Cate Blanchett Looks Like Easter

Cate Blanchett blew off the Oscars to go to a fairy tale prom. Hey you know The Oscars aren't for everyone I guess and you only get one prom. I hope you didn't drink too much and go crazy Cate nothing spoils a prom more than an unwanted pregnancy.

Ummmm

Gwen Stefani was at the Vanity Fair Oscar party and I mean boy was she there. Next time you think you're hot remember she's 46 years old, which I've come to realize over the last five years or so means absolutely nothing nowadays. Hell, I personally know 25 year olds that don't look that good. I have no idea who that loser is with her and I don't care. It's weird how his face is scratched out like that whenever I see his picture. I guess I might never know his name. What a loser.

Jennifer Flavin Wins My Heart But Not an Oscar

Sylvester "Creed" Stallone was at The Oscars last night with his wife Jennifer Flavin. Jennifer Flavin looks like a billion dollars and Sylvester Stallone looks like a dried up apple core. Remember when he was married to Brigitte Nielsen? What the Hell was that all about.

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I had some pretty serious personal stuff going on so I wasn't really much for writing but I'm slowly coming out of it I think and I actually started again and I have a bunch of stories "in the bag" as all of us really cool writer types like to say.  And I'm working on more as we speak. Okay I don't know if anyone says "in the bag" and I'm not really a writer but I do have the stories. I might just start posting them on Monday. Or maybe later today. Or RIGHT NOW. Who can say,  my unpredictability is part of my charm. 

What Did the BBC Know Question Mark

There's a report that was just released that says the BBC knew but did nothing about television and radio host Jimmy Savile's pedophilia...

 It turned a blind eye, where it should have shone a light. And it did not protect those who put their trust in it," she said of Savile and Hall, who was jailed in 2013 after admitting indecently assaulting 13 girls.

I've never heard of Jimmy Savile until a few years ago when this whole thing blew up but I guess he was pretty famous "across the pond" as my grandfather would say. And don't worry if you ever think people in the UK are smarter than you, just remember nobody there knew or even thought the guy in that picture was a child molester.

Foresooth it's Halle Berry

Somebody took a picture of Halle Berry in her chain maille sans suit of armor while she was on a break from either her summer job as a female knight at a renaissance faire, or a video babe from some as yet unknown heavy metal band. I hope its Dragon Hunter those guys deserve a break. I guess winning an Academy Award isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Sandra and Brian Go Shopping

Sandra Bullock and her bad boi boyfriend Bryan Randall (if that is his real name) were spotted buying him some swimming shorts at a sporting goods store. Like oh yeah sure that cool badass wouldn't be caught dead wearing swim shorts. Where would he keep his smokes? Not to mention you can't wear engineer boots with shorts. Unless you want people to think you're gay. You wouldn't want that would you "Bryan"?

Samantha Hoopes is a Model

20 minutes ago I didn't even know who Samantha Hoopes was but it turns out she's a Sports Illustrated model and my future wife. She says she enjoys camping which is good because I'll probably be homeless soon. It's like we were made for each other.

Rebel Wilson Vs Justin Bieber

 

 Rebel Wilson claims she and Justin Bieber "had a moment"...

 'Yep, in Las Vegas Justin and I had a moment. We’ll leave it at that. I’ll talk to you later and I don’t want his fans sending me death threats.

Hey man don't sweat it Justin we've all been there. It's last call, they start turning on the lights, maybe you've had a few too many... I've had a couple of those nights myself. Luckily for me no one goes on national television and tells the whole goddamn world about Erica so I do feel sort of bad for you when it comes to that. It doesn't mean you don't deserve to get made fun of for it does it Justin Blimpfucker.

Gwyneth Paltrow Hangs Out

Say what you want about Gwyneth Paltrow but you have to admit she's pretty hot. Okay you don't have to admit it I guess I do. Gwyneth Paltrow is pretty hot. There I said it. Happy now? Oh sure she's dopey, spoiled, and a flake but leggy 5'9" tall blondes can get away with murder. Sorry I don't make the rules.

Vin Diesel Wears a Towel

Vin Diesel is up for various awards all the time. Oscars - BAFTA's - NAFTA's - NAMBLA's... I'm kidding of course, he'll never win an Oscar. But here he wins the award for the creepiest Valentine's Day selfie of all time and considering how creepy some selfies can get that's really saying something. I supposed this could be a publicity still for his next movie "Alfonso the Shaved Gorilla Saves Christmas" due to be released Thanksgiving weekend so maybe I should judge to quickly. Break a leg Vin!

