Saturday, August 9, 2025

Rebekah Vardy NUDE


 Rebekah Vardy put on a bikini and took a picture of herself. Yawn. In case you don't know who Rebekah Vardy is, she's the one in the bikini, duh. I think she's British so I have to assume she's married to a soccer player, and was on vacation in Greece, because that seems to be the only things British people do. That and get falling down drunk in Manchester. 

I hate living in an era when some woman with nice tits can wear a bikini and I have to write about it but I guess I did this to myself. 

Thursday, August 7, 2025

Miley Cyrus NUDE

That "Miley Cyrus Nude" title wasn't actually my idea, that was the title of the story where I stole this picture. She actually was nude - kind of- but she was covering her boobs with her arm so she was only nude in the technical sense, and I actually liked the picture of her dressed up like a Deliverance Alice in Wonderland better than the nude one. 

With her hillbilly overbite and narrow, close together eye sockets, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if Miley Cyrus spent her days in the kitchen holding a baby on her hip, stirring some possum grits while her husband was sitting on the front porch in a rockin' chair feudin' shootin' with some still owner beyond the holler but you guys seem to like her. For some baffling reason. 

More Eva Longoria Bikini Pics

Eva Longoria wore a bikini while shopping on a "family getaway" in Spain which is a weird way of saying someone is buying things in a place where they live. She lives in Spain so I don't know why they keep saying that like she's just on an extended vacation. Honestly aside from the fact that she's smokin' hot I don't know why she gets written about so much. Who does she pay for this kind of almost non-stop coverage?  Is being hot enough?  How many paparazzi photographers are running around in Spain looking for Eva Longoria? 

Also what the Hell is she shopping for. Whatever she's holding looks exactly like the kind of thing you'd buy in Spain since I can't think of one thing Spain produces besides Spaniards, olives, and the $1 plastic crap Europeans are constantly waving during soccer games 

Also there's something wrong with the way the site is formatting these paragraphs so I'll just end it here since no one reads this crap anyway.  I love you Eva.

Wednesday, August 6, 2025

Padma Lakshmi Smokes


 Padma Lakshmi put on a bikini and no one mentioned why but honestly she doesn't need a reason. She's 54 years old, why do Gen X people look so good so deep into their 50s and even 60s. Is it something in the water? Maybe it's all that drinking from a garden hose and playing with Jarts I don't know.  She doesn't look 25 but frankly she looks better than a 25 year old. 

Give me a break,  how many 25 year olds even look like that? I see 25 year olds in the gym every day and I promise you NONE of them look like that. 

Personally I think anyone over 40 looks better with shorter hair because long hair on women is for 9 year olds that want to play princess tea party or religious lunatics, but I'm pretty sure I could deal with her choice.

 

 


Tuesday, August 5, 2025

Modern Family NUDES


 Ty Burrell talked about why he left Hollywood for Utah when Modern Family went off the air. "To raise my family" he said. Okay? Happy now? 

This show went off the air six years ago. If it wasn't for Julie Bowen and Sofia Vergara nobody would give a fuck. I didn't even know that guy's real name until I wrote this. Get a life. This is why the world is in the state it's in. You people spend all your time talking about middling television shows that went off the air, five, ten sometimes even 20 years ago. 

I get it if you enjoy stuff because it's kind of cheesy like Mannix or Barnaby Jones, or The Love Boat or something but otherwise this was just some prime time sitcom. Here's an idea. Go for a walk. It doesn't have to be far start out by going to the corner and back. Look at a bird, maybe pet your neighbor's dog, because I promise. They're never going to stop making shitty television shows and they're all pretty much the same. You think Modern Family is the first - or last - sitcom that's going to make jokes about having kids? It wasn't and it's not going to be.

Monday, August 4, 2025

Michael Biehn Gets Hosed


 Someone took a picture of Michael Biehn and said he was "unrecognizable" and they're right. I wouldn't have known who that was. Mostly because I swear to God I thought he died 10 years ago for some reason. I'm not trying to be mean but so help me I was told he died so I wouldn't have thought to ever pay attention for him. I guess that's the Mandela Effect I don't know.

They didn't mention what he was doing but judging by the stuff in the background I'd say he was at Home Depot or Lowe's and he has one of those garden hoses that shrink when you turn off the water and those things are total garbage. I bought and returned three of them before I learned my lesson. They tear, they leak, they don't last more than a couple of months at best. I had one that was fine until I turned on the water. I took it out of it's box, hooked it up, turned it on and it immediately sprung a leak. So I bought it, hooked it up and returned it all within a span of about 90 minutes. Meanwhile I bought one of those old school green rubber hoses like everyone had in the 1970s three or four years ago and just leave it outside all year 'round and it's been absolutely fine. 

