Chrissy Teigen is Awful Part Multi-Deaux

 

The Daily Mail is still writing about Chrissy Teigen. In this fascinating story she talks about how she makes her husband get up in the middle of the night to get her food.  

Chrissy Teigen is a drunken mean girl bully that urged a teenager repeatedly to take her  own life. She also called me an asshole on Twitter but this isn't about me. I've written about Chrissy Teigen a surprising number of times but I haven't really seen her around all that much. Maybe she and her "husband" spend all their time counting the money he makes from various Christmas themed albums so my plan is to never write about her again. We're quickly hurtling towards 2026 so there is no reason to pretend anyone cares about this woman anymore.

 

Sharon Stone Wants to Eat Your Dog

 

Sharon Stone wore a bikini and then whoever wrote a story about it decided to use a picture of her looking insane instead. Sharon Stone was one of the most attractive female humans alive and then I found out she thinks like a 16 year old high school boy in the replies on an Instagram post. Of course she is nearly 70 years old so I guess you have to cut her a little slack

  But seriously, if you want to be taken seriously stop using arguments you find online from 2008. The whole world changes at the speed of light now, don't be left behind

 

!!!Sexy Update!!!

I lost the original story I was going to link with pictures of her in the aforementioned bikini when I closed it.and I'm not looking for it again. Trust me, you didn't miss much and I'm sure they'll fill the void with Jenna Ortega in a bikini or maybe whoever is the new flavor of the month so be sure to check back here!

 

Don Johnson for the Ladies

 

Don Johnson was at some gala or event or something because that's all these people do. It had something to do with school, or scholars or who knows what the hell. They also mentioned that he was there with his wife Kelley who they called "56" like I'm an idiot. That woman is 56 years old about as much as I'm The Sultan of Brunei. 

You mean to tell me that, that person is one year older than Jennifer Aniston and four years younger than Elizabeth Hurley? Please. Don Johnson seems cool enough I guess, I don't know. And I have no issues with age gaps, how young or old someone is or looks, or anything involving someone's personal life and details. Those kinds of things concern people with tiny minds, my problem is the lying. I guess they don't mind lying to you because you're stupid and they know it.

Denise Richards is Hot

 

Denise Richards showed off her new boobs. Well, kind of showed off. I guess one of her original ones ruptured, probably during a pillow fight, so she had them fixed, and then decided you needed to see them, and thus we have arrived here. 

Denise Richards is hot for being 54 years old. I hate that qualifier because let's face it Denise Richards has always been hot. If you're 54 right now and have never been hot, you're not going to be now. Sorry to break that to you. Looking good past 45 requires planning and a lifetime of diet and exercise you didn't bother doing. Instead you opted for riding on the back of your overweight husband's full dress Harley while you both wear Crocs,while blasting Led Zeppelin on your way to that local bar with the umbrella tables on the patio where everyone plays bag games. You think I don't know? You're like the 40th couple I'll see that looks like that in Chicago just this week  

 That's why people say things like "She looks good for 54". It's because they never really looked good so they say that like being hot at 54 is a bad thing. It's mostly a female thing because nobody hates women more than other women so there's always those kind of backhanded compliments, as in "Wow you look great even though you put on some weight" or "That top looks nice it really hides all of your scars". Jesus Christ being a woman must be fucking exhausting 

True story. I owned a business and all of the employees were women between the ages of 21 and 30 and it nearly drove me quite literally to have a nervous breakdown. It's a slow Chinese water torture kind of existence. With all that constant stress, I have no idea how women manage to live longer than men.  

 

Kristin Cavallari Works on Her Sex Life

 Kristin Cavallari is in the news again and this time it's for something other than talking about who she had sex with. At least for now. She was in Las Vegas with a "boy band" and apparently it's made up of a bunch of 45 year old dudes. She's almost 40 now so they're definitely in her age group. Maybe she had sex with all of them so she can talk about it on the next "We're Boring" podcast. 

Guys, I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. You don't seriously care what these a-holes do, do you?  I've been doing this in one form or another for like 15 years now at some point... Maybe I'm just in a mood.


SEXY UPDATE!!!