A New Supergroup is on the Horizon

AFI singer Davy Havok and a Gwen Steffan-less No Doubt are forming what somebody -- who apparently is unaware of what the word supergroup means -- is calling a supergroup. I was basically "that age" when No Doubt were new and fresh and guess how many No Doubt members I can name. I'll give you a hint. It's one. Now guess which one that is. Right. It's Gwen Stefani. Don't even ask me who Davy Havok or AFI is. So If they're putting their little group together to meet for coffee, more power too them.  Maybe they can name it after how they dress. "Guys in their mid to late 40's that are trying way way to hard"

Andra Day is Adventurous

"Recording artist" Andra Day arrived at the Black Women in Music Awards Sponsored by the Lincoln Motor Company dressed up like an evil gang leader from a 1950's Walt Disney movie. Maybe she was the leader of a gang of hoodlums that were there to steal everybody's Lincoln LS so they could make a giant Lincoln LS robot and conquer the world only to be foiled by a feisty pair of 11 year olds and a smart mouthed parrot.

Tilda Swinton is Ready for Action

Tilda Swinton was at the Berlin red carpet thingy for her new movie "Hail Caeser" dressed in her best GI Joe clothes. I wonder... what if she wants to wear a wet-suit? Does she have to buy the whole Navy SEAL action pack (with grenades!) or can she just order the pants. Because what if you ruin a pair and have to order a new set? What do you do with all those extra spear guns and SCUBA tanks?

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I have some stuff going on, I'll see you guys in a day or two.

Beyonce Cleans Up the Streets

I didn't watch Beyonce's special throwback halftime show from 1975, but the Dragon Sister left out Fred Williamson and Jim Kelly and it's a damn shame too, you know them cats really shoulda been there. Later after the game, she and her Nubian Princess Army attacked and killed off all of the evil white guys in the CIA and the Mafia -- or "The Man" as they're better known-- because they've been flooding the streets with an extra pure secret heroin formula that's been killing off all the good strong, smart brothers through the slavery of addiction.

Natasha Oakley Wears a Bikini

Here's bikini model Natasha Oakley in a bikini. I chose this picture instead of the one showing her face because she always looks like a snotty, spoiled rotten 24 year old girl that stands through open limousine sunroofs screaming "woooo!" at everybody. Keep up the good work wearing those bikinis Natasha. You're the only one there is and you could never, ever be replaced.

Rose McGowan is Single Again

Rose McGowan is filing for divorce from her husband Davey Details. I'm not sure what happened but she cited "irreconcilable differences". My guess would be it was because of his stupid name. I'm not surprised she's getting divorced so much as I was surprised to hear she was married in the first place. How come I didn't know that? Well whatever that's all in the past now, and if you need me I'm here for you Rose. I'll be your rock. You didn't need him anyway that guy was a real jerk here have some wine.

Johnny Depp is Strutting His Stuff

I like Johnny Depp. That is to say I don't hate him. He seems like a decent enough guy, I guess I'm sort of indifferent to him. Plus he was in one of my favorite 80's movies, "Private Resort" There. Now that all the pleasantries are out of the way I will say he's looking more and more like a homeless guy they hosed off in an alley, dyed his hair,  and handed him an unlimited credit line at Express For Men.

Maurice White is a Shing Star Now

Maurice White, a founding member of Earth, Wind & Fire (Pictured here as a Huggy Bear like informant in the movie Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold) has died. He was 74 years old. I was shocked the guy from Earth Wind & Fire died because I didn't know any of them were still alive.

Happy Birthday Christie Brinkley

Freak of nature Christie Brinkley celebrated her sixty second birthday with her friend Burl Ives in New York City. She had a salad and a glass of wine, he ordered the liver and onions and a black coffee. Afterward it was a little jazz dancing and then the E-Train to Coney Island where he won her a Kewpie Doll.

Pricey Potato Picture

This picture of a potato sold for $1 million dollars. Here it is for free if you want it. Just right click on your mouse and "save as" whatever name you like. No need to thank me, I'm doing God's work

Kim Kardashian Does What She Does Best. Nothing.

Kim Kardashian posted a picture on Instagram with the caption "hating my huge boobs". Good that makes two of us you disgusting pig of a human being.

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I may spend the next day or two switching this over to Wordpress. Blogger won't let me "monetize" this for some reason and if I can get a few bucks from doing this - even if it's just pocket change -  it won't seem so pointless. Making fun of people really should be it's own reward but in actuality it isn't. So it may be spotty while I try to figure it out over the next day or two. The main problem being I'm not very smart so hang in there I'll be right back.