Julia Roberts Needs a Better Money Manager

Julia Roberts paid $8.3 million dollars for this house in San Fransisco. Don't ask me why you'd spend $8.3 million dollars to live in what is essentially a giant toilet bowl. You could have this one in Henderson Nevada desert for $5 million and have enough left over for this $3 million dollar one in Hinsdale Illinois. But I guess it's not illegal to be stupid, if it was, half of you idiots would get the gas chamber.

This is Where We Are

There's a giant website that has a Coronavirus clock.

Brielle Bermann Stands by a Tree

Brielle Biermann was in a bikini, because that's what Brielle Biermann does. In case you're wondering she's some reality show asshole, probably on E! Network or Bravo or some other garbage dump. Can you imagine being this desperate for attention. What a tortured, empty life this must be. The story said she's 23 years old and I say haha what a crock full of bullshit that is.

Lil Kim Celebrates Halloween Early

 "Li'l Kim" went out to dinner dressed like a Kabuki actress. Why? Didn't someone at home stop her and say "Hey wait a second, we need to talk before you go out"? Friends are important. They're around to tell you uncomfortable things sometimes, like maybe don't wear your Halloween makeup to dinner. Or maybe this picture was taken outside of a Benihana and she works there now. It's almost impossible to stay on top of the celebrity heap and if you didn't save any of the money you earned, this is what could happen.

  I thought L'il Kim was from the 90s? Or maybe it's the early 2000s?  I don't honestly even know if she was a rapper or a singer. Let's be serious,  haven't they run out of shit to rap about? How many different ways can you talk about money, and bitches? Do we even need a 'Lil Kim anymore?  I would think no, but you people have the absolute worst taste in music, and it's not against the law to like shitty things, so you get nostalgia acts like this charging $300 a ticket which you morons seem only too happy to pay.


!!!!UPDATE!!!! what the fuck is with the make up?

Juliette Lewis is Shiny

Juliette Lewis was on Seth Meyers' late night talk show, "Late Night With a Grinning Unfunny Idiot", to talk about her new Facebook series? What the Hell is that? Facebook makes television shows now? Just another thing I won't watch.  Anyway, I've always liked her. Like really like her, if you catch my drift. I don't even care that she's a Scientologist. Hey who knows, maybe I'd convert for her, why not? Did you know this is her father? He's one of those guys where you go, "Oh yeah him!" Anyhoo this wraps up my Juliette Lewis news I'd just like to end this by saying, I LOVE YOU JULIETTE

Elsa Pataky is on the Hoof

Elsa Pataky was out walking around last week. Without her "husband" as usual. I can't be the only one that notices this am I?  I don't remember why, or where she was going. Does this woman ever wear shoes? Listen I have to draw the line somewhere. Would it kill you to get a pair of flip-flops or something? Maybe her "husband" is one of those sick perverts that has a thing for women with dirty feet.

Amanda Bynes Got a Tattoo

Amanda Bynes got a tattoo on her face. I mean right in the middle of her face. Evidentially she's "troubled" so I'm just going to leave it at that. Her boyfriend looks like a pretty typical idiot, so I'm not sure which thing is the bigger mistake.

Hi Kate Middleton

Kate Middleton is so cute. That inbred, horse-faced idiot wouldn't have stood a chance if he wasn't The Duke of Earl or whatever he is

Julianne Moore Explodes onto the Scene

It looks like the #resistance welcomed Julianne Moore to their ranks. She joined up to be in charge of their demolition/explosives/pipe bomb division. It looks to me like they've made the right choice

An Elizabeth Hurley Moratorium

Elizabeth Hurley was in a bikini in the Maldives. Again. I'm not writing about her anymore. How much more boring can you get. In fact I kind of feel bad for her. All that money and fame and beauty and this is what she does. It's really kind of sad, I've started to get the feeling this is sort of like picking on her and I don't want to do that.  I've honestly started to hope all of these ultra-dull pictures are hiding some kind of secret, sordid, hedonistic, orgy filled lifestyle or something. Anything would be better than this.

