Olivia Buckland is Spotted

I saved this picture of Olivia Buckland based on two things. Her purple hair, and the polka dots. The tattoos aren't entirely necessary but they don't hurt either. She's a British reality show idiot and normally I have zero interest in reality show nit wits, even if they are built like a brick shit-house, but polka dots compel me to do things I wouldn't normally do. Kind of like when Curly smells Wild Hyacinth.  Don't ask me to explain it. Just one of the many fascinating, mysterious, and complex facets in the diamond of me.

Amanda Holden Likes Polka Dots

Here's Amanda Holden walking around in polka dots. I have no idea why you people insist on doing this too me.  I don't even really know who Amanda Holden is except that she's 49, from the UK, and has a small birthmark at the top of her leg. Sorry I can't provide proof of that, not since she bought those blinds.

Miranda Lambert Does the Polka Dots

I saved this picture of Miranda Lambert but I don't really remember why. Probably those stupid polka dots. I thik the original story talked about how she was showing off her new "curvier" figure. Can we just go back to saying people gained weight? I'm tired of having to decode all of this "Newspeak" every time I read something on the internet.

Ashley Roberts and the Polka Dots of Doom

Ashley Roberts is some soulless British reality show bimbo, I think. I honestly have no idea and I think I may have even written about her before, but I refuse to learn anything. Yes I actually have.  But okay we're going to have a problem because this whole polka dot thing seems to be happening. I realize those aren't actually dots but it's close enough. Are you people doing this on purpose?

Cara Santana Goes to the Beach

I don't feel like doing this today. I barely slept and I'm super anxious for absolutely no reason I can think of. You know how when you take a bunch of speed or cocaine and you're all jittery and can't sit still and your mind races, and you think the cops are after you? That's how I feel. I can't afford drugs so at least this is natural thank God.

 Thankfully Cara Santana showed up on the beach wearing a bikini. A polka dot bikini. It's official. These people are doing this on purpose. Who would have imagined, celebrity superstar actresses would be reading this blog and want to please me by constantly wearing polka dots. I can't think of any other reason they would be doing this. Be honest, can you? No. You can't. I appreciate it everyone.

Sarah Michelle Gellar is Pretty in Pink

Sarah Michelle Gellar dyed her hair pink and it turned her into a totally different person because she looks like someone else now. What I mean is, if you told me that was Sarah Michelle Gellar I wouldn't believe you. She's 43? When did that happen? I mean she looks really, really, good. And the pink hair goes a long way too. She's married to Freddie Prinze Jr. for 17 years? Where the Hell have I been? Everything in this post is everything I know about Sarah Michelle Gellar, and  I have many more questions about the aforementioned Sarah Michelle Gellar and frankly I blame the pink hair because I've never thought about her before. Thank God she isn't wearing polka dots.

Jennifer Lawrence got Banged

 Hey everybody Jennifer Lawrence is pregnant! Congratulations being the first woman in history for managing this miraculous feat. There's those polka dots though. I feel sort of bad for her. When's the last time you thought about Jennifer Lawrence? She was maybe the most famous woman on the planet not even two years ago and now? I don't know, maybe it's just me. 

Kate Middleton is on the Dot

 I wasn't going to write about Kate Middleton today but she's wearing polka dots.  I cut her stupid husband/kids out of the picture because she won't need them where we're going. What do you say Kate, let's blow this Popsicle stand.

Hillary Duff Looks Hot

 Hillary Duff got dressed up and looked pretty hot for the premier of her show How I Met Your Father which I'm sure is sidesplittingly hilarious. Those aren't polka dots but their close enough. Maybe she should show Britney those shoes. Did I mention she looked pretty hot? Okay good.   

Halsy Gets Polked

Well...Here's Halsey again. And there's those polka dots again. I'm sorry don't know what to tell you, it's something I can't fight.

Kate Middleton is a Ghost

I wasn't going to write about Kate Middleton anymore but she was out dressed up like a sexy ghost and I have this weird thing about women wearing white (and polka dots). I'm sure there are a whole host of psychological reasons for this but I don't care what they are just so long as you keep doing that please.
 

Molly Sims is Pretty Fly

I saved this picture of Molly Sims about two weeks ago and don't remember why. I know she was on vacation in Mexico but I don't know why she went there, because she lives in Southern California which - and I'm not sure how much you know about geography - but that's extremely close to Mexico, and I guess you can't just wear a bikini and sit next to the pool at your mansion.

I know part of the reason I saved this because she's hot, blonde, and wearing aviator sunglasses and just like polka dots, girls in aviator sunglasses make me freak out I have zero idea why but whatever the reason is I' m glad she's ding the Lord's work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Site Update

 I suppose one day I'll simply stop writing here. I've been doing this for a long time. Too long. Way more than 10 years and the "news", such as it is, is always on repeat with the same thing over and over again. However...

I just found out who Ella Langely is. I know, I know, she's 26 and below my age requirement but there's just something about a woman in aviator sunglasses. Like polka dots, I just can't explain it. Both of those things transcend age. You know, for me, this is kind of like when Moe hears the word Niagara Falls. 

Thank you Ella for reinvigorating my desire to dredge my way through another 15 years of celebrity dreck, to write these stories that nobody reads.

Ireland Baldwin Looks Like Her Mom

This is Ireland Baldwin's picture from her Instagram account. The 21 year old daughter of Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger. She looks remarkably like her mother in that picture and in fact I originally thought that was Kim Bassinger. OH MY GOD SHE'S COVERED IN POLKA DOTS AND TATTOOS. Sorry where was I. Oh yes. Ireland Baldwin... I think I read somewhere she's 6'2. I'M 6'2. I also have an athletic build, a great sense of humor and I used that picture of that guy that has me blocked on Twitter even though I have no idea who he is, to cover up all those terrible comments in your Instagram feed. See? I can protect you if you need it. And hey if things don't work out maybe you could introduce me to your mom.

Megan Fox Sees Red

Megan Fox walked out of a restaurant wearing polka dots and a red wig and walked straight into my heart. She was with Machine Gun Kelly who's name made me literally laugh out loud as I typed it. What a ridiculous idiot. They say the real Machine Gun Kelly could write his name on a wall with a Thompson Submachine Gun, whether or not that's true is in dispute but one thing that isn't disputed is he spent the rest of his life in prison for kidnapping.

 And I'm seeing the fake Machine Gun Kelly (real name COLSON. For real, COLSON) with his arm draped very possessively and dare I say, threateningly around Megan which is something that may interest the FBI who might want to look into this "relationship".  I'm not saying anyone would be coerced into dating Colson Baker but I'm not, not saying that.