Somebody Named Deena is Pregnant

Jersey Shore star Deena Cortese is still pregnant. And people are still writing about Jersey Shore "stars". I think she was Jwoww? Is that who she was? Why is this still something people pay attention too? I'm doing it because it's Sunday and there isn't much else going on, and this is something I do. What's your excuse, being dumb?

Jared Leto is Wacky

I spend probably 90% of my time here writing about hot women in there 40s etc. Why not? First, it's my blog. Second I'm a super macho dude that likes the ladies and they say "write what you know". So for a change I figured I'd throw the ladies a bone - as they say - and write about a 47 year old shirtless weirdo named Jared Leto. He posted this because it was his "birthday". I don't understand why you'd post a shirtless selfie because it's his birthday but he did. I thought he was an actor, then I thought he was in a band the name of which I have long forgotten and now I don't know what he is. But there he is in all of his 47 year old glory with abs and a Santa hat.I don't know if men get better as they get older like women as I've posited on so, so many occasions, but he has a big necklace so I guess that's something.  I bet he's short. Like 5'9.


!!!SEXY UPDATE!!!

I checked Google and wouldn't you know it? He's 5'9. I'm a genius

Kendall Jenner has a Flat Tummy

Kendall Jenner posted this picture to her Instagram and someone wrote a story about it complimenting her on her flat "tummy". She's 23 years old, she supposed to have a flat stomach. She hasn't had enough time to get fat yet. Plus, after looking at her for a while she looks like one of those people that can eat Doritos and cupcakes for breakfast never do one single sit up and still fit into the same clothes they wore in high school. Fuck you Jeff.

Blanca Blanco Sits Around

Blanca Blanco, who's name translated means White White, did a photo shoot dressed like Sophia Loren and people said "Hey she looks like Sophia Loren". I'm not sure why she did this exactly, but they're both women with dark hair and they both have boobs of course, so yeah she's just like Sophia Loren. Full disclosure: I never really "got" the whole Sophia Loren thing but I guess being different is what makes the world go 'round.

Jessica Simpson is Pregnant

Jessica Simpson is pregnant. Really, really pregnant. Really really REALLY pregnant. I don't think I've ever seen anyone this pregnant.  No one in the future of space and time will ever be this pregnant again.

Jenji Kohan is on the Market

Get in line fellas because Orange is the New Black creator Jenji Kohan filed for a divorce from her husband Luke Perry or whatever the fuck his name is. Good luck to the both of them during this trying time. Hey look it's Christmas okay so it was either this, or something about some brain dead idiot named Madison Beers. Guess who won the coin toss.

Madison Beer is Somebody

Two nobodies - Madison Beer and her boyfriend Zack Bia - roamed the streets aimlessly after leaving a North London Lobotomy clinic. See what universal style health care gets you? You get stories about the living dead wandering the streets, dressed up to go nowhere in particular while people take their picture for no reason. God I look forward to 2019 when the apocalypse finally arrives.


!!!SEXY UPDATE!!! I accidentally hit "publish" instead of "save" a little while ago when I was writing this and some people already saw it so I may as well just post it now. Way to ruin the surprise.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas from me and Elizabeth Hurley

Amber Heard Wears Clothes

Amber Heard has been in all the celebrity rags lately. Mostly for wearing clothes and getting coffee. Here she is wearing clothes and getting coffee. In ripped jeans which I hate and think look ridiculous unless you're a hobo living under a bridge with one of those bags on a stick. A quick look around the internet tells me she's in Aquaman but I don't know what that is and you can't make me.

Hilary Duff is a New Mom

Hilary Duff had a baby a month ago so she put on her mom jeans and went to Olive Garden to celebrate. Good for her, new moms should get away once in a while.

Amy Schumer Takes a Stand Against Lying Down

Amy Schumer said in an interview that she doesn't want to look super fuckable anymore. If you say so Amy.

Janet Jackson Looks Uncomfortable

Janet Jackson is giving up the humdrum work a day world of pop superstardom to take up the quiet thankless job of being an evil headmistress at a New England school for wayward girls in the early 1900s. Won't you join me and wish her all the best.

Sam Faiers is 27

Sam Faiers is some actress in England I think that was in a movie (?) called The Mummy Diaries which I guess is probably a scary version of the Mommy Diaries? I'm well informed.  I've never heard of her but she was in London for something. Judging by how she's dressed I'd guess she was there visiting 1987. The original story, which I'm of course I didn't read am not linking, said she was 27. 27? C'mon. I know British women always look 10 years older than they are - and my rule about women become more attractive after 30 is pretty well established case law around here so it's not as if it matters to me - but please. 27? She's 35 minimum. But okay I'll believe your little tale but I want to see a birth certificate and at least two forms of ID and her phone number. You know. Just in case.

