I have/had a friend that looks EXACTLY like Jessica Alba. TF are her initials. The resemblance is uncanny. I mean if you saw her in public you'd say "holy shit that's Jessica Alba" so when I see her (Jessica Alba) it does make me a little nostalgic for the "olde days". We're still friends, albeit mostly through social media. These are all good stories right? Remind me to tell you about this one time I woke up in Indiana
Good news everybody! Sydney Sweeney called off her wedding. She was getting married to some guy named Davino, or Devitto or DaVinci or something. Basically a stupid Italian. I don't know why she called it off, but I imagine she got sick of sitting around listening to him breath through his nose. The reasons aren't really all that important anyway, they never are and ultimately, it's the end result that counts.
By the way, I honestly don't know the real reason so my theory is probably true
At 27, she's slightly below my minimum age requirement, but from the little I've seen she seems super cool and every once in a great while you get a unicorn like that. They're literally probably 1 in 5 million if that, maybe 1 in 10 million. So rare in fact, I've maybe met four or five at the most over the course of my entire lifetime.
Either way you should call me back Syd (I call her Syd). The usual number
I don't know why this is a story, but I guess she brought it up. There must've been rumblings about this on the idiot space (internet) so she's trying t get ahead of it by talking about plastic surgery etc...
There's kind of a stigma around getting face work or investing in your beauty and doing all these procedures,' she explained. 'And there is maybe a little bit of a sadness to it, but I kind of also am like, "Well, it makes my life better."'
And then she delivered this truth bomb: 'People treat you better when you're hotter. It's just a fact. It's a sad fact of life.'
She's right. I've said it 100 times that I do not understand the objection to getting surgery to make yourself look better - as you perceive it - if you have the money. Do it. The technology exists. And I always said if I had the money so much of me would be fake you'd think I was a robot.
Okay and I won't lie to you and this much should be obvious but I think Nikki Glaser is smokin' hot. And honestly she could do whatever she wants. On a scale of one to 10 she's easily an eight. A neck tattoo would make her a 10 but maybe we can work on that.
There's just one problem. Niki Glaser is hot yes, but as she looks now, she's hot in a 20 year old sorority girl that spends every weekend at college basketball parties kind of way. I'd bet anyone that within the last 10 years, she's been to at least seven parties where she's worn a tiara. And if that's what she was going for that's fine, it's her life. I wish I could describe it better but there's my conundrum. Hot, but neither one of us would have anything to do with the each other. And she would be super snotty about it. At least that's the idea I'd get if I saw her in a jam packed bar where she was drinking green, lite beer and wearing a ton of beads around her neck.
If it sounds like I have experience with this I do. I see these people all the time, stumbling down Fullerton Avenue and Clark Street all Summer long. Grow up Nikki.
She's hot though isn't she? So this is okay, plus she's over 40 and races cars, or at least she used to race cars, I think she's mostly retired from that I know almost nothing about NASCAR. They drive fast in circles. That's all I know. I mean how much more perfect can you get. Unless she starts driving top fuel dragsters oh man.
For a while I was worried I was going to get tricked like what happened with Jillian Michaels, but no, thankfully, it turns out everything is cool
They said Carolyn Murphy looked great at 50 years old. The only problem is, in which picture is she 50? I assume the one on the right since that one looks a lot less 1996. If she's 50 now she must've been 19 in the picture on the left. They also said she was a super model in the 90s but I'll have to take their word for that too.
See this is how you get older. Take care of yourself and watch what you eat over the course of your lifetime and you're still a babe no matter how old you get. Or of course you can do what most people do. Eat Taco Bell four nights a week and get that cleavage that starts at your neck and stretches so low it reaches out of frame in your selfies (for women) or grow a goatee and shave your head and wear black t-shirts that barely stretch over your beer gut when you guys go see that Poison cover band at Radishes Bar and Grill (for guys).
