Iggy Azalea Official Porn

 Iggy Azalea has made the move in to full on XXX porn! OMFGZMOGFART

The Grammy nominated artist with more than 17 million followers on Instagram will be performing at the annual 2024 AVAN Awards.

No she didn't. She's not doing the kind of porn like the women that are literally dozens of order of magnitudes hotter than her that you can see online at the click of a cursor, but it got boomer dopes and teenagers with TikTok brain to click the story. She's performing at the AVN Awards. Sort of the Oscars of Porn. She may offer hardcore stuff on her OnlyFans but I'll never, ever find out and if you tell me I'll blow up your car.

But hey, if you want to pay to see Iggy Azalea naked that's up to you. My brother likes to eat fried chicken with ketchup so to each their own I guess. Either way it's only wrong if you force me to do it.

Scarlett Johansen Sees Red

Scarlett Johansson had a Christmas party last week. I think it was a costume party because she dressed up like a mean grade school teacher. Or maybe she just has Resting European Face. There was a bunch of other people there like Lorne Michaels although why you'd invite that guy is beyond me. I definitely get the idea that he isn't as funny or fun to be around as you might imagine.  I saved this more than a week ago and the guest list was obviously unremarkable. Her husband was there too but I have zero idea what that guy's name is. Either way I hope everyone had fun during the Celebrity Money Pile orgy they had at the end of it all.
 

Paris Hilton is a Gift

 Paris Hilton dressed up like a Slutty Santa, probably for Christmas but who knows for sure. I saved this before Christmas then forgot to write about her, like 99.9% of the rest of the world. I hope she had sex or whatever.

Hugh Jackman Comes Out for Christmas

 Hugh Jackman celebrated Christmas by announcing he's gay. He didn't say anything out loud, he did it by wearing that yellow shoes/shirt/golden jacket ensemble, while standing next to his tastefully decorated Christmas tree. Sometimes you have to be able to read between the lines.

Taylor Swift Sucks

 Haha! What? I thought people stopped giving each other hickeys when they were like 14 years old, and these two are in their mid-30s. Mathematically practically middle age.  And hickeys don't happen by accident. It's not like you accidentally hit your neck on something, you have to actively perform this action. 

I will say I did have a girl give me a hickey once, I'm not going to go into detail... let's just say it was extremely painful. I will say that was the last time I got a hickey and I promise I wasn't in my mid-30s that's just how much it hurt I remember it to this day.

Travis Kelce Gets More Ice

 Taylor Swift's boyfriend, Travis Kelce, walked around with his shirt off because that's what guys do I guess. I don't know, I'm a dude so I can't really judge another dude. What I will say is he doesn't look anywhere near as muscular as I thought an NFL tight end/wide receiver would look. He looks more like a bar back in a hipster bar than a running back on a football team but I don't have to date him. Or throw a football to him. Hey look I only wrote this so the two women that read this blog get to look at something beside Elizabeth Hurley in a bikini okay so get off my back.

Gwyneth Paltrow is Hot

 Gwyneth Paltrow went somewhere warm enough so she could wear a bikini. I like looking at this picture for a couple of reasons. Number one, I like mostly naked women. And two, it's currently 39 degrees in Chicago and it's raining that kind of misty rain where it's not really rain yet it's kind of everywhere so even standing under an awning or umbrella would do you zero good and this kind of picture takes me to a happier place. 

Also I somehow managed to get really sick and this is sort of low hanging fruit. Speaking of fruit she was with her daughter, Apple, and trust me, Gwyneth is hotter. Way hotter. So much so that I actually kind of feel bad for the kid. I won't personally include any pictures of a kid (even though she is 19) because as far as I know she never asked to be famous but I will include a link that has pictures if you're that curious. 

Can you imagine being a 19 year old girl and you bring home some guy and you look out at the pool and Gwyneth Paltrow is out there in a bikini? I can imagine a lot of self-harm like cutting and eating disorders going on in that house but I don't have a daughter so maybe I'm wrong (I'm not)

Gwen Stefani Goes to Prom

I didn't want to write about Gwen Stefani today, but she and her family sent out a Christmas card and some people that think Gwen Stefani is still famous started to have emotional breakdowns over it. She's married to Blake Shelton you know. 

Gwen Stefani had a pretty amazing comeback in the early 2000s? Is that when that was? But I want you to know she was in No Doubt in the 1990s, and they had a couple of hits but they really weren't as big as some people would have you believe. How do I know this? I was there that's how. In the 90s. 