I don't know maybe he's a millionaire because those things aren't exactly free and maybe he just doesn't care. I'm glad you're still alive Mike. You're on your own with the hose thing though.

 

Sunday, August 3, 2025

Site Update


 ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION

I have stuff pre-written for tomorrow because I'm working at a job where I won't have much access to a PC or even my phone so everyone needs to come visit tomorrow! It'll be fun!! Or don't. Really at this point I've been doing those for so long in one form or another I honestly don't care anymore. I feel like one of those guys in WWII that's seen one too many battles so in a way, I'm very much a hero

Monday, July 28, 2025

Kristen Stewart is Different


 They said Kristen Stewart "doesn't look like this anymore" (Left photo) and then posted a picture of two people and either one of them could be Kristen Stewart so I guess they're correct since I have zero idea which one she is.

I also think Kristen Stewart is probably a nice person but who gives a fuck about her anymore. Kristen Stewart hasn't been in a movie or anything else that I've been aware for what has to be 15 years at least and there MUST be a reason for that. The only time I even remember Kristen Stewart is when The Daily Mail writes about her. Then 10 minutes later I forget again
 

She's white, she's female, she's gay... she seems ideal by Hollywood standards so if she isn't working she's either retired, or kills kittens in her spare time and nobody wants to be connected with that

So which is it Kristen?

Wednesday, July 23, 2025

Christina Aguilera Haunts London


Somebody rubbed a haunted scarab after they opened a secret tomb in Egypt and Christina Aguilera crawled out and flew to London. Why, you ask? It was for some play, or musical about burlesque or Chicago or some other dumb thing literally nobody knows or cares about.

I was going to say she kind of looks like Linnea Quigley in Night of the Demons but even with her demon face Linnea Quigley is hot as fuck.  This isn't the clip I wanted to post but even this one was kind of hard to find so I hope you watch it. And if you stumble on the clip I was looking for let me know. How will you know? Oh you'll know.  


Kendra Wilkinson is a Lesbian Now


 Sexy update number 2!!!

A lot of this seems mean even for me. I must've been in a really bad mood  that day

 

Okay so maybe she isn't technically a lesbian but she is done with men... 

Kendra made the comments in a new Instagram post: 'I appreciate all the love and support,' began her message on Insta Stories.'I don't have interest in men at the moment. Just work. Thank you for supporting my business,'

If she can't find a man, maybe she should check under the biscuits and gravy at the breakfast buffet. She's 40 why would you do this to yourself. My friends hit their 40s and instantly started looking like Santa Claus, I just don't get it, but it seems to be a common theme. 

And don't say I'm being mean the ONLY reason we even know who she is is because she was fucking hot and looked awesome naked.  

I'm not saying I'M anything special but Jesus Christ, go for a walk or something. In this day and age if you do even the bare minimum you might live to be 100 years old, but if you need a mobility scooter to go to WalMart you can forget that

 And no I'm not at all suggesting she's fat at all at that point but she is 40 now and getting in shape after 40 is 20 times harder than it was when you were 22. But you get OUT of shape 30 times faster too. Not me though I'll look good forever

Tuesday, July 22, 2025

Jennifer Lopez is Done for Me


I don't want to write about Jennifer Lopez. I had a story idea saved, but it's 2025 now and seriously, who gives a shit about her anymore. 

You're 55 years old now, take your $400 million and rescue animals or something why do you want to keep showing up at these "events".  What could be the appeal for people doing this long after their "careers" have ended. Think about it, what's the last thing you remember about Jennifer Lopez. I just do not get it.  

There are people alive today that already basically don't know who you she is aside from the fact that she was married to Ben Affleck. And nobody really even remembers him now either. Go. Be gone.

Happy Birthday Jessica Simpson

SEXY UPDATE!!!

the following three stories were actually written many days ago and then some personal events took place. Sorry. Nothing I write here is ever really important anyway so read them or don't. I'm not your mother
 

 Jessica Simpson turned 45 (!) on July 10th and she's still hot as fuck. I don't want to say she's perfect, physically at least, but she's pretty close, even without all the filters, photo shop and black &white BS she used on her Instagram.  

Just imagine how hot you'd look if you quit all the drinking and the pills you chug like they're going to make them illegal on Monday.

