Anna Kounikova is Pregnant

Anna Kournikova is pregnant again. This is her second kid with her husband Skeeter. I'm joking it's Enrique Iglesias. Good for them. No one cares about tennis and even fewer people care about Enrique Iglesias. Have fun with your baby.

Kobe Bryant Dead

Kobe Bryant died when the helicopter he was flying in, slammed into a mountain in foggy conditions.

Lattie Moss is Someone

Lottie Moss is a model? That's what they said, so I have to take their word for it.  I wrote this mostly because of the beach and not the girl in the bikini.  I live in Chicago, and for the last month it's been, cloudy, raining ice, raining water, or snowing and sometimes it's been doing all of those things at once. I haven't seen the sun or a blue sky in almost two weeks. Plus it's obviously cold. If you went to the beach today you would probably die. And I miss warm, sunny weather. You get nostalgic for it. Kind of like a long forgotten girlfriend or remembering a pet you had when you were a kid while watching a warm summer's sunset.

 I watched a goddamn fishing show the other day because those guys were in t-shirts and the sun was out. That's right, FISHING. I certainly didn't write it because Lottie Moss was in a bikini. Get real, she looks like she's 16 years old. At the most. Gross.  And let's face it she isn't exactly built like how I'd imagine a model would be built.  I'll be honest she looks like an upper tier-lower level stripper. Hot enough when you're drinking but... All someone has to do these days is start an Instagram account, put on a bikini and run around at the beach and people call them a model, it's unbelievable.

Alexandra Cane is Somebody

I saw a story about Alexandra Cane, and if you're wondering who Alexandra Cane is, she's some reality show dope from England. I think. Anyway, she wanted to go to a pool somewhere to get her legs wet up to her knees so she did that. I guess to not get her loaner bikini wet. The original story didn't say where this was, but it was sunny and warm so it probably wasn't England. And I really didn't care enough to fully read the story to find out where for sure.  There's your Alexandra Cane update. Maybe next time if she goes in the pool up to her waist they'll write about her again. And if they do I'll be right here to let you know.

Mark Wahlberg for the Ladies

Here's Mark Wahlberg at the gym with his shirt off. I don't know why he took his shirt off,  maybe he got hot while he was studying his physics equations. Or no! Maybe he was transcribing the Dead Sea Scrolls in the locker room and it got stuffy. Designing a better internal combustion engine?

Meghan Trainor is a Whiter Shade of Pale

Meghan Trainor reached peak upper middle class white girl by talking about her "mental health struggles".

after winning the Best New Artist Grammy, she was forced to have vocal cord surgery that left her fearing her voice would never be the same again.

 'I thought, It's over, I'm not going to sing ever again.'

When describing the crippling effect this had on her mental health, Meghan admitted: 'I went full dive into the dark zone of deep thoughts.'

Being upset over a surgery isn't really a long term "mental health" issue, but I'm no psychiatrist so maybe it is, who am I to say it isn't.  All this kind of thing does is give people with real problems a harder time of being taken seriously. It does absolutely mean you fit in I suppose. Kind of like how everyone had heartburn and lactose intolerance in the late 90's and early 2000s. It is 2020 now and I guess these kinds of things evolve into "mental health issues". Whatever, I haven't thought about her in probably five or six years, I'm not going to start now.

Beyonce Hits it Big

Beyonce showed off her new orange Spanx. I'm not sure why she wants us to see them but there they are. Famous people are weird.

Charlize Theron is Out of This World

Charlize Theron was at the Screen Actors Guild Awards which I'm sorry I didn't watch now, because she was finally exposed as some kind of weird alien. Is it just me? Why does she look like that? What's her deal? Frankly I think the mask is slipping a little. And not just metaphorically.  Later she was overheard talking to her waiter while she was ordering dinner... "yes I'd like one food please".

 I'm on to you "Charlize", If that is your real name (it isn't).

SEXY UPDATE

I thought I had something prepared for today but I guess I don't. Go do something else.

Dot Jones Had a Grabber

Glee "star" Dot Jones had a heart attack. Probably because she heard people still talking about Glee even though it went off the air five years ago. Let me put it this way. If you had a baby when Glee went off the air, they'd be in kindergarten now.  But this apparently happened "over the holidays" and we weren't notified. I demand to know why we weren't told immediately. When something happens to Dot Jones, we should be told.

