Neil Young is a Hobo

 Neil Young says he's worried he won't be allowed back in the US for some reason. Honestly I thought he'd be happy about that, what with all of the brain damaged retards he hangs around with that keep saying they'll leave the United States now that Donald Trump got re-elected

 When I go to play music in Europe, if I talk about Donald J. Trump, I may be one of those returning to America who is barred or put in jail to sleep on a cement floor with an aluminum blanket,' he wrote on his website on Tuesday

 He's a United States citizen. He can come and go as he pleases. Nothing's changed. Except I think he's back on Spotify, that's changed. 

Heart of Gold is EASILY one of my top ten favorite songs. He has a couple others that I really like a lot too, plus he's into model trains and shit like that. He sounds like a cool guy, I just wish he'd quit with the hysterics, you all sound like a bunch of drunk 70 year old women it's unbelievable.

Kylie Jenner Doesn't Know Shame

 I doubt very much that Kylie Jenner can be "humiliated" about anything. In public or otherwise. The full story is in Daily Mail+ and if you think I'd pay to read that Retard Bible you need your head examined. 

The Daily Mail is second only to Facebook for being the worst place on the internet and it's a close second. 99% of the time, I don't even read the stories beyond the headline, I usually just steal the pictures, it's almost totally unbearable.

Jessica Alba Brings Back Memories

Jessica Alba posted a bikini pic on her Instagram. She's terrible at taking selfies, but I am too so whatever. I haven't thought about Jessica Alba in years, and I remember when she was the original Jenna Ortega, or whoever is the newest "It Girl" now. And now that she's divorced from Johnny Cash or whoever she was married too I'll definitely think about her later.  

I have/had a friend that looks EXACTLY like Jessica Alba. TF are her initials. The resemblance is uncanny. I mean if you saw her in public you'd say "holy shit that's Jessica Alba" so when I see her (Jessica Alba) it does make me a little nostalgic for the "olde days".  We're still friends, albeit mostly through social media. These are all good stories right? Remind me to tell you about this one time I woke up in Indiana

Sydeny Sweeney is Single

 Good news everybody! Sydney Sweeney called off her wedding. She was getting married to some guy named Davino, or Devitto or DaVinci or something. Basically a stupid Italian. I don't know why she called it off, but I imagine she got sick of sitting around listening to him breath through his nose. The reasons aren't really all that important anyway, they never are and ultimately, it's the end result that counts.

By the way, I honestly don't know the real reason so my theory is probably true

At 27, she's slightly below my minimum age requirement, but from the little I've seen she seems super cool and every once in a great while you get a unicorn like that. They're literally probably 1 in 5 million if that, maybe 1 in 10 million. So rare in fact, I've maybe met four or five at the most over the course of my entire lifetime.

Either way you should call me back Syd (I call her Syd). The usual number

Nikki Glaser Gets Hot

 Nikki Glaser looks different now than she did in 2009. There's a lot more information here in the original story if you're interested because I'm not reading all of that.

I don't know why this is a story, but I guess she brought it up. There must've been rumblings about this on the idiot space (internet) so she's trying t get ahead of it by talking about plastic surgery etc...

 There's kind of a stigma around getting face work or investing in your beauty and doing all these procedures,' she explained. 'And there is maybe a little bit of a sadness to it, but I kind of also am like, "Well, it makes my life better."'

And then she delivered this truth bomb: 'People treat you better when you're hotter. It's just a fact. It's a sad fact of life.'

She's right. I've said it 100 times that I do not understand the objection to getting surgery to make yourself look better - as you perceive it - if you have the money. Do it. The technology exists. And I always said if I had the money so much of me would be fake you'd think I was a robot.

Okay and I won't lie to you and this much should be obvious but I think Nikki Glaser is smokin' hot. And honestly she could do whatever she wants. On a scale of one to 10 she's easily an eight. A neck tattoo would make her a 10 but maybe we can work on that.

There's just one problem. Niki Glaser is hot yes, but as she looks now, she's hot in a 20 year old sorority girl that spends every weekend at college basketball parties kind of way. I'd bet anyone that within the last 10 years, she's been to at least seven parties where she's worn a tiara. And if that's what she was going for that's fine, it's her life. I wish I could describe it better but there's my conundrum. Hot, but neither one of us would have anything to do with the each other. And she would be super snotty about it. At least that's the idea I'd get if I saw her in a jam packed bar where she was drinking green, lite beer and wearing a ton of beads around her neck. 

If it sounds like I have experience with this I do. I see these people all the time, stumbling down Fullerton Avenue and Clark Street all Summer long. Grow up Nikki.

Danica Patrick NUDE

 Danica Patrick posted a bikini selfie because that's what women do. Don't get me wrong I'm not complaining but imagine if dudes were constantly doing this. Posting constant pictures of themselves in their underwear. For all I know they do, you people are so friggin weird.

She's hot though isn't she? So this is okay, plus she's over 40 and races cars, or at least she used to race cars, I think she's mostly retired from that I know almost nothing about NASCAR. They drive fast in circles. That's all I know. I mean how much more perfect can you get. Unless she starts driving top fuel dragsters oh man. 

For a while I was worried I was going to get tricked like what happened with Jillian Michaels, but no, thankfully, it turns out everything is cool

 

Carolyn Murphy. 50 Year Old Super Model

They said Carolyn Murphy looked great at 50 years old. The only problem is, in which picture is she 50? I assume the one on the right since that one looks a lot less 1996. If she's 50 now she must've been 19 in the picture on the left. They also said she was a super model in the 90s but I'll have to take their word for that too.

See this is how you get older. Take care of yourself and watch what you eat over the course of your lifetime and you're still a babe no matter how old you get. Or of course you can do what most people do. Eat Taco Bell four nights a week and get that cleavage that starts at your neck and stretches so low it reaches out of frame in your selfies (for women) or grow a goatee and shave your head and wear black t-shirts that barely stretch over your beer gut when you guys go see that Poison cover band at Radishes Bar and Grill (for guys).