Mostly to make fun of celebrities and people in the news because fuck them
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
Happy Birthday Jessica Simpson
Jessica Simpson looks like the Jessica Simpson I knew and loved again when she turned 35 on Friday and spent it looking like this in St. Barts. I cropped whoever the person is she was standing next to because mere mortals that aren't me don't deserve to stand that close to her. Plus being 35, mathematically at least, she's basically a once divorced, middle aged woman and I heard they're always hot to trot. At least that's what I remember Richie Cunningham telling his friends on that one episode of Happy Days. Just remember Jess, I'm the only one that stood behind you when you looked like a dead hippopotamus bloating in the hot African sun a few years ago. See ? I told you I can be romantic. Call me back.