Saturday, June 21, 2025

!!!SHOCKING!!! Simone Biles is a Bully

 

Simone Biles is a bully and for proof somebody named MyKayla Skinner spilled the beans...

Well, throughout my career, there have been many times when I have been belittled and bullied by Simone and have wanted to keep quiet for the other athletes,' she told Fox.

And there have been multiple times through my Olympic journey and through camps, training, everything that we have gone through where she has come and belittled all of us. I’ve wanted to stay silent through this because she has a huge platform.

Anybody that's surprised that a (formerly) teenaged Olympic gymnast/cheerleader is an arrogant, bullying shit-head really needs to get out more.  You're really surprised to hear this? This comes as shocking news to you? You can tell she's a Mean Girl just by looking at her.

Thursday, June 19, 2025

Europe Sucks


 Imagine caring about this. This... THIS, is what your European "betters" care about. An ex-soccer player and a woman that was in a make believe girl group 31 years ago. They'll click on a story like this in the "pub" while they throw darts and talk about werewolves and then make fun of Americans for being awesome. Enjoy your pretend "free" healthcare while you pay a 40-45% tax rate on income over £100,000 which in America is just a  little more than the salary of the garbage man

Wednesday, June 18, 2025

Bianca Censori is a (Fame) Whore


 Kanye West's "wife", Bianca Censori went for a spa day and of course she did it while she was dressed like she was going to a deadmau5 or Skrillex show in 2013. Why? Who knows. Who knows why do these people do anything. Just imaging being this desperate for attention and to be famous. I will never, ever understand it. Not in a million years

Tuesday, June 17, 2025

JoJo Siwa Bombs Out


 JoJo Siwa is "postponing" (canceling) all of her US tour dates after she was dropped from her record label. So if you actually know who JoJo Siwa is, and were planning to see her in concert I guess you better find something else to do that night.

It seems however, that she's still doing shows in Europe but have you ever actually talked to a European? Those fucking people will watch anything I have no idea what their deal is. If you need proof of my last statement, JoJo Siwa is touring there.

Sabrina Carpenter NUDE

 


 Some people are complaining that Sabrina Carpenter is oversexualizing her appearance which she denied by appearing on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine on her knees in nothing but white nylons. 

Of course she's over-sexualized. She's a talentless artist that makes terrible music for teenagers, and 20 somethings with brain damage. As far as I know she really only has one hit song that anyone even knows. 

She's basically the far less attractive, much shorter, chubbier, even less talented version of Dua Lipa if you can believe it.

 


Friday, June 13, 2025

Sofia Vergara NUDE


 Sofia Vergara shared a picture of herself in an OLD Dolce & Gabbana photo shoot on her Instagram, and I was wondering why she looked so filtered. I was tricked at first because I didn't realize Dolce & Gabbana was still a thing after (this description redacted). 

C'mon now, look at that picture and explain to me why she's the only one that looks like a cartoon character. 

And I'm not even saying she needs a filter, I mean, have you ever seen Sofia Vergara? It was just the first thing I noticed. And don't tell me you don't see it. They don't mention how old the ad is, but she's 52 as difficult as that may be to believe. Most 52 year olds I know have two feet of cleavage that starts at their chin and those weird jeans that somehow fit a 28 inch waste but cover an ass that's the size of a putting green. How does that work? How do they even put them on. That's so weird.

Eva Longoria NUDE in Spain


 Eva Longoria wore a bathing suit to the beach in Spain. She also had some things to say about Donald Trump, which I didn't actually bother to read because I don't have to, I know exactly what she said. I've been listening to you people bitch about Donald Trump for 10 years so you aren't exactly breaking new ground with me here. 

At this point it's like falling asleep with the TV on and you hear the droning noise in your head subconsciously, and it mixes in with your dreams like one minute you're asleep and the next second your riding in a flying Orient Express and President Eisenhower starts firing canons at battleships or something.  You're actually worse than the guy that spends all day calling a classic rock station and once he finally gets through he requests Black Dog by Led Zeppelin

Thursday, June 12, 2025

Kristin Cavallari SEX TAPE


Kristin Cavallari is talking about having sex. Again. What a boring woman. This seems to be the only thing she ever talks about. Kristin Cavallari is what I imagine Nikki Glaser is like in real life when she isn't doing her "comedy". In fact I don't think Nikki Glaser's comedy is really all that different from whatever sex thing Kristen Cavallari is talking about today. Blow jobs? Hand jobs in the bathroom? You know, real cutting edge stuff. Have you ever seen these two in the same room? Nope. And if you did they'd probably try to suck every guy in there off so they could have a good story to tell later on, you know, since neither one of them seems to ever talk about anything else.

