called "A Place in the Sun" which I thought was a movie from the 1950s but I assume it's a British television show because I've never head of it. Or her. She looks SUPER British though so that's why no one knows who she is. That other woman is mentioned briefly but they just call her a "pal". My guess is they're lesbians. Why else would they go to Greece? Maybe it's sort of like a pilgrimage. Lesbians were invented there you know.

Tuesday, June 22, 2021

Juliette Lewis Likes Balloons


 I got hung up doing some other stuff so I didn't look for anything to write about and then out of the blue, Juliette Lewis showed up in a bikini with some balloons. I like her. Like, really like her. There's just something about her. Something wild. Of course I could be imagining that, but I can imagine a lot. Are you reading this Juliette? I doubt it, so maybe I'll just keep it all to myself. For now. But if you ever change your mind I got it all right up here in my noggin.

Monday, June 21, 2021

Salma Hayek NUDE


Salma Hayek is in a new movie called "The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard" and despite the fact that I've seen a lot of advertising for it I didn't know she was in it. And judging by the reviews, I can understand why she doesn't want you to know that. It stars Ryan Reynolds so even Salma Hayek in a blonde wig and skin tight latex outfit couldn't make me see this movie.

Saturday, June 19, 2021

Charlotte Dawson is Somebody


 Charlotte Dawson is a "television personality" (I assume that means reality show nitwit) in the UK and the source material said she had a baby five months ago and she went out on Saturday for the first time. Oh yes, they also described in painstaking detail what she was wearing, despite the fact that you can see it in the above pictures. It's all very, very fascinating.  

I can't even begin to imagine how miserable I'd be if I were dating a woman that would chug "champagne" straight from a bottle in the back seat of a hired car before she heads into whatever noisy hellhole of a nightclub she was fake smiling her way into. By the way. That outfit is awful and those shoes are worse. Those colors DO NOT look good on you.

Macy Gray Writes. Is Stil Alive.


 Macy Gray is a mediocre has been that had a hit song called "I Try", 21 years ago, and then mostly vanished off the face of the Earth. At least as far as I know. Realizing she's probably doomed to "intimate" gigs in rooms with a legal capacity of 200 people or less, instead of recording more music people want to hear, or retiring to a farm somewhere  she decided that America needs a new flag because of what the voices in her head told her. So she penned an op-ed for some liberal rag of a newspaper, and like a 12 year old, sat down and drew a new flag for everyone to see and put up on their refrigerator...

'Like the Confederate, it is tattered, dated, divisive, and incorrect,' Gray wrote of the flag. 'It no longer represents democracy and freedom. It no longer represents ALL of us. It’s not fair to be forced to honor it. It’s time for a new flag.' 

Gray put together a proposal for that new flag, with off-white stripes, '52 stars to include D.C. and Puerto Rico,' and stars 'the colors of ALL of us — your skin tone and mine — like the melanin scale.'

 Her little ploy worked because everybody is (on certain parts of the internet) talking about her today. Unfortunately for her, this little exercise has a shelf life of about 7 minutes in this day and age, and she'll either have to come up with something more SHOCKING or go back to her relative obscurity.  So good luck with all of that. Only knuckleheads and dimwits are paying attention to this or getting mad about it. At this point she's only very slightly more famous than you or me. If that.

By the way, Puerto Rico and Washington D.C. aren't states. That's why they aren't represented on the flag you moron. 

And I'm not sure how, but Macy Gray apparently has a personal net worth of around $23 million dollars. Do you have $23 million dollars? Because I sure don't. So I don't know who's been oppressing her because of the color of her skin, but I'd sure like some of that oppression. I need to have a lot of plastic surgery reversed and that stuff ain't free.

Thursday, June 17, 2021

Site Update


 I might take a couple days off from this. It can be really toxic, and these morons are starting to give me anxiety. I don't know, I'll see how the day goes. 

C'mon Liz, lets go get a drink.

Wednesday, June 16, 2021

Lauren Goodger is Inflated


 Z-List British nobody, Lauren Goodger is pregnant. Either that or someone stuck a fireplace bellows in her mouth and inflated her like a balloon in the hopes she'd float away like I've seen in so many Tom and Jerry cartoons.

Tuesday, June 15, 2021

Lottie Moss Wants Attention


 Lottie Moss walked around London dressed like she fell out of a psychobilly music video.  As far as attention seeking goes, on a scale of 1-10, this is hovering somewhere around a 15. I didn't say I was complaining. Look, I had a broken tooth pulled a couple days ago and my face is still swollen and it's still pretty sore. Plus they prescribed Vicodin for pain so you're going to be getting attractive women in very little clothing for the next day or two, okay? 



