Monday, February 16, 2026

Apple Martin Gets a New Face

 



Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter Apple Martin listed all the cosmetic producers she's had done. The fact that she has a list is pretty amazing considering she's 21 years old.  

 I didn't really see any sort of actual "list" by the way, they're just being coy because I guess they think that's cute. I assume number one on her list was "The Alien From the End of Close Encounters of the Third Kind Facial Procedure". I bet that wasn't cheap. Normally I would consider the children of celebrities hands off, but she's 21 and broadcasting all of this herself to her "fans". Whoever they are.

 Again you need to understand, I have zero issues with any kind of self improvement whatsoever, and if I've said it once I've said it 1000 times. If I had the money so much of me would be fake you'd think I was a robot, but you should probably wait until you're at least in your mid-30s, otherwise I have a feeling she's going to look like a Halloween pumpkin in late November buy the time she hits her 40s. That stuff does not last forever and in fact some of it only lasts about 10 years or so.  

Who knows maybe by the time her head starts looking like a candle that was left in the sun they'll have come up with more permanent solutions but 10 years flies by so I wouldn't count on it, so while your mom still has money make sure you put a couple hundred grand in a separate account somewhere now, because baby you're gonna need it.