Milla Jovovich Acts Wooden

Milla Jovovich went to the premier of her new movie, The Ventriloquist's Dummy. I hope it's a smash hit.

Poppy Delevingne Exists and Boy Does She

 Hey look! Everything is working here again! See? Iknew it was their fault. And to celebrate, I decided to write about Poppy Delevingne, who I just yesterday learned existed. I don't know why nobody ever mentions this stuff to me, I'd tell you. I don't much about her except to say she's got a famous (?) sister named Cara, she's 37 years old (yeah sure), 5'10 (oh yeah) and ... okay so far that's all I know but you'll learn it as I learn it. We'll go on this little journey together. It'll be fun!

Site Update

I'm sorry but this stupid website won't allow me to upload pictures today for some reason, I have zero idea why. I hope it's just a snafu otherwise writing this is utterly pointless so I'll try again in a little while. Frankly I don't know how to fix it, but I think its on their end of things I honestly have no idea. Maybe people got tired of me stealing their pictures who knows.  Let's see what happens

Kate Beckinsale Works Hard

 Kate Beckinsale was at The Cannes Film Festival. Maybe she was waitressing, it's so hard to tell these days.

Britney Spears Pretty in Pink

 Britney Spears may be crazier than a shit house rat but she's still as hot as fuck. 

Martha Stewart is Still Hot

 

 Martha Stewart was/is on/in the new Sports Illustrated thing. She's 81 years old you know and I guess elderly people in bathing suits is this is a thing now. I'm not really against it or anything, I mean hey, whatever is your thing it's cool with me.

Site Update

 

I know, I know, I haven't written anything in what seems like forever but work has been 10 hour days etc., etc. plus I just didn't want too. So after I saw this picture of Jessica Chastain I decided to write something since she embodies three of my favorite things. 1. She's a girl. 2. She's a redhead, and C. she's over 35.  Plus in that white dress she kind of looks like an angel. A sexy angel.

This picture is from something in New York she was doing but I decided I'm never reading anything on the internet again so just make up whatever story you want, it'll probably be better than whatever they said anyway.

Taylor Swift has Taste

 Taylor Swift is dating the panhandler that stands at the North Avenue exit of the Kennedy Expressway. I'm not sure how they met but that's a pretty hip area so maybe she was actively looking for someone

Julia Fox is a Nobody

 In case you don't know who this is, it's Julia Fox. It's okay 99.997% of the world has no idea who Julia Fox is. She's allegedly an "actress" that  "dated" Kanye West for about a week and now she spends all of her time acting like a weirdo, I guess in the hopes of becoming the new Grace Jones? That's the impression I get anyway. 

And in case you don't know who Grace Jones is, she's another weirdo that had a short lived career making music in the 1980s that nobody has actually heard and she was in a middling James Bond movie. That about sums it up.

 I'm of two minds on this. It's just pathetic if you ask me. I don't know how much being a sideshow freak pays but hey, if walking around in my underwear while wearing fuzzy slippers and having my picture taken by parasites for English celebrity garbage blogs means I don't have to go to an actual job, then I guess sign me up. 

Kate Hudson is Daring

Yes I'm posting on a Saturday because I don't want to lose the few readers this blog has. I'm kind of like a hero. Just like the person that told Kate Hudson that outfit looked good.

 

 

Joy Corrigan. Again.

 Joy Corrigan went to a farmer's market dressed like an early 1980's prostitute. I'm not sure why you'd do that but celebrity types are really weird.

Paris Blah Blah

 See what I mean?

Rihanna is Good With Names

 

Rhianna named her new baby "RZA Athelston Mayers", because of course she did. Why would you name your baby John, or William? 

You do realize that if these people weren't famous they couldn't get a job as the overnight cashier in an out-of-the-way, middle of nowhere, last stop gas station. You know that, right? 

!!! BREAKING!!! Jamie Foxx Dead

 

Okay he's not really dead, but he probably is. Brain dead at least. My guess is he had a stroke and that's that. I don't want to be cavalier about the whole thing but I didn't kill him. Grow up, life is very, very hard.

Margot Robbie is Mid-70srific

 I know I said I wasn't going to write about Margot Robbie anymore because she is/was a mask wearing idiot, but she walked out of a 1975 grindhouse/blaxploitation  movie and right back into my heart. In the later of the two stories, I'd imagine she's the sexy secretary of the evil Jewish landlord that's raising everyone's rent to help fund the heroin dealers in the neighborhood to keep everyone down, and she walks around with secret microphones in her bell bottom jeans to record the meetings at the heroes house that's killing all the dealers. So can see why I'm in the middle of a crisis here.

