Camila Morrone Goes to the Beach

 Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriend, Camila Morrone wen to the beach and the source material said she had a "toned bikini body". Yes she's 25, she's supposed to have a toned bikini body. I admit hers is probably better than most but still. I'm not sure how to end this so I'll just say, I love you Camila

Dua Lipa Remains Famous

 Dua Lipa wants to continue being a famous singer so she did what any female artist that wants to be taken seriously does. She put on a bikini and took pictures of herself. Such a talent. The funny thing is, I've never heard even one second of a Dua Lipa song but I've seen her 97% naked. At least she's good at one of those things I guess.

Sienna Miller Saves the Day

 I know I said I'd try to write less about women in bikinis, but Sienna Miller put on a bikini and what was I supposed to do? Pretend it didn't happen? Thank God she's 40 years old and not 25.

Warren Beatty is in the Cards

 Warren Beatty was in his car with his wife Annette Benning leaving a restaurant, and it looks like they're probably on their way to your house to play pinochle or whatever 85 year olds do. It's difficult to believe this is this same guy.  Still, I suppose everyone gets older. Not me though. I'll be the very definition of a "Silver Fox". Come find me when I'm 85 and I'll prove it, I'll just show you my abs. If I can remember where they are.

Lily Rose Depp Flexes

 I know, I know. I'm trying to stay on top of this but it's been hard, and frankly I have a lot of other things happening. I'm also considering writing about something other than women in bikinis, but unfortunately for you however, women in bikinis or very little clothing is 90% of the stuff I read about. The other 10% is mostly about building hot rods and motorcycles and you guys aren't manly enough for that yet. 

For instance here's Lily-Rose Depp, who I assume is Johnny Depp's daughter. She's at least a decade below my minimum age requirement - she's 23 I guess - and it all depends on the girl, but I am flexible. And judging by her outfit she is too. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.

Anyhoo, I should probably try to expand my reading a little that way you guys won't get bored with this but I don't know. We'll see. Stick with me here.

Gabrielle Union NUDE

 Gabrielle Union posed "nude" for her Instagram. I think it was for Instagram. I read the story but I saved this picture a couple days ago and then forgot about it so I don't remember anything that it said. I'm sure she did it to support Ukraine or maybe abortion or something but who ever knows with these Hollywood fruit loops. Still, she looks pretty good naked. At  least the parts I can see, but she may have a bunch of weird scars or something, which, would be pretty cool now that I think about it.

Olivia Newton-John Dead at 73

 Olivia Newton-John sailed off to Xanadu. She was great. RIP Olivia

Jennifer Lawrence Hides

 Jennifer Lawrence and her husband were the only ones walking around an airport while wearing masks. Why? Because they're dumb that's why. Still, you can walk around wearing a rubber pool duck around your neck and swimmies if it makes you feel better, what do I care. Hey there's a chance your mom washed your blankie for you, maybe give her a call.

Kristin Cavallari is History

 People keep interviewing Kristin Cavallari but I'm not entirely sure why and I'm not reading anything to find out.  Frankly I don't care why so long as she's wearing that outfit. See what I mean about women getting better looking after 35? Here she is in 2011 (?) Anyway this isn't supposed to be the History of Kristin Cavallari. Unless she wants to put on one of those white tennis outfits, but it'll be a case by case thing.

Miranda Lambert is a Heavy Weight

 Miranda Lambert put down her beef sandwich long enough to sing a song. Hopefully not the Oscar Mayer bologna song but at least I'd recognize that. I don't know what happened to her because she was pretty hot, in that trashy girl at the shitty bar kind of way which -- DO NOT get me wrong is exactly my type -- but I'm willing to bet beer is involved. And a lot of it. It's a fine line though, I'm just being honest.

Carla Bruni Hits the High Seas

 

 Shoot I thought I had something prepared for today but I guess I don't so here's Former French First Lady Carla Bruni on a boat. She's 54 years old you know. She's also 5'9 and most of that appears to be legs. If she gets tired of being wealthy I know a guy.... (me), you know, in case she gets tired of being marred to that frog.  Former President. What a loser.

Billie Eilish has a Dolls Eyes

 Dead-eyed, soon to be ex-famous person Billie Eilish posted this picture on Instagram for no real reason that anyone mentioned. Probably because she's 20 years old and pointless selfies is what 20 year olds post on Instagram. Looking at her during a conversation must make it feel like you're talking to a mannequin. Who knows she may grow out of it, but being surrounded by an army of ass kissing hangers-ons, management teams, and private personal assistants, for the last three years by the age of 20 that seems extremely unlikely. 

Britney Spears is Trashy

 Britney Spears is constantly walking around in super super short skin tight skirts and high heels so needless to say I love her. Her "husband" was with her in his white gym shoes. I had to crop him out of the picture although I left his shoes. What a fucking greasy goon that guy is, isn't he?

Jay DaYoungan Dead

 In a shocking turn of events the guy in that picture was shot to death. His name was Jay DaYoungan, he was a rapper, and now he's dead after being shot to death by FIVE people. That's all I know about this story because there is no way you could possibly make me care less. They mention his birth name but no one cares and no one'll remember it in two weeks anyway.