"Here's Clark Gable and Al Capone arriving at the Cateau Marmont for dinner in his Cord Boattail Speedster. Hopefully they can avoid a drunken Peter Lorre on this fine summer's eve"Anyway, nobody is saying she's not a babe, I'm just saying she isn't 29 and I'm genuinely insulted that anyone would think we're stupid enough to believe that she is. And if she actually IS 29 (she isn't), just imagine what she'll look like when she really does turn 40. And that's just 11 short years from now. Poor girl.
Tom Holland is still walking around in a mask.
In 2025.
I just thought you'd like to know.
Katy Perry might have to cancel at least part of her upcoming tour due to low ticket sales...
The source said that the supposedly low ticket sales were 'starting to get very concerning, as we need those big dates to be full.'
Moreover, rumors are flying that 70% of tickets for a Minneapolis show and 60% of tickets for a Raleigh show are still available.
'We hope no concerts will be cancelled, as it would be a huge blow and disappointment,' asserted the insider.
You know why this is happening? No one cares. Katy Perry's first hit was in 2008, nearly 20 years ago. Most of these types of acts have a shelf life of 4-6 years. Tops. The fact that she managed to stay somewhat in the spotlight means nothing. I bet only a handful of people - even her "fans"- can name more than two of her songs. Would you spend $400 per ticket to hear two songs? Obviously not. Frankly, aside from being good looking I don't even know how she managed to stay relevant this long.
Katy Perry is a Grrrl Power oldies act now. People born in 2008 are heading into their 20's anyone younger doesn't know who Katy Perry is. If she was smart she'd wait another 10 or 15 years and she can go on one of those nostalgia tours like Smashing Pumpkins or Green Day so people can relieve their youth like Gen X people do now. Plus her tits will probably still look good.
She has a nice effortless smile doesn't she? I LOVE YOU EVA
I was even more shocked that I've written about Kyle Richards before. A lot more, with one story going back seven years. And I have absolutely no idea who she is. I see that I did mention a certain brand of "movies" at one point but I only scan the shit I write. She was doing something at some restaurant so I don't know how the bikini got involved but I only ever just skim these even less than I do my own past stories because I know you don't care and I for sure don't care.
I will say I'm sorry if I was ever critical of you Kyle. Did I ever tell you I like girls in hats? Because I do. Give me a call and we'll play some shuffle board
To be fair Helen Hunt and her droopy eyes was always kind of weird looking to me, so I don't really see the big deal. By the way that's her boyfriend. I didn't catch his name but he strikes me as a William. They look like a couple of Boomer Liberals if you ask me and believe me, that's one thing we don't need more of in Chicago
Jenny McCarthy went to the iHeart Music Awards for reasons not known to me. Maybe because she's married to Donnie Wahlberg, but I thought he was basically just an actor at this point. Donnie Wahlberg was in The New Kids on the Block literally 40 years ago. Saying he's a musician now is like calling me a stunt man because I jumped off the garage roof with a towel tied around my neck when I was 12.
They said she "looked super skinny" because she's taking Ozempic and seriously who gives a fuck about Ozempic anymore. Aside from the ever growing list of very serious side effects, what she or anyone else does to lose weight is their business. Quit being everyone's fucking nanny. Jenny McCarthy is 52 years old she's an adult.
I'm not defending her. I used to think Jenny McCarthy was cool, then I didn't, and now she seems kind of cool again. Cool as in okay, not cool as in cool. But she's from the Chicago area so she has a huge leg up on you people as far as coolness goes. Believe that
I think she's Australian and as far as I'm concerned only three things worth a damn have come out of Australia. AC/DC, Mad Max, and Olivia Newton-John. Otherwise they can keep they're freak ass giant shrimp and crocodiles and go straight to Hell
Kylie Jenner went somewhere this weekend dressed like a latex fetish model from the 1990s. I don't know where or why and I don't believe for a second that anybody outside of the UK actually gives a shit.
