Teri Hatcher has Spectacular Boobs

 Teri Hatcher was in Africa for reasons that aren't clear to me where she was walking in what I can only assume was crocodile infested water daring wild animals to eat her. That's the only thing I see happening here. 

I also see that Teri Hatcher's boobs are spectacular. If you don't understand this you shouldn't be reading my blog.

Margarida Circeiro (Almost) NUDE!!

 Lando Norris has a girlfriend. I've never heard of him before but I know who his girlfriend is now. Her name is Magui (Margarida) Corceiro. She's 22 (!?) years old and is 5 foot five and a half inches tall. She also speaks Portuguese and English and    Here is her Instagram.  Sorry I don't know too much about her. She does look like a younger version of Sydney Sweeney which is kind of weird since Sydney Sweeney "claims" to be 28 years old so Sydney better hustle it up because the fame clock is apparently ticking. 

 It would be exceptionally rare - almost unheard of in fact - for me to be attracted to someone that was in junior high 10 years ago, but you can see the pictures with your own eyes. But every once in a while one of these unicorns walks out of the forest and straight into my heart. The world is a crazy place sometimes. 

By the way Lando Norris is some F1 driver yadda yadda who cares.

TAYLOR SWIFT NUDE

 "Legendary numerologist"? You people can't possibly be this dumb. I was about to unleash a "legendary" torrent of abuse upon you but then I realized anyone that believes in numerology likely can't read so it would have been a wasted effort. Are you living in the 1500s? What next, turning lead into gold? Throwing rocks at the Moon? 

Cameron Diaz Funks Out

 They said Cameron Diaz "looked worlds away from her Hollywood heyday" and she does. Also she's 53 years old now so she probably looks a little different from when she was a 22 year old, basically just out of high school woman in The Mask 31 years ago. She still looks fine, although I never found her all that attractive personally. It happens. Not everyone thinks everyone is attractive. I didn't like Pamela Anderson all that much, even when she was - at least according to others - literally hotter than the sun. Charlize Theron is another one. I can tell she's physically attractive because I have eyes, but... nothing. I'm not sure why, but it happens. Some people get designated "CURRENT HOT CHICK" and it just sticks with them despite what I think about it (I'm looking straight at you Emma Stone).

For example. Not everyone thinks I'm handsome. Of course, they're wrong, but it's still a free country. Except for California, the North Eastern chunk of Illinois and big parts of Michigan, but that'll all change as soon as I'm the one calling the shots. Bet on it

Jessica Simpson Attacks!

 

Jessica Simpson said she wants her dress "pulled off" for sex. I mean... if you insist...

 Now separated from her husband of 10 years, former NFL player Eric Johnson (they announced their split in January) and ready to date again, the collection also has pieces for date night. Asked what she’d pull from the line, she laughs, “Well, hopefully things will be pulled off. Just kidding! A leopard-print dress, definitely heels, the Aaminas (her strappy platform sandals). I just called to get them in red,” she adds.

I don't want to be gross two seconds after I come back after blowing this off for two weeks, but you know what else is super fun? Leaving it on too. You know, like maybe in the car. Or also, in the park.  At night. Of course all of these are just suggestions, and believe me, I have a ton more.

 If you're interested Jessica, and you have a spare hour or two I have it all written down, you can just let me know 

Chrissy Teigen is Awful Part Multi-Deaux

 

The Daily Mail is still writing about Chrissy Teigen. In this fascinating story she talks about how she makes her husband get up in the middle of the night to get her food.  

Chrissy Teigen is a drunken mean girl bully that urged a teenager repeatedly to take her  own life. She also called me an asshole on Twitter but this isn't about me. I've written about Chrissy Teigen a surprising number of times but I haven't really seen her around all that much. Maybe she and her "husband" spend all their time counting the money he makes from various Christmas themed albums so my plan is to never write about her again. We're quickly hurtling towards 2026 so there is no reason to pretend anyone cares about this woman anymore.

 

Sharon Stone Wants to Eat Your Dog

 

Sharon Stone wore a bikini and then whoever wrote a story about it decided to use a picture of her looking insane instead. Sharon Stone was one of the most attractive female humans alive and then I found out she thinks like a 16 year old high school boy in the replies on an Instagram post. Of course she is nearly 70 years old so I guess you have to cut her a little slack

  But seriously, if you want to be taken seriously stop using arguments you find online from 2008. The whole world changes at the speed of light now, don't be left behind

 

!!!Sexy Update!!!

I lost the original story I was going to link with pictures of her in the aforementioned bikini when I closed it.and I'm not looking for it again. Trust me, you didn't miss much and I'm sure they'll fill the void with Jenna Ortega in a bikini or maybe whoever is the new flavor of the month so be sure to check back here!

 

Don Johnson for the Ladies

 

Don Johnson was at some gala or event or something because that's all these people do. It had something to do with school, or scholars or who knows what the hell. They also mentioned that he was there with his wife Kelley who they called "56" like I'm an idiot. That woman is 56 years old about as much as I'm The Sultan of Brunei. 

You mean to tell me that, that person is one year older than Jennifer Aniston and four years younger than Elizabeth Hurley? Please. Don Johnson seems cool enough I guess, I don't know. And I have no issues with age gaps, how young or old someone is or looks, or anything involving someone's personal life and details. Those kinds of things concern people with tiny minds, my problem is the lying. I guess they don't mind lying to you because you're stupid and they know it.

Denise Richards is Hot

 

Denise Richards showed off her new boobs. Well, kind of showed off. I guess one of her original ones ruptured, probably during a pillow fight, so she had them fixed, and then decided you needed to see them, and thus we have arrived here. 

Denise Richards is hot for being 54 years old. I hate that qualifier because let's face it Denise Richards has always been hot. If you're 54 right now and have never been hot, you're not going to be now. Sorry to break that to you. Looking good past 45 requires planning and a lifetime of diet and exercise you didn't bother doing. Instead you opted for riding on the back of your overweight husband's full dress Harley while you both wear Crocs,while blasting Led Zeppelin on your way to that local bar with the umbrella tables on the patio where everyone plays bag games. You think I don't know? You're like the 40th couple I'll see that looks like that in Chicago just this week  

 That's why people say things like "She looks good for 54". It's because they never really looked good so they say that like being hot at 54 is a bad thing. It's mostly a female thing because nobody hates women more than other women so there's always those kind of backhanded compliments, as in "Wow you look great even though you put on some weight" or "That top looks nice it really hides all of your scars". Jesus Christ being a woman must be fucking exhausting 

True story. I owned a business and all of the employees were women between the ages of 21 and 30 and it nearly drove me quite literally to have a nervous breakdown. It's a slow Chinese water torture kind of existence. With all that constant stress, I have no idea how women manage to live longer than men.