Princess Beatrice Escapes

Princess Beatrice of York escaped from the UCLA Medical Center's psych ward again. They should try to keep better track of these people, don't they have some kind of security? They had to have their guys in white suits chase her around with one of those giant butterfly nets for hours before they finally got her back to her room. And for the record, out of fairness I tried to find a picture of her where it doesn't look like her face is going to explode from insanity but I couldn't find any.

Channing Tatum is a Mystery

Channing Tatum showed up somewhere drunk in a tuxedo again. He is drunk right? Is he drunk? Or just stupid. I'm not sure I guess it could go either way. I'd say let's toss a coin to find out but the shiny thing flying through the air might distract him and cause his equilibrium to fail and he looks kind of like a big dude so you don't want to be trying to pick that guy up off the floor. Let's just leave him alone.

Paris Jackson Gets More Rebel-y

Noted rebel Paris Jackson turned 18 and promptly became the first person in history to get a tattoo inside her lower lip. She got a Motley Crue tattoo because aside from being a rebel, she's into hip new things. By the way, Motley Crue's first album was released in 1981.  Nearly two full decades before she was even born. I bet she wished she really "lived during the 80's".  I just wonder if she's ever actually even seen pictures of Motley Crue. Because I'm going to guess she hasn't.

Natalie Imbruglia is a Hero

Remember Natalie Imruglia? She had a hit in the mid/late 90's that I haven't heard since roughly 1999 and I remember thinking she was kind of hot at the time in a very cute way. Well she's still pretty hot today and I guess still recording but I don't know because I don't buy music that sucks, I don't care how hot they are. Here she is performing her real passion though. Dragging decrepit pirate ghosts out of their watery graves. You're a brave woman Natalie keep up the good work.

Joseph Baena Escapes

This is Arnold Schwarzenegger's 18 year old son Joseph Baena and not an escaped freak science experiment like I originally thought. Sorry I screamed "LOOK OUT IT'S GETTING INTO A CAR!" I was just reacting. Sorry. I'm always on my toes and ready for action.

Chloe Lattanzi Has Looks that Kill

Olivia Newton-John's 30 year old killer robot (probably) daughter Chloe Lattanzi showed up with her Fiance who's name I think is Hit Me in the Face With a Chair at some SyFy event which makes total sense since the nerd-losers that actually watch that crappy, shit show of a channel have been waiting for sex robots for like forever. Don't get me wrong I can't say I'm disagreeing with them. If there's one thing me and nerds agree on it's Sex Robots. It must be hard for that guy to always find a seat next to an electrical outlet though. I guess maybe deactivating her Series 300X LazerEyez probably helps conserve battery power long enough to get through an awards show.

Mariah Cary is a Smuggler

Mariah Carey was photographed trying to smuggle a beach ball under the back of her dress and onto a plane when she left for the start of her music tour titled "Beach Balls for Butt Babies" or wherever the fuck she's going. It's a private plane Mariah, you could have just carried it on you know. No one cares if you blow yourself up. Oh they may have 20 years ago but not in 2016.