Tina Fey is Unreal

 Tina Fey was at The Golden Globes last night, and even up against actresses that were literally half her age she was ten times hotter and I sort of wish I'd watched them now. Luckily for me the still photos are every bit as good as not having to sit through that televised holocaust. She's shockingly hot and I just don't even know what to say.

Gwyneth Paltrow is Fat Now

 Gwyneth Paltrow did some ridiculous Zoom interview, and she complained that she put on weight during the scamde- I mean pandemic, and now the fact that she's actually had Covid it's made it difficult for her body to "snap back" from a weight gain. 

'I think maybe some of it is because I got COVID,' she said. 'My physician in New York was saying that that was affecting a lot of his patients' metabolisms as well.

'What I really noticed was the snap back that I used to have — you know, if I gained some weight and I wasn't happy, I could quickly eat really well for a couple of days, exercise a lot, and it would all be gone.

I'm going to give you some hard to hear news Gwyneth, it's not Covid that's making it hard for you to lose weight, it's your age. You're almost 50 years old, and that's what happens. I know that's hard to hear, but I didn't invent the human body, so if you have a complaint about that, why don't you give God a call. Or I guess you can always tell him yourself in about 20 years or so.

Is Elizabeth Hurley Pervert. I mean Perfect.

 Sorry I didn't write anything yesterday, real life got in the way and frankly, I didn't have to read about these assholes for 24 hours, so that was a good thing. As usual Elizabeth Hurley posted some bikini pictures on her Instagram so I guess that's something since that seems to be all she does. I wish she wasn't so physically attractive then I probably wouldn't care so much. Unfortunately she seems kind of smart and funny too, at least from what I've seen and I just pray to God she isn't some kind of secret pervert because that would pretty much make her the perfect woman. I suppose if she was she could always send me some pictures or - even better - some video. I'll be waiting.

Luke Evans for the Ladies.

 I'm writing about Luke Evans strictly for the ladies. The things I do for you people. He was at the beach with his "friend". I hate to tell you this, but I'm not even sure which one he is. Why don't you take a guess? You have a 50/50 shot at getting it right, and even if you don't, it really doesn't matter all that much.  I don't even have to meet the women reading this to tell you you're not his type. Like really not his type. Sorry about that, but if you want to spend your days looking at shirtless, muscular dudes on the beach in Speedos, with neatly trimmed facial hair hanging out together you're going to get it wrong once in a while.

Kelly Osbourne is Dating

 Kelly Osbourne kissed her boyfriend who I would bet $1 billion dollars is named Greg. I can also guarantee that he is an atheist that owns at least one copy of The Satanic Bible, and thinks Zack Wylde is the greatest guitarist that ever lived. You know how I know that? Because I've known 200 guys like him. I'm not saying he isn't really cool or a nice guy, he's probably both of those things, but I'll never meet him so I can say whatever I want. Puppy kicker.

Vincent Cassel is Famous Enough for This

 Vincent Cassel (left) is apparently a "screen star", although I'd never heard of him before 10 minutes ago. He's married to Tina Tunakey (On the right. Obviously). He's 53 years old and she's 23 years old. I've written extensively about "age gaps" and how I think they're too ridiculous to even be noted but c'mon dude. She's 23. She was in high school five fucking years ago. What the fuck could she have to say to you that you'd have any interest in. Her central nervous system is still developing. 

And yes I know, I know, it's not about conversation yadda yadda yadda but seriously. You have to live with this person. Do you even know who the people making the music she likes are? And forget about him for a second what about her? The dude looks like a crack head. I Google searched some images that were of him not wearing a hat in the ocean and it didn't get better. Whatever if you guys like each other, more power to you. I don't have to listen to her.

 

Priyanka Chopra Looks Different

 I think I've written about Priyanka Chopra in the past. And oh! Lookie here I sure did. It was big news today that she left her house without make up, but I'm not sure those two women in the picture are even the same people. How did they know for sure it really was her?  If you want my advice Priyanka don't leave the house without make up. Maybe put on some ChapStick or something before you walk out the door next time.