Chloe Grace Moretz Just Made Herself More Interesting

 Good news everybody! Chloe Grace Moretz is gay now. I don't know why people announce this kind of thing since honestly no one cares, but on the other hand it gives me something to write about. And I suppose it makes someone that you never think about more interesting. They called her "The Carrie star" and when they say that I assume they mean the one you never saw from almost 15 years ago and not the one from 1976. 

The original Carrie was only sort of okay I guess. I saw it once a long time ago so I barely remember it but it has John Travolta in it so that's something. Plus The Greatest American Hero is in it too. 

Like I said I don't remember much about the original, but the Carrie from that one was kind of a babe so I don't know why nobody asked her to the prom.

 If I'm correct it's a Stephen King story so I'm sure there's a lot of implied weirdness about (his) sexual hangups, (his) bad relationships with his mother, how he hates religion etc., etc.,  yadda yadda.... You know, the kind of thing he's been writing about for 60 years.

Anyway I'm getting sidetracked here. Here's what Chloe had to say about being free to say she's gay or whatever...

 I believe the government has no right over my body as a woman, and that the decisions over my body should come ONLY from myself and my doctor,' she added. 'Kamala Harris will protect that for us. 

'I believe in the need for legal protections that protects the LGBTQ+ community as a gay woman,' Moretz continued.

'We need protections in this country and to have access to the care we need and deserve.'

 Good. The white 28 year old millionaire (I assume she's a millionaire) needs more protections. I'm not sure from what, but at least she's fighting her pretend war for them. She also said the healthiest relationship she's seen is the one her gay brother (Joey Brace Moretz?) was in, so he's gay, she's gay, every one is gay so we're all gay now, which is nice I've always wanted better abs

Ryan Reynolds and Martha Stewart are in Love

 Cool. The two most annoying people on Earth are feuding. With any luck they'll end each other and we can all move on

Beyonce Rocks

 Beyonce dressed like Prince for Halloween. I don't get everyone's obsession with Prince, I remember Prince, I also remember not liking Prince when he was alive, but the guy dropped dead, and all the sudden he was this musical genius that was the greatest guitar player that ever lived? I guess people that think that haven't heard many other guitar players. He was a better guitar player than me but that's not saying much.

I think it was because he died out of the blue like that, and everyone freaked out because it was unexpected. There's probably some kind of psychological reason for it but I don't know or care enough to try to find out. I think most people just say they loved Prince so they can get praise from other people that say they love Prince, sort of a virtue signaling band wagon.

Here's a little test. Next time someone says they love Prince, ask them to name even one song that wasn't Purple Rain, I would Die 4 You, 1999, or Little Red Corvette then sit back and watch the information flow.

Marry Me Eva Longoria

 

 I was going to write how Eva Longoria "left" Hollywood to move to Spain but I was mostly interested in Eva Longoria in what looks like a a wedding dress so I pretty much forgot about everything else. 

I'm sure Spain is a very beautiful place to live if you have $50 million dollars in the bank and you aren't eating apples and rhubarb that you have to buy from some guy walking with a fruit cart that's being pulled by a donkey. I very, very briefly entertained the idea of moving to Belize after a visit there, but quickly realized that it's basically a pretty beach that's surrounded by an insect and jaguar filled jungle and you can't just get in your car and go to a WalMart to buy milk. You might have to actually milk a cow for that, like you live in WWII or something. There is no Home Depot, you don't get to just run to the Ace Hardware because you need a screw, you my friend, are on your own. Oh and you better buy a weekly subscription to Off! insect repellent because you're gonna need it. Do you want to wind up in a hospital in Belize? Even after all the BS stuff you read about "U.S. Healthcare system"... Trust me. You don't. Unless you like being treated for witchcraft with leeches.

People that live in America that have never left America and say "we need to be more like Country X" really have no idea how good they have it here.  I've had friends that have moved to various countries all around the world and guess what, they ALWAYS, come back. 

Despite what people on the internet tell you, immigration to the US is all one way. They're coming here, not going there. So get your shit together and grow up

Joy Corrigan is Standard

 

 

 Yesterday was Halloween so that means every B-List model and actress overloaded the Frederick's of Hollywood website for the last 30 days ordering their "sexy veterinarian's assistant" costumes. I honestly don't know how Joy Corrigan dressed up like a cheerleader looks any different than she usually does the other 364 days out of the year. That's probably what she wears to the grocery store on Thursdays.

Seriously, the whole Halloween "sexy whatever" costume trend means absolutely nothing now that hot women are walking around like this in public for no reason pretty much every day. So as usual you shit birds found a way to ruin what used to be a good thing

Johnny Depp is Cool (?)

 Johnny Depp dressed like a Batman villain for some reason but I've long since forgotten what he was doing or where he was. Johnny Depp actually seems pretty cool plus he was in "Private Resort" so I'm not going to just make up a bunch of shit about him to fill space here even though I'm trying to get back into posting here more. Oh the things I do for you people

Shawn Mendes is Confused

 

I'm no super genius but finding out Shawn Mendes might be gay doesn't exactly shock me to my core...

"Since I was really young, there's been this thing about my sexuality, and people have been talking about it for so long," he told the crowd, per a clip shared by a fan on TikTok. "I think it's kind of silly, because I think sexuality is such a beautifully complex thing, and it’s so hard to just put into boxes."

Straight guys don't say shit like that. They just say "I like girls". Then they have a roadie hand out a bunch of backstage passes to girls they see in the audience. This isn't a Flash Gordon cliffhanger where everyone is guessing what happens next.

 I've written about this guy three times before and each time he's out wandering around in forest preserves with his shirt off,  or wearing loafers with no socks, so I don't think you need to call Scotland Yard to solve this big mystery