I forgot she was married to some guy. It feels like a lie. Not that she lied about being married but it's never really brought up. Kind of a lie by omission. But we can work around that.

Some Trainer Does Some Things

 This guy is somebody's personal trainer but I forgot who. I saved it yesterday morning and didn't label it or save it with any names. I remember nothing about the story, what they asked him, or what his name even is. I just thought he was an ugly nerd and I'm sick of handsome guys stinking up my page so I figured I'd just write about the ugly ones from now on and here we are.

Pamela Anderson is Still Doing This

Pamela Anderson put on a bikini and posted some pictures. She has plenty of money, so I don't understand why this is necessary. Okay so I just learned I guess it's some partnership with a bikini company. Fine then. Listen she has $20 million dollars in the bank, she's still hot, and she's 55 years old. How much more money do you need? How much more time do you think you have on this planet?  Being famous absolutely must be like a drug because otherwise I don't understand. 

Why you don't take your mountain of money and just disappear into a nifty remote mansion/cabin somewhere and spend your days fishing or sailing or rowing a boat to nowhere or something. I just do not get it. I have a very serious problem with the men she chooses too, so maybe she isn't all that bright, but I really have no idea, but then again, it's not my life. If you want to waste it doing this stupid bullshit when you absolutely don't have too and spend your nights hooking up with men that would be in jail if they weren't famous then by all means, knock yourself out.

Avril Lavigne Sees Red

 ///!!!SEXY UPDATE!!! I wrote the following two stories a couple days ago and then I got busy at work and this took a backseat (I forgot) so they may or may not seem a little outdated but they're here and I'm not ditching them because you think Avril Lavigne is a has-been...///


Somebody somewhere in the world is still calling Avril Lavigne "edgy" instead of describing her as a person rapidly closing in on her 40s (next year)  that still shops at Hot Topic. 

Oh I know, that's right, it's England that does that because it's still 2003 there. Hell they're still talking about the guys from the 1990s "alternative rock" band Oasis over there. Stepping off the plane at Heathrow must be like walking out of a time machine.

Joy Corrigan Fills Space

 Joy Corrigan went to the beach, and I haven't written anything else so this is going to have to do. She gets written about a lot. As in a lot. I wonder how that happens, like, who do you contact to get so many stories written about you in such rapid fire succession? Who contacts them for you. Is it some kind of manager? I find it hard to believe someone that probably manages 20 models careers micromanages this kind of thing like that. Especially since I bet fewer than a million people world wide actually know who she is. I'm writing about her right now and I barely know. 

How much do you think that costs? What is the benefit of this kind of publicity? I wish I had inside connections so someone could explain all this to me. She's on the beach in Miami and I'd bet there's a woman that looks better than her in a bikini less than 50 yards away in any direction.  Hard to believe she's 47 years old.

Jamie Foxx is Better Question Mark

 Jamie Foxx has been in the hospital for three weeks with a "mystery illness" and no one knows, or will say what it is. I got 50 bucks that says he had a stroke. 

Last Friday, People spoke with a source who confirmed Foxx (born Eric Bishop) was 'awake and alert' in a 'Georgia medical facility.'

Awake and alert is good. But that's different from "being discharged after some tests tomorrow". I don't wish bad things on people but Jamie Foxx gives me the creeps. I don't know what it is, but just seeing him sets off alarm bells so loud you'd think we were about to hit an iceberg. Did you see that one that someone took a picture of that looked like a huge wiener  ? That was pretty cool . Godspeed Eric Bishop. I mean, Jamie Foxx.

Sienna Miller is Mobile

Cutie pie Sienna Miller was out walking around New York with her standard issue boyfriend. They keep saying she's an actress and I guess she is even though I looked her up on IMDB and recognized one thing she was in. To be fair I know almost nothing about TV shows and movies since they're all terrible beyond description. 

Now let's get back to her so called "boyfriend". Dude you have to wear a tie with that suit. That just looks like you didn't finish getting dressed. You need a sport coat for that kind of "no tie" look. A sport coat, jeans and some kind of boot. Not a work boot that looks dumb too, but like a cowboy boot but not a cowboy boot. Know what I mean? And you have to leave the collar out over the lapels like they did in the 70s. Like this kind of, but maybe more modern. 

See Sienna? That's what you get for dating 25 year olds. Especially 25 year old men. They don't even know how to dress themselves. They just walk around in double breasted suits and gym shoes hoping they can find someone to do some shots with them.

Site Update

 I didn't write anything today so a new picture of Donna D'Errico will have to do for now

Matthew Perry is Daffy

 Matthew Perry's face is all burned up but no one knows why. Maybe he was chasing a mouse and threw dynamite into the mouse hole and looked in there and then the dynamite exploded and burned his face and blew his hair back.