Rachel Shenton is Nice

I discovered Rachel Shenton at last night's Academy Awards. That's right me. I discovered her. Isn't she cute? It was cool the way she gave her speech while also signing for her deaf friend. I like her because she has a nice smile and also she looks like the type of girl that would do way to many shots of Jack Daniels ("The Idiots Choice") in an old neighborhood bar with you. Believe me, you can trust me on this. I've known 100 girls like that. I can tell just by looking at them. You have to be careful though or you wind up cleaning vomit out of your bedroom carpet at 2 AM Right, Tanya?

Jennifer Lawrence Nude

Oscar winners, along with the standard statuette, also received this life sized wax figure of Jennifer Lawrence. The weird thing is, it's more realistic, smarter, and has more personality than the real Jennifer Lawrence.

Sarah Silverman is a Woman

Sarah Silverman reportedly wore just a bra under her sport coat at the Independent Spirit Awards. It's a better attention getting option than her attempting to be funny I guess. When in doubt just show your boobs. Ask Chelsea Handler or Amy Schumer. You see those two linked stories? They're almost exactly two years apart and that's why I don't like stand up comics. Every new comic - man or woman -  thinks they're edgy and original but they aren't. They all share basically the same brain and think they're the first ones to do anything. Oh sure they may be the "conscience of a generation" but each generation is dumber than the last so that ain't saying very much. George Carlin's 1972 "seven words" bit is just basically the same crap that got Lenny Bruce arrested a decade earlier. Who did it before them? Steve Allen? Probably. Will someone do something like it again? Almost certainly. 

 It's really just reworked and reheated. Oh sure it sounds different but you've heard it all before. Or at least you have if you weren't born in the last 18 years. You have to remember that in the late 80's guys like Andrew Dice Clay sold out stadiums. Not clubs, or theaters but stadiums. I remember Andrew Dice Clay selling out two shows at what is now the Allstate Arena. A place where people like Beyonce, AC/DC or Guns 'N Roses regularly perform. And that was just in Illinois. So what some people think is funny, might be something you don't find even chuckle worthy. I have nothing against comics personally, I know some stand up comics and they're very nice people. But I'm not looking to them to "stand up to the man". Something someone like Sarah and her friends do regularly. It doesn't carry any weight with me.

 And so now every time some kid wakes up and discovers Bill Hicks I have to hear about it despite the fact that he's been dead for two decades (full disclosure I saw Bill Hicks live and was a huge fan and I happened to be at this very show). I used to laugh until my sides ached at just about anything Bill Hicks said. Then a few years back I watched some videos of him on You Tube and I sat there stone faced like one of those big heads on Easter Island. And really the jokes could be told in a club tomorrow and still be pretty relevant. So I don't know, maybe I'm just getting older. Or maybe comics just aren't really very funny anymore. And I don't think being a man or a woman comes into play at all. You're either funny, or you're not. Sex, color or religion have zero to do with it. On the other hand at least unoriginal female comics have boobs. Can't be funny? Whip 'em out. It's a good fall back position. Anyway, enjoy Sarah Silverman's boobs I guess. They're definitely better than her "comedy".

Cher Visits Australia

Cher visited Sydney Australia's 40th anniversary of that city's Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras. I didn't know there was a separate gay and lesbian Mardi Gras I thought it was all one thing. At least now we know whatever happened to Baby Jane.

Tattoo Genius

She isn't really famous although she sort of is now because this genius got FUCK TRUMP tattooed on the inside of her lower lip.  Her Twitter bio says she's graduating from "U of A in 2022". I assume that means University of Arizona and from what I've always heard about University of Arizona students, this will probably be far and away the least embarrassing thing she does over the next four or five years

P.S. In case you're wondering tattoos on the inner lip seldom last very long so lucky for her this is far from permanent. But believe me I'm sure she already knows that because if she really meant this, she would have had it tattooed somewhere else.

Breaking Jennifer Lawrence News

Jennifer Lawrence is changing her name to Synthetic Robot Face. Well, she should anyway. I'm sure she's very nice though.

Jessica Rae was Born in the USA

Bruce Springsteen's daughter Jessica Rae is the only thing he ever made that I actually like. The only thing worse than Bruce Springsteen are people that like Bruce Springsteen.