Kristin Cavallari Wants Kevin Costner

 

 

Kristin Cavallari claims she wants to "date" Kevin Costner. I happen to think Kevin Costner seems like a pretty cool guy but I don't know that for sure. Kristin Cavallari really doesn't seem all that cool to me so I don't know if these two will work out. I can say I want to date Salma Hayek it doesn't mean it's going to happen. Maybe she should just hang out with Debbie Haak or whatever the Hell her name is and they can hang out in Chicago's River North neighborhood and act like that Standard Issue Shitheads they are.

 

 

 

Christina Haak is Somebody

 Christina Haak (left) dumped her boyfriend Josh Hall (not pictured) and not a single person in the world knows who they are, or cares about this. I only mention it because she's pretty hot and I needed something to write about. But as a man with some experience, I can tell who she is just by looking at her and I hate to tell you this, it's not good.

How do I know? I know. You're just going to have to trust me on this. I can't really give you any concrete examples but I've met "her" 100 times in the past and it's never good. She is 41 years old so she may have grown out of a lot of it, but considering she makes her living as a reality show person I very much doubt it. Look just trust me and move on man, you're only going to be sorry.

Alexa Collins is Somebody

 

 

Alexa Collins put on some underwear and took pictures and then posted them on her Instagram.  I guess she's an ex-Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader but why anyone thinks that's important enough to make us care about this is totally beyond me.  

 Apparently it's still 1977 in England, so maybe that's why they think being a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader is so impressive. Which also explains a lot of other things about the UK

 I don't want you to get the wrong idea, she's obviously very attractive, although I personally don't find her to be all that attractive physically myself. And I might add if she has cool hobbies or a great sense of humor or saved animals or something that would go a long way but scrolling through her Instagram her only interest seems to be herself, and posing near Mercedes Benz G-Wagons and mansions to impress teenaged Pakistanis and people from Romania or wherever Facebook/Instagram is still popular. Frankly she looks exactly like any one of almost certainly a million other women on Instagram. You could replace her with any one of them and I doubt very much anybody would notice the difference.

 Trust me, I've been on Instagram since something like 2012 and the internet in general for a very, very long time, and there are just regular, every day non-celebrity girls out there that make Alexa Collins look like Ellen DeGeneres after a night of heavy drinking, the trick is for you to get a life, broaden your horizons a little bit and go find them.

Molly Sims is Pretty Fly

I saved this picture of Molly Sims about two weeks ago and don't remember why. I know she was on vacation in Mexico but I don't know why she went there, because she lives in Southern California which - and I'm not sure how much you know about geography - but that's extremely close to Mexico, and I guess you can't just wear a bikini and sit next to the pool at your mansion.

I know part of the reason I saved this because she's hot, blonde, and wearing aviator sunglasses and just like polka dots, girls in aviator sunglasses make me freak out I have zero idea why but whatever the reason is I' m glad she's ding the Lord's work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Matt LeBlanc NUDE

 Matt LeBlanc was seen shopping in wherever he lives. Imagine it being your job to sneak-follow Matt LeBlanc around. That's why most of this shit is fake. Do you think someone in the grocery store saw him and called the paparazzi agency and they sent a photographer in a ghost busters style ambulance, running through red lights and dodging pedestrians just to take a bunch of pictures of a fat guy buying groceries? Of course not. 

Would you recognize Matt LeBlanc if you saw him in person? I bet you wouldn't. In the 1990s I once stood next to Michael Jordan - practically at the height of his fame - in a nightclub VIP room for almost 20 minutes before I noticed. Seeing famous people isn't always like you see in so many Flintstones cartoons, with women fainting and mobs of teenagers running at them with autograph books. This is all set up either by him personally, or his management, or somebody

Anyway, they said he's making a "career change" and I didn't bother to read what he's changing too but judging by the picture I'm guessing WalMart truck driver or maybe even Santa Claus

SABRINA CARPENTER NUDE LEGS

 Pudgy flash in the pan Sabrina Carpenter was in New York and she was described as "leggy" which I guess she kind of is. No mention was made why she was there, and judging by her puffy face I'd say she was probably going somewhere to eat something super salty for dinner

She did this after breaking up with her boyfriend who is obviously gayer than the male singer in the B-52s. I have no idea how women get tricked into these relationships with gay guys. I have a friend who, after getting married, having THREE kids and remodeling an entire house had her husband come home from work one day and he said, "I'm gay" and that was that. How the fuck does that even happen? I thought that only happened on shitty TV shows on CBS. I couldn't get married to a dude and pretend to be gay for years no matter how much pressure society put on me. 

