Dua Lipa Makes the News

Dua Lipa is in the news for being in a bikini. Well there's your Dua Lipa news for the day, I think she's still a singer or rapper or whatever but I don't know, they never really talk about her outside of whatever body part she's exposing today. Keep up the good work Dua.

Dua Lipa Remains Famous

 Dua Lipa wants to continue being a famous singer so she did what any female artist that wants to be taken seriously does. She put on a bikini and took pictures of herself. Such a talent. The funny thing is, I've never heard even one second of a Dua Lipa song but I've seen her 97% naked. At least she's good at one of those things I guess.

Kylie Monogue Likes Disco Clothes

 

There was a big gushing story about Kylie Minogue performing with Dua Lipa. Here's an actual quote from the aforementioned story...

The singers performed (...their) song during the December live stream and are said to have been inundated by fans 'begging' for another collaboration

 Oh yes, people were "begging" for this collaboration I'm sure. Kylie Minogue is quite literally twice Dua Lipa's age but also three times as hot so I'm going to drop Dua Lipa (if that is her real name) from the rest of this story.

Unless this turns into one of those "Step Mom Punishes Teen Daughter" things I've heard so much about.

Dua Lipa is Talented

 Dua Lipa must have a new album coming out. Know how I can tell? She put on a bikini and posted pictures everywhere. What a marvelous talent. I've still never heard even one second of a Dua Lipa song and there is no way in the world you're going to make me.

Dua Lipa is Boring

 Dua Lipa posted more "sexy snaps" on her Instagram. Usually I link their account, but not today. You're holding a phone or sitting at a computer, you do it. And you guys know you can look at pictures of hot girls without buying their shitty music right? I don't understand this at all. There are girls - even on Instagram - that make her look like a boy, why are you doing this? You will never make me understand this. If Dua Lipa was truly musically groundbreaking, or shit, anything but middling, none of this would be necessary. Janis Joplin was already dead for two years by the time this image was published. You know why? She didn't need to get attention this way.  Would she eventually? I have no idea. I can't read minds and certainly not the mind of a dead person. Whatever, I think I'm done writing about this person now too. Pretty soon there won't be anyone left.

Dua Lipa is Talented

 Dua Lipa is still a good singer, as evidenced by a picture she shared that I would probably be happy to get in a text from just about anyone. Keep up the good work Dua.

Dua Lipa is NUDE (mostly)

 Dua Lipa put on a bikini and then took pictures for no reason. Which she of course posted immediately to Instagram. Congratulations for being in such good shape. Of course she's 26 years old so she's supposed to look like that. I still haven't listened to her... "music"... and I won't, because I can guarantee it's garbage because if it wasn't, she wouldn't have to post pictures like this to get people's attention. At this point, I honestly have no idea if she even performs as a singer anymore since I never, ever see pictures of her actually - you know - performing. Keep up the good work Dua. Just a few more bikini pics and you can start an OnlyFans.

Dua Lipa Stripped of all Music

Dua Lipa's boyfriend (name unknown, no known photographs) turned 29 a few days ago so Dua dressed up like a stripper in a non-nude, no alcohol, "gentleman's club" bikini bar and celebrated by doing a striptease (?). That may or may not have actually taken place but at this point who really cares anymore.

I don't know if this woman even records music because walking around 90% naked is the only way I ever hear about her. I'm not complaining necessarily I'm just saying. 

Listen, take it from me, if you want to see really hot women naked, you do realize you're on the internet right? Like, right now, as you read this. You don't even have to buy their crappy music you can just look at them for free and they actually encourage that

Dua Lipa's Mom is Important

 Dua Lipa continues to prove what a good singer she is by constantly posting pictures of herself barely dressed on Instagram. What a talent. I wonder if posting naked pictures is something you're born with or if you have to develop that. Here she is in Albania, the vacation capital of the world. Of all the places on planet Earth, you chose Albania?  Okay whatever if that's your thing who am I to argue. Maybe she went there to watch a civil war or something. 

By the way, that woman in the back on the right is her mom. Yep. That's right. Her mom. Judging by her boobs I bet she's a singer too. Hey I'm just holding her to the same standard as Dua. If you don't like the rules, don't make me follow them.

I Can Quit Dua Lipa

 I'm not writing about Dua Lipa anymore, I don't care how naked she is. If you're under... say the age of  25, you need to know she's very boring and incredibly average. I'm sure this comes as quite a shock to you. Do you know how many hot girls there are that can sing songs that are written by someone else? A lot. Like a real lot. It's most likely her willingness to (usually) walk around mostly naked, at least from what I've seen, that puts her over the top. Whatever that's cool. If that's what you're looking for then by all means, don't let me stop you, but know this, this schtick has been done a thousand times before. 

