Rebel Wilson Looks Happy

So far the most exciting news I've seen all day was how Rebel Wilson lost 33 pounds. I'm not sure what 33 pounds they're talking about, what'd she lose, a cinder block? Maybe she set it down somewhere. Try the coat check. Don't worry, those things are kind of big I'm sure it'll turn up.

John Mayer Likes Sweaters

John Mayer called his ex-girlfriend Taylor Swift's birthday "the lamest day" on Twitter. Two things.

1. I looked for the tweet for about five seconds but I couldn't find it right away so go find it yourself.

And B. I bet this is the first time you've thought about John Mayer in five years.

I swear I'd forgotten all about this guy so I guess his little tweet worked. Why write "good" "music" the people can "like" or "enjoy" when you can send tweets like a 15 year old high school cheerleader to keep you in the public eye. Yes I love quotations marks how did you know?

Melanie Griffith is a Winner

Melanie Griffith was photographed at the airport after arriving back home from her new career as an elderly Jewish Slot Jockey in Las Vegas or wherever she was.  She just plays the penny slots in the corner so she can get free drinks and no one bothers her about her constant cigarette smoking.

Robert Redford is a Hair Over 80

80 year old Robert Redford took his wig and Speedo ensemble to the beach on Friday for some fun in the sun. How do I know it's a wig? Because first of all, he's 80 years old. Secondly every other hair on his body in that picture is gray, that's how.  You don't have to be Sherlock Holmes, Wig Detective to figure that out. Get it? SherLOCK? Like a lock of hair? C'mon idiots we're talking about wigs here try to keep up.

Kanye West Made Some Nice Baskets

Kanye West died his hair yellow. The original story called it "blonde" but that isn't blonde. Here he is pictured for the first time since being released from the hospital for his mental breakdown. It was at an art installation where he is presumably showing off his "art" somewhere. Probably at The Wacky Museum of Natural History over in Looneyville.

Lena Dunham is Number 2

Here's a now deleted picture from Lena Dunham's Instagram account of her sitting on a toilet. Why? How should I know why she would post such a thing I just got here myself. The bigger question is, who took the picture?  But really,  I'm just passing it along in the hopes of ruining your weekend. Jesus. If it wasn't for that roll of toilet paper you wouldn't even know she was sitting on a toilet.

Jennifer Aniston Does it Again

I know I wrote about Jennifer Aniston less than 12 hours ago but they keep having premiers for the latest piece of crap she's starring in and -- listen I'll be honest -- she could be playing a French maid in this garbage dump and I wouldn't sit through it. But as long as they keep having premiers, and she keeps showing up looking like that, I'll keep posting the pics and regaling you with extremely humorous anecdotes. If you don't like it you could always start your own blog and make fun of me. That sounds like fun doesn't it?  Don't be too mean though, I'm sensitive.