Anne Hathaway Needs a Prince

If a cartoon deer ever sprung to life and jumped out of a children's book to search for love,  I bet it would look like Anne Hathaway. You only have two moon cycles to find your prince, you better hurry!

Isla Fisher's Family is Dumb

Isla Fisher (left) says her own family confuses her with Amy Adams because her whole family is apparently full of dimwits that can't recognize their own relatives despite the fact that Isla Fisher...oh man Isla Fisher is 40?! I swear to God I thought she was like 25. I'm sorry for making fun of your family baby, it was just shenanigans. Let me make it up to you with a massage.

Sean Penn Sits for the Camera

Here's noted humanitarian and woman beater Sean Penn looking pretty much like the gargoyle he is. He sort of looks like David Bowie's character in "Labyrinth" if that character had washed up on a beach somewhere after falling off of a ship a week earlier.

!!!!!BREAKNG NEWS!!!!!

Britney Spears is going to a slumber party or something. I have no idea what any of that means but I like where this is headed.

Jennifer Lopez is at the Latin Grammys

Jennifer Lopez was at the Latin Grammys - whatever those are -  and she stuffed herself into a body suit? Overalls? I'm not sure what this thing is called. What most people don't realize is she's actually modeling 3M's new line of indestructible zippers. I can just imagine the scene in the dressing room where two assistants are pressing her as hard as they can up against a wall while a third used both hands and a pair of pliers to get that thing closed. "If you guys don't get this thing closed so help me Jesus I'll cut you" she probably said while doing that thing with her neck like a black girl does when she gets mad.

Diane Keaton

Diane Keaton's ghost showed up at the L'Oreal Women of Worth awards probably to scare everyone. But I have to be honest Diane, you're not very scary in your quirky hat/glasses combo. Unless that scarf is hiding a noose scar. That would be kind of scary. I guess.  Hey look man, I'm trying to come with stuff about a woman that was famous about 40 years ago in the 70's okay? So gimme a break.

Emma Watson in Front of a Bush

Emma Watson is famous for "Harry Potter and the Blood Stone of the Nerds" or whatever she was in, and also a bunch of other crap I'll never see. With all that Hollywood star power I don't understand why she has to break into her grandmother's attic to play with her haunted clothes. "Teddy was late for the tea party again! Naughty Teddy." she says, nailing his stuffed animal feet to the roof joist in the attic while Rupert the Elephant and Pablo Penguin look on in horror. Take it easy Emma this is America we don't understand all of your tea rules. Someone give her a job already, sheesh.