I'm sure No Doubt could come back today and do a stadium tour that would sell out even today because Gen X is worse with the nostalgia then the Boomers ever were and I bet very few people could actually name more than one or two of their songs. So what happens now is you get middling performers that should have vanished 30 years ago getting stories written about them in 2023 because they're wearing an ugly prom dress on a Christmas card with their big headed husband. And today's "famous" people are from TikTok and Instagram and they're only really known to a few million people and they aren't really famous enough to fill the celebrity void. So you get stories like this... A 1990s singer sent out a Christmas card.

It's entirely possible that she's doing something now that makes her super popular but I don't pay attention to what musicians from the 90s are doing today

 

 

 

 

 

Brad Pitt is an Idiot

 Brad Pitt (R) went out with his girlfriend Ines (L) for his 60th birthday while wearing what was described as a SIX THOUSAND DOLLAR SHIRT. Who the fuck needs a $6000 dollar shirt for any reason. Even if you have the kind of money that allows you to buy a $6000 dollar shirt... what the fuck for? It's a shirt. It didn't grant you magical powers to shoot lightning from your fingers or render it's user invisible, don't you feel ridiculous?

How can you justify that? I have no problems with the money side of this, I'm not one of those "You need to save the world because you're rich!" types  far from it. 

BUT

 I don't want to hear this bozo talk about homeless people, or school funding or property taxes or whatever the fuck else he wants to blab about with his Hollywood buddies while he's walking around in a shirt that would pay my mortgage for four months.

Just keep making your little movies nobody sees and we'll all get along just fine.

Beyonce is Swift

Beyonce went out for her birthday and did her best to look like Taylor Swift, from the blonde hair, right down to the $2800 (!) Prada shorts she was wearing. I don't care how much money you have, paying nearly $3000 for some shorts is just stupid. They said she wore them "confidently" which means she should have picked something else because someone saying you did anything with confidence is at best a back handed compliment.

"Beyonce confidently strode to the buffet line for a third time..." See what I mean? It's not good.

I guess other famous people were there like Rhianna and Kris Jenner haha. So this is like the Party of the Damned filled with people only roughly 3% of the population gives a shit about these over rated has-beens anymore.

Leonardo DiCaprio Gets Smart

Eco-Warrior Leonardo DiCaprio flew from London to Paris by himself on a private plane using more fossil fuels and creating more pollution in a couple of hours than I will in two years, all while wearing a mask so he could meet his girlfriend. I didn't catch her name but it's probably something like Lucricia SanFillipo and she's most likely a 20 year old model that couldn't find her own ass with both hands. They said he was wearing a "bomber jacket" but that's not a bomber jacket. That's called an Eisenhower Jacket. Know how I know that? I have one exactly like it hanging in my closet. He's not cool enough for that. Sorry.

As a dude I can honestly say Leonardo DiCaprio seems - in the vernacular of today's kids - extremely mid. So I don't get it at all. I understand everyone's fascination with this guy less and less every day. Sometimes on very rare occasions he seems cool, and then I remember he's an idiot that's still wearing a mask outdoors, and 2024 starts in 13 days. He's not wearing it because he's flying incognito, everyone obviously knows who he is. I hope new famous people start showing up soon that's really all I have to say.

Eva Longoria is Just in Time

 I wasn't going to write anything today - even though I have ideas - and then Eva Longoria showed up so I guess lucky you. Lucky me is more like it, you're just along for the ride here.

Sam Smith is Gay

The world's most famous C-List singer Sam Smith proved he's gay by wearing dick earrings. Gay people are so fucking exhausting. Being gay is their whole "thing". They aren't just people living their lives, at least the famous ones,  they're gay first, that's why a lot of "normies" are turned off by this sort of thing. I would never judge someone based on their looks. For instance, if I saw a dude walking down the street on his way to work I wouldn't say "He looks gay", but I would if he was wearing dick earrings.  I love women but I don't walk around wearing a vagina hat or boob underwear.

Jessica Simpson is Old (News)

 Jessica Simpson put on a swimsuit and for proof she posted pictures on Twitter. Know why she does this? So you won't pay attention to her talking. Let me put it this way, time has not been kind to her since she worried about buffalo wings being made from buffaloes. 

Because of social media, the internet, and various PR teams, what you hear about is how in secret, Jessica Simpson is actually a brilliant business woman that's running a multi-billion dollar business from behind a curtain like the Mighty Oz instead of a burned out drug addicted alcoholic (allegedly). So they shove a mountain of pills at her, hand her a swimsuit and heels and there you go ladies and gentleman your new boss of the company. 