You people really need to start demanding more from these a-holes because this shit is like watching paint dry 

Thursday, June 5, 2025

Bethenny Frankel NUDE


 The Daily Mail still writes about Bethenny Frankel and it wants you to know how exactly "the 54-year-old achieves her enviable physique", but I can tell you so you don't have to read 1000 words about it. Ready? 

Diet and exercise. 

Obsessive diet and exercise. And probably Ozempic too. You can tell by her skeleton like face. In fact she'd probably look 44 if not for the Ozempic Face. That could just be her face though, honestly I don't know.

Women (and men) that look like that at 54 - or 34, or 44 - live to look like that. Mostly. About 0.5% of the population are lucky enough to look like that naturally but most people that look like that literally spend their days and nights obsessed with food and the gym. It's a way of life and is like a full time job. I know because I used to be that person. And in some ways I still am. It's actually a sickness. But it's no way to live unless you're planning on being in a major movie or walking a Sports Illustrated runway or making content for Only Fans where a lot of people are going to see you naked or something.

People like this consider it a treat to eat one almond with peanut butter on it.  And no I am not joking. They're running on treadmills and working out six times a week. Sometimes twice a day. They measure their food with teaspoons and little scales. If looking like that is your job I can understand. And I guess it's her job but I don't know why. 

She looks good no doubt, but don't go down this road. Just be reasonable about your food and what you do. Trust me that's good enough, especially since less than 99.9999999% of the population will never see you naked. Especially if you get a stupid judge like I did

Wednesday, June 4, 2025

Gracie McGraw LESBIAN!


 Tim McGraw's daughter Gracie came out as "queer". You know, in case you wanted to know. And so now you do. Has your day been made better? I hope so, because it really made mine just a little more sunny. You know, to find out someone I didn't know existed 10 minutes ago is gay. Congratulations on your sexual orientation Gracie McGraw. Actually nobody cares. Just so you know

Wednesday, May 28, 2025

Miley Cyrus Can't Tour Nude


 Miley Cyrus has a "medical condition" that keeps her from touring. It's some kind of polyp but seriously, no one gives a shit. If you want to know what it is exactly just click here. Once you find out, if you think you want to let me know, just send me an email with the answer and I'll fly to your house and fill your car's gas tank with Great Stuff expanding construction foam. 

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I can't fathom the seemingly endless fascination you people seem to have with this woman. I just do not get it.

Tuesday, May 27, 2025

Dua Lipa is Very Hot.


 Dua Lipa is extremely hot, there's no doubt about it, and she was in France dressed like a stripper to prove it. In fact, if I had to build a woman in my garage, honestly it would probably look like her. But for baffling reasons I will never understand, people pay money that they worked for to see her in concert on what seems to be a never ending world tour because I've been hearing about her tour for what seems like the last three years. And while I have to admit I've never heard more than 10 seconds of any of her "music" I don't have too. I know exactly what it sounds like just by looking at her and the people that buy tickets to these shows. This isn't my first day alive on Earth you know.

Thursday, May 22, 2025

Miley Cyrus is Stepping Out


 They wrote about Miley Cyrus walking to her car. Imagine caring about this. Someone's job, that they got paid money for, was to take a picture of a middling performer walking to her car. How would they even know where Miley Cyrus is at any given time. They then went into great detail describing what she was wearing. A tank top and black pants.

I've always said Miley Cyrus was very hot in a sort of white trash, last call, dive bar kind of way, but so what. I've known plenty of hot, white trash, dive bar girls and I wouldn't have bought any of their albums or paid hundreds of dollars for tickets to their concerts. I just do not understand what makes Miley Cyrus any different. Oh wait, I know what it is. You people are stupid and have awful taste in music

Saturday, May 17, 2025

Brooks Nader LESBIAN NUDES


 After breaking up with her last boyfriend, Whatsisface Whatevername, Brooks Nader is "thinking" about being gay. But she's also still claiming to be 28 years old. That woman is 40 if she's a day.
 
When asked about the qualities she is looking for next in her 'Mr. Right,' Nader responded: 'Honestly I don't even know. Maybe it's mister, maybe it's missus. I don't even know. Who knows? My sister keeps telling me I got to switch teams.'She continued: 'She's, like, over me with the guys. Who knows? I'm 28 and I've been married only so I'm like, "We'll see what happens." I'm open to whatevs but I'm not looking for any kind of a partner right now.'

