A Cold Day on a Beach

Remember when I said I was going to try to write about women in bikinis less? I lied. No I didn't really, and I swear I'm going to do better,  but it's 15 degrees below zero (for real. It really is.) and I have to run out the door to go to work and I thought, "What could make this day a little more pleasant...? Hey! I think I know! Elizabeth Hurley in a bikini!" And wouldn't you know it, she posted this on her Instagram. And for that I thank her. If I come home early I'll look for more substantial type of serious news to write about. Hey maybe Jessica Simpson gained 15 more pounds, or maybe Demi Lovato chugged a bottle of Grey Goose in a Hollywood nightclub I mean you never know.

Celine Dion Klaatu Barada Nikto

Celine Dion got beamed down to attend a fashion week deal at the Folies Bergere Fashion Week Stadium. I have to tell you, I haven't thought about Celine Dion in a very, very long time so I'm glad to see she's survived being frozen in place like the people in Alien during her extra long space voyages or whatever. Okay I lost it back there somewhere so I'm giving up on this.

Elsa Pataky Lounges Around

I was going to try to write about women in bikinis a bit less in 2019 because I'm sure that gets terribly boring to at least half of the six people that manage to find this blog by accident. But then Elsa Pataky shows up and blows that plan out of the water like The US Navy blew the Japanese out of Guadalcanal. See? Wouldn't it be better to sometimes read things like that? Who needs to look at beautiful women that look like granite statues in a museum when you can learn history? I'll try better so maybe you nerds will quit fucking crying so hard.

Joe Jonas Has a Chicken Wing Tattoo

Joe Jonas tattooed his chicken and posted it on his Instagram. I'm kidding of course that's his forearm. I just spent the last hour thinking about chickens so I thought I'd slip that in there. It may as well be a chicken wing though let's be honest. The tattoo - which will be an unreadable gray circle in about 15 years - are apparently lyrics from the Electric Light Orchestra song Mr Blue Sky but I haven't heard it in a very long time so I don't know for sure. Good luck with your new tattoo Joe. Maybe I can see it in person when you come to my house to drink whiskey and work on our motorcycles. Or maybe you can show the girls over at the nail salon which seems a lot more likely to me but whatever it's your life.

Kaila Methven is Finger Lickin Good

Another soulless "heiress" has burst on the scene. Here name is Kaila Methven and she's the heiress to the KFC fortune (?). Which is kind of weird since she basically looks like a chicken. Life is funny like that sometimes. Here she is pictured standing around in $10 million dollars worth of diamonds for reasons I can't seem to figure out. Because she can? Who knows. I'd watch her though before she trades them away for drugs. Allegedly. Anyway, I'd thought we'd been rid of all the pointless heiresses after Paris Hilton wore out her welcome but I guess someone is churning them out at a factory somewhere and there must be an endless supply. Kind of like chickens. Well there you have it, we'll just have to wait for her sex tape but we probably won't have to wait much longer since she's on the brink of her BIG BREAK THROUGH or whatever happens with these assholes. If you watch it tell me all about it sometime.

Jennifer Garner Carries a Coffee Cup

After blowing this stupid blog off for a week or whatever, I decided to look around and see if there was anything worth talking about. There isn't really. Oh, the usual people are wetting their pants - as usual - over Donald Trump for God only knows why this time, and I for one am glad the almost endless meltdowns every day will continue for minimally the next two years, and maybe even the next six. The Kardashians are up to their usual, whatever it is they do, and blah blah blah. But then I saw Jennifer Garner looking cute in her work out clothes getting coffee with her equally as cute friend whose name I don't know and will never bother to learn.

Of course she looks cute, in her leggings and messy pony tail. Do you think these paparazzi pictures happen by accident? There are famous people everywhere in L.A. Even in Chicago, they're here all the time. What are the odds some guy with a camera, and by the way that's a still from a video, not an actual picture, would just happen to be standing where Jennifer Garner would walk past. Think of your best friend. Someone you know. You're both out running separate errands in a big city like Los Angeles, of Chicago, or New York, what are the odds your paths would cross? Pretty much zero. Unless of course you got a phone call telling you where they'd be.  Anyway, there she is looking cute I have other stuff to do and you obviously want to believe everything you read on the internet so I'll leave you alone to do that.

Elizabeth Hurley is Pretty in Pink

One of my New Year's resolutions was to write more here since I've been lazy and lost my way. I haven't kept that resolution yet but I will starting right now with this new picture of Liz Hurley (I call her Liz) with pink hair. Man alive. Okay well, I'll find something else I'm sure but so far this wins 2019.