Sydney Sweeney Steps Out

 

Normally I wouldn't write about Sydney Sweeney so soon after writing about her before but it's my blog, and if you don't like it why don't you start your own and write thousands of stories that almost no one will ever read.

Sydney Sweeney is The Bomb

 They said this was "Euphoria" actress Sydney Sweeney and every rule I ever had about women under 30 just went straight out the window. Holy shit she looks like an old school bombshell, like she just walked out of a 1950s style  "Attack of the 50 Foot Leeches" or something. Honestly I'm speechless. Suffice to say that I'm always willing to help a damsel in distress, whether it be leeches or giant alien pods or whatever in case you ever need somebody to do something like that for you Sydney.

Julia Fox is Clingy

I was also not going to write about z-list has been Julia Fox anymore but she walked around in public dressed like a futuristic space hooker and I needed something to post so I figured why not.

 

 

Kate Middleton is a Ghost

I wasn't going to write about Kate Middleton anymore but she was out dressed up like a sexy ghost and I have this weird thing about women wearing white (and polka dots). I'm sure there are a whole host of psychological reasons for this but I don't care what they are just so long as you keep doing that please.
 

Dua Lipa is Yellow

 Dead eyed half-wit Dua Lipa lip synced her way through a Las Vegas performance in an outfit that the original source material described as "figure hugging" and "yellow" . I didn't see any mention of her music at all, although I guess I'm not really surprised. Why would anyone talk about that when she has tits she seems so willing to show you.

Jared Leto is Weird. Kind of.

 I don't feel like doing this anymore today so here's Jared Leto pretending to be weird somewhere because he's very desperately clinging to whatever fame position he was in 20 years ago. Honestly I haven't thought about him in at least 10 years so I guess that explains the red lace gloves, the hair, the sunglasses,  and the shirtless cummerbund. 

Stormy Daniels Nude. Owes Everyone

 Poor Stormy Daniels. No matter which side of this you're on, you have to admit this poor women got screwed over big time. She got taken advantage of by social media, the mainstream media, and a sleaze bag attorney that is now sitting in prison somewhere, and all she got out of it was a debt to the guy she sued to the tune of $300,000, basically the same price for a modest home almost anywhere in the USA. And none of those people actually cared about her. They got what they wanted and they mostly swept her away to the ash bin of history once they were finished and moved on to the next thing because they're blood thirsty, mindless simpletons with an unthinking mob mentality worse than any village in a Frankenstein movie.

And this debt will follow her everywhere for the rest of her life, and I can guarantee you a chimpanzee like Donald Trump is not going to forget or let it go. Where is Stormy Daniels going to get $300,000?  She won't be able to finance a barely running Yugo. How long can you be a stripper? How many porn movies can you make those things don't pay as much as you might think - generally speaking - that's why you can watch those clips on the internet for free. Anyway, I wish her all the best and maybe if she's smart a settlement can be reached but I very much doubt it. Donald Trump has money and a lot of it. Even the low end estimates say he has more money than you will ever see, so what does $300,000 mean to him? Literally nothing. To him that's like losing $200 in a card game.   

So good luck Stormy, I'm sure it will all work out.

Natalie Portman is the Boss

 Have I mentioned that I like Natalie Portman? Because I do. She was at her Pachinko premier and I assume that's a movie and not that weird vertical Japanese pinball game. Why would she get involved with that? Unless she's a secret member of the Yakuza which - who knows - is entirely possible. She was dressed so nice too not like some of these idiots today. She looks like a high powered executive or something, and I'm just the new guy that works in the mail room and she notices me from afar while I'm working and then one day I save her from a malfunctioning elevator and she takes me back to her giant pink and yellow mansion and we make love and eat crumbly chocolate chop cookies all day. 

Jessica Simpson Changes

I saved this on Sunday and somebody wrote something about Jessica Simpson but I don't remember what and I think the world is a much better place for it. Don't these people ever stop being famous.

Heidi Klum Goes to Vegas

Good lord here's Heidi Klum. Nearly 50 year old Heidi Klum. So if you think you're hot because you're 23, and you're young, wild, and free, Heidi Klum is more than twice your age and I'd pick her any day of the week over you. And I haven't even seen you. So keep telling yourself you're hot and maybe some day someone will believe it. Meanwhile me and Heidi will be having a romantic dinner somewhere while you spend your nights posting lame selfies for mindless simps on TikTok but that's cool. Just do your thing, no one is stopping you.

Kaley Cuoco Sparkles

 Kaley Cuoco is sexy as hell as evidenced by that screen grab from her show The Attendant - at least I think that's what it's called - but I won't pay for HBO Max even if in the next episode they have a specially filmed scene spliced into the show that only I can see where she whispers me her phone number in that sexy whisper voice women do. 

She's cute but she's also sexy it's a very rare combination to find in the wild. Don't ask me how this works but it even has a name, they call it the X-Factor. Something you can't quite put your finger on. Honestly I don't know. Maybe it's her sparkly dress, maybe it's her boobs hanging out. Maybe it's a combination of the two. I'll have to kick this up to my "special room" for more investigation.