Elsa Pataky Makes Everything Better

I don't have a lot of time right now but I happened to stumble across this picture of Elsa Pataky at some movie premier. I didn't catch the name of the movie movie because I almost immediately went blind. Good Lord. I'll be back later or maybe I won't and I'll just leave this at the top of the page for all eternity. Either way.

More Like Jingle Bell Balling

This story originally started out being about someone named Cheryl, who I think I've mentioned before, and lo and behold I have, how weird is that? She was performing in London at the Jingle Bell Ball sponsored by Capital FM 95-106 because just like their phone numbers, even British radio stations have way to many numbers. But being my brain is like a steel trap I switched midstream and decided to write about how this Christmas show apparently had a bunch of sex robots (pictured) delivered to their red carpet. It seems a little weird to me but I'm a big fan of the coming sex robots so really, I'm not complaining.

Goodbye Kate Beckinsale

My love affair with Kate Beckinsale ended at exactly 9:51 am on December 9, 2018 when I saw this picture of her leaving some kind of event with her friends and she had that stupid "QUEEN" tiara or whatever it's called on her head. I don't care if it was meant tongue in cheek that's a huge red flag.

Jennifer Aniston Braless

Remember when I said I'd write about Jennifer Aniston's braless photo shoot for Elle Magazine? Of course you do how could you forget it was like 10 minutes ago, what are you a goldfish? Well here it is and you better read it because you're never going to see that movie. Ever have this crazy idea of living in the desert with a hot blonde that wears nothing but dago t-shirts and aviator sunglasses? Because I do.

I Like Black and Orange

Jennifer Aniston was at the premier of her new movie "Dumplin'" and no I'm not sure why she's orange. It's okay with me though I wouldn't care if she was green. Frankly that might be kind of awesome. And to prove I don't care,  I'll whip together a quick post about her bra-less photo shoot for some magazine. I think it's Elle but other than Soldier of Fortune and Easyrider I don't read magazines so don't ask me.

Halle Berry is Pretty in Pink

I have to be honest, I don't feel like doing this much at all this week so here's Halle Berry at some thing somewhere. The website where I steal 90% of these pictures from seems to love pointing out people's ages, and they were only to happy to mention that Halle Berry is 52. Halle Berry could be 502 for all I give a shit, honestly what difference does it make. Let's face it you're half  her age and  you're probably younger than I am and you could only dream of looking that good so why don't you get off of mine and Halle's backs.

Gwyneth Paltrow is on the Beach

Goofy flake Gwyneth Paltrow says she's glad paparazzi weren't as prevalent in the 90'swhen she and Brad Pitt called it quits.

'Cameron Diaz and I talk about this all the time. We’re like, "Thank God in the early ’90s there were [so few] paparazzi. Thank God."' she added.

'We cry in gratitude that no one was following us around and seeing what we were doing.'

Yeah gee that's too bad. Also there was a story about how she's selling some kind of $4000 weekend sex bag or something, but if you need $4000 worth of items to have fun having sex instead of just spending $50 bucks on some wine coolers and Miracle Whip or something - I hate to break this to you - you're doing something terribly wrong. Either way neither story really interested me all that much I was just using them as an excuse to post that picture she took for something called WSJ Magazine. Good God she's attractive isn't she? See? I don't need to spend $4000 when a free internet picture will do just fine.

Taylor Swift Update!

Remember when she dressed like this? Boy was that something.

Elizabeth Hurley is Exciting

If Elizabeth Hurley keeps posting bikini pictures on Instagram I'll keep writing about it. It's why the internet was invented

Neil DeGrasse Tyson Investigates

 Neil DeGrasse Tyson is being looked at through a super powerful telescope. Kind of like how he might look into outer space or whatever. You see, he's the internet/pseudo-smart person's latest darling to walk into a meat grinder

 The action follows a report by David McAfee, in which Dr. Katelyn N. Allers, Associate Professor of Physics and Astronomy at Bucknell University, claimed that Tyson groped her at an after-party following a meeting of the American Astronomical Society in 2009, while Tyson’s former assistant Ashley Watson said she was forced to quit her job over his inappropriate sexual advances.

 Are we still believing all women? Or is that a selective thing. I guess we're about to find out aren't we.