Every one is gay now. I don't know why but that's the time we live in I guess. And lucky for her it's just in time for Pride Month. What a coincidence. 

And I don't know why she keeps getting written about all the time all of the sudden but she is. And don't forget, Amber Heard was supposedly a lesbian and then she had twins with some guy who's name I don't remember, if I ever knew it in the first place. If you want hardcore information I guess this is the place to come too 



Monday, May 12, 2025

Amber Heard SEX NUDES


 Amber Heard had twins? I thought Amber Heard was a lesbian. The one thing I know about lesbians is they usually don't have sex with men, and there are limited ways to get pregnant without that. And I have zero idea who you people are constantly talking about lately. I haven't heard the name Amber Heard in about a year. And now with Instagram and X and Facebook... everyone is famous. Even you. And no one deserves to be famous less than you, believe me. Could you be any more dull?

Monday, May 5, 2025

Is That You Matt Damon?

 

They said Matt Damon looked "unrecognizable" with a beard, and I guess he would be if you never saw him before. He was at the premier of his new movie, or someone's new movie, called "Shadow Force" or some fucking thing, there is no way in the world I'm ever going to see this so they could have taken a picture of him while he was bowling for all I care. 

He was there with his wife Luciano Barroso who's pretty hot. Thank God he got her to stop cooking spaghetti long enough to go with him to this thing so at least everyone had something nice to watch instead of this movie

Friday, May 2, 2025

Site Update


 I'm sorry gang, I know it seems like I abandoned this place and I guess I kind of mostly did. The fact is, my main, go-to site where I'd steal all the pictures and stories from - The Daily Mail - has become and almost unreadable garbage dump. Seriously, I don't know what happened over there. It's like they fired all their "writers", such as they are, and just use ChatGPT or AI, or they hired a bunch of 8th graders or something it's horrible.

Plus it's also become almost intolerably click-baity since they've started to try to move more toward a subscription (read: paid) site, and now they have to appeal to Facebook boomers from Second and Third World countries that still fall for that kind of thing. I've been very slowly looking for better sources but none can match the sheer physical size of The Daily Mail so a lot more searching is involved and I don't always have time for that.

Anyway, I'm not going anywhere just yet. 

 

Saturday, April 19, 2025

Elizabeth Hurley NUDE TITS


 Elizabeth Hurley is still running around in a bikini and I'm sorry, I didn't want to write about this again so soon but I have certain self imposed standards that I need to keep, and one of them is talking about Elizabeth Hurley when she's running around mostly naked. Plus I didn't want to leave George "Brown Haired" Clooney at the top stinking up the whole place.

Friday, April 18, 2025

George Clooney Looks Dumb

George Clooney is still walking around with that ridiculous hair. I don't know, maybe if he went with a lighter color or something it would've been better. Instead he looks like he's walking around in a bar or nightclub hitting on women that are 40 years younger than he is

 


Lizzo is Thin as a Rail


 They said Lizzo "showed off her dramatic weight loss". Imagine being so fat that this is what's called dramatic. I didn't use the picture that showed her from behind, and trust me you'll thank me later. Still she's doing it though so good for her. 

She's 36 now and trust me, you can't be nearly 400 pounds when you're 40 years old, you just can't, I don't care how positive anyone says it is. The human body has it's physical limits and when you hit your 40s, things start to change and you'll just drop dead one day. I'm sorry, that's just how it is, and we don't make the rules. So keep up the good work Lizzo, I'm sure we'll be enjoying your music for many years to come. I won't, I've never heard it and I never will but you know what I mean

Tuesday, April 15, 2025

Cardi B is Gross


 Cardi B and her disgusting freak-ass performed at Coachella. I'm not sure what kind of person finds this attractive but somebody does. Hey to each their own, I like girls with Mohawks so who am I to judge anyone

This will definitely be one of the few times I write about Coachella which, for some reason, seems to go on for a month. I honestly can't figure out who cares about this that much but again, to each their own. I suppose it goes on for so long to give every B, C, and D-List asshole enough time to show up and wear their brand new $400 tie-dyed t-shirt and dream catcher belt in front of any dumbass with a camera.

Tickets START at nearly $700 in case you feel like blowing nearly two grand so you and a friend can go sit outside and listen to shitty music for three days. I wouldn't pay $700 to watch Jesus Christ ride a unicycle down the street but you're the one that spent $150,000 for college to get a degree in Native American Bead Studies so believe me, no one is going to be asking you for financial advice anyway.

