Site Update

I was going to write another award winning and HI-larious blog post today and then I did something to my neck. I don't know, maybe I slept funny or something but hey it's a nice sunny summer's day, why don't you try going outside.

Amy Grant is Fine

I was going to congratulate the doctors for reanimating the corpse of Amy Grant after she had surgery for a rare heart condition,  but she's always been alive and this time I know exactly who I'm mixing her up with. Laura Branigan.  But she died of a Hemorrhagic stroke  And not a heart problem, which I believe in layman's terms is what's know as an aneurysm.  Can you imagine one day your standing at your counter making some toast and !!!BLAMMO!!! Lights out, just totally out of the blue with no warning. Watching that Gloria video almost gave me a Hemorrhagic stroke I can tell you that much, what with the disco balls and spandex. Which I'll be honest I kind of like. No make that really like. Still, that's an awful song. Well good luck from your surgery or whatever Amy Branigan or whatever your name is. Live long and prosper.

Kate Hudson has Big Tires

Kate Hudson was out riding her bike with her husband (?) Danny Something (no photo available). I hate those bikes with the big tires they look so dumb. Who rides a bike in flip-flops? I don't see any masks either, I hope they locked them both up for endangering everyone's lives.

Amber Heard Eats Something Yucky

Amber Heard was in a car. That was the whole basis for this story. I won't bore you with the rest of what little detail was included because I didn't bother to read it. I'm sure whatever she was discussing was endlessly fascinating. Too bad she told everyone she was bisexual years ago, she could probably use the extra public attention right about now.

!!!BREAKING KYLIE JENNER NUDES I MEAN NEWS!!!

!!!PRE-POSTING SEXXY UPDATE!!! I actually wrote this on Friday. Or maybe it was Saturday so if there are any new updates I don't know about them.


Kylie Jenner got kicked off of Forbes billionaire list and is probably going to prison for LYING ABOUT FINANCIAL EARNINGS AND CREATING FALSE TAX RETURNS. That's all bold and  in caps because that's about as criminally serious as it gets short of murder.

 Shares of Coty tanked 13 percent on Friday after Forbes revoked Jenner’s status as the world’s youngest self-made billionaire and questioned whether the pouty-lipped Kardashian-clan member has been forging financial information to make herself look richer, including tax filings for her fledgling makeup empire, Kylie Cosmetics.

“Kylie’s business is significantly smaller, and less profitable, than the family has spent years leading the cosmetics industry and media outlets, including Forbes, to believe,” Forbes claimed in the explosive report.

Yikes. You don't realize how serious this is. You can lie to Twitter and pre-dead rappers about how much money you earn to make yourself look like a big shot, but not the IRS or SEC. In a past life I worked very briefly as a "stockbroker" (series 7 and 63), during a class, someone just asked a question about insider trading to the guy teaching it, and it opened up an entire WORLD of hurt on the place where I worked. It was shocking how swift, and angry the response was to what I thought at the time was such a meaningless question. It was just pure luck everyone in the class wasn't marched out of the building by security the next day. I didn't last very long because that's a really shitty life no matter how much money you're making, sometimes money isn't worth it.

Anyway where was I? Oh yes. They've put people in prison for a lot less than that, and if the prosecutors want to make an example of someone it's going to be her. Laurie Laughlin is almost certainly going to prison for bribing people to let her stupid kids get into college, and there were no real "victims" in that case. Victims in the sense that she had money and others wanted that money and her kids got to pretend they could read for a while. Everyone wins. But if you manipulate financial markets people get hurt financially and the integrity of the whole system comes into question and they would rather lock you up and throw away the key before they let that happen.

You know why Kylie hasn't tweeted in almost 24 hours? ( Ed note: I wrote this Friday) Because her lawyers told her to shut the fuck up that's why. Anyway, who knows what will happen, frankly I hope they throw the whole bunch of them in the clink and weld the doors shut. We'll all be a lot better off.

Lady Gaga Cares

Oh good the celebrities are weighing in. I have only one question for Lady Gaga. How long do you plan on saying you're "34"?

Chris Cuomo is Lung

Chris Cuomo says his lungs are still messed up even two months later after he had covid.

Wait lemme try that again.

Chris Cuomo says he still has lung problems two months after recovering from Covid-19. Okay that's a little better. Hey Chris, maybe you have problems with your lungs because you're trying to breathe through that drywall mask you bought at Home Depot that you're wearing in your own house 24 hours a day. Try taking it off every now and then, especially when no one can see you. Just tell everyone you're wearing it, the simpletons that listen to you will believe it, and no one cares anyway since everyone knows most of those masks are pretty much worthless bullshit and they don't actually work.