Ashley Roberts Travels

 Ashley Roberts went to the world famous Dirt Beach in Greece where apparently you have to rent Lovesac furniture so you can pretend to be having a good time. We have beaches right here in America you know. If you feel like you need to go somewhere exotic you can go to Hawaii. You have to fly across an ocean to get there and if a pan handler kills you for the .45 cents in your pocket, and a cellphone they can't use, at least you'll already be on American soil, so your (I assume) devastated family won't have to fly your body all the way back from whatever early 20th Century Mediterranean hellhole they're keeping your body in a tub full of ice so you don't decompose in the sweltering late summer heat 

Anyway, I guess she wore a bikini yadda yadda yadda.

Jeremy Allen White Nude for the Ladies

 In case you're sick of never ending posts about women in their 30s, 40s and 50s walking around in bikinis, I thought I'd add Jeremy Allen White for a change. The things I do for you people. So if you like dudes with abs that look like someone grafted an opossum head on a human body boy are you in luck.

If you bring him home just make sure you strap down the garbage can lids and keep some meal worms handy.

Tina O'Brien is Elderly

 

They said Tina O'brien from Coronation Street (??) "showed off her youthful figure"... Tina O'Brien is 41. People routinely live to be 100 years old now. The average lifespan for a woman in the USA is 84 years. Average meaning at least half live even longer than that. Tom Brady won a Super Bowl in 2021 when he was older (43) than her playing a game so violent and punishing, it has an average career span of three years.  She's hot as hell I don't care if she's 71. They also showed a picture of her husband but of course he's just another standard issue shithead.

I don't know who writes these stories, who Tina O'Brien is or what Coronation Street is but if she's old, I'll take it over some stupid ass 20 year old any day of the week. Do you even remember what being in your 20s was like? Quit writing this crap for what are basically children. Let them be children

Dua Lipa Stripped of all Music

Dua Lipa's boyfriend (name unknown, no known photographs) turned 29 a few days ago so Dua dressed up like a stripper in a non-nude, no alcohol, "gentleman's club" bikini bar and celebrated by doing a striptease (?). That may or may not have actually taken place but at this point who really cares anymore.

I don't know if this woman even records music because walking around 90% naked is the only way I ever hear about her. I'm not complaining necessarily I'm just saying. 

Listen, take it from me, if you want to see really hot women naked, you do realize you're on the internet right? Like, right now, as you read this. You don't even have to buy their crappy music you can just look at them for free and they actually encourage that

Katy Perry and Carmen Electra do Things

 Katy Perry (left) showed up to promote her new album "143" somewhere this weekend, but no matter how many times I scanned the article I couldn't figure out where this took place. Carmen Electra (right) was also there for some reason but there was no mention of why that was the case either. 

I don't know why they were dressed like that but that's none of my business. Just know right now that I fully support it. I would never tell a 40 year old (Katy Perry) and 52 year old (Carmen Electra) woman how to dress, especially if they looked like that and were wearing clothes that were barely there. Even if it is a little early for Halloween. Some guys might not like it but those guys are weak and immature. 

If Katy Perry or Carmen Electra wants to dress like that while we go out to dinner at a fancy restaurant that's just fine with me. Why not all three of us? It's just an idea I'm throwing out there.

You guys can look and be jealous all you want but they're going home with me. By the way guys, I forgot my wallet I'll pay you back I swear

Jenna Ortega is It

Hollywood's latest "it" girl Jenna Ortega did something with Maureen O'Hara or Catherine O'Hara (I think Maureen is dead I could be wrong), and Monica Belucci or however you spell it in New York City that had something to do with Beetlejuice. I hate almost all sequels and will most likely never see this in a million years. Hey maybe they bring Maureen O'Hara back to life that would be pretty cool

I wonder what happens to all the other It Girls from even 12 months ago -- whose names I don't even remember -- when they bring out a new one. Do they just make stuff for Netflix and Apple TV that only assholes watch? I'm pretty sure that's exactly what happens so Jenna better be ready 24 months from now. Save some money you have to know this isn't going to last forever. You have 4 years. Tops.

