Saturday, April 18, 2015

Katie Holmes is Bangin'

Head bangin' that is. Here she is at the premier for her short film Eternal Princess. I bet it was her assistant that said something like, "Hey maybe you should dress like you're going to a Tesla concert at the House of Blues!" Maybe she stood around at the open bar drinking White Russians and talked about how much better the music was in the early 90's. Next time talk about your movie Kate.

Friday, April 17, 2015

Star Wars Trailer Number 2

I watched the Star Wars trailer. Cool but...Pass. This is like bringing back Van Halen while they're in their late 50's without Michael Anthony. So what? Sure the music meant something at one time but now? Aging and tired and I've heard it all before. I don't know, I don't get it. Sure I'll watch Star Wars as I know it every time it's on the same way I'll crank up Hot for Teacher when it comes on the radio but that shit happened. Star Wars happened. It meant something when we were kids, it was a huge deal. Hell I waited virtually my whole life for "the first three" movies. Ever since I had a subscription to Starlog and Fangoria magazines and everyone talked about how they were going to make Star Wars I thru III and when they came out they sucked. It's over. Stop already.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

The World According to Gwyneth

This is what Gwyneth Paltrow would buy at the grocery store if someone gave her $29, put a shopping cart in front of her and told her the narrow end of the cart is the front.  Tortillas, black beans a tomato, some cilantro hey maybe it's Mexican night at the Paltrow residence or maybe she handed her maid the money and told her to go wild (Not pictured: eight gallons of milk). I don't think I've eaten seven limes in my entire life but apparently Gwyneth needs one a day for reasons I'll make up right now. Hint: She uses them for sex. It's weird but hey I never judge.

Aaron Hernandez is Dumb

Former Patriots star Aaron Hernandez has been convicted of first-degree murder in the killing of Odin Lloyd in June 2013. This mental defective could've spent the next three years playing a children's game and then spent the rest of his life doing nothing but counting money. Instead he wanted to act like a common wannabe low-life street corner thug, shooting at people in "clubs" and polishing his shiny rims on a used Chrysler 300 (behind two payments I'm sure).  He deserves every second of the life sentence just because he's that much of an idiot. If nothing else it'll keep him from breeding.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Mariah Carey Looks Real

The picture on the left is the cover of Mariah Carey's new album that's due to be released in may. The picture of Mariah Carey on the right was taken in March at some kind of benefit. I hope it was a benefit for The United Photoshop Workers Union of America and not for hungry or starving people because that kind of seems like it would be a slap in the face.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Tina Fey is a Big Bully

 Some people are blaming Tina Fey and her husband's show, "The Tina Fey Show" or whatever it's called for the death of famous plastic surgeon Dr. Frederick Brandt who committed suicide on Sunday. Not so fast say some others...
"It wasn't the only thing troubling him, it was just one factor," the source adds. "It definitely hurt him. He was absolutely upset, who would want that? But that was not why he committed suicide. But it didn't help."
In Kimmy Schmidt, released in March, Jane Krakowski's character Jacqueline Voorhees is a frequent client of plastic surgeon Dr. Grant (pronounced "Franff"), played by Martin Short, and the script ridicules his eccentric behavior and appearance.
I never heard of the doctor but you have to admit the similarities are striking. But hey, I'm not here to accuse or defend anybody of anything. What I will say is Tina Fey, and Jane Krakowski get a pass on me for this one one because they both definitely fall into my ribbon candy zone. And besides if I was accused of  causing the suicide of everyone I ever made fun of I'd be charged with crimes against humanity.