 I guess that's The Backstreet Boys? Like are you fucking serious? It's nice to see the person in charge of their costumes thinks they're making a low budget science fiction movie in 1982.

Cash Warren is a Playboy

Jessica Alba's ex, Cash Warren has a new 26 year old girlfriend. I had to close my browser before I caught her name so I'll just call her Heatherleigh, which seems as likely as anything. She's obviously easily manipulated because she believes Cash Warren is famous for something besides being married to Jessica Alba. And Heatherleigh up there is in for a rude awakening once Cash's spousal support runs out. He won't even be able to buy new chain wallets, he sure isn't going to pay for your Porsche sweetie. 

Still, she's obviously very attractive so I can't really blame the guy.  I mean if I was in his position I'd be dating her too. I've made my position on "age gaps" very clear, but unfortunately for me I wouldn't even know where to meet a 26 year old woman. Will she be in line to see Santa Claus? Shoplifting bracelets from Claire's? It's just one of life's unanswerable mysteries 

 

Brittany Cartwright is Someone

 Brittany Cartwright has a new boyfriend, and if you don't know who she is congratulations, you're normal. I didn't catch his name, because I didn't bother reading the story, but just looking t him I assume it's either Dax, Colton, or Luke. 

They didn't say what they were doing, but if you asked me I'd guess they stopped to collect her "Shittiest New Artist Award" before being the oldest couple in the shopping mall parking lot in their used Nissan GTR to hang out with all the Fast and Furious kids in lime green Honda Civics 

Eva Longoria NUDE BIKINI PICS. Again

Take my word for it, I didn't want to write yet another story about Eva Longoria in a bikini at the beach again,  but you people sure do like to click on them. 

And what exactly does Eva Longoria do that she has an estimated net worth of $80 million dollars? The only thing I ever see get talked about with her is when she's walking around Spain in a bikini. Can you make $80 million dollars doing that?  I assume you can because no one ever mentions her new movies or television shows. 

And let's be real here. Eva Longoria is hot yes, but she's in Spain. Have you ever seen the women in Spain? They say the ladies are insane there, and they sure know how to use it. They don't abuse it. Never gonna lose it. I can't refuse it.

Anyway, you have seen the women from Spain and I bet you don't even know it. My friend Adrian from Mexico said all those Mexican telenovela /soap opera women and those weather girls you see all over the internet all the time aren't actually Mexican, they're Spanish. So in Spain on a scale of 1-10, Eva Longoria is essentially a five. This doesn't change my love for her it's just a reality check. For both of us. You have competition with me now Eva, I'm just saying

 

 

Patricia Arquette Gets Short

 Patricia Arquette cut off all of her hair. I don't know why she did this or why it was considered news, but she did and here it is. I bet she cut it all off so she could play that mean girl's gym teacher in the Porky's remake. I realize everybody gets older but this doesn't even look like the same human being.  And keep in mind she's nearly six years younger than Elizabeth Hurley.

Like William Shatner, maybe they change so much as they age because of the deal they made with Satan to become famous it's really the only logical explanation

Rebekah Vardy NUDE

 Rebekah Vardy put on a bikini and took a picture of herself. Yawn. In case you don't know who Rebekah Vardy is, she's the one in the bikini, duh. I think she's British so I have to assume she's married to a soccer player, and was on vacation in Greece, because that seems to be the only things British people do. That and get falling down drunk in Manchester. 

I hate living in an era when some woman with nice tits can wear a bikini and I have to write about it but I guess I did this to myself. 

Miley Cyrus NUDE

That "Miley Cyrus Nude" title wasn't actually my idea, that was the title of the story where I stole this picture. She actually was nude - kind of- but she was covering her boobs with her arm so she was only nude in the technical sense, and I actually liked the picture of her dressed up like a Deliverance Alice in Wonderland better than the nude one. 

With her hillbilly overbite and narrow, close set eye sockets, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if Miley Cyrus spent her days in the kitchen holding a baby on her hip, stirring some possum grits while her husband was sitting on the front porch in a rockin' chair feudin' shootin' with some still owner beyond the holler but you guys seem to like her. For some baffling reason. 