In case you haven't noticed I'm sick of these people, and I'm definitely sick of the ones I've been hearing about for the last 25 years.

Britney Spears is Single

 This is what they said was "sensitive material". I have no idea what they mean I've written stuff a lot more sensitive than this. Don't ask me I have no idea

Christine Baumgartner Isn't Hot Now

 Kevin Costner's now ex-wife Christine Baumgartner - who I declared HOT a while back -  is no longer hot any more. Care to guess why? It's the sandals. There is no way in the world I can continue this relationship with a person that would walk around anywhere, never mind in public, wearing those shoes. I got $50 bucks that says she parks a Prius in front of her 12,000 square foot home that has the A/C turned down to 65 all summer long.

Site Update

 Well this is for sure something new. Don't worry there'll never be anything violent and gross here. I swear some of you eggheads are real ninnies you know that?

Kate Middleton is Helping

 I like Kate Middleton's neck. Can I say that? I forgot what story this photo was attached too. She was probably spooning lukewarm gruel into bowls for orphans in her white, $6800 jacket. You know, to "help" the less fortunate.

Britney Spears is Single

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2 Chains Crashes

 

 

2 Chainz (real name: Who Cares) was rushed to the hospital with "neck injuries" after an accident. Did they check for gunshot woulds first? See, if he was wearing more than two chains - like Mr T or something - maybe it would have protected his neck better. 

Apparently he was leaving a strip club where he was "performing" (haha). This is where the big time rappers "perform"? Strip clubs? I can see the press release now...

"Get a copy of 2 Chainz new CD "Gun Fight the Streets" at his show when he tours all three locations of The Pink Pony in Nowheresville, Ohio." 

Jesus.

 I'll be honest if I went somewhere to look at naked girls and this guy showed up I'd be pretty pissed, just sayin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ryan O'Neal Dead

 Ryan O'Neal died at some point last week, maybe Thursday or Friday. I don't keep track of this crap, what am I the Grim Reaper? I think the bigger news is how Ali McGraw went from being so hot she could melt lead to being a lesbian, grade school principal. This is why you can't trust anyone in Hollywood

Taylor Swift is Predictable

 All guys, gay or straight, know exactly what kind of woman Taylor Swift is just by looking at her. Trust me. Don't believe me? Take this picture and show it to any guy and just ask them, "Do you know what Taylor Swift is like" and they'll all instantly answer "yes". If you're a woman you won't understand this, but the men will. It won't be something they'll be able to explain to you and they wouldn't even if they could, it's just better to not have to argue with you about it

Kate Middleton is a Princess

 This is my occasional "I Think Kate Middleton is Really Sexy and I Don't Know Why" post.

BenLo Go Out

 Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck took their scowls to the Women in Hollywood dinner or whatever it's called. Here they are pictured looking for a waitress to yell at.

Amy and TJ Have a Podcast

 Two people you've never heard of, that worked as "reporters" for a network news program that you don't watch, had an affair while working together, got fired for it, and subsequently got divorced and are now in a relationship and have a podcast together. 

See, this passes as news in Britain because news "presenters" are really super famous over there for some really weird reason. Kind of like how it was in America in the 1960s and 1970s. Proving once again that it's still 1978 in the UK

I've been reading about these two on the " gigantic unnamed British website"  for what seems like at least a couple of years now and I have zero idea why anyone gives a shit.  Seriously, nobody cares. At all. Two attractive, middle-aged people hooked up together and got divorced, this isn't exactly a new thing you know.

Beyonce Goes Through Some Changes Too

Beyonce is so white now she just bought a Tesla and moved to Schaumburg
 

Naomi Campbell Changes

 They said this is Naomi Campbell but I don't believe them. This is Naomi Campbell, that doesn't even look like the same person. Why are they constantly pulling this switcheroo? Okay so the hair is different but if my girlfriend suddenly came home with different hair I'd still know who she was. Even if it was one of those rainbow fright wigs which I admit might actually be pretty hot

jennifer Lopez is Hot

 Jennifer Lopez got all padded up to play football in Beverly Hills yesterday. I'd say the footwear was a bad idea for football but I've seen girls run in high heels so I could be wrong. Remember the Lingerie Bowl? 

I didn't know she was pigeon toed, oh the things you learn.  

It was 65 degrees in Los Angeles yesterday, and yet here she is wearing a turtle neck a big heavy coat and knee high boots like she's jumping into a one horse open sleigh to go roast some chestnuts with Santa. This is all despite the fact that the woman immediately to the right of her (our left) is wearing only a t-shirt. One of them is nuts, can you guess which one I think it is