Just Some Shirtless Bros

Remember when I said I'd find more shirtless guys to write about for the ladies? Well looky here, I did just that. KJ Apa(?) and Charles Melton(?). Just a couple of friends, out on a hike with their shirts off just like guys do all the time. They were said to be out on a hike. Probably exploring. Their sexuality.  They're both on "Riverdale: The Show for Morons". I still don't get how an Archie comic gets turned into a television drama aimed at middle aged housewives living in Nebraska or Oklahoma. Are they vampires? I bet they're vampires or something like that. Crime solving cowboys? Whatever it is, I'd rather spend an afternoon chewing on tin foil than sit through even 10 minutes of this show.

Eiza Gonzalez is Famous

Eiza Gonzalez is in the news again for some baffling reason, as these totally candid, unstaged, and not at all paid for by her management company, paparazzi photos prove. They keep calling her a Mexican actress, but I don't know if she's an actress in Mexico, or if she works here in the U.S. and just happens to be from Mexico. Those are some terrible shoes.

 She was, or is apparently Jeremy Renner's girlfriend? That's what the story said, "Jeremy Renner's girlfriend". So there go the Mexicans taking the jobs Americans don't want to do again.

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

If you thought Meghan Trainor couldn't get any whiter, that's her father. And his name is Gary. Jesus, if this woman got any whiter she could start a Johnny Winter cover band.

The Weekend is Here

"The Weekend" is releasing his fourth album. I didn't know he had three albums so good for him. He's still going with that asinine name huh. I hope he doesn't waste all of his money buying orange sunglasses because this is going to be a very short ride for him.

What You Need

Twitter is probably the only company that exists, that if it disappeared, the world would actually be better off. A lot better off. Like it or not, you need oil. You need heat. You need electricity. You need a car, and food, and any one of 100 other things. You don't need Twitter. What does Jennifer Aniston have to do with this you ask? Nothing. It's my blog though.

Salma Hayek is 53

Salma Hayek was in  what they called a bikini but that's not a bikini. And thank God too, I didn't have anything else so I whipped this together. I guess I should look around for some guys with their shirts off - you know, for the ladies - before this permanently turns into the MILF blog, but I really don't want "SHIRTLESS MEN" showing up in my Google search history so we'll have to see how this goes.

Donna D'Errico is Like Christmas

I was thinking I couldn't leave that asinine Pop Smoke story up overnight and then I accidentally stumbled across a picture of Donna D'Errico after she got painted red for charity and I almost broke three fingers reaching for my wallet. Lucky for you they weren't my typing fingers.

Pop Smoke Disappears

In a move that should surprise no one, Rapper "Pop Smoke" was shot and killed.

Owen Wilson is Cool

Here's proof that these paparazzi type pictures are taken for publicity with everyone's knowledge. Owen Wilson's manager, or whoever handles this stuff, picks up the phone and calls these people and says, "Owen will be at such and such intersection at around 2pm" and everyone gets their cameras and heads out the door.  Owen Wilson gets to ride a bike along with a little free publicity, and gets to show he's an active type guy, everyone sees his girlfriend, the paparazzi company sells the pictures to The Daily Blabber or whoever wants them and everyone goes home happy. Figure out what the proof is yet?  It's right there in front of you.

His girlfriend agreed to ride a bicycle on a cloudy 47 degree day. There's your proof. I had a girlfriend once that was cold on a beach in Miami in June. I'm not kidding. I had another one that used a space heater where she worked all summer because the air conditioning made it "Way too cold". There was no way this woman was going to agree to go for a bicycle ride in the cold, unless it meant you got to see that she was dating Owen Wilson, but I'll be honest, I'm not really sure how proud of that I'd be to begin with.

