WTF Is Wrong With the Japanese?

Is this story real? This story cannot be real...

Mao Sugiyama had his penis and testicles surgically removed in March and kept them frozen for two months before dishing them out – seasoned and braised – to customers at an event hall on May 13, according to postings on his Twitter account and local police. Diners paid 20,000 yen ($250) for the plate with a portion of genitals. Pictures published on a website appeared to show the meal came complete with mushrooms and a parsley garnish.

 Did everybody in Japan suddenly decide that Human Centipedes weren't disgusting enough? Is this all because of that nuclear reactor explosion? What is wrong with them?

By the way, I used that Kristen Bell picture for two reasons. Number 1, I would set a bag full of puppies on fire just to be able to touch her hair, and B. you don't want to type "Chopped Off Penis" into Google images with the safe search turned off. Trust me.

Whitney Houston Died

Despite the fact that we're living in the 21st century, being very physically attractive, having an awesome singing voice, famous relatives in the entertainment business, and earning millions, and millions, and millions of dollars over a 20 plus year career Whitney Houston decided the smart thing to do would be to throw it all away because "crack is whack".  And now she's dead.

 Publicist Kristen Foster told the Associated Press Saturday that the singer had died, but the cause and the location of her death were unknown.

Unknown? Really? Well if this is gonna be a guessing game I'm gonna guess she died during a medieval style jousting competition, because saying someone threw away a $100 million dollar fortune because they couldn't stop doing drugs in an age where there's help on every corner, especially having been through rehab on two previous occasions, would be just impossible to believe.

If you're sensing that I don't feel bad for someone that stupid you must have ESP. Quick! What are the winning lottery numbers for tonight?

Gimme 10cc's of BBQ Sauce! Stat!

Angelina Jolie showed up at some stupid awards ceremony and somebody neglected to tell her not to show up in a costume because she was dressed up like a holocaust survivor.

"She said she was so busy with the kids that she forgets to eat, and when she does sit down she prefers all her fruits and vegetables to be organic. She particularly likes exotic berries and was talking about how they were packed with nutrients."

 Mmmm. Sounds healthy. She's 5' 8" tall and is reported to weigh 7 stone. For the rest of us in the normal world that don't like measuring things like ancient Druids, that's about 98 pounds. So if your one of those pain in the ass internet hunchbacks that still insists she's 100 times hotter than Jennifer Aniston, you can experience sex with Angelina. Just grab your fleshlight, and your dads golf bag. Just leave the clubs in it and voila!