Happy New Year Elsa Pataky

Welcome to 2020! Happy New Year and blah blah blah...and wouldn't you know it, as luck would have it, the very first story I read was about how Elsa Pataky had a "Studio 54 themed New Years Eve party" and apparently didn't wear underwear under her dress. I'm not exactly sure how this was determined, but this rumor is good enough for me. I've discussed on  at least several occasions how I'd pretty much sell my soul just for the possibility that I could even stand near Elsa Pataky, but I'm going to be real honest here and say those two pictures look like a living Hell on Earth for me. I'd last about 10 seconds at a party like that,  it just looks so awful. Just imagine all tha Machiavellian back stabbing that was taking place all night. It's difficult to even imagine. It's kind of weird how so many of her pictures don't include her "husband" isn't it? C'mon Elsa let's go find a quiet place to talk.

ELSA PATAKY'S FEET NUDE

 I haven't written about Elsa Pataky in a pretty long time so I figured I was overdue. As the wife of Chris Hemsworth (no known photographs) I assume she just walks around all day in the Australian Sun. Man, this woman is so hot she might not even be human. And keep in mind she'll be 50 years old soon Like within the next two years or so (Date of birth: July 18, 1976 I already got her present). Here she is on Saturday or maybe Friday who knows it's Australia and they're all fucked up down there It could also have been a week ago or tomorrow

I've written about her multiple times and I'm sure I've mentioned how she's constantly barefoot. I have no idea why you'd want to walk around in those filthy parking lots without shoes or at least some sandals. Have you ever been in a parking lot? They're full of broken glass, food you pigs just toss, those weird dental floss things, nails, bird crap you name it it's out there. Maybe it's a weird sexual thing for her, I know some of you real perverted weirdos are into dirty women's feet so who can say. The bottoms of her feet must be like horse's hooves or something. Forget about the filth, imagine how hot that pavement is after baking in the Australian summer sun all day. 

Okay I'm done talking about Elsa Pataky's feet since there are other parts of her I like a lot better.

Elsa Pataky is Exciting

Elsa Pataky went to the beach with her husband Wolverine or Batman or whoever that guy is. Man, I looked everywhere for something to talk about and Elsa Pataky in a bikini is the top of the heap. The thing is, the original story pretty much just described what they were wearing, which is weird because there it is in the picture, a black bikini and a hat. I don't know how they managed to stretch that out for 1000 words or whatever it was, but I guess that's why they get paid and I don't.

Elsa Pataky Nude Beach

Most people are talking about some new guy becoming president so I thought I'd switch it up and talk about Elsa Pataky at the beach. Her husband was around there somewhere but no one gives a shit about him. For real when's the last time you thought about Elsa Pataky's husband.

I'm not really sure why, but I actually prefer a one piece bathing suit on a woman as opposed to a bikini. Maybe it's some weird psycho-sexual hang up I have no idea. I've never bothered to look for an answer because I'm not ruining anything. 

I once looked up why guys like women in high heels and from what I read, it has something to do with women looking physically unstable in heels and it triggers some kind of primitive rescue reaction in the man's brain which sounds like a bunch of bullshit gobbledygook to me so I stopped checking why people like things. I just do and that's good enough for me

Elsa Pataky Surfs in the Gene Pool

 Elsa Pataky went to the beach. Her dumb kids are around there somewhere I think, but not her "husband".  Who knows where that guy is. Maybe running around pretending he's Wolverine or whatever, who really cares. Good God she's supernatural. I love you Elsa. That whole thing with Jen was just a mistake you know? I swear it'll never happen again.

Elsa Pataky is a Ghost

 I'm sorry I've been gone. It's just the same old complaints about the same old people doing the same old thing. How many times do you guys want to read about Lizzo playing a flute or whatever? It can't be something you want to do every day so I just look around and figure I'd wait until something at least halfway interesting happens. 

  Like Elsa Pataky going to the beach. Now THIS is something I could read about every day. Shit man, she's supernatural. I would do unspeakable things just to smell her hair. I'm sure her dimwitted husband is around there somewhere but who cares or knows where. With any luck he went surfing (with his shirt off) and got eaten by a tiger shark. 

I'm sorry your kids don't have a father now Elsa but I'm a pretty cool guy and since I have the maturity of an 11 year old I think they'd really like me. What do you say? You could do worse and wind up with another Australian guy and let's be honest, nobody wants that.

 

Elsa Pataky is on the Hoof

Elsa Pataky was out walking around last week. Without her "husband" as usual. I can't be the only one that notices this am I?  I don't remember why, or where she was going. Does this woman ever wear shoes? Listen I have to draw the line somewhere. Would it kill you to get a pair of flip-flops or something? Maybe her "husband" is one of those sick perverts that has a thing for women with dirty feet.

Elsa Pataky is Warm at the Beach

Elsa Pataky was at the beach (losers cut out of the photo) for  a swimwear photo shoot. I hope her new "Beach Sweaters" sell like hot cakes. She's so attractive it's almost hard to describe. You can't even look directly at her, it's unbelievable. She's like a Nazi Perfect Woman experiment that escaped from the lab. Not that I'm attracted to Nazis. Not usually anyway, but I mean c'mon man. 