 She's also married to somebody named Bridgette, because everyone on Glee was gay I guess. Or maybe it just seems that way.  Lucky for her Bridgette knew she was having a heart attack and got her to the hospital. Okay, can we stop talking about this now? Please? I don't care what Kate Beckinsale is doing every minute of every day, and I want to buy her a pony,  you can't begin to fathom how much I don't care about this.

Eliza Gonzalez is Somebody

Actress or rapper or maybe Instagram model (who knows, or cares) Eliza Gonzalez was shopping in Hollywood on Saturday. Hopefully for some new shoes. But you know what? The ones she's wearing are fine for now, we can work on it together, it'll be fun! We can shop all day and you can try everything on for me when we get home.


!! SEXY UPDATE!! I guess it's EIZA not ELiza.  You're looking at me like I speak Spanish, well...I don't so sue me

Nathan Suplee Looks Different

Nathan Suplees played Earl's younger brother on one of the few television shows I ever really watched, and truly really, really liked, "My Name is Earl". Anyway he lost two hundred pounds and looks like he's on Gas Monkey Garage now. Between him and Adele, I wonder if this is the Internet's way of trying to tell you something. Like stop reading this, stand up and go outside for a walk, and get some exercise and maybe wonder at the miracle that this planet exists, and is here at all in the otherwise freezing and empty universe instead of yelling at people on the internet. Go ahead. Don't worry, everything will still be here when you get back.

Halsey is Boring

Oh look, here's African-American superstar Halsey in her underwear again. This time for her newest music video called "Musical Interlude for Idiots". Madonna was doing this sort of thing 35 years ago. Britney Spears was doing it 20 years ago. Don't you people get bored? Haven't you seen all of this before? You know, I can see attractive girls in their underwear all over the internet any time I want and I don't have to listen to Halsey while I'm doing it.

Grey's Anatomy is Still on TV

Justin Chambers is leaving Grey's Anatomy after 15 years and holy shit I didn't even know Grey's Anatomy was still on TV. I wish him all the luck in the world. Hey maybe he can become a spy for the CIA now. You know, since pretty much nobody knows who he is.

Adele is Skinny

Adele lost 100 pounds. Which is a good thing, because despite what the internet wants you to believe, you're not supposed to be 100 pounds overweight. It's as bad for you as smoking.  Hey it's your body, if you want to walk around looking like a manatee with legs, literally no one is stopping you, it's not illegal. Go for the gusto.

How Cool is Sandra Bullock

Well, I guess I'm back to writing this. I saw this Earth shattering story about Sandra Bullock wearing jeans (God I hate ripped jeans) and I guess I just had to tell the world about it. I'm praying to God that's her Fiero GT. Can you imagine? She's attractive and all, but there's no way she's that cool. She does have thick gold chains outside of her shirt so it seems more likely it's the Land Rover behind her.


!!!UPDATE!!!

I just remembered she dated Jesse James so it's entirely possible she's that cool.

Mandy Moore is All Better

Mandy Moore was out spotted with her husband, who I'd bet almost anything is named Sylvester but I'll never check, and you better not ever tell me.  She was apparently looking better after getting food poisoning in Ecuador, to which I say, of course you got food poisoning, you were in fucking Ecuador.  You can get diseases there I've only heard about in movies from the 1940s. Like dengue fever. What the Hell do you expect. My advice is always this. If you have to get inoculated against getting WWII era diseases that will kill you before traveling to another country, don't go to that country. This isn't brain surgery.

Happy New Year Elsa Pataky

Welcome to 2020! Happy New Year and blah blah blah...and wouldn't you know it, as luck would have it, the very first story I read was about how Elsa Pataky had a "Studio 54 themed New Years Eve party" and apparently didn't wear underwear under her dress. I'm not exactly sure how this was determined, but this rumor is good enough for me. I've discussed on  at least several occasions how I'd pretty much sell my soul just for the possibility that I could even stand near Elsa Pataky, but I'm going to be real honest here and say those two pictures look like a living Hell on Earth for me. I'd last about 10 seconds at a party like that,  it just looks so awful. Just imagine all tha Machiavellian back stabbing that was taking place all night. It's difficult to even imagine. It's kind of weird how so many of her pictures don't include her "husband" isn't it? C'mon Elsa let's go find a quiet place to talk.