Kristin Cavallari Works on Her Sex Life

 Kristin Cavallari is in the news again and this time it's for something other than talking about who she had sex with. At least for now. She was in Las Vegas with a "boy band" and apparently it's made up of a bunch of 45 year old dudes. She's almost 40 now so they're definitely in her age group. Maybe she had sex with all of them so she can talk about it on the next "We're Boring" podcast. 

Guys, I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. You don't seriously care what these a-holes do, do you?  I've been doing this in one form or another for like 15 years now at some point... Maybe I'm just in a mood.


SEXY UPDATE!!!

 I guess that's The Backstreet Boys? Like are you fucking serious? It's nice to see the person in charge of their costumes thinks they're making a low budget science fiction movie in 1982.

Cash Warren is a Playboy

Jessica Alba's ex, Cash Warren has a new 26 year old girlfriend. I had to close my browser before I caught her name so I'll just call her Heatherleigh, which seems as likely as anything. She's obviously easily manipulated because she believes Cash Warren is famous for something besides being married to Jessica Alba. And Heatherleigh up there is in for a rude awakening once Cash's spousal support runs out. He won't even be able to buy new chain wallets, he sure isn't going to pay for your Porsche sweetie. 

Still, she's obviously very attractive so I can't really blame the guy.  I mean if I was in his position I'd be dating her too. I've made my position on "age gaps" very clear, but unfortunately for me I wouldn't even know where to meet a 26 year old woman. Will she be in line to see Santa Claus? Shoplifting bracelets from Claire's? It's just one of life's unanswerable mysteries 

 

Brittany Cartwright is Someone

 Brittany Cartwright has a new boyfriend, and if you don't know who she is congratulations, you're normal. I didn't catch his name, because I didn't bother reading the story, but just looking t him I assume it's either Dax, Colton, or Luke. 

They didn't say what they were doing, but if you asked me I'd guess they stopped to collect her "Shittiest New Artist Award" before being the oldest couple in the shopping mall parking lot in their used Nissan GTR to hang out with all the Fast and Furious kids in lime green Honda Civics 

Eva Longoria NUDE BIKINI PICS. Again

Take my word for it, I didn't want to write yet another story about Eva Longoria in a bikini at the beach again,  but you people sure do like to click on them. 

And what exactly does Eva Longoria do that she has an estimated net worth of $80 million dollars? The only thing I ever see get talked about with her is when she's walking around Spain in a bikini. Can you make $80 million dollars doing that?  I assume you can because no one ever mentions her new movies or television shows. 

And let's be real here. Eva Longoria is hot yes, but she's in Spain. Have you ever seen the women in Spain? They say the ladies are insane there, and they sure know how to use it. They don't abuse it. Never gonna lose it. I can't refuse it.

Anyway, you have seen the women from Spain and I bet you don't even know it. My friend Adrian from Mexico said all those Mexican telenovela /soap opera women and those weather girls you see all over the internet all the time aren't actually Mexican, they're Spanish. So in Spain on a scale of 1-10, Eva Longoria is essentially a five. This doesn't change my love for her it's just a reality check. For both of us. You have competition with me now Eva, I'm just saying

 

 

Patricia Arquette Gets Short

 Patricia Arquette cut off all of her hair. I don't know why she did this or why it was considered news, but she did and here it is. I bet she cut it all off so she could play that mean girl's gym teacher in the Porky's remake. I realize everybody gets older but this doesn't even look like the same human being.  And keep in mind she's nearly six years younger than Elizabeth Hurley.

Like William Shatner, maybe they change so much as they age because of the deal they made with Satan to become famous it's really the only logical explanation

Rebekah Vardy NUDE

 Rebekah Vardy put on a bikini and took a picture of herself. Yawn. In case you don't know who Rebekah Vardy is, she's the one in the bikini, duh. I think she's British so I have to assume she's married to a soccer player, and was on vacation in Greece, because that seems to be the only things British people do. That and get falling down drunk in Manchester. 

I hate living in an era when some woman with nice tits can wear a bikini and I have to write about it but I guess I did this to myself. 

Miley Cyrus NUDE

That "Miley Cyrus Nude" title wasn't actually my idea, that was the title of the story where I stole this picture. She actually was nude - kind of- but she was covering her boobs with her arm so she was only nude in the technical sense, and I actually liked the picture of her dressed up like a Deliverance Alice in Wonderland better than the nude one. 

With her hillbilly overbite and narrow, close set eye sockets, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if Miley Cyrus spent her days in the kitchen holding a baby on her hip, stirring some possum grits while her husband was sitting on the front porch in a rockin' chair feudin' shootin' with some still owner beyond the holler but you guys seem to like her. For some baffling reason.