Sofia Vergara: The Nude Cougar Files

Sofia Vergara is rumored to be dating "F1 megastar" Lewis Hamilton. Being an F1 megastar is kind of like being the smartest kid on the short bus. 

They called her a "cougar" because he's younger than her, apparently forgetting that he's a 40 year old man. 40 years old is middle aged. In fact he'd have to live to be 80 to be middle aged and while that's certainly possible most people die in their 70s. He's probably already getting close to needing reading glasses and they decide to call her a cougar.

 Sometimes I think you guys just say shit you read on the internet without knowing what those words actually mean. If Lewis Hamilton had a 19 or 20 year old son and Sofia Vergara started dating HIM, then she'd be a cougar. Otherwise this is just two old people fucking.

Jennifer Lopez NUDE Bikini Pictures

Jennifer Lopez put on a bikini while she was in Aspen. See? This is that whole bikini thing I was talking about. It's winter in Aspen Colorado right now, why would you even bring a bikini with you? She looks pretty good in a bikini though doesn't she? Not like Eva Longoria but every one is different

Look, if people want to print endless stories about Latina women that are over 40 in bikinis I have absolutely no problem with that but I don't think you guys want to read more than a few of those per day. Do you? Because I'll be honest, I'll write them.

Is Hugh Jackman GAY NUDE

Some Hollywood "insiders" are whispering that Hugh Jackman "may" be gay. I've been saying that for 10 years at least. Much longer than I've actually been writing about my suspicions.  But don't worry they asked Hugh about it and he said, "No I'm not gay, no way" and then he we for a shirtless run with his Speedo wearing younger male personal trainer on the beach. So at least that clears that up.

 

Carrie Underwood Changes?

Some people - crazy shut-ins and fat old women that are drunk by 11am mostly - are complaining that Carrie Underwood has had too much plastic surgery. Did she? Because I can't tell if she did. There were a bunch of pictures of her on the original story but they all looked pretty much the same to me so I picked the one I liked the best. And even if she did she looks great, so what. That's why people get plastic surgery.

There were some pictures from 2005 which are TWENTY years old now when she herself was 20 years old so of course she looks different now that she's in her 40s. Do you even remember even being 20 years old? Anyway I always thought she was hot so maybe I'm biased. Oh don't get me wrong her music is awful but we can get past all that can't we Carrie?

 

 

Keeley Hazell is 38 Years Old

 Keeley Hazell is 38 years old in case you want to know how old Keeley Hazell is. If you want to actually know who Keeley Hazell is, that's someone else's job. That was what this whole story was about and of course there's the obligatory bikini picture. Tune in later for more Keeley Hazell news

 

Miley Cyrus Side Boob

 Miley Cyrus was at The Golden Globes but I don't know why. I also don't know why I'm writing about Miley Cyrus in 2025. But they said she showed "side boob" so why not. I've always said I thought she was hot but in a very "good enough for last call" kind of way. I hope she won her award or whatever but honestly, I have no idea what she even does anymore. 

Eva Longoria Bikini Pics

 Eva Longoria wore a bikini and someone took her picture. Look I know, I'm trying here. It's 2025 now and I swear I'll try to do better but over the last seven days this is just about the most exciting thing I've seen in celebrity "news".  They said she wore this on her holiday in Spain but I thought she moved there. So it's more like her day off in Spain isn't it? I don't "Vacation in Chicago",  I'm already here.

I saved this story to write about on January 2nd and I've seen two other stories about Eva Longoria since then, and they're all about her bikinis, how she looks in her bikinis and how she's going to various beaches, so there isn't a whole lot I can do about it and believe me, if I didn't think Eva Longoria was so hot I wouldn't bother. You wouldn't believe how many "Women in a Bikini" stories I actually don't write about. 

Man. Eva Longoria looks good in a bikini though doesn't she? And she'll be 50 years old in a few weeks so some of you youngsters could learn a few things from her