More Eva Longoria Bikini Pics

Eva Longoria wore a bikini while shopping on a "family getaway" in Spain which is a weird way of saying someone is buying things in a place where they live. She lives in Spain so I don't know why they keep saying that like she's just on an extended vacation. Honestly aside from the fact that she's smokin' hot I don't know why she gets written about so much. Who does she pay for this kind of almost non-stop coverage?  Is being hot enough?  How many paparazzi photographers are running around in Spain looking for Eva Longoria? 

Also what the Hell is she shopping for. Whatever she's holding looks exactly like the kind of thing you'd buy in Spain since I can't think of one thing Spain produces besides Spaniards, olives, and the $1 plastic crap Europeans are constantly waving during soccer games 

Also there's something wrong with the way the site is formatting these paragraphs so I'll just end it here since no one reads this crap anyway.  I love you Eva.

Padma Lakshmi Smokes

 Padma Lakshmi put on a bikini and no one mentioned why but honestly she doesn't need a reason. She's 54 years old, why do Gen X people look so good so deep into their 50s and even 60s. Is it something in the water? Maybe it's all that drinking from a garden hose and playing with Jarts I don't know.  She doesn't look 25 but frankly she looks better than a 25 year old. 

Give me a break,  how many 25 year olds even look like that? I see 25 year olds in the gym every day and I promise you NONE of them look like that. 

Personally I think anyone over 40 looks better with shorter hair because long hair on women is for 9 year olds that want to play princess tea party or religious lunatics, but I'm pretty sure I could deal with her choice.

 

 

Modern Family NUDES

 Ty Burrell talked about why he left Hollywood for Utah when Modern Family went off the air. "To raise my family" he said. Okay? Happy now? 

This show went off the air six years ago. If it wasn't for Julie Bowen and Sofia Vergara nobody would give a fuck. I didn't even know that guy's real name until I wrote this. Get a life. This is why the world is in the state it's in. You people spend all your time talking about middling television shows that went off the air, five, ten sometimes even 20 years ago. 

I get it if you enjoy stuff because it's kind of cheesy like Mannix or Barnaby Jones, or The Love Boat or something but otherwise this was just some prime time sitcom. Here's an idea. Go for a walk. It doesn't have to be far start out by going to the corner and back. Look at a bird, maybe pet your neighbor's dog, because I promise. They're never going to stop making shitty television shows and they're all pretty much the same. You think Modern Family is the first - or last - sitcom that's going to make jokes about having kids? It wasn't and it's not going to be.

Michael Biehn Gets Hosed

 Someone took a picture of Michael Biehn and said he was "unrecognizable" and they're right. I wouldn't have known who that was. Mostly because I swear to God I thought he died 10 years ago for some reason. I'm not trying to be mean but so help me I was told he died so I wouldn't have thought to ever pay attention for him. I guess that's the Mandela Effect I don't know.

They didn't mention what he was doing but judging by the stuff in the background I'd say he was at Home Depot or Lowe's and he has one of those garden hoses that shrink when you turn off the water and those things are total garbage. I bought and returned three of them before I learned my lesson. They tear, they leak, they don't last more than a couple of months at best. I had one that was fine until I turned on the water. I took it out of it's box, hooked it up, turned it on and it immediately sprung a leak. So I bought it, hooked it up and returned it all within a span of about 90 minutes. Meanwhile I bought one of those old school green rubber hoses like everyone had in the 1970s three or four years ago and just leave it outside all year 'round and it's been absolutely fine. 

I don't know maybe he's a millionaire because those things aren't exactly free and maybe he just doesn't care. I'm glad you're still alive Mike. You're on your own with the hose thing though.

 

Site Update

 ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION

I have stuff pre-written for tomorrow because I'm working at a job where I won't have much access to a PC or even my phone so everyone needs to come visit tomorrow! It'll be fun!! Or don't. Really at this point I've been doing those for so long in one form or another I honestly don't care anymore. I feel like one of those guys in WWII that's seen one too many battles so in a way, I'm very much a hero

Kristen Stewart is Different

 They said Kristen Stewart "doesn't look like this anymore" (Left photo) and then posted a picture of two people and either one of them could be Kristen Stewart so I guess they're correct since I have zero idea which one she is.

