Christina Milan is Doughy

33 year old Singer/Dancer/TV Host/Social Media Correspondent/ Train Conductor Christina Milan was looking sexy on Miami Beach yesterday if your idea of sexy is a 17 year old that uses a fake ID to get into Scores Sports Bar to drink lite beer and eat wings every weekend while pretending to watch the game on TV then by all means have at her.

Pierce Bronson is Better Than You

Pierce Brosnan was at the beach being 61 years old, better looking and in better shape than you. What are you even doing with your life? I don't mean me of course, In fact I think somebody slipped some handsome pills into my coffee

Lindsay Lohan Carries a Book

 Lindsay Lohan was spotted carrying a Koran around Brooklyn, New York on Wednesday.  Why? Maybe she's on a top secret mission to join a radical mosque that's planning for war. Maybe she wants to broaden her horizons and learn about different religions, and cultures. Or more likely she looked at the title and thought it was a book about "kocaine" 

Lindsay says:

'I'm a very spiritual person and I've become more spiritual as time has gone on,'

 Oh well hey that's good. Plus from what I've heard, this book says it's okay to marry young girls so I suddenly don't feel so bad for thinking she was so hot when she looked like this and was also only 17. Don't look at me like that I'm just being spiritual.

Carrie Underwood Sexy Bikini Selfie

 Carrie Underwood showed off her post baby bikini body by posting a selfie of just her face on Instagram . It's pretty amazing I can barley tell she was ever even pregnant. Are they sure she even had a baby?

As Cambio puts it...

 She just posted a picture of herself in a bikini, and she looks smokin'! We don't need to see that proof anyway to know she looks good. Let's be real, she looks absolutely gorgeous no matter what size she is.

Please, this is an old Facebook trick. I had an ex once that posted one of those "from above" pictures that stretch you out and make you look slim but it was too late and by that time she had to use the Google Earth picture. Try laying off the deep fried corn fritters Beth.

The Mayweather-vs-Pacquiao Fight is Tonight

The so called Fight of the Century takes place between Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao tonight. I won't be watching it because boxing is dumb, plus it's $90 (!) on pay-per-view or $100 if you want it in high-definition for some reason. The details for the event are here if you're interested. I wouldn't pay $100 to watch Jesus Christ ride a unicycle down Main Street but whatever it's your money. Oh and could everyone please stop calling Manny Pacquiao a congressman. He's a congressman in the Philippines I bet everyone in the village gets to be a congressman at some point.

Scott Weiland Sounds Good

Scott Weiland is still alive I guess and for some reason he has a new band called the Wildabouts. Here he is "performing" The Stone Temple Pilots "classic" Vaseline. I don't know I kind of like it. My favorite part is where his vacant stare peers out from behind what looks like a rubber mask. Keep up the good work Scott.

Snooki Has a Nicer House Than You

Snooki bought a brand new $2.6 million dollar mansion in New Jersey, and in case you think you have any reason left to live after hearing that, I'll include some other items she talks about  here

Some purses. Two were Louis Vuitton, two were Michael Kors, one was Gucci and one was Burberry.One of the Vuittons, cost her $2,000, She also showed off her jewelry collection. Her nicest pieces were three diamond bracelets that totaled $5,000.

 So there you have it. A 2.6 million dollar house, and a $2000 purse. Just for reference, her purse costs more than the last car I bought. Have a nice time at work on Monday while Snooki rolls around on a pile of money occasionally wondering why that dollar bill she has has all those zeros on it.