Saturday, April 30, 2016

Saturday Post

I just learned Sweden still has a royal family. I have no idea why almost halfway through the 16th year of the 21st Century countries still have royal families but whatever, I don't live there so they could leave balloon animals in charge of everything for all I care. On the other hand, they do still have princesses, kind of like Princess Madeleine here. And if they all have that Farrah Fawcett hair like her, well that's just fine with me. Throw in some blue eye shadow, disco spandex and those disco heels and I'm in. I've heard about all the shenanigans that go on in those royal families so the fact that she's married means nothing to me. So Princess Madeleine, if you're looking for a roguish ne'er do well to hang out with while your much too busy, globe trotting prince of a husband neglects you emotionally I know just the guy you can count on.  I meant me by the way in case you were wondering.

Friday, April 29, 2016

Kim Kardashian Wears A Tarp

I haven't really felt much like writing lately, that's why there really haven't been that many updates. I'm not really sure why, I usually love being mean and making fun of people so it's not that, that hasn't changed. And the celebrity moron parade never seems to end but, there seems to be an odd lack of anyone doing anything new or maybe it's just that I've just seen it all before. They've all been remarkably the same and interchangeable over the last decade or so, it just seems like it's all the same stuff, only the faces change so maybe that's it. Maybe I'm getting mellower with time. I don't know hopefully a lot of stuff will happen this weekend. Fingers crossed!

Until then I happened to see a story where Kim Kardashian was late to a book signing, or a funeral or lunch or an electrolysis appointment or whatever it is she does for a living and she was running so late, that she had to wear the cover from the love seat in her house. Lucky for her it's exactly her size. I've always kind of liked that colonial inspired look. And hey, in the future if she keeps pumping out more babies she can always move up to the couch.

Thursday, April 28, 2016

Beyonce Can Distort Reality

The picture on the left is Beyonce at the Super Bowl in February. The picture on the right is what Beyonce thinks she really looks like from something called "W Mag" from what I think was sometime last week. Fans are upset about all the photo shopping and are blaming the magazine as if Beyonce didn't have heavily armed mercenaries pointing their guns at some poor Photoshop intern while he created that fantasy picture of Queen Bey or whatever ridiculous name she's calling herself. If you think pictures like this of Beyonce don't go out without her 100% approval they should try doubling you medication or upping the voltage on your electro-shock therapy or whatever they need to do to make sure you don't cause any harm yourself or others.

Iggy Azalea and Nick Young are on a Quest

Have you ever seen the movie "The Dark Crystal"? I did once a million years ago so I hardly remember it at all, but I had no idea it was based on a true story. Maybe I should take another look at it. Most likely I won't though so you go ahead and check it out and let me know if it's any good.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Site News

I had some hilarious stories I was going to write today but I woke up to a flat tire and since no one is paying me for this come back tomorrow. Or don't. What the Hell do I care?

Friday, April 22, 2016

George Clooney Leans on a Motorcycle

George Clooney is on the May cover for Esquire Magazine's special edition "World's Sexiest Periodontists" issue. I have no idea why I think George Clooney looks like a handsome dentist, or maybe a really good looking Home Depot employee, or maybe that guy from that one place where your mom goes all the time now. Seriously I have no idea. And I actually like George Clooney. Well, I like George Clooney movies. Okay I like From "Dusk Til Dawn". Did you ever see that one movie he's in where he makes the goats faint with psychic powers or whatever the hell it is? What about that one where he's an army guy saving art from the Nazis in WWII or whatever. Jesus I really have no idea how this guy keeps his job.

Prince Dead at 57

Prince died yesterday. Was it drugs? Maybe. Was it the Zika virus? According to noted medical professional Aretha Franklin, definitely yes  Whatever the cause, 57 years old is too young to die. Unless you live fast and want to leave a good looking corpse. Either way people all over the internet are freaking out about it. I, not being an upper middle class white kid and also a male, on the other hand, didn't like his music at all and thought he was greasy, creepy and weird. And very short. Good night sweet Prince and yadda yadda yadda. I'd put a melancholy ending on this like a wounded teenager using one of his song titles but I don't really know any.  Purple Rain? That's one. Good night sweet Prince your Purple Rain will be Goin' Crazy for all eternal purplishness you weird fucking midget.