Whatever it's not my life hey Sabrina be sure to tip your waiter, but not too much, this is going to be a very, very short ride for you.

JENNIFER LOPEZ LEGS FEET NUDE

 Man the titles for these posts like the one for this...post, really help boost me in the searches. You guys are a bunch of weirdos what else are you searching for? And on Google yet, not even Duck Duck Go or something. 

Jennifer Lopez definitely has legs, and from I've been hearing since the 1990s it's really her only good quality. She showed them off for her terrible new movie "Unstoppable" and I can't figure out who keeps giving this woman tens of millions of dollars to make movies nobody ever sees.  I don't even remember the name of her last movie and she already has a new one? And this after she had to cancel her entire "World Tour" before it even started due to lack of interest.  

Is she even at a premier? the professionally photo shopped images only show her standing there, she really could be anywhere and judging by these pictures she's in an empty Hilton reception hall. Unless that's where the premier is and actually, that wouldn't shock me.

Elizabeth Hurley Coming Down

Elizabeth Hurley posted this on her Instagram on Sunday and then said "Happy Sunday!" There really wasn't any other context or event, I just thought I'd let you know.

 

 

ELSA PATAKY'S FEET NUDE

 I haven't written about Elsa Pataky in a pretty long time so I figured I was overdue. As the wife of Chris Hemsworth (no known photographs) I assume she just walks around all day in the Australian Sun. Man, this woman is so hot she might not even be human. And keep in mind she'll be 50 years old soon Like within the next two years or so (Date of birth: July 18, 1976 I already got her present). Here she is on Saturday or maybe Friday who knows it's Australia and they're all fucked up down there It could also have been a week ago or tomorrow

I've written about her multiple times and I'm sure I've mentioned how she's constantly barefoot. I have no idea why you'd want to walk around in those filthy parking lots without shoes or at least some sandals. Have you ever been in a parking lot? They're full of broken glass, food you pigs just toss, those weird dental floss things, nails, bird crap you name it it's out there. Maybe it's a weird sexual thing for her, I know some of you real perverted weirdos are into dirty women's feet so who can say. The bottoms of her feet must be like horse's hooves or something. Forget about the filth, imagine how hot that pavement is after baking in the Australian summer sun all day. 

Okay I'm done talking about Elsa Pataky's feet since there are other parts of her I like a lot better.

More Age Gaps with Sean Penn

Sean Penn, 64, has a new girlfriend named Velaria Nicov and TA DAH! She's THIRTY FOUR years younger than he is. You all know how I feel about age gaps, especially when the younger of the participants is in their 30s, so I'm going to skip that scolding this time and talk about how I've been hearing for literal years how Sean Penn is a barely sentient brain stem that can barely tie his own shoes (allegedly), and is also a raging asshole (also allegedly) who's head looks like one of those apples you used to carve and dry out to make imaginary shrunken heads (that's a fact).

But Sean Penn apparently has a net worth of around $70 million dollars so maybe all that other stuff doesn't matter.  Then again this dude scored Robin Wright and Madonna when she was hot, so maybe there's something more to this a-hole than money that I don't see. Don't ask me to explain how women think

SOFIA VERGARA TOPLESS

Well... kind of topless. And I guess she took these pictures because she split from her current beau in the fall and to prove she's "single and ready to mingle".  And that's something they actually said in the original article, because I guess my Uncle Al is writing for the Daily Mail now. Here's proof...

Notably absent was her boyfriend of a year, surgeon Justin Saliman, whom she reportedly split from in the early fall.

There you have it. So if you want to be Sofia Vergara's new boyfriend, and actually see her gigantic, perfect, glistening, naked breasts in person, all you have to do is call her. And be rich. And muscular. And look like a 50 something male model from the late 1980s. If any of these describe you, go for it. I would but I'm currently involved with Elizabeth Hurley and we're going steady if my mom says it's okay.