I also think Kristen Stewart is probably a nice person but who gives a fuck about her anymore. Kristen Stewart hasn't been in a movie or anything else that I've been aware for what has to be 15 years at least and there MUST be a reason for that. The only time I even remember Kristen Stewart is when The Daily Mail writes about her. Then 10 minutes later I forget again
 

She's white, she's female, she's gay... she seems ideal by Hollywood standards so if she isn't working she's either retired, or kills kittens in her spare time and nobody wants to be connected with that

So which is it Kristen?

Christina Aguilera Haunts London

Somebody rubbed a haunted scarab after they opened a secret tomb in Egypt and Christina Aguilera crawled out and flew to London. Why, you ask? It was for some play, or musical about burlesque or Chicago or some other dumb thing literally nobody knows or cares about.

I was going to say she kind of looks like Linnea Quigley in Night of the Demons but even with her demon face Linnea Quigley is hot as fuck.  This isn't the clip I wanted to post but even this one was kind of hard to find so I hope you watch it. And if you stumble on the clip I was looking for let me know. How will you know? Oh you'll know.  

Kendra Wilkinson is a Lesbian Now

 Sexy update number 2!!!

A lot of this seems mean even for me. I must've been in a really bad mood  that day

 

Okay so maybe she isn't technically a lesbian but she is done with men... 

Kendra made the comments in a new Instagram post: 'I appreciate all the love and support,' began her message on Insta Stories.'I don't have interest in men at the moment. Just work. Thank you for supporting my business,'

If she can't find a man, maybe she should check under the biscuits and gravy at the breakfast buffet. She's 40 why would you do this to yourself. My friends hit their 40s and instantly started looking like Santa Claus, I just don't get it, but it seems to be a common theme. 

And don't say I'm being mean the ONLY reason we even know who she is is because she was fucking hot and looked awesome naked.  

I'm not saying I'M anything special but Jesus Christ, go for a walk or something. In this day and age if you do even the bare minimum you might live to be 100 years old, but if you need a mobility scooter to go to WalMart you can forget that

 And no I'm not at all suggesting she's fat at all at that point but she is 40 now and getting in shape after 40 is 20 times harder than it was when you were 22. But you get OUT of shape 30 times faster too. Not me though I'll look good forever

Jennifer Lopez is Done for Me

I don't want to write about Jennifer Lopez. I had a story idea saved, but it's 2025 now and seriously, who gives a shit about her anymore. 

You're 55 years old now, take your $400 million and rescue animals or something why do you want to keep showing up at these "events".  What could be the appeal for people doing this long after their "careers" have ended. Think about it, what's the last thing you remember about Jennifer Lopez. I just do not get it.  

There are people alive today that already basically don't know who you she is aside from the fact that she was married to Ben Affleck. And nobody really even remembers him now either. Go. Be gone.

Happy Birthday Jessica Simpson

SEXY UPDATE!!!

the following three stories were actually written many days ago and then some personal events took place. Sorry. Nothing I write here is ever really important anyway so read them or don't. I'm not your mother
 

 Jessica Simpson turned 45 (!) on July 10th and she's still hot as fuck. I don't want to say she's perfect, physically at least, but she's pretty close, even without all the filters, photo shop and black &white BS she used on her Instagram.  

Just imagine how hot you'd look if you quit all the drinking and the pills you chug like they're going to make them illegal on Monday.

!!!SHOCKING!!! Simone Biles is a Bully

 

Simone Biles is a bully and for proof somebody named MyKayla Skinner spilled the beans...

Well, throughout my career, there have been many times when I have been belittled and bullied by Simone and have wanted to keep quiet for the other athletes,' she told Fox.

And there have been multiple times through my Olympic journey and through camps, training, everything that we have gone through where she has come and belittled all of us. I’ve wanted to stay silent through this because she has a huge platform.

Anybody that's surprised that a (formerly) teenaged Olympic gymnast/cheerleader is an arrogant, bullying shit-head really needs to get out more.  You're really surprised to hear this? This comes as shocking news to you? You can tell she's a Mean Girl just by looking at her.

