Elsa Pataky is a Ghost

 I'm sorry I've been gone. It's just the same old complaints about the same old people doing the same old thing. How many times do you guys want to read about Lizzo playing a flute or whatever? It can't be something you want to do every day so I just look around and figure I'd wait until something at least halfway interesting happens. 

  Like Elsa Pataky going to the beach. Now THIS is something I could read about every day. Shit man, she's supernatural. I would do unspeakable things just to smell her hair. I'm sure her dimwitted husband is around there somewhere but who cares or knows where. With any luck he went surfing (with his shirt off) and got eaten by a tiger shark. 

I'm sorry your kids don't have a father now Elsa but I'm a pretty cool guy and since I have the maturity of an 11 year old I think they'd really like me. What do you say? You could do worse and wind up with another Australian guy and let's be honest, nobody wants that.