Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Hungry for Justice

I'm sure everyone's heard by now of king sized super villain Kim Dotcom. The Megaupload founder who's had a run of bad luck lately, when he was arrested for doing something besides sweating, smelling like cheese (probably) and having sex with a woman that otherwise wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire except for the little fact that he personally earned $115,000 a day.

Kim Dotcom, the man atop what federal prosecutors allege is a $175 million worldwide Internet piracy operation, passed his 38th birthday this weekend in a New Zealand jail awaiting a court appearance today on charges prosecutors brought from a grand jury in U.S. District Court in Virginia.

But the worst part of all of this - besides losing a parking lot full of cars, a house big enough for a really fat guy, a plane, and a mildly hot wife for a guy as rich as he was - as I hear it on the internet is that he's gonna lose his lofty position as the number one rank in Call of Duty Something Something.  

Dotcom, plays Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 under the name MEGARACER. And on New Year's Eve, MEGARACER managed to become the number 1 ranked player in the world -- no small feat for a game that sold over 15 million copies (and no small irony, considering he ran a site responsible for sharing illegal copies of the game).Thanks to his brush with the law, however, he's slipped to the number 2 spot, usurped by a most-definitely-not-in-jail gamer named Azaros. Seeing as how Dotcom's been denied bail -- he's been deemed an 'extreme flight risk' -- it looks like Azaros' score is pretty safe for now.

Wow. At home on New Year's Eve playing a video game. A far cry from my original vision of him in his cavernous lair planning ways to dominate the planet surrounded by Dobermans, and henchmen and instead he's sitting on a flattened chair surrounded by Mountain Dew and Doritos bags. But wait! That might just come in handy! Because his defense lawyer claims he's just too damned fat to be a flight risk! 

"He is not the sort of person who will pass unnoticed through our customs and immigration lines and controls,' said lawyer, Paul Davison"

I would guess he probably wouldn't pass "through" anything. But at least the internet, shitty music, and movies are safe from being passed around for free. Oh. Well that was fast.