NAOMI CAMPBELL TOPLESS

This is BIG BIG NEWS. Again, this is sort of topless. She's a model. That's what they do. When I owned a tanning salon models would come in all the time, and they'd practically walk into the lobby naked. They just didn't care. It's their job, it doesn't even phase them, and it's mostly something that doesn't even cross their minds. Not like those nudist weirdos, those people are sick freaks,  it's a different attitude than that. It's all just part of the gig. Like being a mechanic. You're going to smash a finger now and then so you accept it, and models are naked sometimes, it's just the way it is.  So I have no idea why anyone would think this was a big deal. Women have boobs congratulations you noticed. But I admit, naming this post NAOMI CAMPBELL TOPLESS doesn't hurt either. And who am I kidding I would click on it

Meghan Trainor Goes for a Walk

Meghan Trainor "showed off her famous curves" at a Tommy Hilfiger show. That's a polite way of putting it. Why is she all over the news all of the sudden? Maybe she always has been and I just didn't notice, that's entirely possible. The picture on the right is a picture of her and her husband, who's name I didn't catch but it's probably Bradley, or Conner or possibly even Austin. That is pretty much exactly what I'd think the guy she was married too would look like.

Kylie Jenner's New Hair is Daring

Kylie Jenner got a new hairdo and dumbasses all over the internet had a shit fit. Okay, I'm paraphrasing, but that's essentially what the source story claimed. And maybe it's right. Maybe dumbshits everywhere care that much about Kylie's new hairdo. Frankly, it's why I wrote this. You see, I wrote this because the Internet's dumbass population is a pretty important, and gigantic demographic, because the internet is overwhelmingly populated by dumbasses.

 Go ahead, look around, and I think you'll see what I mean pretty quickly. You can start with websites that are full of people that think an 80 year old communist crackpot, with a bad heart, could actually be elected the President of a center-right country, right in the middle of the best economy it's experienced since basically WWII, and maybe in it's entire history. They most likely think that because their electric shocks are probably wearing off. Well...I got some bad news for you because that's never going to happen. But go ahead and look anyway. It's enlightening stuff.

Courtney Love is Up and Around

World famous hanger on Courtney Love,  was at a second world famous hanger on's fashion show. Vivienne Westwood who I legitimately thought died three or four years ago had a "show" in an art gallery (of course) during London's Fashion Week? Do these things never ever end? One fashion week runs into another, how much fashion is there? And these two...The whole reason Courtney Love is famous (Kurt Cobain) died 25 years ago and the whole reason Vivienne Westwood is famous (punk rock)  died 40 years ago. I have to say Courtney Love doesn't look healthy. She doesn't look bad but it's pretty obvious something isn't right. And Vivienne Westwood looks worse but she's almost 80 and may actually already be dead. 

Lady Gaga Still Wacky

Lady Gaga went out for sushi with her friends and her pink platform boots. You don't think Lady Gaga would just go out out to eat in regular shoes do you? How would you know she was Lady Gaga if she did that? She should just get a t-shirt with "I'm an early 80s Gay New York Club Kid" printed on it and be done with it. When it comes to Lady Gaga, I go back and forth being indifferent to her, and being super annoyed by her. Guess which one it is today.

Jessica Simpson Wears the Pants

Jessica Simpson is on a book tour, presumably for a book she wrote. I assume it's about yo-yo dieting and making terrible music, but she should be out there because I say she looks pretty damn good considering she's had 83 babies. How can she be almost 40 years old? It seems like only yesterday she was so young you could go to prison for thinking she was hot. And trust me, plenty of guys never said anything about it out loud back when, for about 18 months, her and Britney Spears basically ruled the whole jail-bait teen universe. And now they're middle aged women with a whole gaggle of kids and ex-husbands between them. Life is funny like that I guess. But totally not in a haha funny kind of way.

Assholes on Parade

Drunken internet bully Chrissy Teigen and her husband, noted action hero John Legend, showed up to sell sunglasses. Hey who doesn't need $65 sunglasses?  I got my last pair of sunglasses at Home Depot for $8 and guess what they do. Block the Sun. I cut their daughter out of the picture because she's innocent, and didn't ask for any of this. Besides, you can't pick your parents. If you could, would you pick a guy that would dress like that as your dad? No. You wouldn't. I really hope he didn't get his sneakers dirty.