Elsa Pataky is Modeling

This is Liam Hemsworth's wife Elsa Pataky. Or maybe it's Chris Hemsworth? I'm not really sure I didn't even know there was two of them until about five minutes ago. I hope she can tell the difference or Christmas would be really weird. Whatever the case may be I just wanted you to know she has three kids and will be turning 40 in about six months, you know in case you wanted a feel good story to make this Wednesday a little better

Elsa Pataky Saves the Day

 I know I haven't written a whole lot here, but if I'm bored with the people or the stories I can't. And if I'm bored I can't imagine how you people feel. Even though I'm pretty sure you're all fairly easy to entertain. Maybe I'll get you one of those old timey hoops and a stick like Huck Finn or whoever. 

 And then, suddenly,  like a ray of sunshine through the clouds, comes Elsa Pataky. How can a human being look that good in that awful dress. It's not possible. But she does. She isn't human. And it's orange on top of it all. Who the fuck looks good in orange? They said this was some photo shoot (obviously) and that she was "barefoot" but she's constantly barefoot, which I'll be honest is kind of gross. I put on my shoes before I go into the kitchen but if that's the worst thing about her - and I'm sure it is - we can work around that. She could swallow kittens whole and I'd find a way to deal with it

Elsa Pataky is Okay

Elsa Pataky was on the beach in a bathing suit. I read she's 41 years old and married to one of the Hemsworth brothers but I'm not sure which one. Other than that I don't know who she is, or what she does but she's hot as Hell. Also I learned that I probably have no real business writing about these people.

Elsa Pataky Wears Red

The usually unbelievably hot Elsa Pataky wore a red garbage bag and terrible shoes to some pointless event somewhere. Are you guys getting tired of this blog yet? Because I sort of am.

Elsa Pataky Makes Everything Better

I don't have a lot of time right now but I happened to stumble across this picture of Elsa Pataky at some movie premier. I didn't catch the name of the movie movie because I almost immediately went blind. Good Lord. I'll be back later or maybe I won't and I'll just leave this at the top of the page for all eternity. Either way.

Emergency Elsa Pataky Post

Elsa Pataky kind of looks like Sandra Bullock doesn't she? I also happened to see this while I was looking for pictures of Sandra Bullock. You can love two people at once. How about three? I bet I could I'd just need some time that's all.

Elsa Pataky Turns Her Back on 2022

 I've decided to write about Elsa Pataky a lot more in 2023. A LOT more. I just wanted you to know that so you could adjust your plans accordingly. You do realize she is nearly 50 years old. I just want you to think about that while you look at yourself on in the mirror next time you bring up a woman - or anyone's -  age.

Elsa Pataky Lounges Around

I was going to try to write about women in bikinis a bit less in 2019 because I'm sure that gets terribly boring to at least half of the six people that manage to find this blog by accident. But then Elsa Pataky shows up and blows that plan out of the water like The US Navy blew the Japanese out of Guadalcanal. See? Wouldn't it be better to sometimes read things like that? Who needs to look at beautiful women that look like granite statues in a museum when you can learn history? I'll try better so maybe you nerds will quit fucking crying so hard.

Elsa is a Flyer

 

I'm sorry I don't really have much prepared for today. Work was super stressful yesterday and I just couldn't bring myself to do this. And the OH LOOK! Elsa Pataky arrived home after filming some Netflix movie called "Interceptor" (?) and saved the day. I hope you guys enjoy basically paying a monthly subscription to You Tube. More than once I looked for stuff to watch on Netflix and came away empty handed. If you want to watch murder mysteries and other shows like that despite the fact that they're all the same,  you know Discovery ID, the OWN Network, and A&E and a few others I can't think of right now, all show them practically 24 hours a day non-stop,  and you already get that with your cable service. You know that right?

 
What you want to watch on TV means nothing to me while Elsa is walking around like that. Why isn't anyone helping her with her bag? She looks even better dressed like a normal person. How can that be? That couldn't have been an accident. Nobody dresses like that just day to day, do they? I could ramble about her like this for hours. Have fun going home to your meathead husband. Why isn't he meeting you to carry your bag? To busy shaving his arms? I hope he doesn't lift too many weights today.

Not Jennifer Aniston Now Too

 So they've gotten to you too, huh Jen. Okay, I guess that's just how these things go sometimes. I have to admit, it's going to be tough to get over this but I'll try. I guess. You know, I've never seen Elsa Pataky wearing a face shield. I'm not saying anything, it's just an observation, that's all.

Site Update

 HUZZAH! I wrote some stuff just now but I'm saving it for tomorrow. Good lord Elsa Pataky is so fucking hot she's supernatural.  I'm not even 100% sure she's a real human being.

Rihanna Topless

 I'm not writing about Rihanna anymore because no one cares about Rihanna anymore. And they can call this a topless photo all they like, but just saying something doesn't mean it's true. I can say Elsa Pataky is my wife all I want but the stupid judge said I had to stop doing that. You don't want me to get the courts involved with this Rihanna picture do you? No, I didn't think you did.