Mel B Goes Wild


 Former Spice Girl, Mel B, took a break from her new job as a bar room bouncer to cool off in the water in Australia. I was going to say she should be careful, they have a lot of sharks there, but it looks like she could probably handle them too. 

Maybe they're filming a new Mad Max, otherwise I can't figure out why everyone keeps going to Australia.  If people are still in those camps just put Mel B on it.  If they can get her to stop ripping phone books in half long enough

Monday, April 14, 2025

Chris Schwarzenegger is Helping

                                                 

 Apparently Arnold Schwarzenegger's son Chris lost a lot of weight and then promptly put it all back on. I think that's what they're talking about, the source material from this place isn't always entirely clear. And I didn't know that Arnold Schwarzenegger had a son named Chris. Maybe they don't talk about him much if you know what I mean. Just look at him of course you know what I mean. 

The bigger story here is how he's driving and doing things all by himself! They didn't say where he was going but I'd guess to his job as a bag boy in the grocery store or maybe the guy that collects the carts since he looks pretty strong. Keep going Chris! You're doing such a good job!


Friday, April 11, 2025

Toni Braxton. Hot and Alive


 Toni Braxton is surprisingly hot, and I say surprisingly because for some reason I thought she died in the 1990s. But that couldn't have been her because that picture is apparently from 2024. But dead or alive she's pretty smokin'.

The original story was how she married and then divorced some guy named "Birdman" all in the span of about two weeks. I suppose that's what happens when you reach the bottom of the dating pool and wind up with a "Birdman". 

Women can blame the men all they want but ultimately they have free will and actively choose someone everyone calls Birdman so I'm guessing the problems would be at least a 50/50 split.  

On the other hand, she said she's ready to start dating again...

 I'm looking forward to getting out there and dating.'

However, Braxton also admitted that she is nervous to get back out on the dating scene again.

'I mean, dating can be scary too. It can be a little bit,' she said before revealing the type of person she is looking to date next.

Of her ideal partner, she said they would be 'a nice guy, someone who will watch Lifetime with me all day long, at least once in the week.'

Hey I'm nice and I'll pretend to watch Lifetime, whatever that is. You'd be surprised at how much I can fake if it's for sex.

 !!!!SEXY UPDATE!!!!

Holy shit she's 57 years old!? 

 

Thursday, April 10, 2025

Elizabeth Hurley NUDE


 Elizabeth Hurley was in the Maldives in a bikini, I guess just for a vacation. What she needs a vacation from I have no idea. And I know I complain about the endless bikini stories every week, but Elizabeth Hurley put on a bikini and really, it's unbelievable. And it's not like these are good pictures or something they're screen caps from a video posted on her Instagram

I just don't understand how a wealthy woman, that looks like that, who is at least on the surface smart and funny, and I would have to imagine at least mostly normal, is running around single. It's not as if I think a woman needs a man but there are just some things that make sense. Cats and dogs hate each other, 2+2=4, baby kangaroos get mistaken for giant mice, men and women go together, things like that

My secret hope is she's a giant whore that likes going to really perverted swingers parties, and shit like that and a dude would just get in the way. Believe me this fantasy goes on for many, many hours but I won't bore you with details. Unless you want me too

Wednesday, April 9, 2025

Sheree North is Here


 Do you remember Kramer's mom from Seinfeld? Because I bet you don't.

Candace Cameron Bure Struggles


 Candace Cameron Bure said she's struggled over her body. And then she posted a bikini picture on Instagram. If Candace is tired of struggling over her body I'd like to let her know that I'll be happy to struggle over her body for her if she needs a break

 

!!!SEXY UPDATE!!!!

HOLY SHIT THAT'S DJ TANNER FROM FULL HOUSE WTF

 


Tuesday, April 8, 2025

Kristen Stewart Does Stuff


 Someone said Kristen Stewart looked "edgy" and I think she does too. If their definition of edgy is a drug addicted prostitute in Louisiana you see getting arrested on LivePD. I don't know where she was or what she is doing because I don't care about doing this anymore.

If this is the last time I ever have to read about Kirstemn Stweart that would be absolutely fine with me

Monday, April 7, 2025

Jessica Alba Bikini Time NUDE

 

Jessica Alba is in the "news" again. This time in a bikini. She's hot and cute all at the same time which is extremely hard to pull off. I don't even think that's something you can manage to do on your own, I think it's just the way you're born. Plus she's well above (about to turn 44) my legal minimum age requirement of 35 so that's good too.

