Eva Longoria Update

 

 

Eva Longoria talked about why she "fled" America and if I didn't think she was one of the hottest women on Earth I wouldn't care if she knew the answer to eternal life. I saved this picture last week so I've long since forgotten what she said and it doesn't matter anyway because they'll ask her again in two weeks since it doesn't seem like she has anything else of any interest to say. Good you live in Spain. Good for you. I hear they have good tacos there.

She's still smoking hot though so it all sounds like music to me.

WARNING WARNING

 I'm not sure what exactly in this post is "sensitive material" but that's what happens when you raise your kids to be a bunch of intolerant, prudish, puritanical nut bags. Imagine being - let's say 25 or younger - and finding anything written there "offensive". The whole world is going to be in a lot of trouble soon.

Lindsay Lohan Ages Gracefully

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Chloe Fineman is Somebody

 In case you weren't aware, Chloe Fineman is on SNL. I'm glad I saw this story because if I hadn't, I might have gone my entire life without ever knowing her name or hearing anything about her, or know she existed.

I imagine being on SNL these days is like being a librarian at some fancy school or something somewhere. You get to stand around drinking wine with people that have sweaters draped across their shoulders and they all discuss "books" and about how they imagine it would be good for people that aren't them to volunteer for various things while they all sound like Thurston Howell when they talk.

Oh and by the by Elon Musk made her cry (eye roll emoji)...

Fineman said that Musk had been brutally critical of her work during a late night writing session. 

'You made I, Chloe Fineman bust into tears because I stayed up late writing a sketch, I was so excited, I came in, I asked if you had any questions and you stared at me like you were firing me from Tesla and were like 'It's not funny.'''

That!? That's what made her cry? He didn't threaten her, her didn't try to get her removed from her job?  He didn't buy the orphanage where she grew up and bulldoze it to the ground so he could replace it with a toxic waste dump? By the way, Chloe Fineman is apparently 36 years old and not 11 like I originally thought despite the fact that she cried because somebody criticized her. 

I don't know how you could be simultaneously tough enough to be a comic in supposedly super tough New York, and having some guy you don't really know make you cry by saying something you wrote wasn't funny. But I suppose that's the world we live in today

Get Out the Vote

 Imagine spending six months saying everybody has to vote and so then they do, but they vote for the wrong guy

Cardi B is Fed Up

 What is she going to do, drug them and steal their wallets?  I knew a half dozen Cardi Bs when a girlfriend managed a "gentleman's club". If she hadn't bumbled her way into whatever it is she does now, she'd be spending her weekends bailing her boyfriend out of jail and getting arrested for shoplifting baby clothes from WalMart.

Chloe Grace Moretz Just Made Herself More Interesting

 Good news everybody! Chloe Grace Moretz is gay now. I don't know why people announce this kind of thing since honestly no one cares, but on the other hand it gives me something to write about. And I suppose it makes someone that you never think about more interesting. They called her "The Carrie star" and when they say that I assume they mean the one you never saw from almost 15 years ago and not the one from 1976. 

The original Carrie was only sort of okay I guess. I saw it once a long time ago so I barely remember it but it has John Travolta in it so that's something. Plus The Greatest American Hero is in it too. 

Like I said I don't remember much about the original, but the Carrie from that one was kind of a babe so I don't know why nobody asked her to the prom.

 If I'm correct it's a Stephen King story so I'm sure there's a lot of implied weirdness about (his) sexual hangups, (his) bad relationships with his mother, how he hates religion etc., etc.,  yadda yadda.... You know, the kind of thing he's been writing about for 60 years.

Anyway I'm getting sidetracked here. Here's what Chloe had to say about being free to say she's gay or whatever...

 I believe the government has no right over my body as a woman, and that the decisions over my body should come ONLY from myself and my doctor,' she added. 'Kamala Harris will protect that for us. 

'I believe in the need for legal protections that protects the LGBTQ+ community as a gay woman,' Moretz continued.

'We need protections in this country and to have access to the care we need and deserve.'

 Good. The white 28 year old millionaire (I assume she's a millionaire) needs more protections. I'm not sure from what, but at least she's fighting her pretend war for them. She also said the healthiest relationship she's seen is the one her gay brother (Joey Brace Moretz?) was in, so he's gay, she's gay, every one is gay so we're all gay now, which is nice I've always wanted better abs