Britney Spears Loves to Boogie

I didn't want to write about Britney Spears again but she was in skin tight Lycra disco pants and black high heels and it's in my contract that I have too. Hey if you don't like it talk to the shop steward, either way just go somewhere else I'm busy working over here.

You're Gonna Need a Bigger Mask Army

 Nope.  That article headline is probably just click-bait so I didn't bother reading it but thanks anyway. If you feel you need to be protected YOU stay home this time because this is not happening. I got shit to do, and a life that needs living, and I played nice with you for two years but those days are over. 

So if you need to be safe, you do whatever it is you feel you have to do because you stopped being my responsibility a year and a half ago. If you want someone to protect you, call your mother because I'm done.

Robert Kraft is Cheesy

 Some 80 year old billionaire named Robert Kraft has a hot new 48 year old fiance named Dana Blumberg. The thing is, money doesn't really explain this 100% since she's an ophthalmologist (eye surgeon) and most likely has money of her own. Unless she's really bad at her job. Obviously he has more money than she does since a billion is a bigger number than a million but she no doubt has money. Eye surgeons don't do that for fun you know, they do it for money. Unless she's just greedy, how else would you explain this since I've exhausted literally all the other possibilities.

Paul McCartney Goes Swimming

 Paul McCartney (not pictured) went to the beach with his wife 62 year old Nancy Shevelle. I only mention her age because everyone else seems too and you people seem to think it's important. Paul McCartney is 79 by the way.  They both frolicked and played and did whatever you do at the beach but I wouldn't know about all of that anymore because I'm not allowed at the beach since that unfortunate "incident" that I'm not really at liberty to discuss.

Michelle Keegan's Fabulous Vacation

 Michelle Keegan blah blah the "Our Girl" cast memeber blahdy blahdy blah blah blah vacation in California yaketty yakkety scoob, pictures on Instagram yabba yabba stylish outfit, hubba hubba pump, I'll link the story here (always click the yellow or brightly colored words for the links you numb skull) if you really want to read it and if you do want to read it, please don't talk to me ever again,

Tinashe is Still Famous (?)

 Tinashe - who I've shockingly written about before  six years ago - went on Jimmy Kimmel live which is where ALL the cool people go for reasons known only to the 1/350th of the US population that actually watch that garbage dump, to perform music or maybe a puppet show. But it was probably music. (I know nothing about that linked website it was the first one to show the numbers so I grabbed it). Man you really gotta want fame and fortune to still be doing this kind of BS for six years and still have very few people overall know who you are. It seems pretty desperate to me but hey it's her life.

And no I don't know why she did it dressed like a mutant biker's back seat gun moll from a 1980s style SyFy Channel movie. Still, I think it's pretty hot so I might be poking fun but deep down inside maybe I love her. No. I DO love her. Fine I admit it.

Zoey Deutch is About to be Famous

 Zoey Deutch was at the premier of "her" new movie, "The Outfit".  Hopefully it's not based on the outfit she's wearing because it's really awful. I'm not 100% sure when this happened as there's sometimes a lag from when these events take place, to when I see them reported. My guess is it happened sometime this week. But don't hold me to that. It was within this month that's for sure.

They called her a "rising star" despite the fact that her mom is Leah Thomson and her dad is director Howard Deutch so I guess hard work really does pay off. Especially if your parents have been famous and well known in Hollywood for nearly 50 years.

Christie Brinkley is Almost 69. Which is Nice

 Christie Brinkley was in a bikini again. 68 year old Christie Brinkley. I only mention her age because I can't wait until she's 69. After that I think I can stop writing about her. Look I'm sorry, she's three years younger than my mom, people aren't supposed to look like this at that stage in their life are they? It's going to throw the whole planet off it's axis.

Sheryl Crowe is Relevant

 Remember Sheryl Crowe? Boy I sure do. She was at the SXSW "Music" Festival for some reason, probably as an oldies act. I only ever remember that one song she had and how she said everyone should use only one square of toilet paper after they go to the bathroom. In her defense Sheryl has never been to my house after a night of rib tips and beer but I'll get her a bucket if she wants to hang out and play cards on a Saturday night or something. She can tell me how it went on Sunday.

Nina Dobrev has Abs. Is Somebody

 They said Nina Dobrev was "showing off her washboard abs" and I guess her pelvis too because she looks basically like a person that just got let out of a concentration camp. Having visible abs when you're that skinny is sort of like having huge tits when you're morbidly obese. Who really cares.

Sienna Miller Golden Gloves

 Sienna Miller was at the BAFTA awards. I like the gloves but... black? I mean sure if the dress was black but gloves that matched her dress would've been a lot better. I can't believe these women don't let me dress them. Listen, you know how to reach me, just click here, and I'll be glad to help you out I promise things won't get weird. Unless you want them too.

Hailey Bieber Strokes

 Hailey Bieber was hospitalized with "stroke-like symptoms" related to having Covid-19 last Thursday morning, which is weird because I was having stroke like symptoms reading this story, if you know what I mean.  In case you don't I'm talking about masturbating with her picture.