I'm not really sure what the cause is behind the sudden explosion of Jessica Alba stories, but they did call her "The Dark Angel star" even though I've never heard of that so maybe that has something to do with it? I don't know who her friend in blue is, maybe they mentioned it but I don't care, this whole story was totally pointless. Even more so than usual.

Friday, April 4, 2025

Tucker Carlson Isn't Cool


 I know virtually nothing about Tucker Carlson. I heard somewhere at one point that he was some kind of trust fund baby but I have no idea if that's true. You know who else is a trust fund baby? Julia Louis-Dreyfus. She was close to being a billionaire even before she was on Seinfeld. But she's hot and funny so I'll let it slide.

Well anyway, I guess I know what kind of car Tucker Carlson drives. A 1987 Chevy Silverado. And without even knowing him I can tell you he's not cool enough to own that truck.

 While getting gas for his new truck he said... 'All of a sudden at a gas station, it says, "Stop, we're downloading information from the internet,"' he claimed in during an interview with gearhead Casey Putsch.  'I sold the car immediately. I brought it back and sold it.'

 The disturbing claim follows reports of auto manufacturers sharing data with brokers and insurance companies. 

A New York Times investigation revealed that several major brands — including GM, Chevy’s parent company — were  tracking driver habits deemed unsafe.

Yeah of course they're doing that, the technology exists why wouldn't they? It probably won't reach the point where they're shutting off your car because you drive too fast yet, but I bet it happens within the next few years, and if you don't think we're headed that way you're an insane boot licker.

Amazon shut down some guys house because they didn't like something he said.  Which, as it turns out, he didn't even say.

 My home owners insurance threatened to drop me because there were some things they saw that they didn't like. Insurance my bank requires me to have. So I did them a favor and dropped them and went with someone else. But what if there was no one else?  

But you people are short sighted morons so you'll ignore this problem and call anyone that sees this as an issue a "conspiracy theorist" until it gets too big to fix and you're taking a two hour bus ride to work in a  government approved truck, and then you'll just blame republicans.  I've seen shit like this play out 100 times, I wasn't born yesterday you know.


 

Ben Affleck Goes Somewhere


 I hope Ben Affleck isn't as much of an asshole as I imagine he is. My asshole radar is usually pretty accurate though. My gay friend JD told me once that if you look at someone and "think" they might be gay, you're almost always right. So I'm assuming the same goes for assholes. 

Why do people talk about this guy so much? What was the last movie he was even in?

He was at CinemaCon in Las Vegas or somewhere with a bunch of other a-holes like Ryan Gosling and Andrew Garfield - whoever that is. Most of this story was about his beard. I didn't see any mention of Jennifer Lopez or Jennifer Garner, but who knows, maybe they're saving those breaking stories for Friday.

 

Thursday, April 3, 2025

Neil Young is a Hobo


 Neil Young says he's worried he won't be allowed back in the US for some reason. Honestly I thought he'd be happy about that, what with all of the brain damaged retards he hangs around with that keep saying they'll leave the United States now that Donald Trump got re-elected

 When I go to play music in Europe, if I talk about Donald J. Trump, I may be one of those returning to America who is barred or put in jail to sleep on a cement floor with an aluminum blanket,' he wrote on his website on Tuesday

 He's a United States citizen. He can come and go as he pleases. Nothing's changed. Except I think he's back on Spotify, that's changed. 

Heart of Gold is EASILY one of my top ten favorite songs. He has a couple others that I really like a lot too, plus he's into model trains and shit like that. He sounds like a cool guy, I just wish he'd quit with the hysterics, you all sound like a bunch of drunk 70 year old women it's unbelievable.

Tuesday, April 1, 2025

Kylie Jenner Doesn't Know Shame


 I doubt very much that Kylie Jenner can be "humiliated" about anything. In public or otherwise. The full story is in Daily Mail+ and if you think I'd pay to read that Retard Bible you need your head examined. 

The Daily Mail is second only to Facebook for being the worst place on the internet and it's a close second. 99% of the time, I don't even read the stories beyond the headline, I usually just steal the pictures, it's almost totally unbearable.

Monday, March 31, 2025

Jessica Alba Brings Back Memories

Jessica Alba posted a bikini pic on her Instagram. She's terrible at taking selfies, but I am too so whatever. I haven't thought about Jessica Alba in years, and I remember when she was the original Jenna Ortega, or whoever is the newest "It Girl" now. And now that she's divorced from Johnny Cash or whoever she was married too I'll definitely think about her later.  