I've been seeing Dua Lipas, and Lizzos, and Beyonces going back several decades. The only thing that ever changes is the audience. Back in the 90s there was Jewel, that one woman with the glasses, plus at least a couple of others, I can't even remember their names anymore and they all got the same treatment then.

 I can't even remember the last batch of Grrrrl Power singers that were around as recently as the early-ish 2000s. Katy Perry? That "Call Me Maybe" woman? She now sings a nostalgia anthem in TV commercials. That song is just barely 10 years old and there was a time you couldn't go almost literally anywhere without hearing it. I saw that with my own eyes. And I've already long since forgotten her name. Maybe I'm being unfair, maybe I'm 100% wrong, all of that is possible, but at some point you have to move on. Be a trailblazer.

Dua Lipa Has Legs

All this time I thought Dua Lipa was a brand of coffee or maybe yoga pants but nope, she's a person. You can bet I know who she is now though. For the time being anyway. She's an actress or maybe a singer. Please, I don't care that much.

Dua Lipa Likes Puppies

Dua Lipa rescued a puppy while she was dressed like a girl from a Sleep Number Mattress commercial getting into bed. I'm not sure why she did that, probably for attention since her music is awful. That's not fair, to my knowledge I've never heard her music I'm just making assumptions. Which are usually 100% accurate by the way, but don't pay attention to me, it's your life you can buy all the terrible music you like what do I care, don't let me stop you.

Dua Lipa Does Things

Dua Lipa was on the desert wasteland that is the Jimmy Fallon show. Late night? Overnight? To-Night?  Who knows what that garbage dump is called, you people can't really be watching this are you? Anyway, she's certainly attractive. I'd bet she's probably talented too, but judging by what I hear coming out of my car radio every day, I'd say that statement is most likely 100% wrong. I hope her list of talents is longer than her legs but that seems pretty unlikely because ironically enough, if they were, we probably wouldn't get to see her in that dress.

Dua Lipa is Plastic

Dua Lipa is still attractive. I've still never heard a single note of her music and there is no way in the world you're going to make me. I don't care if she walks around a WalMart naked, which I assume is the next step in this progression. I think it depends on album sales I'm sure there's a formula.

 

Dua Lipa is Normal

 Dua Lipa went shopping dressed like a normal person instead of the whorey girl from an 80's movie. Too bad I may have been more interested writing about her if she was dressed like a slut. That's life I guess. She's going on tour or something but I can watch strippers anywhere and I don't need to buy a $200 ticket to do it.

Dua Lipa is Very Hot.

 Dua Lipa is extremely hot, there's no doubt about it, and she was in France dressed like a stripper to prove it. In fact, if I had to build a woman in my garage, honestly it would probably look like her. But for baffling reasons I will never understand, people pay money that they worked for to see her in concert on what seems to be a never ending world tour because I've been hearing about her tour for what seems like the last three years. And while I have to admit I've never heard more than 10 seconds of any of her "music" I don't have too. I know exactly what it sounds like just by looking at her and the people that buy tickets to these shows. This isn't my first day alive on Earth you know.

Dua Lipa has a Mom

 Okay so maybe I was a little quick to judge Dua Lipa's mom Anesa. Look I'm sorry. I was just in a mood, you know works been a hassle and I have some other things going on, you know what I mean Anesa? Of course you do here, let me rub your shoulders. 

Dua Lipa is Yellow

 Dead eyed half-wit Dua Lipa lip synced her way through a Las Vegas performance in an outfit that the original source material described as "figure hugging" and "yellow" . I didn't see any mention of her music at all, although I guess I'm not really surprised. Why would anyone talk about that when she has tits she seems so willing to show you.

Dua Lipa Update

 

Dua Lipa went to the Grammys dressed like a Countess in a casino from an early 1980s James Bond movie. I think she's still a singer. She was at the Grammys so I assume she does something musical but I don't really know what.

Dua Lipa Strips for Jesus

I was going to write about Dua Lipa again but I'll be real honest when I say I lost interest in anything she does a very, very long time ago. Is she a singer that strips? Or a stripper that sings. She's usually half naked somewhere because she seems to be completely void of any other talents, so you can see how that gets boring. Maybe if she saves a kitten or something in the future, I'll write about her again but until that happens, I think I'm going to mostly forget she exists. Unless she shows up somewhere in a short skirt or something. It'll all be a "need to know" kind of thing from now on.