Monday, June 14, 2021

Elizabeth Hurley is Crazy


 Elizabeth Hurley walks around her house in a gown now. It's like a real life Sunset Boulevard over there. Jesus Christ, this woman gets better looking every day. How is that possible? She's FIFTY SIX years old. I'm literally speechless. 



Site Update


 I have a couple ready to go, but I got busy and forgot to post them, so here's Elsa Pataky. You know, I've never even heard her talk. For all I know she sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher. Wouldn't that be fucked up? I probably wouldn't even notice.

Friday, June 11, 2021

Summer Monteys-Fullam and the Space Time Continuum


 Summer Monteys-Fullam is some nobody someone bothered to take a picture of, then sold it to an internet tabloid site for money so that can write a meandering, nonsensical story about her. Maybe she became famous after going back in time to 1987 to by that outfit. I'd think that mastering time and space would be a perfectly valid reason for becoming famous, instead of  for dating some TV baking chef, but that's the world we live in right now, so what people get "famous" for is not up to me. She's probably perfectly nice but let's face it, we're really scraping the bottom of the barrel here.

Thursday, June 10, 2021

Vanessa Bauer is on Thin Ice


 Vanessa Bauer is a professional ice skater, and if you can believe it there's a TV show called "Dancing on Ice". Vanessa Bauer is on the aforementioned show, and so that's the connection here. She went somewhere in London and judging by how she's dressed, probably for prostitution but as usual I didn't read the story so it really could have been for anything.  I thought I didn't understand celebrity chefs but this is a new one on me. Ice skaters? I thought people stopped having ice shows when the Muppets went off TV. I swear you people are all friggin loony.

Tuesday, June 8, 2021

Halle Berry has a Bikini


 Halle Berry put on a bikini and went to the beach. I'm sorry I just don't know if my heart's in this anymore. Halle Berry in a bikini helps, but ...

The Gallagher Brothers are Alive


 Noel Gallagher (left) said he'd "knife" his brothers if he ever had to write a song with them again

Noel Gallagher has claimed that he would end up 'knifing' his brothers if he ever had to write a song in the studio with them.

The 54-year-old guitarist, who was in the band Oasis with his younger brother Liam, 48, insisted during an appearance on Worldwide FM at the end of May that he couldn't think of anything worse than creating a song with him

I couldn't think of anything worse than that either. I'm only writing this so you know somebody is still talking about the Gallagher brothers. No, I have no idea why. Maybe it's still 1998 in the UK, who knows, they're weird over there.  These guys got a lot of mileage out of a song that was popular 26 years ago. I absolutely don't get it.

Monday, June 7, 2021

Megan Thee Stallion is Horse


 Here's Megan "Thee Stallion" looking like... a stallion. I guess it's really too late for her to pick a new nickname because this is going to be an extremely short ride for her.

Thursday, June 3, 2021

Deborra-Lee Furness is Active


 Hugh Jackman's Wife, Deborra Lee Furness put on her helmet and went to the store all by herself for the first time. "I'M HELPING!" she proclaimed very, very loudly. And you're doing such a good job too! 



Britney Spears Nude


 Britney Spears is taking off her clothes on Instagram again. I'm not complaining really, just pointing out a fact. I'm like a scientist.

Tuesday, June 1, 2021

Camila Cabello NAKED


 Remember Camila Cabello? No? I'm not surprised. Some of those past, linked stories are just two years old and she's already posting bikini pictures on her Instagram. What a shame. I hope she followed my advice about saving some money because it's not going to get any better for her from here. This isn't my first trip around the Sun. Do you have any idea how many people I've seen come from nowhere, get hugely famous, get talked about non-stop for two or three years and then disappear without a trace almost overnight only to be found working at a Winn-Dixie somewhere? 

It ain't pretty. Just watch some of those old TV shows. Some from as recently as the early 2000s. Some of those people were globally famous, and now you probably wouldn't recognize them if they sued somebody in a phony slip and fall accident so they could buy more heroin. Here today, gone later today. It's a losing proposition. Whatever, it's your life. If you want to ruin it, don't let me stop you.

Rihanna Topless


 I'm not writing about Rihanna anymore because no one cares about Rihanna anymore. And they can call this a topless photo all they like, but just saying something doesn't mean it's true. I can say Elsa Pataky is my wife all I want but the stupid judge said I had to stop doing that. You don't want me to get the courts involved with this Rihanna picture do you? No, I didn't think you did.

"Lil Loaded" Unloaded


 Another rapper died. Lil Loaded aged 20 is now dead and this time he decided to cut out the middle man by doing the job himself

The rapper, whose real name was Dashawn Robertson, 20, died by suicide, said his attorney, Ashkan Mehryari.

An official with the Dallas County medical examiner's office said the cause and manner of death had not yet been determined.

 I'm no Sherlock Holmes but I bet it was a gun. He was feeling bad that he shot and killed his friend? It's all very sad. He'll be missed by all.