I have/had a friend that looks EXACTLY like Jessica Alba. TF are her initials. The resemblance is uncanny. I mean if you saw her in public you'd say "holy shit that's Jessica Alba" so when I see her (Jessica Alba) it does make me a little nostalgic for the "olde days".  We're still friends, albeit mostly through social media. These are all good stories right? Remind me to tell you about this one time I woke up in Indiana

Friday, March 28, 2025

Sydeny Sweeney is Single


 Good news everybody! Sydney Sweeney called off her wedding. She was getting married to some guy named Davino, or Devitto or DaVinci or something. Basically a stupid Italian. I don't know why she called it off, but I imagine she got sick of sitting around listening to him breath through his nose. The reasons aren't really all that important anyway, they never are and ultimately, it's the end result that counts.

By the way, I honestly don't know the real reason so my theory is probably true

At 27, she's slightly below my minimum age requirement, but from the little I've seen she seems super cool and every once in a great while you get a unicorn like that. They're literally probably 1 in 5 million if that, maybe 1 in 10 million. So rare in fact, I've maybe met four or five at the most over the course of my entire lifetime.

Either way you should call me back Syd (I call her Syd). The usual number

Nikki Glaser Gets Hot


 Nikki Glaser looks different now than she did in 2009. There's a lot more information here in the original story if you're interested because I'm not reading all of that.

I don't know why this is a story, but I guess she brought it up. There must've been rumblings about this on the idiot space (internet) so she's trying t get ahead of it by talking about plastic surgery etc...

 There's kind of a stigma around getting face work or investing in your beauty and doing all these procedures,' she explained. 'And there is maybe a little bit of a sadness to it, but I kind of also am like, "Well, it makes my life better."'

And then she delivered this truth bomb: 'People treat you better when you're hotter. It's just a fact. It's a sad fact of life.'

She's right. I've said it 100 times that I do not understand the objection to getting surgery to make yourself look better - as you perceive it - if you have the money. Do it. The technology exists. And I always said if I had the money so much of me would be fake you'd think I was a robot.

Okay and I won't lie to you and this much should be obvious but I think Nikki Glaser is smokin' hot. And honestly she could do whatever she wants. On a scale of one to 10 she's easily an eight. A neck tattoo would make her a 10 but maybe we can work on that.

There's just one problem. Niki Glaser is hot yes, but as she looks now, she's hot in a 20 year old sorority girl that spends every weekend at college basketball parties kind of way. I'd bet anyone that within the last 10 years, she's been to at least seven parties where she's worn a tiara. And if that's what she was going for that's fine, it's her life. I wish I could describe it better but there's my conundrum. Hot, but neither one of us would have anything to do with the each other. And she would be super snotty about it. At least that's the idea I'd get if I saw her in a jam packed bar where she was drinking green, lite beer and wearing a ton of beads around her neck. 

If it sounds like I have experience with this I do. I see these people all the time, stumbling down Fullerton Avenue and Clark Street all Summer long. Grow up Nikki.

Thursday, March 27, 2025

Danica Patrick NUDE


 Danica Patrick posted a bikini selfie because that's what women do. Don't get me wrong I'm not complaining but imagine if dudes were constantly doing this. Posting constant pictures of themselves in their underwear. For all I know they do, you people are so friggin weird.

She's hot though isn't she? So this is okay, plus she's over 40 and races cars, or at least she used to race cars, I think she's mostly retired from that I know almost nothing about NASCAR. They drive fast in circles. That's all I know. I mean how much more perfect can you get. Unless she starts driving top fuel dragsters oh man. 

For a while I was worried I was going to get tricked like what happened with Jillian Michaels, but no, thankfully, it turns out everything is cool

 

Wednesday, March 26, 2025

Carolyn Murphy. 50 Year Old Super Model


They said Carolyn Murphy looked great at 50 years old. The only problem is, in which picture is she 50? I assume the one on the right since that one looks a lot less 1996. If she's 50 now she must've been 19 in the picture on the left. They also said she was a super model in the 90s but I'll have to take their word for that too.

See this is how you get older. Take care of yourself and watch what you eat over the course of your lifetime and you're still a babe no matter how old you get. Or of course you can do what most people do. Eat Taco Bell four nights a week and get that cleavage that starts at your neck and stretches so low it reaches out of frame in your selfies (for women) or grow a goatee and shave your head and wear black t-shirts that barely stretch over your beer gut when you guys go see that Poison cover band at Radishes Bar and Grill (for guys).