Europe Sucks

 Imagine caring about this. This... THIS, is what your European "betters" care about. An ex-soccer player and a woman that was in a make believe girl group 31 years ago. They'll click on a story like this in the "pub" while they throw darts and talk about werewolves and then make fun of Americans for being awesome. Enjoy your pretend "free" healthcare while you pay a 40-45% tax rate on income over £100,000 which in America is just a  little more than the salary of the garbage man

Bianca Censori is a (Fame) Whore

 Kanye West's "wife", Bianca Censori went for a spa day and of course she did it while she was dressed like she was going to a deadmau5 or Skrillex show in 2013. Why? Who knows. Who knows why do these people do anything. Just imaging being this desperate for attention and to be famous. I will never, ever understand it. Not in a million years

JoJo Siwa Bombs Out

 JoJo Siwa is "postponing" (canceling) all of her US tour dates after she was dropped from her record label. So if you actually know who JoJo Siwa is, and were planning to see her in concert I guess you better find something else to do that night.

It seems however, that she's still doing shows in Europe but have you ever actually talked to a European? Those fucking people will watch anything I have no idea what their deal is. If you need proof of my last statement, JoJo Siwa is touring there.

Sabrina Carpenter NUDE

 

 Some people are complaining that Sabrina Carpenter is oversexualizing her appearance which she denied by appearing on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine on her knees in nothing but white nylons. 

Of course she's over-sexualized. She's a talentless artist that makes terrible music for teenagers, and 20 somethings with brain damage. As far as I know she really only has one hit song that anyone even knows. 

She's basically the far less attractive, much shorter, chubbier, even less talented version of Dua Lipa if you can believe it.

 

Sofia Vergara NUDE

 Sofia Vergara shared a picture of herself in an OLD Dolce & Gabbana photo shoot on her Instagram, and I was wondering why she looked so filtered. I was tricked at first because I didn't realize Dolce & Gabbana was still a thing after (this description redacted). 

C'mon now, look at that picture and explain to me why she's the only one that looks like a cartoon character. 

And I'm not even saying she needs a filter, I mean, have you ever seen Sofia Vergara? It was just the first thing I noticed. And don't tell me you don't see it. They don't mention how old the ad is, but she's 52 as difficult as that may be to believe. Most 52 year olds I know have two feet of cleavage that starts at their chin and those weird jeans that somehow fit a 28 inch waste but cover an ass that's the size of a putting green. How does that work? How do they even put them on. That's so weird.

Eva Longoria NUDE in Spain

 Eva Longoria wore a bathing suit to the beach in Spain. She also had some things to say about Donald Trump, which I didn't actually bother to read because I don't have to, I know exactly what she said. I've been listening to you people bitch about Donald Trump for 10 years so you aren't exactly breaking new ground with me here. 

At this point it's like falling asleep with the TV on and you hear the droning noise in your head subconsciously, and it mixes in with your dreams like one minute you're asleep and the next second your riding in a flying Orient Express and President Eisenhower starts firing canons at battleships or something.  You're actually worse than the guy that spends all day calling a classic rock station and once he finally gets through he requests Black Dog by Led Zeppelin

Kristin Cavallari SEX TAPE

Kristin Cavallari is talking about having sex. Again. What a boring woman. This seems to be the only thing she ever talks about. Kristin Cavallari is what I imagine Nikki Glaser is like in real life when she isn't doing her "comedy". In fact I don't think Nikki Glaser's comedy is really all that different from whatever sex thing Kristen Cavallari is talking about today. Blow jobs? Hand jobs in the bathroom? You know, real cutting edge stuff. Have you ever seen these two in the same room? Nope. And if you did they'd probably try to suck every guy in there off so they could have a good story to tell later on, you know, since neither one of them seems to ever talk about anything else.

You people really need to start demanding more from these a-holes because this shit is like watching paint dry 

Bethenny Frankel NUDE

 The Daily Mail still writes about Bethenny Frankel and it wants you to know how exactly "the 54-year-old achieves her enviable physique", but I can tell you so you don't have to read 1000 words about it. Ready? 

Diet and exercise. 

Obsessive diet and exercise. And probably Ozempic too. You can tell by her skeleton like face. In fact she'd probably look 44 if not for the Ozempic Face. That could just be her face though, honestly I don't know.

