Mostly to make fun of celebrities and people in the news because fuck them
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Salma Hayek Oozes Out for a Magical Evening
Salma Hayek had five hand maidens whose blood she probably bathed in later help stuff her into an ugly pink fairy tale dress before attending the fifth annual LACMA Film + Art Gala on Saturday with the ogre that lives under the bridge near her property in France. The invitation for the festivities was written in hummingbird blood and delivered to her by one of his minions riding to her house on the back of a magical kangaroo. If it seems weird that they still have ogres in Europe just remember that place is hundreds of years old and they still drive on the wrong side of the street so what do you expect. Hopefully this keeps him from destroying her crops or eating the bones of her relatives but you know how shifty ogres can be so watch out Salma!