Jessica Simpson Takes a Pass

Jessica Simpson wore a bikini to "show off her revenge body" after her split from "Eric Johnson". Did she show him what he's missing? 

Eric Johnson and Jessica Simpson were married for 10 years and have three kids together. Being the only male in the room, I can promise you Eric Johnson knows exactly what he's missing. I'm making up this scenario in my head but it's pretty easy to imagine... 

He's missing a brain dead idiot who most likely was passed out at the kitchen island by 2 pm every day. And if she did bother to wake up and brush her hair she probably took day time cold medicine to stay awake long enough to mix a few more drinks. Allegedly. All of that is just a guess of course. Go ahead and guess, give it a try.

REESE WITHERSPOON GOES TO WAR

 Are Reese Witherspoon and Kate Winslet feuding? Why don't you read this story and let me know.  Of all the things I don't care about, I care about this the least. I don't normally think about Reese Witherspoon and haven't since Legally Blonde in 2001. And when I hear "Kate Winslet" I assume she's in another period drama about The Irish Republican Army or something set in the UK the 1940s or 1950s where everyone drives around in British taxi cabs and she wears a shawl or something. 

 If anything a fight between these two might actually make them less boring

Kylie Jenner BOOBS NUDE

 Plastic faced, latex sex robot, Kylie Jenner put on an unreasonably expensive dress and took her tits somewhere for Paris Fashion Week. I hope they had a good time. By the way, this is a picture of a picture. I don't know why someone with an entire staff of photographers and photo shop artists would post this on their Instagram but she did.

On the other hand the picture itself does look kind of cool, the way it sort of looks like something out of They Live where they break into the broadcast TV shows with their pirate messages, you know what I man? Of course you do. Whatever, I hope her tits enjoy their time walking around Paris, eating croissants with cheese or whatever they do over there

Bill Belichick is a Stud

 Bill Belichick has a 24 year old girlfriend named Jordan Hudson. I don't get this one at all. You all know how I feel about "age gaps" but this one is sort of weird to me. I've seen stories about this relationship for a while now but I don't know who Bill Belichick is so I just mostly ignored it.

 It tuns out he has something to do with football and he isn't the befuddled manager of the grocery store in Mayberry. She's obviously a lunatic, I mean just look at her so the less said about her the better, I don't need her showing up at my house with all the free eggs she's getting.

Site Update

 I'm sorry gang, I know I said I'd try to write more stuff in 2025 for the eight people that actually read this crap, but I got sicker than I've even been in my life on Tuesday night. It was very weird, one second I was absolutely fine then a minute later I couldn't make it up the stairs to get in bed. It was like someone drugged me. The weirdest thing is how fast it's gotten to the point where I can write this but man I still can't sift through all that celebrity crap right now.

Two things, I'll be fine by tomorrow I'm sure, and secondly, I used to think Kristen Bell was the hottest human female on Earth before she somehow morphed into America's Sweetheart Housewife. It doesn't have to be this way ladies.

Elsa Pataky Nude Beach

Most people are talking about some new guy becoming president so I thought I'd switch it up and talk about Elsa Pataky at the beach. Her husband was around there somewhere but no one gives a shit about him. For real when's the last time you thought about Elsa Pataky's husband.

I'm not really sure why, but I actually prefer a one piece bathing suit on a woman as opposed to a bikini. Maybe it's some weird psycho-sexual hang up I have no idea. I've never bothered to look for an answer because I'm not ruining anything. 

I once looked up why guys like women in high heels and from what I read, it has something to do with women looking physically unstable in heels and it triggers some kind of primitive rescue reaction in the man's brain which sounds like a bunch of bullshit gobbledygook to me so I stopped checking why people like things. I just do and that's good enough for me

Sofia Vergara: The Nude Cougar Files

Sofia Vergara is rumored to be dating "F1 megastar" Lewis Hamilton. Being an F1 megastar is kind of like being the smartest kid on the short bus. 

They called her a "cougar" because he's younger than her, apparently forgetting that he's a 40 year old man. 40 years old is middle aged. In fact he'd have to live to be 80 to be middle aged and while that's certainly possible most people die in their 70s. He's probably already getting close to needing reading glasses and they decide to call her a cougar.

 Sometimes I think you guys just say shit you read on the internet without knowing what those words actually mean. If Lewis Hamilton had a 19 or 20 year old son and Sofia Vergara started dating HIM, then she'd be a cougar. Otherwise this is just two old people fucking.