Emergency Jennifer Aniston Post

It's Jennifer Aniston's birthday today, and these are brand new pictures from some magazine, sorry it's difficult for me to type I'm going to lie down for a while

Reality Show Idiots are Abound in England

 This is some British reality show Bozo named Jamie. I guess that's all they watch over there because it's all I ever see anyone in the British press talk about. You UK people really have to get better celebrities. I mean look at the guy. He even got an Aztec inspired sleeve. That was "cool" 10 years ago. I'm kidding that was never cool. Maybe it just takes that long for these trends to cross the ocean. Unless of course he's in MS13 or something.

 Every Mexican guy I never knew always thought they were Aztec Warriors. It's like their version of the cowboy/outlaw. They have hot naked women with giant headdress tattoos... imagine Salma Hayek in "From Dusk Til Dawn" or they're always wearing sombreros and that angry mouth thing, with the criss-cross ammo belts across their chests and they're riding dragons or whatever. I guess you tattoo what you know, it's a cultural thing, like white girls getting those sideways hearts or musical notes on their wrists that tells the world they're really secretly depressed "cutters". Hey if it makes you happy what can I say. Have fun with your shitty tattoo, asshole.

Blac Chyna Wins The Oscar

Blac Chyna was at The Oscars for reasons that nobody was clear about. I personally think she showed up the minute they finished setting everything up, while they were sweeping up the saw dust before everything started, maybe disguised as a delivery person or something in break away coveralls to have her picture taken on the red carpet before anyone else arrived. I haven't thought about her for at least a year until I saw this so maybe she should win the Oscar for being "The Person No One Cares About".

Amanda Holden Does This

Amanda Holden said some mean things about some guy on her Instagram. I guess because he blocked her from getting a job? I don't know. Listen,  I'll be honest.  Amanda Holden could say "Hitler had some good ideas" and frankly I'd probably be okay with that

The Academy Awards Happened

There's obviously a lot of stuff about The Oscars floating around, and so far, this picture is the only thing that's interested me. I think I'm pretty much done with them for at least a year.

Jessica Gomes Does Stuff

 Jessica Gomes was at the Global Ocean Gala in Los Angeles. I don't know what the gala was for - probably the ocean -  or what she was doing there, and as usual the story I stole this picture from didn't say. Hell, I don't even know who Jessica Gomes is. The source story basically just described her dress, but there it is in the picture so I don't know why they were describing it. Frankly I think it would look better wadded up in a ball on the floor in my living room but I don't want to be gross.

 That's the problem with the internet you have to fill a lot of space 24 hours a day so you wind up with descriptions of somebody you've never heard of, in a dress you'll probably never see in a store, attending a party you'd never go to. I actually read the story twice to see if maybe I missed something and nope. Oh wait, I guess she was a Victoria's Secret model? Back in 2012? Which doesn't seem that long ago but that was eight years ago holy shit. She's 35 years old now so I hope she invested some of that money, because I don't see a 50 year old billionaire standing next to her in that picture, and  she's basically a middle aged woman now, and models tend to have very, very short careers.  She modeled for Victoria's Secret less than 10 years ago and I already don't know who she is.  I really don't know how to end this and now I'm rambling so I'd just like to wrap it up by saying I LOVE YOU JESSICA.

Dua Lipa Strips for Jesus

I was going to write about Dua Lipa again but I'll be real honest when I say I lost interest in anything she does a very, very long time ago. Is she a singer that strips? Or a stripper that sings. She's usually half naked somewhere because she seems to be completely void of any other talents, so you can see how that gets boring. Maybe if she saves a kitten or something in the future, I'll write about her again but until that happens, I think I'm going to mostly forget she exists. Unless she shows up somewhere in a short skirt or something. It'll all be a "need to know" kind of thing from now on.

Lizzo Goes to the Beach

Lizzo washed up on a beach somewhere. Poor thing, maybe her internal radar is off. It happens.

Katie Holmes is in an Important Building

Katie Holmes was Photoshopped to within an inch of her life to be on the cover of Flaunt (?) Magazine. It was highlighted that this photo shoot took place in the "iconic" Metropolitan Building in NEW YORK CITY, as if anyone outside of New York City gives a shit or even knows what that is. That might have been big news in the 1920's and pretentious snobs probably still think New York is the epicenter of everything, because pretentious snobs are dumb. Even some people outside the US still think that too, but that's only in countries where guys carry their farm animals from place to place on motorcycles.