Women (and men) that look like that at 54 - or 34, or 44 - live to look like that. Mostly. About 0.5% of the population are lucky enough to look like that naturally but most people that look like that literally spend their days and nights obsessed with food and the gym. It's a way of life and is like a full time job. I know because I used to be that person. And in some ways I still am. It's actually a sickness. But it's no way to live unless you're planning on being in a major movie or walking a Sports Illustrated runway or making content for Only Fans where a lot of people are going to see you naked or something.

People like this consider it a treat to eat one almond with peanut butter on it.  And no I am not joking. They're running on treadmills and working out six times a week. Sometimes twice a day. They measure their food with teaspoons and little scales. If looking like that is your job I can understand. And I guess it's her job but I don't know why. 

She looks good no doubt, but don't go down this road. Just be reasonable about your food and what you do. Trust me that's good enough, especially since less than 99.9999999% of the population will never see you naked. Especially if you get a stupid judge like I did

Gracie McGraw LESBIAN!

 Tim McGraw's daughter Gracie came out as "queer". You know, in case you wanted to know. And so now you do. Has your day been made better? I hope so, because it really made mine just a little more sunny. You know, to find out someone I didn't know existed 10 minutes ago is gay. Congratulations on your sexual orientation Gracie McGraw. Actually nobody cares. Just so you know

Miley Cyrus Can't Tour Nude

 Miley Cyrus has a "medical condition" that keeps her from touring. It's some kind of polyp but seriously, no one gives a shit. If you want to know what it is exactly just click here. Once you find out, if you think you want to let me know, just send me an email with the answer and I'll fly to your house and fill your car's gas tank with Great Stuff expanding construction foam. 

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I can't fathom the seemingly endless fascination you people seem to have with this woman. I just do not get it.

Dua Lipa is Very Hot.

 Dua Lipa is extremely hot, there's no doubt about it, and she was in France dressed like a stripper to prove it. In fact, if I had to build a woman in my garage, honestly it would probably look like her. But for baffling reasons I will never understand, people pay money that they worked for to see her in concert on what seems to be a never ending world tour because I've been hearing about her tour for what seems like the last three years. And while I have to admit I've never heard more than 10 seconds of any of her "music" I don't have too. I know exactly what it sounds like just by looking at her and the people that buy tickets to these shows. This isn't my first day alive on Earth you know.

Miley Cyrus is Stepping Out

 They wrote about Miley Cyrus walking to her car. Imagine caring about this. Someone's job, that they got paid money for, was to take a picture of a middling performer walking to her car. How would they even know where Miley Cyrus is at any given time. They then went into great detail describing what she was wearing. A tank top and black pants.

I've always said Miley Cyrus was very hot in a sort of white trash, last call, dive bar kind of way, but so what. I've known plenty of hot, white trash, dive bar girls and I wouldn't have bought any of their albums or paid hundreds of dollars for tickets to their concerts. I just do not understand what makes Miley Cyrus any different. Oh wait, I know what it is. You people are stupid and have awful taste in music

Brooks Nader LESBIAN NUDES

 After breaking up with her last boyfriend, Whatsisface Whatevername, Brooks Nader is "thinking" about being gay. But she's also still claiming to be 28 years old. That woman is 40 if she's a day.

 

When asked about the qualities she is looking for next in her 'Mr. Right,' Nader responded: 'Honestly I don't even know. Maybe it's mister, maybe it's missus. I don't even know. Who knows? My sister keeps telling me I got to switch teams.'She continued: 'She's, like, over me with the guys. Who knows? I'm 28 and I've been married only so I'm like, "We'll see what happens." I'm open to whatevs but I'm not looking for any kind of a partner right now.'

Every one is gay now. I don't know why but that's the time we live in I guess. And lucky for her it's just in time for Pride Month. What a coincidence. 

And I don't know why she keeps getting written about all the time all of the sudden but she is. And don't forget, Amber Heard was supposedly a lesbian and then she had twins with some guy who's name I don't remember, if I ever knew it in the first place. If you want hardcore information I guess this is the place to come too 

Amber Heard SEX NUDES

 Amber Heard had twins? I thought Amber Heard was a lesbian. The one thing I know about lesbians is they usually don't have sex with men, and there are limited ways to get pregnant without that. And I have zero idea who you people are constantly talking about lately. I haven't heard the name Amber Heard in about a year. And now with Instagram and X and Facebook... everyone is famous. Even you. And no one deserves to be famous less than you, believe me. Could you be any more dull?