I wish I didn't think she was so disgusting because she's hot as fuck. On the other hand, I'm way past the age where a woman being hot as fuck is the only thing I care about. I've had super hot girlfriends and when that's the only thing they are, that shit gets old way faster than you'd imagine. Take my word for it ladies, your tits become less fascinating after about two weeks. Three, tops.
I hate to break this to Selena Gomez but I don't think of her as a "sultry siren", and I say that not because I'm important, but because I'm a fairly average man. You can ask me anything and my opinion will pretty much be what the majority of average every day dudes think.
She seems very nice, and sweet and just doesn't give off that kind of vibe. At least not to me. Of course I know those are the types that really get nuts. I once dated a girl like that and underneath all that shy, unworldy innocence she was a fucking goddamn pervert. And if you think I'm saying that as a complaint you are totally wrong and haven't been reading this blog at all.
And you don't even really know her. See, that's the problem today, everybody is concerned with what everybody else is doing. Mind your own business. Walking around in a alcohol fueled haze is fun when you're 22, but that's no way to spend the last 30 years of your life and I can definitely fix her.
Anyway, she was on her way to the "South by Southwest Festival" for some reason although I don't know what they even do there anymore. Man she's hot though isn't she?
They all seem mildly okay and that's pretty much it. A movie you can watch while you do something else. But they don't make movies for me anymore, they make movies for people in China and other jungle countries where they let people out of the or sweatshop factory long enough to eat bats with rice and soup made out of leaves. Which is probably why if I buy a t-shirt online now, I have to order a XXL because they think anyone that's taller than 5'3 and weighs more than 101 pounds surely must be a two legged hippopotamus
They also insisted he's 63 years old. Look at that picture and then me in the face and tell me that isn't a 75 year old man. That's not a slam, I only hope to live to be at least 75 years old. I just won't walk around in white shoes and tan pants
Happy birthday Eva Mendes! She turned 51 and then did an ad for Stella McCartney, who I assume isn't married to Paul McCartney although she very well may be since I don't know who Stella McCartney is. I also assume she makes dresses or maybe shoes but I can't be bothered to look it up.
I think I know Eva Mendes from MTV? Is that what she did? Her existence has been in the periphery of my knowledge of the world for just about as long as I remember, but I don't remember why, or her being this hot. I do know she's married to Ryan Gosling who I like about as much as accidentally sitting in a giant salad bowl full of poison ivy.
Ryan Gosling is the white version of Lenny Kravitz. He suddenly appears out of thin air, people talk about him for three months and then he vanishes again. Kind of like a cicada. I can't think of two people less deserving of their fame and fortune than Ryan Gosling and Lenny Kravitz but they're here now and it's just something I have to deal with, and the fact that she married that guy now taints everything else she does. Have fun with Ryan Gosling and your millions of dollars, losers
Here's Millie Bobby Brown again. I don't know why she's everywhere all of the sudden and I don't know how that kind of weird PR works or if there's a big office you go to, to set this kind of thing up where there's a sudden explosion of media coverage for you and I refuse to do any checking.
Now look at that picture and tell me those two people are in the very early 20s. Especially Millie Bobby Brown. They aren't, and you don't have to be Inspector Gadget to figure that out. If you asked me to guess her age from this picture alone, I would have guessed mid to late 30s and certainly not the 21 she claims to be.
Just as an example, Ralph Macchio was 23 when The Karate Kid came out and not 16 like he was supposed to be in the movie. So it's not as if lying about your age is a criminal offense, if it was 99% of Hollywood would be in Guantanamo Bay.
I think I've written about Michelle Randolph before, most likely because she's hot. It wasn't until I wrote this this morning that I realized her name isn't Michelle "Landman" but that's the name of a show that's she's on. None of that changes the fact that I love her and want her to have my baby but that's something we'll have to discuss as a couple. I swear to God you people watch the worst crap imaginable just because it's on the flashing noise box in your living room.