 THIS PHOTO SHOOT TOOK PLACE INSIDE OF CHICAGO'S FLAT IRON BUILDING. See? Doesn't that sound silly? Seriously, who cares?

Anyway, I don't know what Flaunt talks about. Probably peacoats and cocktail parties. And by the way, they're still calling her "the Dawson's Creek star" even though that show went off the air 17 years ago. Let's play that game where I describe what your kid would be doing now if they were born when Dawson's Creek went off the air. What would he be doing? Graduating high school that's what. She's probably very nice but I honestly have no idea why people still talk about her. Inertia? Lost a bet?

Shania's Got it Going On

Shania Twain has moved into the "Stifler's Mom phase of her career. No, this isn't a complaint.

Demi Moore is Supernatural

Wow look at Demi Moore. She was at the Vanity Fair: Hollywood Calling exhibit at the Annenberg Space For Photography because she was on the cover of Vanity Fair when she was pregnant in 1991. And now she's at the actual Vanity Fair and she isn't pregnant. It's funny how life works out sometimes. I don't know why every single thing celebrities, famous people, and magazines/websites do requires a party.  No one gives a shit.

 Man I could never be famous. I mean, even if you had nothing else to do, constantly having to get dressed up and drive across town to hang around with a bunch of spineless ass-kissers must be a huge hassle. Especially for something like Vanity Fair, which I'm not even sure is still being printed. And let's face it, getting shit faced drunk and winding up in the gutter stops being fun in your mid-20s imagine being 57 years old like Demi.  It must be torture. Give me a call Demi, we can do something more fun than that if you catch my drift. I have a 1000 piece puzzle!

Paris Hilton is Talented

Paris Hilton is still being a DJ, which I'll be honest, is something that I didn't know still happened. Here she is at the Rolling Stone Super Bowl Party doing exactly that. I don't know if they mean the magazine, or the band was having a party, and either way, I don't care.

 I bet she's a DJ the same way Sid Vicious was a bass player. Someone wheels them out on stage and they "play" disconnected instruments while someone off stage does the actual work. 

Al Pacino is a Hero

Al Pacino was at the BAFTA Awards when he heard abut a baby stroller getting stuck on a draw bridge and immediately flew off without changing into his tights, shocking his girlfriend Meital Dohan. I'm kidding he tripped and fell probably because he's a doddering old man. He's fine. Probably.

Cynthia Erivo Isn't Happy

Cynthia Erivo is nominated for an Oscar but she's not happy because she's the only black woman nominated

'It is a moment for celebration, but it also is a real eye-opener. It can't just be me alone,' the British-Nigerian 33-year-old - who's an Oscar away from EGOT status - told THR on Friday.

'There's just such good work going on and this may sound fatalistic, but I would hate for people's work to have gone by and then for us to have looked back and go, "Oh, I wish we would've given roses," when people aren't there to actually receive them.  

'I don't want us to do that. To be in a room and not being able to see other actors [of color] who are nominated, to not be able to share that with another black actress is saddening. I would love to share this moment with someone else.'

Uummm...what? She just started saying things I guess, absolutely none of it makes any sense. EGOT status? What the Hell is anyone talking about anymore? You know, maybe no other African-American women were nominated because they aren't as quirky as you. Here's an idea, next year you can all meet up and go shopping at the "Pretty in Pink" resale shop together and maybe some of them can get nominated and you can all take Duckie with you to the awards ceremony.

Heidi Klum is Confusing

Look at me! Doing this on a Saturday like someone is paying me. I get paid with pictures of Heidi Klum doing whatever it is she's doing here so it's almost worth it. No it isn't really. I never really thought much about Heidi Klum I'm not sure why. But as she's gotten older I have. There must be something wrong with me. And I don't get it.  Shes' rich, beautiful, she probably has a jet that would take her almost anywhere in the world and yet here she is doing this, and posting it on Instagram like some desperate idiot college kid. I've said it before and I'll say it again. It's something I'll never understand. I suppose if Instagram is the only thing that will post her picture, I guess she's sort of stuck.