Is That You Matt Damon?

 

They said Matt Damon looked "unrecognizable" with a beard, and I guess he would be if you never saw him before. He was at the premier of his new movie, or someone's new movie, called "Shadow Force" or some fucking thing, there is no way in the world I'm ever going to see this so they could have taken a picture of him while he was bowling for all I care. 

He was there with his wife Luciano Barroso who's pretty hot. Thank God he got her to stop cooking spaghetti long enough to go with him to this thing so at least everyone had something nice to watch instead of this movie

Site Update

 I'm sorry gang, I know it seems like I abandoned this place and I guess I kind of mostly did. The fact is, my main, go-to site where I'd steal all the pictures and stories from - The Daily Mail - has become and almost unreadable garbage dump. Seriously, I don't know what happened over there. It's like they fired all their "writers", such as they are, and just use ChatGPT or AI, or they hired a bunch of 8th graders or something it's horrible.

Plus it's also become almost intolerably click-baity since they've started to try to move more toward a subscription (read: paid) site, and now they have to appeal to Facebook boomers from Second and Third World countries that still fall for that kind of thing. I've been very slowly looking for better sources but none can match the sheer physical size of The Daily Mail so a lot more searching is involved and I don't always have time for that.

Anyway, I'm not going anywhere just yet. 

 

Elizabeth Hurley NUDE TITS

 Elizabeth Hurley is still running around in a bikini and I'm sorry, I didn't want to write about this again so soon but I have certain self imposed standards that I need to keep, and one of them is talking about Elizabeth Hurley when she's running around mostly naked. Plus I didn't want to leave George "Brown Haired" Clooney at the top stinking up the whole place.

George Clooney Looks Dumb

George Clooney is still walking around with that ridiculous hair. I don't know, maybe if he went with a lighter color or something it would've been better. Instead he looks like he's walking around in a bar or nightclub hitting on women that are 40 years younger than he is

 

Lizzo is Thin as a Rail

 They said Lizzo "showed off her dramatic weight loss". Imagine being so fat that this is what's called dramatic. I didn't use the picture that showed her from behind, and trust me you'll thank me later. Still she's doing it though so good for her. 

She's 36 now and trust me, you can't be nearly 400 pounds when you're 40 years old, you just can't, I don't care how positive anyone says it is. The human body has it's physical limits and when you hit your 40s, things start to change and you'll just drop dead one day. I'm sorry, that's just how it is, and we don't make the rules. So keep up the good work Lizzo, I'm sure we'll be enjoying your music for many years to come. I won't, I've never heard it and I never will but you know what I mean

Cardi B is Gross

 Cardi B and her disgusting freak-ass performed at Coachella. I'm not sure what kind of person finds this attractive but somebody does. Hey to each their own, I like girls with Mohawks so who am I to judge anyone

This will definitely be one of the few times I write about Coachella which, for some reason, seems to go on for a month. I honestly can't figure out who cares about this that much but again, to each their own. I suppose it goes on for so long to give every B, C, and D-List asshole enough time to show up and wear their brand new $400 tie-dyed t-shirt and dream catcher belt in front of any dumbass with a camera.

Tickets START at nearly $700 in case you feel like blowing nearly two grand so you and a friend can go sit outside and listen to shitty music for three days. I wouldn't pay $700 to watch Jesus Christ ride a unicycle down the street but you're the one that spent $150,000 for college to get a degree in Native American Bead Studies so believe me, no one is going to be asking you for financial advice anyway.

Mel B Goes Wild

 Former Spice Girl, Mel B, took a break from her new job as a bar room bouncer to cool off in the water in Australia. I was going to say she should be careful, they have a lot of sharks there, but it looks like she could probably handle them too. 

