Great Preparation Kathy

Former cruise pitch woman, (she was hot right?) and talk show robot - and I'm sure she did some other stuff too I'm just not exactly sure what - decided to ask Martin Short how his lovely wife was doing, to which Martin replied "skeletonizing". No I'm pretty sure he didn't, but he could have because Kathy didn't bother to find out that she's been dead for two years.

You and Nancy have one of the greatest marriages of anybody in show business. How many years now for you guys?'

Confused, Short replied: 'We... have... married ... 36 years.'
'But you are still like, in love,'Gifford went on, prompting Martin to proffer: 'Madly in love, madly in love.'
'Why?' a smiling Gifford said, continuing the exchange.
'Cute, I'm cute,' Martin replied, before Kotb jovially interjected: 'That is true.'

If you read just that exchange, and nothing else, like I did, I think you could safely assume that Martin Short keeps his dead  wife in her wedding dress in a closet in their house. Maybe Kathy Lee Gifford really tripped him up and forced him to answer some uncomfortable questions, and her subsequent apology for asking that question was merely because she felt bad for blowing Shorts' cover. Hey what do you expect from Hollywood. It's the Land of the Weirdo.

Australia Finally Changes Official Name to Murderland

No it didn't really change it's name but maybe it should. Apparently every single living creature there wants you dead.  Should you go insane, and decide to actually leave your house one day to -let's say - go for a swim, you might be murdered by the Box Jellyfish....

...jelly box venom is so overpoweringly painful, that human victims go in shock, drown or die of heart failure before even reaching shore.

The Irukandji Jellyfish can kill you just as dead and whats worse is, it's about the size of your thumbnail. So like a ninja of the sea it's likely you'll be dead and never see it coming.

And all that's just for starters. Spiders, snakes, sharks, everything wants you to die.  Even the fucking ants will kill you. Like the Jack Jumper Ant. It sounds like a fun name doesn't it? You might even want them at your next party, except for one simple fact...

 In individuals allergic to the venom (about 3% of cases), a sting sometimes causes anaphylactic shock.Although 3% may seem small, jack jumper ants cause more deaths in Tasmania than spiders, snakes, wasps, and sharks combined.

The number of deaths between 1980 and 1999 was only six, which seems like an infinitely tiny number until you remember they WERE ALL KILLED BY FUCKING ANTS.

And if all the animals, and fish, and Lord Humungus of Australia don't finally succeed in killing you, maybe the trees will.  That's right the trees.

 The 120-year-old heritage-listed bunya pine in the grounds of the Courthouse Hotel has been dropping huge pine cones. The Baw Baw Council says they weigh up to 10 kilograms each.Mayor Diane Blackwood says the cones are potentially lethal. "These things are enormous," she said. "They are the size of a watermelon, falling literally out of the sky from potentially 20 metres high.

Shit. That was a long way to go for that stupid blurb. I feel like I just had a baby. Now I know exactly how that feels, and what women are always complaining about.