Site Update

 I think I'm going to take a couple days off from this. I'll look around, maybe I'll see you Monday.


Later

Bob

Ella Emhoff is a Model

 Vice President Kamala Harris' stepdaughter Ella Emhoff is a model. Kind of in the same way I'm the President of the CIA. If you're going to call yourself something that's an obvious lie, why not pick bullfighter, or maybe steam roller driver.

Avril Lavigne is Talented?

 I don't feel like doing this today so here's Avril Lavigne. She does her own make up you know. That's what this big news story was about. Fascinating, isn't it?

Sherri Papini Escapes!

Sherri Papini isn't really famous, but she's in the news (kinda) because she allegedly faked her own kidnapping and disappearance so she could spend time with the guy pictured on the right. 

My take away from all of this is I can obviously stop working out and taking care of myself because apparently cute blondes don't actually seem to give a fuck about any of that. I guess what cute women want is actually Bluto from the Popeye cartoons. Hey that's fine with me, I'll just start slamming beers and eating beef sandwiches and cheese fries at two in the morning. If you don't give a shit why should I.

 

 

Madonna?

 They say that's Madonna, but I'm going to need a lot more proof.

Halle Barry FEET

 Halle Barry was out skateboarding with her personal trainer again. Man she's fucking hot. But that seems a little weird to me. She's with that dude more than whoever her fiance/boyfriend is, I forget his name. Van Dyke or something.  Hey I can dig it. I don't judge whatever is your thing. For instance, they made sure to point out her age (55) which, who gives a fuck, and also that she was "barefoot". I guess for the foot fetish weirdos. I don't have a foot fetish myself but if that's something you like I'm willing to learn I guess, just let me know Halle.

Who is That Masked Person (It's Angelina Jolie)

 Angelina Jolie and her Daughter Shiloh walked around outside while wearing masks. I'm sorry I will never get over this. Angelina Jolie will sit around and shoot heroin (allegedly) and then put on a mask to walk around outdoors because... why again? Have you not learned or read anything in the last 24 months? Looked at the CDC website (SCIENCE!) ? Shiloh is 15 so I can forgive her, 15 year olds barely have a fully functional brain, but Angelina is nearly 50 years old. It's time to grow up.

Gwen Stefani is Bizarre

 Gwen Stefani was out with her Kelly Ripa lollypop head walking around looking weird. I assume she's wearing boots with fringe on them because she thinks that makes her look "country" since she married that other giant headed cow puncher Blake Shendon or whatever his name is. Her entire outfit looks like she went back in time in a stolen time machine and robbed a Merry Go Round. Whatever, I'm just thrilled she isn't making music anymore

Saweetie Goes Phishing

 I haven't written about Saweetie in a while, so here she is at a Lakers game. They mentioned that a couple of other "famous" people were there but I forgot who they said. I wonder why she decided to wear that particular shirt to a Lakers game where she was sitting courtside. Where's your mask, dummy.

Normani is a Hit

 Someone named "Normani" has a new single coming out, so of course she put on a bikini and high heels and had some pictures taken. If you want to see what a real simpleton looks like, just click here and check out her Instagram.   Jesus these "singers" get worse every day. Don't these people have handlers, or management teams?  Doesn't anyone tell them to try to humanize themselves by adding pictures of pets or friends or hobbies? Like we're supposed to believe she goes out every single night dressed like she's going to The Playboy Mansion and partying with Johnathon Winters while staring dead eyed into a camera? We don't. At least try to be likeable. 

 They called her a "singer" so I imagine she graduated from the Dua Lipa School of Music where she majored in "Dressing Like a Dancer in a Non-Fully Nude Bikini Bar". If you want to buy this shitty music based on some woman's tits, more power too you. Just because I think you're an idiot for doing that doesn't mean you are (you are).

Paulina Gretzky is a Winner

 

For a long time I was in love with Wayne Gretzky's wife Janet Jones. Now I'm in love with her daughter Paulina (pictured). It's funny how life works out that way sometimes isn't it?

Sarah Jayne Dunn

Sarah Jayne Dunn was talking about her OnlyFans again. She was a Holyoaks actress and something something who cares and now she's on OnlyFans. I've never seen it but I imagine it's six minute long videos of her walking around in her underwear. Why you'd pay for that I have no idea, but people do. I'm sorry, I saved this link for about two weeks and I got tired of working around it so here you go. TAH DAH! Sarah Jayne Dunn in her underwear, and you didn't even have to pay for it. I'm a giver.

Megan Fox is Exciting

 I guess it's Megan Fox's job to walk around going basically nowhere having her picture taken now. It's good work if you can get it. Make a special note of that part where I said "going nowhere", because this won't last much longer, Megan. If that is your real name. Oh wait. Apparently it is.

Britney Spears Nude

 Britney Spearts went to the beach and took her clothes off. See, this is what you want. A woman that will take her clothes off at the beach. And if you have some kind of weird sexual hangup and you don't want this, that's fine with me just give her my phone number and you can stay home. Or you can watch us, I don't really care either way.