Ryan Seacrest Isn't Gay

I would have bet a billion dollars that I don't have, that Ryan Seacrest was gay. When I read that headline I audibly gasped in the room and I was by myself

KYLIE JENNER BREAST PHOTOS

 In case you forgot, Kylie Jenner wanted to remind you that she has tits. I refuse to read why she did this, probably because nobody was paying attention to her would be my guess. Well... good job having tits I guess. Let me know when you stop being disgusting otherwise, because you may not believe this but I can tell you, most normal, average guys really don't care all that much how big your tits are

Sydney Sweeney. Again

 Sydney Sweeney was on a boat and posted what they're calling "thirst traps" on her Instagram. Isn't she engaged? To call these "thirst traps" would imply she's doing it to get attention from someone, right? Or she posted these with the ultimate goal of getting fucked. Or am I misunderstanding the phrase thirst trap? It's possible that I am, but I always understood that mean you were putting yourself out there, as they say (for sexy time). 

Which is fine believe me I do not care whatever works, works. And I noticed that's for sure.

Anyway, she's on a boat and I hate people that own boats. Only assholes, and people that drive drunk own boats. Sorry those are boat ownership rules and I'm not looking for a new lifestyle right now.

Sydney Sweeney is Hot

Sydney Sweeney got all dressed up for Thanksgiving in November and then walked around LA last Friday like it wasn't almost 90 degrees. I will never understand this baffling practice.  I'm sure there must be some kind of  weird, semi-valid reason that I can't figure out, but I suppose if someone offered me $100 million dollars to walk around LA in a parka in the middle of Summer for a couple days I bet I could pull it off

 

Emergency Elizabeth Hurley in Yellow Bikini

Elizabeth Hurley put on a yellow bikini then walked around but I'll be honest I just liked these pictures better. I can't believe a woman that looks like that, with as much money as she has, and as smart as she is, has to have all theses pictures taken alone by that weirdo kid of hers. Especially when I'm sitting right here

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sabrina Carpenter is Average

 

 

I'd never heard of Sabrina Carpenter before March 29th of this year, but now I see the stories slowly ramping up. For instance, here she is at something called "The Outside Lands music Festival" in San Francisco. Whatever that is.  I don't have the slightest idea how celebrity PR works but I think I'm getting a lesson as we speak. I will admit to hearing a snippet of one song on Instagram or maybe it was YouTube, I don't remember, but it sounded extremely average. Probably to go along with her looks. That's not a slam, she's average looking, and that's okay that's what average means. They can have her walk around in lingerie all they want but if they wanted that to be how they sell her records they should have plucked somebody better looking out of the crowd.

The only thing I can figure is someone has either invested a ton of money in her and is trying to get it back as fast as they can (with interest), or they're trying very hard to get her in bed. Either way I hope she's saving every penny she can because I have a feeling this is going to be a very short ride for her. Remember Camila Cabello? See what I mean?

 

 

Heather Graham is in Italy

 Heather Graham wore a bikini in Italy. She doesn't look 54 years old I can tell you that. In fact you can only WISH you look this good at 44 never mind 54. And they said she was in Italy like it was some exotic vacation and not a 21 hour drive away from London.  That's basically like driving from Chicago to Atlanta.

Eurotrash assholes love to talk about how much they travel to different countries like it isn't a 45 minute trip from England to France on a boat. Most people in Germany wind up passing through three different countries just to go to the store to get milk. I can't just jump on a bus and be in Canada in a few hours. It takes me an hour just to get to the Wisconsin state line, never mind making it all the way to Canada. I can drive to Indiana in about 45 minutes and that's kind of like a different country I guess. 

I get so tired of hearing about it. Sometimes I think we should have just let Hitler have the whole place and been done with it.

Amanda Bynes is Out There

 Amanda Bynes showed of her "dramatic new look". This is the look of someone that smokes the fake Chinese/Mexican made drugs they sell in liquor stores and makes TikToks about loving your body or why white men make shopping in the grocery store more difficult or whatever they're constantly yammering about. I'd say that's okay because she's young but she's 38 years old. 

Also I have zero memory of why I recognize her name, and I don't know what's wrong with her but something obviously is. That's the uniform of a very mentally troubled person and I'm not going to make fun of someone that's obviously having a hard time living in our reality.

Jessica Chastain is Red White and Blue

I saved this picture of Jessica Chastain like, five days ago and then did nothing with it. I even forgot what I was going to say. She's a redhead so I'm already a fan, but outside of that I have zero idea what she does despite the fact that I KNOW I've written about her before.  And no I didn't reread those stories so I'll do more in depth research about Jessica and whatever it is she does just as soon as I have an extra minute
 

Salma Hayek Saves the Day

 I didn't have anything at all prepared for today and then like a Christmas miracle Salma Hayek suddenly popped up on my Instagram feed.  I don't know how algorithms work but they know what I like I'll give them that much.