Maybe they're filming a new Mad Max, otherwise I can't figure out why everyone keeps going to Australia.  If people are still in those camps just put Mel B on it.  If they can get her to stop ripping phone books in half long enough

Chris Schwarzenegger is Helping

                                                 

 Apparently Arnold Schwarzenegger's son Chris lost a lot of weight and then promptly put it all back on. I think that's what they're talking about, the source material from this place isn't always entirely clear. And I didn't know that Arnold Schwarzenegger had a son named Chris. Maybe they don't talk about him much if you know what I mean. Just look at him of course you know what I mean. 

The bigger story here is how he's driving and doing things all by himself! They didn't say where he was going but I'd guess to his job as a bag boy in the grocery store or maybe the guy that collects the carts since he looks pretty strong. Keep going Chris! You're doing such a good job!

Toni Braxton. Hot and Alive

 Toni Braxton is surprisingly hot, and I say surprisingly because for some reason I thought she died in the 1990s. But that couldn't have been her because that picture is apparently from 2024. But dead or alive she's pretty smokin'.

The original story was how she married and then divorced some guy named "Birdman" all in the span of about two weeks. I suppose that's what happens when you reach the bottom of the dating pool and wind up with a "Birdman". 

Women can blame the men all they want but ultimately they have free will and actively choose someone everyone calls Birdman so I'm guessing the problems would be at least a 50/50 split.  

On the other hand, she said she's ready to start dating again...

 I'm looking forward to getting out there and dating.'

However, Braxton also admitted that she is nervous to get back out on the dating scene again.

'I mean, dating can be scary too. It can be a little bit,' she said before revealing the type of person she is looking to date next.

Of her ideal partner, she said they would be 'a nice guy, someone who will watch Lifetime with me all day long, at least once in the week.'

Hey I'm nice and I'll pretend to watch Lifetime, whatever that is. You'd be surprised at how much I can fake if it's for sex.

 !!!!SEXY UPDATE!!!!

Holy shit she's 57 years old!? 

 

Elizabeth Hurley NUDE

 Elizabeth Hurley was in the Maldives in a bikini, I guess just for a vacation. What she needs a vacation from I have no idea. And I know I complain about the endless bikini stories every week, but Elizabeth Hurley put on a bikini and really, it's unbelievable. And it's not like these are good pictures or something they're screen caps from a video posted on her Instagram. 

I just don't understand how a wealthy woman, that looks like that, who is at least on the surface smart and funny, and I would have to imagine at least mostly normal, is running around single. It's not as if I think a woman needs a man but there are just some things that make sense. Cats and dogs hate each other, 2+2=4, baby kangaroos get mistaken for giant mice, men and women go together, things like that

My secret hope is she's a giant whore that likes going to really perverted swingers parties, and shit like that and a dude would just get in the way. Believe me this fantasy goes on for many, many hours but I won't bore you with details. Unless you want me too

Sheree North is Here

 Do you remember Kramer's mom from Seinfeld? Because I bet you don't.

Candace Cameron Bure Struggles

 Candace Cameron Bure said she's struggled over her body. And then she posted a bikini picture on Instagram. If Candace is tired of struggling over her body I'd like to let her know that I'll be happy to struggle over her body for her if she needs a break

 

!!!SEXY UPDATE!!!!

HOLY SHIT THAT'S DJ TANNER FROM FULL HOUSE WTF

 

Kristen Stewart Does Stuff

 Someone said Kristen Stewart looked "edgy" and I think she does too. If their definition of edgy is a drug addicted prostitute in Louisiana you see getting arrested on LivePD. I don't know where she was or what she is doing because I don't care about doing this anymore.

If this is the last time I ever have to read about Kirstemn Stweart that would be absolutely fine with me

Jessica Alba Bikini Time NUDE

 

Jessica Alba is in the "news" again. This time in a bikini. She's hot and cute all at the same time which is extremely hard to pull off. I don't even think that's something you can manage to do on your own, I think it's just the way you're born. Plus she's well above (about to turn 44) my legal minimum age requirement of 35 so that's good too.

I'm not really sure what the cause is behind the sudden explosion of Jessica Alba stories, but they did call her "The Dark Angel star" even though I've never heard of that so maybe that has something to do with it? I don't know who her friend in blue is, maybe they mentioned it but I don't care, this whole story was totally pointless. Even more so than usual.